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Demon Queened Chapter 34 (Rough Draft... Except it's a poll)

🕑 Added 2024-05-17 03:47:48 +0000 UTC

Comments

Autumn Smith

I enjoyed reading Chloe's perspective more but I also think it could do with a bit of tweaking (maybe some condensing?) as it felt difficult to follow and understand compared to Abigail's perspective. Loving this story!

Sturstryk

Normally I would be all about getting a new, unique perspective over a more established one, especially if we know we'll be returning to said established POV soon anyway. However, I'm not sure this scene is right for Chloe's POV. She's obviously very smart and already thinking several moves ahead, but her thoughts racing like said squirrel girl on bitter bean juice can get be a bit ... much, and had me a little confused in this scene. With Abigail, her internal thoughts seemed to put what was going on into a bit more focus and helped reassure the reader that, yes, something more is going on here, even if we don't know what exactly it is. Her mental space is a bit of a ground and anchor while we take in the mile-a-minute machinations that Chloe is laying down, which I think is valuable. If it's possible to tweak Chloe's POV to be less hectic without diarupting the integrity of the character (we ARE sure she's a fox and not that squirrel girl, right?), I would probably prefer seeing through her eyes here. But, as written, I think it was easier to follow from Abigail's POV.


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