Heads Roll on the Cutting Room Floor

The document is great, I love the way is written. Hysteria origin story is pretty cool.

I absolutely loved it! It’s dripping with creativity and thoughtfulness. And leading into Denial is great. That opening would blow people’s minds, so I think following it up with a breather would be great for pacing. My favorite part is with her “family,” showing the story’s dark underbelly and how tortured Alice is by the fire. I also loved the little details like the moonlight and visceral descriptions. The only problem for me is visualizing the moon coming down and eating the rabbit or Alice. I’m sure that perception is going to be messed with to make the moon appear further away than it is. And that could help keep the moon a reasonable size. But how is he going to bite anything without taking a chunk of the surrounding area? Maybe I’m thinking too hard. (Potential Spoilers) I also really liked the beginning, which I’m guessing is foreshadowing Bumby and his role? I was just thinking, from what I’ve heard, shouldn’t it be Alice looking into the globe? But you guys have probably already thought of it and have something just as mind melting planned. Anyway, thanks for sharing! Much love and can’t wait for more!

Reading that was an entire roller coaster I really, really enjoyed reading it from beginning to end. A lot of the scenes caught me off guard - it's super well thought out, and it's a really good first draft!!!!!

I don't know what this says about me but I'm loving the "family becomes toast" scene. Part of me wants to see lizzie toastify (blanking on a better verb) slightly (more?) differently? But I like the moment she does get as well as her being the last one Alice sees. Insofar as narrative speed (?) the second half seems to gain the momentum that the first half lacks. But I personally like the slow, serene moments in the first half, in the sense that they make the violent ones (moon chomping bunny and family=toast) punchier and catch the viewer more off guard. Though to be fair, one of the best things about the Alice games is that even if we expect violence, it always exceeds what we as viewers are able to imagine and therefore catches us off guard no matter what. Can't wait to see the images this draft produces in my mind become a reality in your (collectively) skilled hands'!

Hex

Good first draft and well-considered thoughts! I really like the following ideas and concepts that should definitely stay as constants within this opening chapter/ first tutorial: "Garden of Ash" theme (it's not actual snow!), the plush bunny as a guide, Alice's old home as scenery, her parents' horrifying death through fire as the intro's horrific conclusion (and strong reminder which event had caused it all!).

Wow, that was a roller coaster. I really enjoyed it!

American McGee

Quick Note *again* about the format/font in the document. Courier is the Standard Font used when writing scripts and screenplays. Because using this font and in this format translates to (on average) about a minute of screen time per page. It's an industry standard. If you're going to read scripts, you're going to have to get used to it ;)