YourDrawingPineapple
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I didnt want people to say I didn't try, so I did.
🕑 Added 2022-08-07 15:49:41 +0000 UTCYou may have noticed, that the billing this month was off (yay I figured out how to!)
Well, this willl be a heavier topic and I will put that further down so please consider carefully whether you want to read it. Really. I will put the financial stuff first though.
For 3rd tiers especially: I finished all requests I had in my inbox bc I didn't want to leave anything unfinished. Those, that should get a request in the next month or the month after and already have 2-3 months: If you'd like money back please just dm me your paypal email here with the amount you'd like. I wont argue with it :) I have found that's the easiest way to do things. (Also I'm sorry for not answering dms in the past few weeks I couldn't find the strength)
However, I'll only have around two maybe 3 hours left - I have asked my twin in one of my letters to her to please finish what I won't be able to.
- TRIGGERWARNlNG!!! HEAVY TOPIC!!! SERIOUSLY
I've got everything ready: My farewell letters, my organ donor card (cute little card I always carry it with my anyway). I won't get too explicit, because I don't want this explanation to be taken down in the worst case. It won't be painful either.
I didnt want people to say I didn't try, so I did. But I'm done now.
I don't know how many picked up along the way and how much I struggled the past few years. Both family and friends. I talked about my physical health a lot, which wasn't great but mental stuff I never talk about. Not even write usually.
But I did everything you are supposed to! I went to a therapist for a good year, changed my environment, the people around me (though that's partially because I just for the life of me can't maintain relationships), now even the job. I tried. I did I really did. I'm not in pain or angry or hateful I'm just... sad... sad it didn't work out. 6 years ago I was in a similar place, but at the time drawing saved me in a way... Now I can't find any joy in that either anymore.
I don't want to encourage ANYONE to go the path I do, I really don't. Try, like I did and I hope for you it works. I really do...
The worst is leaving my mother. She's so mentally fragile I hope she'll be okay... I tried to meet up with some old friends from years ago, for a few weeks. Sadly, only one found time for me. I meant to write the others letters too, but... that would've been mostly for myself too.
Anyhow, I need to print the remaining letters now. If you would like to have a peek in my mind: I recommend the book "Nausea" by sartre. It was my favourite book because it made me feel like I wasn't the only one who thought a bit strangely.
Anyhow, I'll be off now - it's been wonderful knowing all of you.
Farewell and again, I'm terribly sorry.
Pine<3
Comments
fallabeau faebelle
Not sure if anyone is checking this but I’ve been worried and I would wanna know if it were me so here it is. I think this is okay? It was posted on a public story so I assume Pine is fine with this, but @bhedoods on Instagram posted on their story they spent the day with Pine, so I was relieved she’s able to spend time with someone so great! I’m posting this here so if anyone reads it they can know that Pine is with us still and is able to spend time with people. I’m personally really relieved! Even if Pine doesn’t continue her art or at least doesn’t share it anymore, I’m wishing her the best and a full recovery and all the best support and encouragement!!! Pine if you’re reading this, we’re all supporting you ❤️
Dizzy
I've only been following you and your art for a short time and hadn't checked patreon in a minute so it surprised me to see this. I can't say I fully know your situation and what you're going through, but I know what it is like to feel despair when it looks like everything is against you. From what I read you definitely made a large effort to try and make your situation better, so far be it from me to say anything about that. I can at least say that life is never easy but there are people who care for you, even if its tough to notice when you're low. For me it was talking to my family more and trying to find some new friends, and hold onto those who spoke with me during my tough time. Some days are definitely harder than others, but the least we can do is keep trying. That being said, because I know that despair I know its hard to say all of that to someone who made a much larger effort than I did, although I guess in my own way I'm still trying myself. Still though, I wish you all the best in whatever you choose to do, and I hope you and your family and loved ones take care.
