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A Soldier's Life - 281 - Fortuna's Chosen (Final Edit 6-19-25)

🕑 Added 2024-10-20 20:31:46 +0000 UTC

Comments

Kingtie

Benito would make a great bard

Marnie

I had taken the ring of sustenance from her in the dungeon and *never returned it, even after we came to an accord. Maybe "not" instead of never. I feel like never implies judgement, like you should have returned it.

Marnie

The Adventurer’s Hall breakfast was poorly attended *based on the number of adventurers drinking late night. compared to vs. based on

Marnie

It was the first time I had felt exhausted in a while, *and my ring of sustenance and essence-fortified attributes could not overcome my lack of sleep and the stress of leadership. Possible unnecessary "and"

Marnie

A filthy stream of water was coming from the *builds and joining the wide stream passing the town. buildings

Marnie

Baldo’s head was up, and his nostrils were flaring. Nares is an older/falconry word for nostrils. Also, no idea about griffins, but eagles are thought to have a worse sense of smell than the average human

Marnie

The entire town looked to an industry for processing massive bovines called aurochs. All industry in the town appeared to be focused around processing massive bovines called aurochs.

Marnie

Town was a generous *connotation as it was just a collection of twenty wooden buildings. descriptive/description

Marnie

where farms were *cloistered together for protection from clustered

Erick Thiemke

corrected

Erick Thiemke

maybe. drapping a strap behind him, but it could cause a tripping hazard for the horse if it stepped on it

Erick Thiemke

corrected

Erick Thiemke

so I had a cockatail for a pet, there is a membrane in the nostril of the bird that can puff out

Douglas Lilley

“Baldo’s head was up, and his nostrils were flaring” Baldo’s nostrils shouldn’t be capable of flaring if they are part of his beak. It might be better to say his pupils were pinning in excitement.

Mercutio Montano

No. Not Fortuna's Chosen. That's too pretentious, and far too much on-the-nose. May I suggest: Fortuna's Misfits? Which fits the group composition far more, combines two names already in the prose, and doesn't raise an automatic red flag.

Andrew Crews

“*Good ahead Benito.” “Go ahead Benito.”

Joseph Snyder

Could MC run a cord of earth drake leather from his stirrup to the ground to be able to use tremor sense while saddled? It's even supposed to be stupid durable.

Salvo

I was just thinking ‘what would they want to advertise?’. They don’t want to be known as legionnaires, they probably don’t want Baldo as a mascot. They want to travel across the country for Maveith sister, but probably don’t want to advertise that. So, collecting manticore essences is probably a good goal.

Jordan

Not necessarily as there are other monsters that give channeling essence. The giant spider in the glittering dungeon for example. I agree however that manticores are the best bet right now (however unlikely).

Silver Beard

Something that never came up. Using Magic in Orc territory... or elf for that matter. Given how tightly controlled mages were in the Empire it is questionable how other nations regulate their own and/or tolerate others. A border town- a serious violation might have been forgiven, but he's traveling to the heart. Seems only orc cleric can wield any real power. So how much is Eryk going to stand out with his spellform...?

Silver Beard

If you want it back, you can [return my cloak] give me the cloak back, flow [off] of the tongue

Kbzzy

Will Konstantin find Castille soon?

Silver Beard

Eryk's extraordinaries? they all have their perks... extremely.

Patrick Gleba

Spatium peregrinans

Lemes

Fortuna's Few as a chapter title isn't bad, but as a name for a mercenary group it seems lacking to me. It probably needs more work.

Salvo

Manticore extinction- cause if they want to fix Castille spell burn, that is the only way.

Seth Feist

No bones or bodies, my money is on undead

Lord M

“Griffon hunt” Because a griffon is a type of dog that were originally hunting dogs. In other words a hound. And it also almost could be confused with the word griffin. It’s misleading because they have a griffin in their group.

Silver Beard

The problem with Legion type names is that it supposedly comes from Mavieth (but I suppose that could be rewritten if necessary) and the Empire is not well liked anywhere. That's not an association you want to maintain.

Erick Thiemke

correcting now - yes less as mentioned before that the dungeons were constantly delved and the orcs have outposts at all exits from the Endless Dark

Erick Thiemke

so far my #1 choice as well, dont get excited that the chapter title changed to it - i amy change my mind

Erick Thiemke

they passed out of the plains into forests. they area they are in is fairly wooded but relatively flat. weather comes fast

PatronTurtle

I'm somewhat confused about the geography of the Caliphate. It sounds pretty inland, so storms (especially near farmland) should be pretty predictable. Did E just not pay attention to the sky that they got caught out?

Pope Yoda I

Fortuna's Fools Overcompensation and his Merry Men The Few and the Furious

Steven Savage

The Maverick's Mane. Both symbolizing their departure from the Empire and their origins in the legion of the lion.

Keven Leigh

Damocle's Swords

Chachi

really wish raelia dies or something cant stand these interactions

Shane clark

Wandering lions.

Jordan

“Good ahead Benito.” Good -> Go

Jordan

“As we rode, farmlands sprawled deep into the plains on either side of us. This differed from the Telhian Empire, where farms were cloistered together for protection from the dangers of the wild. There were a lot more roaming creatures in the Caliphate than in the Empire.” The last sentence says there are more roaming creatures in the caliphate than the empire. Wouldn’t it make sense that caliphate farms would cluster together like the empire if that were the case? When you wrote “more roaming creatures” did you mean to say “less roaming creatures”?

Zabuza Momochi

I really like fortuna's few because each member of that party is lucky to be alive

Alex

Old timers ! Complaining Adventures! Hungry Hunters!

Tetsu-nii

Was thinking of suggesting "Mötley Crüe" as an Earth reference, but none of the natives would get the joke.

NightRider

It looks like we are about to find out happened to the Baker’s parents. I can’t wait for the next chapter and find out what type of legendary monster attacks them, it may be the start of the groups fame, and possibly give them an official name to call their gang.

Lemes

I vote for Old Lions, it harks back to their time in the legion and gives them a sense of courage and belonging.

visigoth

Fortuna’s Few. Or maybe something like Terra Fortuna as an homage to his earthly origins and how he isekai’d seemingly at the whims of fate or fortune. Both keep the Roman philosophy angle. Later, watch eryk try to awkwardly explain Terra because the earth speak spell bouta make him bookoo famous lol

Prinny Knight

Comedy names: The Goon Squad, Band of the Hawk, Erik and his merry men.

Joshua allen

i vote for (suggestion from the readers) because i think it would be funny lol

Eriach

Tftc!

Garrett

Eryk's Eidolons ? Name suggestion

Hoang Le Minh

Lions of Old As in legion of the lion

Erick Thiemke

2nd of 4 for the cycle. The next will be tomorrow, but working on Town Builder now. Title of the chapter will be the winner of the 'group name' among reader suggestions


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