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A Neurodivergent Christmas (Script)
🕑 Added 2020-11-23 19:44:15 +0000 UTCI'm doing a comic collab with @ADHD_Bri, @comics_by_kelo and @dreamadoodles for Christmas this year! We're all going to be making comics about Christmas from a neurodivergent perspective and we're all going to be featuring in each other's comics :>
The idea is that we're going to be sat together around a fireplace and then we each get to say something about Christmas so I don't think we have spoken roles in each other's comics but we're all going to be there and that's what counts :3
Anyway this is going to be a much longer comic than I'd originally planned... Christmas is a very complicated time for me and I've tried to write something that feels honest without feeling like 'Christmas is 100% bad.'
I'm not sure I've struck that balance very successfully and as usual, I will probably revise this script somewhat when I come to draw it :>
Anyway here it is, enjoy!
Page 1
I have complicated feelings about Christmas
I really like it as a *concept*
I like being cosy and eating good food... I like the aesthetic I guess...
I like the special holiday hot chocolates... I like mince pies... I like the general vibe of Christmas... it's nice
But I find the social aspect of it to be difficult.
Page 2
Christmas, at least in my experience, comes with a lot of expectations.
One of the most obvious ones is the whole ritual of gift giving. You're expected to react to receiving a gift in a certain way.
Sometimes people have waited months to give you the gift. They've built up this moment for so long which just increases the pressure to provide them the exact reaction they're looking for.
Luckily no one in my life has ever gone so far as to video me opening a gift, but I've seen it happen to other people and wow... That would be the worst thing ever....
The expectation immediately creates an uncomfortable environment for me. Even if I love the gift, I can't express my emotions properly because I'm too focused on whether or not I'm making the right face
(arrow pointing to my face: 'definitely not the right face')
This does not come naturally to me therefore the whole process feels very forced and inauthentic, even if my feelings are genuine
Page 3
There are other expectations too...
- Expected to be feeling 100% happy 100% of the time
- Expected to be full of energy and willing to participate in everything
- Expected to be spending all your time with loved ones
And in my experience, the people who place those expectations upon you can get pretty intense and take it weirdly personally if you don't or can't meet them
'you're ruining christmas!!!!'
Page 4
I just think Christmas would be a lot more enjoyable if it wasn't such a high-stakes situation.
I feel like everyone else goes into it with expectations that it's going to be a special, magical time where everyone gets along and nobody has to worry about anything... and that desire can be so strong that anyone who doesn't live up to that fantasy is treated as being deliberately malicious
'I'm putting in all this effort so that we can have a NICE christmas and it's like you don't even want to BE here. I am NEVER doing this AGAIN.'
It's hard to feel like you can be yourself when that's the situation that's laid out in front of you.
Page 5
I wish I could feel what they seem to feel so naturally but I just don't.
Me texting the group chat 'sorry guys secret santa present time is too overwhelming for me, I just can't do this right now. I'll give my present out later today instead. Sorry again'
bang bang bang knock on door
Me: Eeeeeep
Annoyed voice through the door: 'Fine! Do what you want! But I just want you to know that I think you're really going to regret this.'
Me (internally): 'The only thing I'm going to regret is that you were an asshole about it')
Page 6
I'm very grateful to have found a community of other neurodivergent people who have similar struggles around the holidays
I've spent a lot of my life feeling like I'm crazy for not being able to meet the expectations of others, and learning more about why that is has been so validating. I'm very relieved
(speaking to Bri, Kelo and Dream) Oh god I've just been rambling for all this time! Anyway I hope you guys have had better experiences with Christmas than I have haha
Comments
Sandwich247
You've got mad talent for writing the thoughts I never knew how to phrase correctly. Thanks
