Freya Holmér
patreon
An update on the spline video & burnout
🕑 Added 2022-08-06 19:22:38 +0000 UTCHey everyone 💗
I just wanted to give you all an update of how things are going.
As some of you might know, I made a video about Bézier curves a while back. Over the past months, I've been working on a sequel
The Spline Video
My upcoming video is a deep dive into splines, where we'll go on a long journey exploring what splines are, why they are useful, what properties are interesting about them, which ones are commonly used, and how they work!
Broadly, I will cover Bézier curves, Bézier splines, Catmull-Rom Splines, Hermite Splines, B-Splines, and finally, NURBS.
It's an extremely broad topic, and in hindsight this was a mistake. I'll probably not make videos this long going forward. It's bad for my mental health, as well as for my channel, and by extension my income (sites like youtube generally favor frequent releases).
The good news is that the animations for the video are about 80% done, which means I'm pretty close to the home stretch!
The bad news is that I got hit very hard by burnout.
Burnout
In case you don't know what it is, burnout (in the clinical sense) is widely regarded as a form of clinical depression. This is not a "I'm a little tired of work" situation, it's a near complete shutdown of executive function, especially around work.
The thing that makes burnout especially insidious, is that it's hard to tell when it will hit you. In the beginning you can push through and convince yourself to work anyway, and you'll get some results. It's easy to shrug it off and call yourself lazy and just, go for it. But sooner or later you might hit a full stop, which, happened to me a few months ago. It's also more likely to happen if you've been burnt out before, as I was back in 2018.
As a result, I've had to stop streaming, cancel the D&D campaign we've been running for a long time, and stop working on all of my projects. Everything came to a halt very quickly and very suddenly.
I think an often misunderstood thing about burnout is just how similar it is to depression. It's not that I'm just tired of work, I struggle to find joy in general. Nothing is fun, nothing is interesting, all I can do is distract myself, or just sleep a lot to avoid being awake and feeling garbage. It's starting to affect not only me, but everyone near me as well, which is increasingly hard to deal with.
I've started seeing a therapist for the first time to try and get it sorted. We haven't been able to have that many sessions yet due to the summer break, but we've had one session giving me some guidelines on how to start getting better. The first three points are applicable to just about anyone who is dealing with this:
1. Don't work (if possible)
2. Go out at least once per day for a change of environment (I try to go out with our kittens every now and then)
3. Keep up physical health (regular exercise, proper diet and sleep)
4. Set aside time to being on your own (this is more of a personal need of mine)
I don't know when I'll feel better. I'm doing what I can, but I can't predict it whatsoever, so I can't make any promises as for when the video will be out. I wish I could.
What this means going forward
I'm incapable of working the way I used to, and I'm struggling to live up to any kind of expectation around being some sort of Content Creator™ right now, and this is likely to continue for at least another two weeks, likely more.
Your support here on patreon is half of my income, the other half being all other places combined (youtube, twitch, unity asset store). I completely understand if you don't wish to support me while I'm unable to give anything back, but I hope you'll stick around. Your contribution is literally what enables me to continue doing what I love.
Meanwhile, I'll be doing whatever I can to get back on track
Thanks for all your support and patience 💖
// Freya
Comments
jorbyte
Thank you for sharing your experience with burnout. The points your therapist made are exactly what has helped me handle it in the past. Take care.
Reinhold Müller
It would be rather illogical to stop support, now when you need it more than ever. So take all the time you need and take care of yourself. Best wishes. PS: Greetings to Thor, Salad and Toast, too.
Excelion
I wish I could say something helpful, but all I can do is stay here and keep supporting you wholeheartedly, no matter how long it takes until you get through this, and I know you will <3
Aleksandar Ruseski
We got you fam! get some rest, you've earned it.
Leonardo Taglialegne
Take care of yourself 🫂
Michał Wróblewski
Know what you're going through. Take care of yourself. I'm long-term into support here. Best wishes Freya.
pix
Re-joined as a digital hug of support from a fellow burnout sufferer. Might not be able to keep it going for very long, for the same reason 🙃
Tom Blackwell
You have my best wishes.
Jeremy Williams
Take care of yourself!
PatHightree
No need to appologize, content creator burnout is happening to so many people. I think it's par for the course... Take the time you need, things will start looking better at some point. Just don't give up
PinkRammy
While I am eager to see the final piece of work as well as missing the streams, I hope you'll take all the time you need to overcome this small hurdle and recharge. Burnout is no joke (._. )
rose v dale ✨
Oof, been there, burnout is awful. Take care of yourself, Freya. <3
