carol_fisher
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why i'lll never be a successful artist
🕑 Added 2024-01-28 01:45:20 +0000 UTCwhy i'lll never be a successful artist
ys another pointless rant:
I have no connections and i dont get along with the rest of the people who does the same stuff i do, i also have no naural predisposicion to do fanart. and i'm not a girl.
Dont understimate how important is to know somebody to grow in social media specially considering how brutal the algoritm is, not to mention my general inhability to fake friendships and relationships for personal gain, the whole networketing game makes me sick to my gut but that comes at the cost of irrelevancy. If you are not wiling to use people or fake frendships (because a natural friendship with thoe people considering ur differences is jsut not possible) you are never gonna grow up, being a girl also gives you a boost btw because simps basically. And fanart is kind of self explanatory, since you are riding on an already existing market/demand. sum to that that i post once on a blue moon , that i can hardly create art efficienty and my declining health, i've been sick like hell for the last week thanks to the cold and i don't show a lot of sings of getting better.
Nah man my career was over before it even started lol. Im antisocial beyodn belief and i don't say that to sound cool or edgy, i just can't get along most people and half of the time i can spot when im just being fake to use them and i really cant pull thru that lol. So yeah enjoy thy niche obscure artist while it lasts lol. I wish the whole oh getting discovered thing actually worked but in reality hmmmmm...... getting discoverd is really hard if you dont ahve connections, fanart, the usual gizmo. Even if you do smut man, good fucking luck if you ain't riding a wagon or doing networking ant stuff good fucking luck.
Has it also ever hapened to you that the shit you used to cope now jsut makes you more miserable? well thats kind of a byproduct of being a failed creative man, now videogames, art, music, movies, series all of that in general just kind of makes me feel more miserable because remindss me of the thing i want and i can't have lol.
Can't frigging conentrate on shit i need to do for more than 4 minutes no willpower or motivation to pull thru a single damn thing anymore seeing the imposibility of achieving any given vision to the level i wish i could being unable to even pull thru the simplest damn artistic task being slow as hell taking months on a single illustration while actual competent artist shit out masterpieces daily (without ai mind you) man, who on their right mind would not feel demotivated after all of this? Unless you hapen to enjoy making fanart and enjoying an steady stream of followers income, you really dont care, or you are extremely talented on any form that enables to doing of the task like who man? who would want to keep going after this? it didnt got better over the course of 4 years, its very unikely that it wil get better in the upcoming 4 years i just draw out of habit and stubborness at this point becuase i just see it as fucking pointless i just feel like i have to lol. and yes my life has been this loop on repeat for god knows how long and thrust me, it doesnt get beter it does't, ive only felt even less and ess motivation to do shit as time goes on. I'm just kind of waiting for dead at this point.
again too
i didnt chosed to isolate myself, is not that i do not wish to ahve connections is that i wish to have authenthic connections, and hanging arround with people that doesnt follow similar thought processes nor likes the same stuff nor even understand what i try to tell them and on top of that talking to them is the same damn thing as walking on a minefield (which mind you would be the mainstream target audience for the kind of content i do) is not really something i enjoy, leads to shallow connections, innautenthic, and pretense from my part to avoid conflict, and the moment they see "my true face" theill turn theor backs and give me the fiddle, ive been there, it's always like that, people want you to be a character to please their needs and desires not a person. Being a content creator is a soulcrushing job at the end of the damn day. like any other job.
Craving for authenthic connections in a world that revolves arroudnn fakery.
Most people is playing onto the costume party night and here i am presenting myself with my damn true face.
Again another kind of redundant useless rant but yeah
had to spit it out.
So i really don't know what to do with my artwork, specially considering how usleess the skill itself is without connections, nor having the wild card of being a girl, nor being able to produce fast, nor being able to enjoy fanart.
and i dont have the patience to be here psot constantly for 15 years, heck i can't even post constantly to begin with and only the gods know what would be of the art world in 15 years considering ai and that shit into the mix, tbh 202x is the worst fucking time to be an oc artist who is just starting out. (yes considering my numbers i'm basically stuck at just starting out)
i also have no will to participate on the rat race which means, no money no crowd...
and tbh im at a point on my life on which i don't even give a fuck about my own health, like
i really dont even care about my physical wellbeing at this point.
If you thought my story was going to be an epic story of personal superation and overcoming adversity you were utterly wrong, i'm a looser, go support someone else instead lol. Because my situation aint getting better, not becuase im not trying but because the damn odds are grossly against my favor, i dont ahve enough moves to make a decent play at this point.
Willpower to force myself to shit i don't wanna do - drained
mental and physical health - depleted
Adhdh shenanigans - in overdrive
Money - no
Connections and networking - no
Drawing skill - maybe?
drawing speed - no
Captain of a sinking ship, i'm captain of a sinking ship ♫
did i also mentioned that i hate twitter, THE MAIN SITE NSFW ARTISTS USE, BUT I CAN'T PERSONALLY STAND SINCE IT FUCKS UP WITH MY SANITY EVERY TIME I USE IT?
yeah also that.
