Julie Hoverson
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May Oysters Grieve - episode 6
🕑 Added 2025-01-30 18:00:06 +0000 UTCMAY THE OYSTERS GRIEVE - episode 6
STEAM WHISTLE OF A BOAT
SOUND OF WAVES AND SEAGULLS
ANNOUNCER Set sail for Excitement
Set sail for intrigue
Adventure is on the Horizon!
ANNOUNCER May the Oysters Grieve, episode 6
SHIP’S BELL RINGS FOUR TIMES – DING-DING DING-DING
ANNOUNCER We left our heroes scattered to the four winds – even though the literal winds are raging outside the secretive and deadly Schumacher mansion. Mac is dashing to the rescue of a screaming Cecile in the kitchen, with Duke and Carson joining him from another direction. Rose and Amaya are hot on the tail of the fugitive Antione, while Lulu and Kalea plan to rouse the actors and arrange for everyone’s safety. Elsewhere, Bertie and Zorion have reached the ultimate point of the twisty passages and face a dangerous door.
MUSIC SWELLS
SCENE 1. KITCHEN
CECILE [Still hysterical] Oh lord! Oh lord save me! [muttering ad lib]
HILDA [confused] What’s going on? I was sleeping and then suddenly—Have you lost your mind, girl?
SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN, MAC ENTERS
HILDA & CECILE [small screams, startled]
CECILE [back to praying] Lord deliver us from evil! [Etc.]
MAC What the devil? [to Hilda] Are you hurt?
HILDA Oh you startled me – my heart nearly stopped, I’m sure! Why does everyone go rushing about like— [cut off by]
MAC You’re not injured, though?
HILDA Why would you think—
CECILE You’re covered in blood, woman! You don’t even smell it?
HILDA Blood?
SOUND SLIGHTLY STICKY NOISE AS SHE TOUCHES HER FACE
HILDA Blood! [starts getting hysterical] Oh no! get it off me! I can’t stand it! [etc. ad lib]
CECILE [calming down a bit] I – I just woke up and she was like that – It was the shock, after everything else, and all this talk of ghosts, and I just lost my mind for a minute.
SOUND DUKE AND CARSON COME BANGING IN
CECILE & HILDA [scream again]
DUKE Mac! You’re back!
CARSON Hey, what’s the scoop?
MAC Hush!
SOUND [everyone hushes]
MAC Hold on, Duke, Carson. [to Hilda] Ma’am, if you’d please get a cloth and clean all that off. We need to know if you’re injured.
HILDA [sniffling a bit] Of course. Yes.
SOUND SHE GOES TO SINK, RUNS WATER, WASHES VIGOROUSLY
MAC [to Cecile] Did you see anything, Cecile?
CECILE Hilda said she, well, she said she saw a ghost. She was scared to death. She begged me to sit up with her, but I guess we both dozed off. And then I woke up and [faltering] saw – blood – everywhere….
MAC If it makes it any better, it doesn’t appear to be her blood.
CECILE It’s still BLOOD, ain’t it? Blood ain’t never good!
MUSIC
SCENE 2. GALLERY, INTO BALLROOM
SOUND WALKING CAUTIOUSLY
LULU Stay to the middle of the hall, just in case, Kalea. If the killer knows about the secret panels, he could jump out of just about anywhere.
KALEA Hold on, Lulu! You’re making me wary of everything.
LULU I’m making me wary, too! I grew up in this house and I can’t recall a time I felt so afraid – never, before… Gideon’s body.
KALEA Just you and your brothers? All alone?
LULU We were the only kids. There were children among the plantation workers, but playing with them was even more forbidden than leaving the estate. [apologetic] Not our choice. We were just kids.
KALEA Gotcha. And you grew up so you could make your own choices.
LULU You’re not appalled I gave up the chance for the big jackpot? I could use it, of course – who doesn’t need money? But I can’t wait to get back to Hollywood and out of danger.
KALEA More than money, we need protection. Mac can clearly punch a guy out, but I want a stick or something.
LULU [amused relief] Me too. Sticks for everyone! [pause] I just hope the others are all ok.
KALEA You said it.
SOUND THEY OPEN THE DOOR
MUSIC
SCENE 3. KITCHEN
HILDA [generally crying throughout, she gets loud on occasion and sniffles a lot]
SOUND CLANG, PICKING UP FRYING PAN
CECILE Now that I’m all calmed down and can think straight again, I’m figuring I need this.
SOUND SMACKS FRYING PAN
CECILE And I don’t mean for making biscuits.
DUKE You gotcha something there, Ma’am. You think we should be a-looking to arm everyone, Mac?
MAC Yes, but I don’t think it’s an emergency.
CARSON What was it you said about murder?
MAC Gideon’s dead.
HILDA [wailing in over-the-top grief] Oh Gideon! He didn’t deserve such a terrible end!
MAC Carson, can you see these two ladies to the ballroom, to join the actors? Duke and I will see who else is loose around the place, and try to bring everyone together.
CARSON You can count on me.
DUKE We can circle the wagons in there, all right. Murderers hardly ever like to face a posse, even if it is all civilians.
MUSIC
SCENE 4. BALLROOM, WAKING UP THE ACTORS
SOUND SOME SCUFFLING OF CLOTHING
LULU Where’s Marjorie?
LARRY [sleepy] Who knows? [yawns]
IDA Probably went looking for the powder room.
LULU I showed you where it is, Ida, didn’t I?
IDA That hall, second door, yes. But after what happened when we tried to find the kitchen, I was planning to use the corner, myself, and to hell with propriety.
KALEA [laughs]
LARRY No! You didn’t really?
IDA It hasn’t been an issue, Larry, but now that you mention it….
LARRY [realizing] Oh…
LULU We’ll all go. To hell with propriety, right? Come on.
KALEA If anyone sees sticks, or what else we can use for a weapon, holler.
IDA Weapons?
LARRY What’s going on?
LULU Oh. [sigh] There’s been a murder. We shouldn’t be in danger, but it’s better—
LARRY Murder? Mur--?
IDA [cutting in, brisk] Better to be safe than sorry. Right. Suddenly I have no urge to go back to sleep. Ever. Oh, dear, where’s Cecile?
LARRY Didn’t she stay behind in the kitchen?
LULU Powder room first, then kitchen. Come on.
MUSIC
SCENE 5. BEHIND THE WALL
SOUND SLOW DISHEARTENED POUNDING
MARJORIE [whimpering and sniffling as she pounds] I … Want…. Out….
TONY [echoing down the hall] How much?
MARJORIE [perking up, but wary] How much... what?
TONY [getting closer with each line] How much do you want out?
MARJORIE [puzzled] Is this a joke, Tim? I’ve never heard you sound like this.
TONY Maybe… I’m not Tim.
MARJORIE I don’t understand. Do you know the way out?
TONY I got in here, didn’t I?
MARJORIE >I< in got here, too, and I have no idea how to get out.
TONY If I’m not Tim, who could I be?
MARJORIE He’s got a twin or something. Is that you? Wait, didn’t you—?
TONY [bitter] Kill someone?
MARJORIE No, that’s not what I was-- Hold on, did you say kill?
MUSIC
SCENE 6. MYSTERY HALL
SOUND TWANG, CLUNK FROM END OF LAST EP
BERTIE [gasping noise from before]
SOUND TWANG CLUNK
ZORION Hold.
SOUND SOMETHING METAL SNAPS, BEHIND THE WALL - MACHINE DIES
ZORION No more.
BERTIE I think two metal bolts aimed at my.... [gulp] well, at a standing person’s midsection – are quite enough.
ZORION Good stay on floor, Bertie.
SOUND ZORION PULLS BERTIE TO HIS FEET
BERTIE Indubitably. [slight apologetic cough] Yes.
ZORION Here. Pierce machine with its claw.
SOUND WOBBLES ONE OF THE EMBEDDED BOLTS OUT OF THE WALL
ZORION For safe.
SOUND HE JAMS IT INTO THE HOLE, BLOCKING IT UP - THUMP GRIND
BERTIE I say, that’s a stroke of genius, Zorion. Blocking it up for good.
ZORION [comparing their strengths] You talk; >I< do.
BERTIE [laughs] Excellent. Now, let’s see what’s behind this door.
SOUND GRIPS HANDLE, THEN LETS GO
BERTIE I think we should still stay a bit back, in case this door holds any further surprises.
SOUND THEY BACK OFF A BIT
SOUND BERTIE GRABS THE KNOB AGAIN FIRMLY
BERTIE On three. One, two…
MUSIC
SCENE 7. SECOND FLOOR HALL
SOUND ROSE AND AMAYA’S SLOW SNEAKING STEPS
ROSE [whispering] Which way do you think he went?
AMAYA [whispering] Wall. Here.
SOUND LIGHT TAP ON HOLLOW WOOD
ROSE [quiet but not whisper] Another stupid door? What is this house made of, Swiss Cheese?
AMAYA No. Cheese smell more.
ROSE [laughs]
SOUND CREAKING FOOTSTEPS, DISTANT
AMAYA Someone walks there.
ROSE Who?
AMAYA Woman.
ROSE Must be one of the aunts. We should get her. Come on.
BETHANY [down the hall] Hello? Who’s there?
ROSE I think that’s Bethany--
BETHANY [scream, gurgle]
ROSE Oh no!
AMAYA [growls and takes off toward the sound]
SOUND AMAYA’S RUNNING FEET
ROSE Right behind ya!
SOUND ROSE RUNS AFTER AMAYA
MUSIC
FAKE COMMERCIAL
ANNOUNCER We've all had one of those trips: driving carelessly through luscious countryside, enjoying the fresh air and sunshine, far away from the madding crowd... and run out of gas.
SOUND MUSIC TURNS DARK
ANNOUNCER And what do you do if there's no help to be found for miles in any direction? When the last sign of civilization you passed was hours ago, and was a ramshackle honkeytonk that only comes to life after dark?
SOUND MUSIC BRIGHTENS
ANNOUNCER If you planned ahead, you might have a full gas can, and wouldn’t spend more than two pins of inconvenience. Farwest Aid Society for Travelers F-A-S-T FAST! [fast effect] Is the best friend a traveler in the Pacific has. FAST [fast effect] won't buy you gas, but it is the backup plan for everything else. We’re there for you when your tank runs dry.
SCENE 8. KITCHEN
SOUND DOOR SHUTS
DUKE Lets get a move on, Mac. There’s a killer on the loose.
MAC It won’t do any good to go chasing our tails all over this house, Duke. We can’t control the terrain, so we have to control the action.
DUKE You gotta plan?
SOUND MAC PACES
MAC Right now, if we assume the killer is only after the family, then our priority has to be to get them all to safety.
DUKE If he’s after the money, then the killer must be one of the family hisself.
MAC Or herself.
DUKE [shocked] You suspect Lulu?
MAC You forget there’s Aunts Beatrice and Bethany around here somewhere.
DUKE Oh lordy – that Beatrice, she tried to put us out the house. I don’t doubt me she could kill someone.
MAC Of course, once the killer gets started, he – let’s just call it a “he” for now – he might feel like he needs to get rid of any witnesses.
DUKE In which case, ain’t no one safe.
MUSIC
SCENE 9. UPSTAIRS HALL
SOUND DISTANT FEET FLEEING
SOUND AMAYA, THEN ROSE, RUNS UP
BETHANY [ragged breath, moan of pain]
AMAYA [eager] Chase?
ROSE No! We have to help her!
AMAYA Yes. There is much blood.
ROSE Ma’am, are you able to answer me?
BETHANY It hurts.
ROSE Can you tell me your name?
BETHANY Bethany. [weakening, so the final name is barely a whisper] Bethany Schumacher Akamai [ah-kah-ma-ee].
ROSE You’re still conscious, Bethany, and that’s good. Where does it hurt?
AMAYA Blood is under her. Under her back.
ROSE All right. I need to see the injury. We’re going to carefully roll you over.
SOUND TIM RUNS IN, STOPS, ALMOST SKIDS
TIM Oh god!
AMAYA Tim!
TIM Is that--?
ROSE It’s Bethany. Tim, find some bandages, and maybe a sewing kit?
TIM But—
ROSE And something I can clean this wound with?
SOUND THEY ROLL HER OVER, A BIT OF STICKY NOISE
TIM Ugh! Blood!
SOUND AMAYA SPRINGS UP, GRABS TIM
AMAYA Show me, Tim. Quick. Rose, be wary. [back to Tim] Cleaning, Tim. Bandage. Sewing.
TIM Yess….
SOUND THEY GO OFF
ROSE Okay. Just keep breathing, Bethany. I think this isn’t as bad as it looks. I’m sure it hurts like anything, but it doesn’t seem deep.
MUSIC
SCENE 10. BALLROOM
SOUND DOOR OPENS, PEOPLE WALK IN
CARSON Mm-hmm. Not what I expected.
HILDA You said they’d be here! I don’t want to be on my own.
CECILE We’re still here with you, Hilda.
HILDA And much good you’ve been – falling asleep and leaving me to the killer’s tender mercies.
CECILE [long breath, then quiet, under Carson’s line] Please lord, keep me from clobbering this woman.
CARSON Ma’am, we’re not going anywhere. Why don’t you have a seat on one of those comfy chairs and I’ll check the doors, but I promise not to take one step out of your sight.
HILDA Well. The way my heart is palpitating, I could do with a rest.
CECILE [firm] I’ll check the doors over there. You check the nearby ones.
SOUND SHE WALKS AWAY
CECILE [Afterthought] Wait. Do we just open each door and holler? See if anyone answers?
CARSON Pretty much my plan.
HILDA I’ll supervise from over here. My heart won’t--
CECILE [exasperated] You go on ahead and do just that.
CARSON Well, here goes.
SOUND DOOR OPENS
CARSON [calling into hallway] Hellooo? Actors? Anyone?
CECILE Hah. How do I yell to say “anyone out there – that ain’t a murderer?”
MUSIC
SCENE 11. BILLIARD ROOM
SOUND BILLIARD BALL HITTING A WALL, HARD
LARRY Home run!
LULU Larry, I’m impressed!
LARRY I told you I played a little baseball before I got scouted for movies, Lulu. Billiard balls are heavier than what I’m used to, but I can still put a pitch where I want it.
IDA Here. It’s a bit makeshift, but a pillowcase will be easier to carry around than stuffing balls in your pockets.
LARRY Thanks, Ida.
KALEA Hmm. For the rest of us, care to take your choice of cues, ladies?
LULU [chuckling] Sticks for everyone, eh, Kalea?
KALEA You bet.
IDA I can caddy for you, but I’m unlikely to be doing any hitting.
KALEA We keep you safe, auntie. No worry. Back to the ballroom?
MUSIC
SCENE 12. TURRET, BEYOND THE TRAPPED DOOR
SOUND DOOR SLOWLY SHUTTING
BERTIE I say, catch the door.
SOUND DOOR STOPS AS ZORION GRABS IT
BERTIE I don’t put it past the trapmaker to try and lock us in here as a last resort, to protect his secrets.
ZORION What secret?
BERTIE If I knew, it wouldn’t be a secret. Here. A little light will help.
SOUND LIGHTER ON
BERTIE But not much, as it happens. Aha, that might be a window. And here.
SOUND HE PICKS UP A BOOK AND PASSES IT TO ZORION
BERTIE Block the door open with this, while I see if I can get the drapes to open.
ZORION Mm-hm.
SOUND BOOK IN DOOR
BERTIE Hmm. This seems to be the curtain pull, and I haven’t spotted anything dangerous. Perhaps it’s all right, now that we got in.
ZORION Be wary.
BERTIE Yes, indeed.
SOUND ROPE CREAK, FABRIC SWISHES, SOME KIND OF REVEAL NOISE
BERTIE Oh my. That explains rather a lot.
MUSIC
SCENE 13. RETURNING TO BALLROOM
SOUND EVERYONE WALKING
KALEA Almost back, right Lulu?
LULU Yeah.
LARRY I’d still prefer a gun.
IDA [snippy] Have you ever actually shot a gun, Larry?
LARRY All the time! [grudging] ...when it’s in the script.
IDA Well, then – have you ever actually aimed a gun?
LULU I don’t think there are any guns in the house, anyway.
LARRY Wish I’d known there might be fighting. I could have kept Lionel’s pickaxe handy.
KALEA A pickaxe? Where?
LARRY Oh, in the ... well, in the movie.
IDA Why did Lionel have a pickaxe anyway, Larry? He wasn’t digging anything.
LARRY [pretending huffy, a bit British, but bad] Oh, Ida, you poor dear thing. Lionel Kingsley, I’ll have you know, was an eminent mountain climber. [losing it a bit] That’s how he met Amaya – I mean Amanitra – in some exotic spot in the mountains somewhere. [back to normal] The script wasn’t very clear.
LULU [sigh] It was left to the imagination of the audience. No matter how exotic a real place is now, in five years, it could be an airport or an army base. Ruins the mystique.
KALEA Speaking of exotic, isn’t that the door to the ballroom?
MUSIC
SCENE 14. OUTSIDE DINING ROOM
SOUND RATTLE OF LOCKED DOOR
DUKE I swear’n we din’t lock the dining room door when we left, Mac!
MAC No time for niceties, Duke. Put your shoulder to it.
DUKE Right with ya. [revving up noises, charge, and impact]
MAC [revving up noises, charge, and impact]
SOUND BOTH MEN SLAM INTO THE DOOR
SOUND DOOR FLIES OPEN
DUKE Hey! What in the blue blazes--?
[NOTE: They barge in to find Paul and Gramps trying to strangle each other, dressed similarly]
GRAMPS [croaking] He’s trying to kill me! Stop him!
DUKE Can you tell which one’s which, Mac?
PAUL He’s the murderer! I’m just defending myself!
MAC One of them must be Gramps! You grab the one on the right!
DUKE Watch that hole in the wall, Mac! One of ‘em might try and make a break—
GRAMPS [noise of effort] Ungh!
SOUND GRAMPS PUSHES PAUL OFF, PAUL STUMBLES INTO DUKE
PAUL [Noise as he stumbles, impacts Duke] Hooah! Oompf.
DUKE Whoah there! [catching Gramps] Unh! Whichever one that is – he’s getting away!
MUSIC TO CLOSING
ANNOUNCER What is the secret Bertie and Zorion have uncovered? Who stabbed Bethany, and will Rose be able to save her? Where did one of the elderly twins escape to, and which one is which? Will Hilda meet the business end of a frying pan? And most of all, can Mac prevent any further murderous attempts?
END
