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Chapter 43

🕑 Added 2021-05-28 20:01:01 +0000 UTC

Comments

Zadumu

I think this POV is really out of place with the rest of the story especially the recent chapters. Everyone so far has put a huge emphasis on seeking help and handling mental health issues only for it to be largely ignored this chapter. The fact that mental health is on the forefront of lots of people's mind I can't see how Duke Waters could even suggest that she enter a situation that would make this girl that uncomfortable let alone let her perform a test that could end up with her willingly being sexually assaulted. The first part was well written and accurately portrayed the back story of a potential new party member while the last part was a feat of mental gymnastics that doesn't really make sense in the context of the characters or their world.

Maybe tell half the amount of backstory, condense it or something but switch back to Matt’s POV at the end so we understand her back story and what’s going on but he doesn’t?

Bobby B.

Wow, helluva backstory

Cam

My problem with this chapter isn't how dark it is, but that it's an entire chapter basically about nothing. Maybe it has some small way of setting up the party for the future story, but the way it was done was still basically all fluff. To reiterate, my problem with this chapter is not the alternate POV nor the dark nature of it, but the fact that it's basically all fluff.

GeneralTusk

They don't like it either. Make sure you read the next chapter that was also released today.

Raven

I would really like some men in this party. Author says this is not harem but... Matt and Liz are starting something. Aster was said that will love MC... Camilla... Her story is too heavy for me, but it all goes about sex. Personally I'm not interested in polyamory so even if it goes that route and not harem I'm still droping it. Also ... Am I the only one pissed that they decided to add to their party without asking them? They have new party that is working for them, but they still need time to get to know each other. They don't have to want to add anybody. Some person chosen by someone else, with unknown skills and many, many, MANY psychologicals problems? Even if she was first person from the street they can just not work together. Making them take her into the party just becouse someone decided that is making me angry.

J S

Interesting! I bet she falls asleep, too.

M van Dongen

That moment when your plan fails so spectacularly that you're stuck to a sleeping man.

Brandon Baier

To everyone screaming about a harem, it’s possible for there to be multiple female characters and it not be a harem. Maybe leave your prejudice at the door and allow for a story to have multiple female characters without you, the reader, immediately reducing them to sexual objects. He says it isn’t a harem, so move on.

GuyWhoReadsALot

She needs healing, and that's why Waters suggested she work with people he knew to be good people. They'll help her learn to trust again.

Alex R

A harem is a polyamorous relationship, but not the other way around. One man and two women (who are both bisexual) isn't a harem but is a polyamorous relationship as long as the women are in a relationship with each other. And from how Camilla is written, she is a lesbian or a bisexual with female preferences so if there is going to be a harem then the center is going to be Liz.

I'm aware that people are screaming 'harem! Bad!', and I'm equally aware that the author has put up a really strong defense of 'Does the thing I've been writing for the past year Look like a harem?'. And it's true, the author hasn't been writing that kind of story. That said, I'm aware that some people don't consider polyamourus relationships to be harems, and that this is at times used to a simliar, if not identical effect. I myself would consider these two to be the same thing, and I suspect that others would also view it in this light. So, umm, I know that you've heard this in almost every comment so far, but please don't do that.

Katarak

I hope she does not join the team, in combat implicate trust in your companions is an absolute must and this kind of manipulative behavior is a big red flag.

Termac

Who said she's on the path? Also, C. Mantis clarified some things on Discord that I presume will be included in the story in the next chapter or two.

GeneralTusk

So long as they don't get romantically or physically involved it will probably be fine. Mantis has a good track record of avoiding bad tropes. Besides maybe it will be Liz that saves her, or Aster.

Frardowin

This is a bad idea. Do not put in the nice guy saves the emotionally damaged rape victim trope. Seriously it is a bad trope and makes any story it is in complete shit.

Matthew Robinson

Concerning Camilla being on The Path. I’m surprised she is considered to still be on it. It sounded like she was escorted through a Tier 2 rift at Tier 1 which to me would take her off The Path (at least my understanding of it as that seems like outside help). Also she is was only Tier 3 at the end of that story and they are Tier 5 is that allowed on The Path I remember something about that not working under the rules. Just curious why the Duke would even suggest she join Liz’s team. Second, I kind of agree a chapter before this one kind of setting the stage would help it not feel so out of place or jarring. Last, some the paragraph transitions don’t feel as fluid as normal to me. Not sure if you rushed the chapter or you weren’t comfortable with the subject matter and didn’t give as much of an edit as usual. Will add specifics when not on my phone.

GeneralTusk

The story needed a cannonball. Things were going too smoothly. Camilla's introduction forces them out of their comfort zone and will force them to adapt.

Jeff Gaebler

I kinda agree this just comes out of nowhere and just cannonballs into the story

Clay Smith

Good chapter. Not sure how I feel about someone else joining the party. I like the party size being a trio and nothing more. But I am sure it will be fine since the story has yet to let me down.

C_Mantis

yeah this could have been pushed a chapter to the right (maybe it will be). Also they went back to a motel. She comments hes cheap for it.

C_Mantis

1. I get what you mean. I made it DW as to remove that as hes already known to Liz but i under stand that. 2. This isn't a harem. I get other stories do that but I feel like 200k words in it should be obvious that isn't this story. 3. This is meant to be off putting, she went through bad things and its meant to show the Empire tries its not all sunshine and rainbows. 4. That wasn't my intention, he did what anyone should do, nothing special there. She just thinks he will/ would as she projecting a lot of pain. Matt gets zero credit for being the savior imo. 5. I can see what you mean and that's why we are going to a new area to get away from all of that.

Ian Gaston

I like the chapter. The Dark elements honestly fit perfectly with the world as we have seen it so far, and for humanity as a whole. What really bothered me though was the sudden jarring change. In the last chapter he was going to bed cuddling with Aster. Now they are suddenly in a club on another world that seems like the pair just suddenly walked into a sex club. It is also not entirely out of place for Matt to bring a girl back to his room, it has happened before. It just seems so random and out of place. It would have been a lot less jarring if you released a chapter about why Matt Liz were there THEN this chapter. Nothing in the chapter feels out of place for the world. I quite like the world building. The sudden shift was just so jarring that I went back through the last few chapters trying to find references to Camilla thinking I missed something or skipped a chapter.

LordDark

Sooo.... Im really not sure I like this for multiple reasons. 1. Adding another person to the party with ties to a powerful figure seems just too coincidental. 2. Another female with (that is vulnerable with trust issues) joining matts party it really is starting to look like a harem. I was actually hoping th 3. Not sure how i feel about the torture background. As a reader it is very off putting. 4. It puts Matt on a pedistal for just having basic decency. 5. It seems like something else happening just because Matt knows Liz. The story is really starting to be about Liz and Matt is just the Lens we view it through.

Schmidt

Very interested to learn her 3rd tier talent.

Schmidt

Its similar to what he did with Liz we knew about her parents before matt even if he suspected. And i think he handled liz telling matt really well even if we already knew.

C_Mantis

Did you get the vibe that she's was enamored with him? This ain't a Harem.

Derik Botha

Firstly, mad props for including active consent. It's sadly severely underrepresented in fiction. So I do like it, but I'm wondering if revealing her backstory up front isn't a bit premature (the tone shift is a bit jarring). It removes the mystery of who she is and will make any future scene where she tells Matt and Liz about her past hit less powerfully since we've already been told her backstory and had time to process it. That said, I'm partial to mysterious characters with unknown histories, so that's definitely colouring my view.

Obran

Honest, only so-so happy with the chapter. The writing itself is fine. Just want to point out that one of the great hallmarks of bad writing is when an author starts surrounding his male main character with women who seem to worship his every whim. Not a big fan of Harem stories. Nor Manic Pixie Dream Girls.

C_Mantis

About you second paragraph I'm not sure if you mean this adds to the story or not. But the second one, yeah people (women) are entitled to change their minds with out getting shamed for it.

tethra

Besides the increase in strength which I don't think was a factor in her plan I imagine she had to go through the bars sideways and so shoulder to shoulder she was too wide so she had to cut off a shoulder to fit? But I agree even though I tried to reason out why I still don't get why she had to cut off the arm.

The Lost Pages

One thing though, I was rather confused about why she had to cut off her arm to fit through?

The Lost Pages

Huh, had me worried there at the beginning. But you twisted it nicely there at the end.

Justin

Cool chapter. I gotta say when I see chapters like this I'm reminded that a good story can contain far more diverse ideas than I typically see. I feel drawn towards rating stories based on the ideas they have, but that's like critiquing a house for the types of fasteners used in its construction without appreciating the house as a whole. I haven't run across cock tease story situations much in my reading, but it's always been a way to talk about how the woman was a mean bitch. Never that she might you know, actually have changed her mind.

Amelgar

lol, Dude Waters. that's hilarious

Max McLean

Dude -> Duke. Nice chapter though.

Jonas

Thanks for the great chapter

C_Mantis

Yeah that's the next chapter

Jake Malony

Bold change to the story, but not necessarily a bad change. I enjoyed the perspective shift - especially getting to see waters in action. 90% excited and 10% apprehensive to see where this goes.

RottenTangerine

Not sure how i feel about this chapter. World building is always great. Not sure how I feel about another person on the team but it could work out great. I'll reserve my opinion for a few chapters. Thanks for posting!

Josef Blumers

You should explain in this or in the next chapter, why Duke Waters wants her to join them. That part feels passed over. Duke Waters wants her to join a team, right? Any team? Why Matt and Liz specifically? Why not a full female team?

C_Mantis

This is not a Harem. Just want to reaffirm that.

PlasmaticPi

Kind of a steep change in tone, and not sure about the developing harem, but the character herself seems interesting and her talents fit perfectly with BethBeth's blood powers. I mean she can cut herself a ton to get more power and then have Beth hold the blood in to stop her from actually bleeding out.

Haran

Yeah, it’s bullshit. They are risking their lives every single time they enter a rift. You just don’t allow anyone to join, sad backstory or not.

Joel Wells

I think she has to be on the path. She wouldn’t be able to join their team if she wasn’t. And all she needs to get on the path is a recommendation which the Duke could give her.

Amelgar

New encounter. I recall Matt mentioning their name and it wasn't Camilla

Brandon Baier

Interested to see where this goes. I don’t see how Duke Waters can just decide she will join Liz without her knowing or approving. Also think this might create some type of love triangle. Because Matt is likely to upend her worldview about men.

Joel Wells

I think it was said in the chapter if she didn’t join this team she would go out on her own. Nothing against solo delvers, but I think being in a team would increase your odds of survival. That said, she definitely needs to keep in contact with her therapist.

Joel Wells

Is this the one night stand Matt had awhile ago? Or is this a whole new encounter?

Amelgar

Hmm... is she on the Path? Would complicate things if she wasn't. Getting the impression she isn't

Haran

Yeah, I didn’t like this chapter. She should be in therapy, not foisted on other teenagers.

Alex R

Her Tier 3 looks like it turns pain into strength. So it's going to be interesting where she goes with it.

C_Mantis

That won't become a ongoing trope

Lictor Magnus

That was a rough read. At least Camilla will be with a good partners she can trust. I’m interested to see what her fighting style is. I’m guessing healer but she could end up being some sort of sexual berserker if her tier 3 talent continued down the same type of path as her tier 1.

My name is Klondike

Im not sure what i was expecting, but it wasnt this. Still, it adds more depth to the world and narrative. Good job.

Gunnar Crider

Damn. While I know she is broken if she keeps this up to much I will be pissed.


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