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Tondemo Skill - 389 - Arrived at the Kingdom of Elman
🕑 Added 2022-06-28 14:31:59 +0000 UTC“Hey, are we close to the border? That’s a lot of people over there,”
Leonhart and Elman have a very good relationship with each other, which meant quite a lot of comings and goings between the two countries.
Our party joined a line for the security checking. [6] My familiars put up a token protest, but I was firm about not cutting lines. Giving them the ‘If you want to visit their dungeon, you have to obey their rules talk’.
We drew a lot of attention, well, Fer drew most of the attention. [6] The initial panicked look and whispers eventually died down when my familiars continued to quietly wait in line. I think, me being on Fer’s back also allowed them to imagine that he was tamer than he looks.
Still, the line was moving pretty fast. I guess the guards here were pretty used to making border checks or that security was a little lax due to the high traffic.
I wonder if my group would pass through without a problem?
Soon, we reached the entrance and I showed the soldier in charge my S Class card.
Um… soldier-san, why are you looking at me like that? Wait, why are all the soldiers suddenly looking at me??!
[8]
“M-Mukouda-sama, yes? Yes! Yes, welcome to the Kingdom of Elman. Please enjoy your stay at our humble kingdom!”
“Uh, sure?”
None of the other soldiers said anything as my card was returned to me. As soon as I was out of sight, my enhanced hearing caught the soldiers’ excited whispers.
“Isn’t that the Adventurer with the Fenrir?!”
“I heard he has a little dragon and a Slime too,”
“Captain! I was really nervous back there,”
“Mm, you have a right to be. The Royal Palace has sent down an order. We should be polite to him, but avoid fawning.” [5]
“I heard there’s instruction for ‘no noble treatment’?”
“Yes, just strict politeness. No bowing and scraping, apparently he hates it.”
“That’s even more difficult, especially in the face of a great man who commands a legendary beast!”
“… …” it’s been some time since I heard people describe Fer like that. Well, to think that a unique instruction came down from the Royal Palace. Well, the important thing is that we passed the borders safely and-
“”Oi, the dungeon is in this country, right? Let’s go right away!””
“”Ou!! Let’s goo!!””
“”Dungeon~ Dungeon~””
“You guys, we’ve just crossed the border. We’re technically in Elman, but there’s still a long way to City of Brixt. That’s where the dungeon is,”
“”Ugh,””
“Normally, it takes almost 2 months just to get here, so be patient and enjoy the trip,” I said almost cheerfully.
““Mu,””
“”Sui wants to pew pew things…””
“Cheer up,” I said. “The dungeon can’t run away, so let’s enjoy the journey too~”
[Please read this at kitchen novel dot com ~]
[9] After we passed the walls that marked the borders of Elman, we made our way in the direction of Brixt. The country was indeed very large and situated inside a wall that must have been a pain to upkeep since it surrounded not only cities and villages but vast forests as well.
We were travelling by one of these forests when-
“Oi, those people are being attacked by some monsters,” [3] said Fer.
“Hm?”
““Looks like Forest Scorpions,”” [3] reported Dora-chan through telepathy as he zipped higher for a look.
“Scorpions? I heard that larger scorpions don’t have poisons, but…” [7] these were fantasy world scorpions.
“Umu, yes. Two kinds in fact. Instant death poison and paralytic poison. If they see you as food, they use paralytic poison,”
“Wh-wh-what?! Dora-chan, help them!”
““Ou!””
“Let’s head over too!” [5]
“Heyyy, is everyone alright?”
I yelled as we approached a single, simple-looking carriage and the people that had collapsed around it.
No one answered me, so I turned to Dora-chan, “Dora-chan, the Forest Scorpions?”
““All defeated~ look over there,””
“Woah, they are huge…”
The scorpions were about 3 meters long or more, including the tail. [5]
“”Hahah, I skewered the lot with my Ice Magic,”” [3] Dora-chan crowed as he did loops in the air.
“That’s incredible,” I said.
“”Fufu, so you should totally double my pudding today!””
“Ah, yes, yes, I understand,”
[8] “”I totally taught these bunch of upstarts a lesson!”” [5]
“Yes, yes, I get it,”
“”Pudding? Are we eating snacks now?”” [3] Sui popped out of her bag. [5]
“No, no, snacks should only be eaten after dinner.”
[8] “”Oh… Hm? Sui never seen those things before!” [3] Sui bounced out of her bag with a ‘pyon’ to inspect the dead scorpions.
“”Hehe, I defeated those!”” [7] Dora-chan crowed as he zipped over head.
“”Sui… Sui wants to fight them too~!””
[8] “Ahahaha…” personally, I don’t even want to step close to those giant dead scorpions.
“Excuse me, is the little dragon that defeated the Giant Forest Scorpions your familiar?” [3] a man in leather armour, looking like he’s in his mid-twenties, called out to me.
“Yes,” [7] I said.
“Thank you for saving our lives,”
[5a]
I stretched out my neck to look at the situation. “Hey, the people in the carriage look okay, are there any injuries?”
[8] “Ah, one of my guys was paralysed… [5] I know it’s a little presumptuous of me but, do you happen to have anti-paralytic potions? I’ll buy them, of course.”
[5] “Sorry…”
[10]
The man sighed, “Ah, I knew it…”
A man in a robe, thinner than the first guy called out, “None?”
“Sorry, he doesn’t have any,” said the first guy. He looked very grim.
“Excuse me,” I said. “But, is the paralytic poison life-threatening?”
“No, it’s not life-threatening but we’re in the middle of an escort mission. If we don’t complete it, we’d have to pay a fine and our credibility would go down too.”
“Sounds rough,” I said sympathetically. “Is your party member alright? I guess you’ll have to put him in the carriage with the others until the poison wears off…”
“It will take close to a whole day before it wears off, but we are a three-man party. With one guy down, we’ll have to hunker down here and stay put until our guy recovers and continue.”
“I see…” it’s not something I had ever worried about before. However, I guess having credibility and a good reputation was important when your life depends on the people who escort you.
I really like to help them, but I don’t have the potion they needed… wait, potions? Could Sui make some kind of potion that would counteract the paralysis?
[10]
[Gumihou: Deleted original ending]
[1] Structural Change: Combine 2 paragraphs
[2] Structural Change: Combine 3 paragraphs
[3] Structural Change: Combine paragraph & dialogue
[4] Structural Change: Change passive sentence to dialogue
[5] Delete Repetitive or Pointless Information… starting to delete pointless scenes now
[a] Deleted the [isn’t it ‘mori sasosori’ instead of ‘giant forest scorpion’] because it just doesn’t translate. Also, pointless.
[6] Additional Information for Aesthetic Purpose
[7] Add Dialogue Tag
[8] Creative Licence Taken – Some minor addition/editions to make it just a little more dynamic and interesting.
[9] Described some random scenery as per Medieval Europe country design, but with high walls around its borders.
[10] Very stilted and meandering dialogue that eventually led to the idea of Sui making potions. *Gumi cracks knuckles*
- change pity party to professional depression
- add mission failure fine
- reduce ahah! I so brilliant moment to calm guy who had never really suffered.
