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Dialog in Scene 18

🕑 Added 2025-02-18 17:47:38 +0000 UTC

Comments

Steven Platt

I hope Lucius doesn't die but I feel he's probably going to sacrifice himself to ensure they make it to hidden valley

Tojo

Another comment suggested you can cut the conversation between the two officers discussing the special weapons they use. I'd agree, but you can keep in the part where they talk about what makes the rangers special but you can keep it more vague since Rangers are rare. "I've never seen Rangers before.. I thought we were gonna lose but then they showed up.. it was..." (Officer trails off because they feel unsure about being rescued) "I know the feeling. Apparently they're from the Mojave. It takes a different kind of person to survive out here, and we've got four of them. But they've all got their own things going on. We probably wont see another one again after this." "But what now? They've been grinding down our troops for weeks. How much longer can we keep this up?" "The end is in sight. Additional reinforcements arrived today. At dawn tomorrow we're launching a full-scale assault on Helios One." Keep up the awesome work Sodaz, looking forward to it.

SODAZ

Thank you, I will reflect on it.

Tojo

Good job on the script, I would mention a few changes I would make to make it read more naturally. “Colonel Cassandra Moore” would likely be incorrect in this instance. Calling her “Colonel Moore” should be sufficient. As that would be more grammatically correct unless the soldier had a reason to state Moore’s first name. Another thing is any time someone says “Veteran Ranger” you likely just want to switch that for Rangers by themselves. Calling them “Veteran” isn’t a rank they would hold. But you can change the dialogue for the BOS to say “Damn it... Those Rangers... Have you found out anything about them?” “Not exactly, they’re nothing like we’ve faced before, The NCR must have specially trained and equipped them.” To imply the past history of the NCR-BOS war and that Rangers stand apart from usual troopers

Moonlight

Yeah a blue helm would be cool

본선 구

파트18은 대사가 많은 대신 등장하는 인물의 수가 적고 분위기도 정적일 것 같네요. 만약 맥나마라와 루시우스의 회의 장면에 선임 팔라딘 에드거 하딘을 포함시킨다면, 그의 헬멧은 윗부분을 남색으로 물들이면 좋을 거 같아요

SODAZ

good idea.

TheRedBaron

I think this should be trimmed down a lot, especially the latter half with the NCR. We don't really need a specific explanation for why the Ranger's rifles were so powerful, for instance. You're better off leaving that sort of thing to audience interpretation instead of stalling the story to explain it.

Moonlight

I would change: McNamara: "If a Paladin officer is killed, promote the next in line to command. If necessary, elevate Knights to Paladins through battlefield promotions. Conduct a crash course on power armor training and get them deployed as soon as possible." Lucius: "That’s not our only problem. After the large-scale assault, the NCR has completely cut off Helios from the outside. Our supply lines have been severed, leaving us critically low on ammunition and resources. Desertions are increasing as well." McNamara: "Damn it... those veteran Rangers… Have you found out anything about them?" Lucius: "Not exactly, but they are nothing like the enemies we’ve faced before. The ammunition they used was much larger and more powerful than standard rounds." McNamara: "Even without them, this battlefield puts us at a severe disadvantage. We had no chance of winning here from the start... If only our Elder hadn’t been so stubborn..." A heavy silence follows. To: McNamara: “If a Senior Paladin is killed, promote the next in line to command. If necessary, elevate any initiates to Paladins through battlefield promotions. Conduct a crash course on power armor training and get them deployed as soon as possible. Pull some of the old training T-45s out of the warehouse if we don’t have enough combat ready suits on hand to properly equip them.” Lucius: "That’s not our only problem. After the large-scale assault, the NCR has completely cut off Helios from the outside. Our supply lines have been severed with Hidden Valley, leaving us critically low on ammunition and resources….” Lucius uncharacteristically hesitates, before continuing Lucius: “….I hate to inform you of this sir, but Hardin’s reported that the initiates from 4th company sent over to reinforce his flank panicked, and tried to run off when we called the fallback. They……they didn’t get far.” A look of remorse passes over his face, letting the loss hang in the air. McNamara: "Damn it.….Ramos’ boy was with those kids, if they had just kept their heads-!” McNamara cuts himself off, taking a moment to compose himself. Before returning his focus to the more pressing matters at hand. McNamara: “……Those veteran Rangers….Have you found out anything about them?" Lucius: "Not exactly, but they’re nothing like the enemies we’ve faced before. I had Lorenzo take a look at some of the rounds we found lodged in our armor. That ammunition they used was much larger, and more powerful than standard rounds." McNamara: "Even without the rangers in play, this battlefield puts us at a severe disadvantage. We had no chance of winning here from the start... If only our Elder hadn’t been so stubborn..." A heavy silence follows Mainly to ease out the clunkiest parts, make some more in-game references, and better reflect the familiarly the brotherhood has between its members. They all know each other, they all grew up together, they know each other’s names, and family’s. So each loss would be felt pretty damn hard for them.

SODAZ

I'll take note, thanks.

SODAZ

I'm thinking of putting Hardin in.

SODAZ

I think it's a great idea to include Hardin, but it's going to take some time to find a voice actor for him and redesign his power armor.

Moonlight

It also may be better to change “energy ammo” to “Fusion cores”

KnightZerCross

Yeah definitely, but I also love the character of Lucius, that devote second-in-command who would and probably will (given he is fictional for this series) his life for his commander.

Moonlight

Yeah honestly I wonder where Hardin is rn, you’d think he’d be in the role Lucius is serving.

KnightZerCross

Edgar Hardin was a close confidant to Elijah and supported McNamara's notion of withdrawing from Helios so would be nice to see him here maybe. He always talks in-game against McNamara but still holds great amounts of respect for what he did during Operation Sunburst

TrueBlob

It's good over all, but there are just clumsy chunks in the larger sections. "As ordered, we have replaced the sentry bots' depleted energy fuel with the Paladins’ energy ammo to keep them operational. Additionally, due to ammunition shortages, the fire team Paladins have switched to captured light machine guns." Change to "As ordered, we have replaced the sentry bots' depleted reserves with the Paladins’ energy ammo to keep them operational. Additionally, due to ammunition shortages, the fire team Paladins have switched to captured light machine guns." ---- "More than 60% of our Paladins, including high-ranking officers, are dead or wounded. The Paladin assault squads had to walk back due to equipment failure, but even those who survived are too injured or have damaged gear, making them almost entirely non-combat effective. We barely have any squads left that can still fight." Change to "More than 60% of our Paladins, including high-ranking officers, are dead or wounded. The Paladin assault squads had to walk back due to equipment failure, but even those who survived are combat ineffective. We barely have any squads left that can still fight."

Moonlight

Also Elijah probably didn’t give two shits about the sacrifice of his men at this time, I believe he just kept insisting that he almost “Had it (Archimedes) working” and “Needed more time” whenever his officers tried to tell him that they needed to retreat. Though he never bothered to elaborate to them what exactly he was working on.

Moonlight

Very nice! Btw Paladin squad leaders and officers are called “Senior Paladins” Also, they would probably be more likely to bump up chapter “initiates” who are already in training to join the caste to the role of full on paladins, rather than transferring knights over to become paladins. Knights are their whole separate caste, who are a direct counterpart to the paladins rather than their subordinates. The decision to transfer over knights would probably have to be done with the Head Knight’s permission, even if McNamara is technically the most senior caste leader. If you want to learn more about the Mojave chapter hierarchy for dialogue purposes I suggest taking a look at this page on the wiki https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Brotherhood_of_Steel_hierarchy (^ The lost hills model is the one they use) And another thing, It may be worth having Lucius or McNamara dig at Elijah for having been a scribe, rather than a paladin before his term as elder. That was a known note of controversy within the chapters politics during this time, and Elijah’s blunder here would be a perfect opportunity for his disgruntled subordinates to reflect on the fact that he didn’t come from the brotherhood’s warrior caste.

KnightZerCross

Looks great so far. Even when pushed to the extremes the indoctrination of the Brotherhood still stands and breaks at the same time. I cannot wait to see how you handle the disappearance of Elijah during the final battle!. Also do you have any plans to include Paladin Hardin from the game?