crushstation
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Monday transparency report
🕑 Added 2025-12-08 22:06:27 +0000 UTCHey guys! I wish I could always only report smooth progress, but this week was creatively frustrating and involved some uninvited challenges.
Problem
I worked all 7 days since the last report, no days off, but I wasn’t able to get the remaining scenes into the place I wanted.
I know it’s just porn, but I love this story, and when it feels like the version on the screen isn’t coming out like the version in my head, it’s demoralising.
I kept grinding, but you probably know that when you’re struggling is when the discouraging voices seem really loud, and you feel like maybe they’re right, and this sucks, and you should quit.
For inspiration I went to Ira Glass:
All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But it's like there is this gap. For the first couple years that you're making stuff, what you're making isn't so good. It’s not that great. It’s trying to be good, it has ambition to be good, but it’s not that good.
But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is good enough that you can tell that what you're making is kind of a disappointment to you. A lot of people never get past that phase. They quit.
And fucking Macbeth:
I am in blood stepped so far that
Should I wade no more
Returning were as tedious as go o’er
I love you guys, it humbles me that you believe in me. So I kept going o’er.
Solution
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m in a negative place about the writing, it’s really my subconscious trying to warn me that grinding isn’t working. And I need to stop trying to bend the plot and the NPCs into doing what I want them to do, and instead rework them to make everything flow more logically.
This feels like it’s adding on time, and that’s hard when there are persistent external voices telling you it just needs to be done (and making fun of you because it’s not done). But it was the solution.
Thursday night really sucked, but on Friday I replayed the whole sequence from scratch and just gave myself permission to think and be creative. All it really needed were some extra beats (for characterisation) and player choices (to nudge it a little bit further away from “Powerpoint slideshow” towards “open world”).
It feels great now, everything is slotting into place, but it’s past 2100 on Monday and I need to sleep before I can keep pushing forward. And I need to write this report before I can sleep, because XG told me I can’t skip them. 😭
Okay. Report done – sleep next – more work tomorrow. I’m really excited about hitting it with a fresh brain (and fresh coffee) in the morning, the stuff I added over the past few days feels really good. 🦀❤️🔥
Comments
Crushstation
thank you so much ❤️
Crushstation
it's not meant to be an excuse, it's an explanation of what i've been working on. i really wish i could just release things without all this toil and stress, but it takes me a long time to create each piece of new content. i'm sorry you're disappointed at the speed, i am working on it every single day
Crushstation
thank you ❤️
Crushstation
i do! sorry i always intend to set aside enough time to write really good replies to everybody but i'm always frazzled and stressed out. i will try to be better at community relations. this is good advice but right now i jump outta bed and write until my brain is mush and refuses to function. i need better balance in the future (after this drop)
Crushstation
this was really great thank you!
Crushstation
I am definitely not trying to make it as good as Tolstoy. I *am* trying to put in more branches and just write to a new standard I know I can reach? Maybe I'm working on it too hard but I honestly don't think I could just push out work I myself thought was shit. Anyway I'm sorry I've pissed you off, I'm trying to make this next drop really good that's all
Crushstation
Thanks, I know I *should* take more time away from the screen than I do, maybe after the next thing drops. Best wishes for you and your dad ❤️
RogueWraith909
Grinding isn't the answer when you're trying to do something good, sometimes you need to take a day or two away from it (completely away!) and spend time in the real. That way when you get back to it you're fresh enough that you can carry on in the right head space. I'm a full time carer for my dad, if I didn't take a few hours on one day a week for myself to completely de-stress I'd go insane within a month (I go smashing golf balls at the driving range for fresh air and to reset)!
novacaineforthesoul
The reason why I, like a chump, keep paying money month after month, for a porn game, is that I like the writing. But for Christ's sake, this isn't Tolstoy. Nor should it take longer for one update than War and Peace. So, you aren't happy with what you wrote? Well, nobody else is either. And the reason why I know that is that you never produce anything to read.
gg
https://youtu.be/xq1xUSA54LU?si=YK6XRzTtfjEjnQYF Nicholle Wallace interview/chats with Claire Danes including her role in Homeland. They went to a Georgetown study session with CIA types.
PickerPatron
Does Crush read these comments? What about Victoria? 🤨. Try writing at a completely different time to usual. You might find that you're more inspired or fluent in the silence of the early morning, for example 🫠.
Darth Najida
Good job, I like the path you've taken and the method, come on 😁💪
Jerilyn
gsosa s
Keep it going. You got this and while it may be porn I followed because its a great game.
