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PoA: Aster's Adventures Chapter 2

🕑 Added 2023-05-03 19:01:00 +0000 UTC

Comments

Nicholas Grey

“There are many advantages to a human form, let alone a humanoid one” => “human” and “humanoid” should be swapped here. In this expression, the greater or more extreme option is the one after “let alone”. “there is a link to a service that can take pictures of your human’s family, and then simulate what you would look like” => perhaps “where you can upload pictures”? As written, it reads like the service goes out stalking and takes photos of the humans. “A burly woman who was some kind of bear stood next to a smaller man who reminded Aster of the mages she knew were their professors, or Coaches as they wanted to be called.” => Very easy to read that as “the mages she knew were their professors” (as in, “she knows that the mages were their professors”) Perhaps “reminded Aster of the mages she knew - these were their professors”? “This time, two more people came down. A A sleek tiger whose muscles rippled under his skin with each step, and a horse with flames around its hooves and mane.” => any reason to specify the tiger’s gender, but describe the horse as “it”? Even if the horse’s gender is to remain unspecified until two paragraphs later, the individuals were just referred to as “people”, so “their” may be a more appropriate gender neutral pronoun. “They spent a little more than three hours predicting the exercise” => practising

Nicholas Grey

Heheh... elephant with a sweet *tusk*...

Jessica

I love this Aster side story so much!

Yotedom

tyfc "and those chances would be reflected" chances -> changes

Sriad

It's a very fun bit of world-building that there's a Galactic Standard Human form.

Mario Morales

Here I was thinking it was just a part of her talent to be blurry. Like, to make her hard to hit or something.

C_Mantis

ty fixed

Josh

"A blurry woman" should be "A burly woman"

Gummie

"Ok, its time to clean up my patreon... I can let a couple go." releases aster stories... well fuck

Aegir

It's so wholesome and I love it death lol

C_Mantis

They will get audio booked even if they arent at the same time

Pararably

Anyone else interested in a Aster side novella audiobook anyone?

Lucas

Great short story! Can’t wait for more


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