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A Soldier's Life - XXX - Evie's POV (1 of 2) At the Suggestion of readers, this chapter will be moved to a later point in book 6 after the MC meets them as a flashback
🕑 Added 2025-03-04 03:50:54 +0000 UTCSo Chapter 355 is probably going to be 5k words. Here is the first 2500 and you can let me know if I am on the right track introducing these characters. I already mentioned that Eryk learns about them and leaves Gramney to find them so introduicng them is important. Please note you chose Evie's POV so that means I can kill off the others. (JK - or am I?)
Chapter 355: Evie’s POV (1 of 2)
Evie was lying on her stomach, her face just inches from the tiny, frail skeleton. The tiny skeletal mouse danced for her in the corner of the loft of the barn. She had found the desiccated mouse in the corner. Evie knew she couldn’t show anyone. Karina scolded her when she first did this little trick and smashed the tiny animated skeleton. Lexi, her friend, had been disgusted.
“Evie!” Karina bellowed from the stalls below. Evie released her mental grip on the skeleton, the tiny wisps of blue magic holding it together evaporating, and the bones collapsed into a pile. She sighed and scrambled back onto the hay.
“I’m coming,” Evie yelled. Her small frame climbed down from the loft. Karina looked relieved upon seeing her, and Evie smiled at her as she jumped the last three feet to the floor. “Where are we going?”
“North to a city called Yuetsen. Anika says they might speak something close to Spanish there,” Karina said, rubbing Evie’s silky blond mop of hair. Evie leaned in for the affectionate touch. She missed her mother, father, and brother fiercely.
They walked out of the barn to the small farm where they had stayed last night. The farmer was already in the fields with his sons, and the farmer’s wife greeted them with a smile. The generous farmer had given them dinner last night and breakfast at sunrise after their long day of walking.
Lexi came running up, “I think I saw a Pegasus in the sky! It was really high, but it looked like a horse with wings.” Evie perked up. When she heard this world had Pegasuses—or was it Pegasi—it didn’t matter. She just wanted to see one. Horses were not like the monsters they encountered when they arrived in this fantasy world.
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It was four weeks ago. Lexi and her had been going to an Irish dance competition in Dublin with their teacher, Ms. O’Neill, chaperoning them. Ms. O’Neill was Lexi’s aunt. Evie shuddered and blocked out what had happened to her.
It had been a short flight from Liverpool across the channel, and they were excited to compete in junior pairs the next day. They had stayed at this amazing old inn in the countryside outside Dublin. The inn had been crowded, and the common tavern on the first floor had been lively late into the night until Ms. O’Neill came downstairs and yelled at the locals, “You all can get drunk any other night! I have two ten-year-old girls upstairs who need their rest to dance tomorrow!”
Evie had thought the Irish men would shout down or berate her teacher, but the room fell silent instantly, and a gruff male voice shouted, “Oul fellas! You heard her! Stop acting the maggot! Drink your fill, you langers! But if any of you raise your voice again, you can step outside with me!” After that, only hushed whispers drifted up to their room.
Lexi and her soon fell asleep in their beds after that bit of excitement. They woke to a yell and goosebumps all over in the cold air. Their nightclothes were gone, and Evie screamed. Ms. O’Neill yelled back in a panic, “Girls! Where are you?” There was a cacophony of men and women yelling in the dark. Lexi grabbed her hand and dragged her toward Ms. O’Neill’s voice.
They tripped over someone on the ground and rolled in the dirt. Then someone screamed, a high, shrill, pained cry. Evie covered her ears and crouched as the scream told her there was danger. Frenzied shadows danced around the two on the ground as people panicked.
Ms. O’Neill suddenly knelt beside them. “Girls, are you alright?” She checked their bodies like she could see perfectly well in the dark—no, it was not completely dark. The moon was huge and blue tonight.
“What is happening?” Evie squeaked out.
“I think we’ve been kidnapped,” Ms. Oneill said, glancing around. “Maybe thirty of us. Some ran off, and one…” Suddenly, there was a gust of wind, and Ms. Oneill was yanked back and vanished into the night sky, her scream fading quickly away. Evie began shaking in shock and fright. Another scream sounded and faded away into the night. The two girls huddled together and pushed themselves into the ground, crying into each other as the night terrors continued.
That was their first night in this world—crying themselves to sleep, hoping they would wake from the nightmare. When morning came, a raven-haired woman found them. “Bloody children, too! I am going to break the bastards that did this to us.” She softened her tone, “Girls, I am Karina. I saw you when you checked in. Do you remember me? I was on the third floor.”
An older woman came over with a lean build and dark brown hair. “Christ! Kids, too!?”
Lexi got braver, “Where are our clothes?”
The new woman growled, “Don’t know, this seems like some sick game.”
“It’s not a game,” a young woman joined them. “Those things that scooped up people last night were massive bats. Someone managed to kill one over there.” She pointed in the distance.
Karina looked off in the direction, “Stay with the kids. I will go check it out.” Karina stormed off, and Evie could see others standing in small groups—some men, some women—all naked. She thought she recognized a few from the inn.
The young woman smiled at them, but it was obviously forced, “I am Teresa. I was on my way back to London and missed my flight. The Wandering Druid was a cheap inn outside of Dublin.”
The older woman, with lean muscle, turned to them. “I am Anika Strauss. I was meeting a client out in the boonies and thought I’d see if some young buck in the tavern...” She stopped speaking, realizing she was addressing children. “Damn it. We need some damn clothes. I’ll see if I can find something.” The woman started to jog away.
One of the men from the other groups called after her, but she just gave them a finger and kept going. Anika knelt, “Stay away from those blokes. They are bad news,” She indicated to the group of men. “That other group,” she pointed at eight men and women huddled together, “Are still scared shitless and cannot move. If this is some sick hunt, we got to leave them. You girls are strong, though.” She tried to smile at them, but it was forced.
Karina came back. “That was not a bat. It looked more like a foul demon. I think whoever it grabbed last night forced it to crash. He is dead, and so is the creature.” She suddenly realized something. “Bloody fuck! Where is Anika?”
“She went to look for clothes,” Teresa said carefully. Karina didn’t look happy but nodded at the sense of it.
“Which direction?” She asked. After Teresa pointed, Karina started to get their small group moving in that direction. The adults flanked the girls as they walked. The men Teresa told them to avoid were yelling at them, but they ignored them. She thought they should stay in a larger group, but Karina was confident and clearly in charge.
“Are we leaving them?” Teresa asked after the shell-shocked group of adults.
“Yes,” Karina said coldly. “Whatever is happening, we need to find food and shelter. Taking care of these two will be difficult enough.”
“We can fight!” Lexi said weakly. It sounded more like the worry of being left behind. Karina rubbed her hair and offered a matronly smile of reassurance.
They soon spotted Anika near what appeared to be a dirt road. She was studying it closely. She glanced up briefly as they came closer. “Definitely wagon tracks made by shod horses. Most tracks are heading this way.”
That was how they started down the road. There was only knee-high grass on either side, so there was nowhere to hide. Relief flooded Evie when she saw a house, but Anika and Karina pulled them off into the grass. “Girls, we need to make sure it is safe. Anika?”
The athletic woman crouched and moved off in the grass. After she left, Karina spoke to the girls. “She will be alright. Anika was a soldier before she became a lawyer. She was even in the Olympics for the epee. That is a sword.”
“Did she win?” Evie asked, starting to feel better.
“No, I don’t think so, but she said she still practices,” Karina said while watching the building in the distance.
Anika came back wearing an oversized shirt and carrying a bundle of off-white and dark clothes. “I think they are all in the fields. I took what we needed.” She handed out smaller shirts to Evie and Lexi. Teresa got a dark blue dress and complained about the smell. Karina got a large shirt and trousers, all very worn. Evie noted that Anika had also procured a large kitchen knife for herself, not a sword.
“We shouldn’t be stealing,” Evie said, holding the sour-smelling shirt.
“It’s not stealing, dear,” Karina said with conviction. “We need it more than they do right now, and we can’t be sure that asking them is a good idea. They might take advantage of us or attack us.”
Anika then handed a hard biscuit to everyone. Evie suddenly realized she was famished, but the biscuit was so hard that she had to nibble off small pieces. “I am thirsty,” Lexi complained after eating her biscuit.
“It looks like there’s a river on the other side of the farm. We can circle wide and avoid the fields,” Anika advised. That’s exactly what they did. When they reached the river, they all drank. The adults talked about how some plants didn’t look familiar and the strange moon last night. It all made Evie worry more and more.
The next two days were the hardest of Evie’s life. The hunger was the worst part of their journey through the plains and light forests. They even spotted a small, twisted green man who shadowed them for a while. At first, the adults thought it was a diseased person, but Anika hissed, “It has to be a goblin. We are in some twisted Tolkien world.”
“Is their magic then?” Lexi asked hopefully. “I saw the movies. Gandolf had magic.”
Karina rubbed her head, “I don’t think there is any such thing as magic.”
“But I can do this,” Lexi said proudly. A tiny light formed at the tip of her finger. “I was going to pee last night, and I wanted a light so badly—I can change how bright it is.” She looked desperately for approval.
The adults’ jaws were slack as they looked at each other, waiting for someone to say something. The three older women bombarded Lexi with a thousand questions about how she did it, but no matter how hard they tried, none could replicate the light Lexi radiated from her finger. Evie wished she had her own magic, but she couldn’t replicate it either.
They finally reached sporadic builds along the road and even a mill. The people they saw from a distance looked human, but Karina still wanted them to be cautious. Karina left the group in the woodlands to approach the humans.
When she returned, she had a weak smile. “They speak something like bastardized German. There is a city not far away. A half day’s walk along the road. She told me to be wary of giant badgers.”
“Should we tell them we are not from here?” Teresa asked. “If they were friendly…”
“No,” Karina snapped. “If this is some medieval society with magic, women will be pawns.” Anika nodded in agreement, but Teresa looked less certain. Evie didn’t understand.
They made their way through the light woods along the road to the city. In just a few hours, they discovered why they had been warned about the badger. “That is not a fucking badger! It’s a goddamn bear masquerading as a badger,” Teresa lamented. The badger was already coming their way. “Maybe it's friendly?” Her question got a growling snarl from the beast.
They started to back up, but the badger charged, its fur rippling with each stride. It was fast, and there was no way they were going to outrun it. Instead of running away, Karina charged at it, yelling, “Get the girls to the safety of the city!” Evie knew she was sacrificing her life in that moment. She didn’t want to leave her, but Anika grabbed her wrist and pulled her away—dragging her.
A hissing attack from behind and then a loud thud. Evie strained to look back even though she knew she wouldn’t like what she saw. It took her mind a moment to process what she saw and she planted her feet ripping her hand from Anika’s grasp. Anika stopped to grab her but then saw what Evie had seen. Anika yelled for Teresa to stop who had been carrying Lexi.
Behind them, Karina’s arm was buried in the giant badger's skull. From a distance, she offered a small smile, “I have magic, too.”
The group returned and circled Karina as she pulled her hand out. Bloody cuts from the skull bone bled on her arm, but her fist was unharmed. A discussion followed, and Karina was able to repeat the feat, shattering a small tree truck. “I just focus my mind on my hand, thinking, ‘Nothing will stop my fist.'” Karina said, amazed.
“Maybe everyone’s magic is different?” Evie offered. “Maybe I can fly!” She closed her eyes, but nothing happened. She thought she might be able to fly home. She wanted to fly home, but her magic didn’t cooperate.
The adults decided to skin the badger and attempt to sell it in the city. The blood disgusted Lexi and Teresa, but Evie felt drawn to it, captivated by the creature that had once been alive. Karina mentioned eating the meat, but Anika said they didn’t have a fire and it might not be safe, so they left it behind. Their hunger could be satisfied in the city in a few hours.
Yuetsen – capital of Kityeunia
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Comments
Frankie
Not bad. Once again I feel it's kinda outta place with the POV but I'll just have to adapt. Let's see where the story goes.
caeven
am I missing something? was Evie already introduced before? who are these characters.
J. L. Mullins
They finally reached sporadic builds... → They finally reached sporadic buildings...
Mark Corwin
This is great. Keep it up. Ignore anyone who thinks differently. Thanks
Enk
Increases in story complexity, always good!
Stephen Gauthier
How about the reader learns that this all occurred in the past and Erik meets the young girl when they are older. Maybe even much older and they share with them what they’ve learned about other people who’ve come from Earth and other places. Maybe by then the young girl has turned into a powerful necromancer with a bit of a sinister streak that she’s had to develop to survive. Then that necromancy skill is used to help Eryk seek vengeance on Octavious. Eryk leading an undead army would be badass.
Christopher Bonsall
don't like it at all .... keep the story on the M/C. Only
Thomas Shaw
Go full George RR Martin.
Lexy Joy
I agree with everyone that too many characters were introduced at once. It was a little overwhelming. We did all vote on Evie's POV. However it should have just been Evie and one other new character introduced. I lost interest after the first half and stopped reading. So I can't comment on the last half of this POV. The way they arrived at Deisa was definitely a good introduction but it felt too abrupt. Someone suggested introducing Evie with a Seer telling Eryk and it slowly leads up to Evie's POV. Or maybe he has a dream about Evie. I feel like this POV takes away from Eryk being the MC. Now it seems like there's many MCs. This POV does not make you want to invest in these characters and learn more about them. The other POVs motivated you to invest in them but as someone said it's because Eryk has history with them. I can kind of see your vision about where you want the storyline to go but it's developing in the wrong way.
Invalid Entry
Time for necro battle badger mount
David H
I enjoy the occasional alternate POVs and I like this one.
Ivan Kanewske
They finally reached sporadic builds along the road and even a mill. Builds to buildings?
Mrtotoro
Very good chapter, cant wait for mc to meet them, idk where the fuk is Yuetsen tho. People in comments are professional yappers tho
Oldfaithful
Not sure what all the hates about, the Chapter was fine. Introduces Evie and her group of new arrivals to a less than welcoming first night. I enjoy the ruthless pragmatic Karina the most and here very direct and quick thinking definitely saved their group from a gruesome fate. Might be interesting to learn the fate of the others but probably just dead or captured at that point.
Eddie
I have no reason to care about these people other than that they're otherworlders. I'd rather we meet them for the first time with Eryk, and then have a POV later. I like the previous POV's because they are characters that have history with the MC.
Sunto
I agree, but I also think that this is the rough draft that the authors going to go back and edit. So changes like foreshadowing etc can be edited in, although you’re right that it would flow better if there was more buildup in world before this cut to the POV. But personally I’m willing to give the author a lot of leeway because he hasn’t steered us wrong so far, I didn’t imagine myself liking maveth so much initially but he really grew on me. And I can see the same thing happening, so long as all the characters behave realistically.
Chachi
honestly should be blotted out of existence cant do it does not grab my attention like the eryk chpts hopefully this is just a onetime thing
Laggmaster
Too many new names too quickly.
Andrew
Thank you!
Bookworm bibliophile
Honestly I don't deslike the charecter themselves maybe they could be some extra charecters that could add more to the story both the girls and guys that transported. But for them to become the motivation to explore dangouns and how to return to earth because mc have hero complex is not something I am thrilled about. I honestly like the natives of this world and I would have enjoyed if he expended his band of adventures/mercenaries, explored the world because he likes exploring, and you know the world you wrote is full of wonderful scary creatures. I also feel like if you killed the innocent norcumancer orc boy then why would should the girl be different?
Chachi
ngl im a bit on the same boat i kinda was hoping for the castile reunion
Justin Barnett
Good chapter, but I agree with some of the other comments that just jumping to her perspective is kind of jarring. You could use the seer at Stone Mountain island to lead up toward Evie’s POV. I think the major thing that is needed is a reason to feel invested in the character. Make her situation more urgent, use prophecy to indicate how much Eryk will eventually care about her, or make her character perspective intriguing so we want to follow along.
Samuel Lévesque
It's always 100x better in a story when you allude to how a character relates to the story before you introduce the new character. Something like the protagonist hearing about someone, or them talking about going to a specific place and cutting to the new character waiting at the destination. It allows the reader to understand why they should care and creates anticipation for the eventual meeting. When you cut to new characters like this out of the blue, my first thought is "why should I care, I was engrossed in the story and you just took me out of it for no apparent reason"
Kevin Clark
Sorry, not sorry but don’t care. Please check out the Spellmonger series. When he went to a female POV with a series of books after investing so much time with the main character, the response was lack luster at best. They didn’t do well at all and when he returned back to main character, the response was really good. Another example is the Demon Accord series. Two attempts were made to write from a female POV and the audience was not interested. To go from a compelling, competent character to a teenage girl is jarring. I’ll pass.
Silver Beard
I'd be more interested in what nation they arrived in. That will matter most right now.
Silver Beard
Lucky for Eryk- they know English...or should. That's likely to be the pivot moment when Eryk catches up with them.
The Old Guy
It's good, but a bunch of new characters are going to be hard to keep track of
Andrew Gonzalez
I am of the same mind, good chapter but I kinda wanted more Eryk
Silver Beard
One chapter isn't enough to interest me in anyone really. Sad to say but I work in an industry where the turnover rate is so high... I don't even bother to learn names for 6 mos! Nice chapter; it's not filler- but it's not Eryk... so it's kinda blah.
Erick Thiemke
2nd of 4
