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World Sphere - 3 - Abilities and Secrets

🕑 Added 2024-11-24 20:39:37 +0000 UTC

Comments

GucciG

I'm hopeful that the MC will learn the error of his ways and start learning how to fight soon. Shame that it'll most likely come at the response of some future tragedy.

Erick Thiemke

Hopefully, it does eventually. He doesn't want to be controlled by adults.

Jamie Idle

I will never ever understand wanting to keep abilities secret unless there is some authoritarian suppression. It makes sense up until Eryk let people die rather than use his abilities, but this doesn't make sense yet.

BubblyGhost

I caved

Brett F

I think this sentence: I decided it would be worth it in the end; after all—I would have magic. Should instead be: I decided it would be worth it in the end. After all, I would have magic! This is just a suggestion, but I feel like Storme would be excited about his magic, hence the exclamation point. The emphasis is not entirely clear with the semicolon, hyphen format of the original and I think the period, comma version lines it up better. Also, "16th coming-of-age birthday party" sounds like she will have 16 coming of age parties. I would either delete the "16th" or move it after "coming-of-age".


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