CowboyTanaka
patreon
Struggling
🕑 Added 2021-10-24 17:48:07 +0000 UTCI just want to thank everyone that stayed!
I haven't been OK ever since my dad had a heart attack, a lot of things were happening and i refused to share the situation, and it was eating me up inside. I can't draw, I am scared to post online and to disappoint, but the more I put it off, the more I got scared. It's taking me months to figure out what is wrong with me, and up until now, im still trying to figure it out.
I have a job now as a game artist, but is home-based, got a new flood free place and everything seemed to be fine! The one thing I notice is that I can work just fine with my job, I can draw and finish task on time. But when i try to do my stuff, I froze, I get scared and I put it off for another day. it has been an endless cycle that I'm trying to figure out how to end. Today I decided not to be scared. to just face everything and just continue moving on, whether I disappoint. I wanted to write this down cause its gonna help me remind myself that I DO have the courage to fix what has been hindering my progress and move on. I want peace of mind.
For now, I'm trying to be strong and trying to breakthrough of that habit. I want to breakthrough my fear of disappointing people. of not being what is expected of me. I don't want to be afraid to face everyone anymore, whenever I disappear. It was an endless loop and I was struggling, I felt no one understood, and I felt everything wont get better anymore. But I realized, nothing will get better if I continue being like this, I need to be alive again.
You guys have helped me with my dad's medical expenses, thank u for sticking around! I really needed it!
I decided to make a fanart out of a poll so that I can have interactions with my patrons. I really want a nice community where we can share ideas and just have fun! I want to take my mind off things that make me anxious. I'm gonna figure out how to do that poll thing! Please do follow and share my twitter, so people may enjoy my art more! I love feeling appreciated, and I'm not embarrassed anymore.
P.S. this message was written a week earlier, goes to show how I'm still struggling. I had the courage the other day to message someone, but my fear took over again. This is still progress, and I'm still moving forward, little by little.
P.P.S. I'm also anxious to check messages so, let me be for now, I'm working on a commission and I want to focus. I keep reminding myself, baby steps or none at all and die.
Comments
Axtarxen
Congrats on working as a game artist, hope things run smoothly
Belman
I know what it's like to feel that way, I can really sympathize. The fact that you're taking a step is a really great thing and you should be proud of that. I know patreon must have some serious pressures tied to it, and while I can't speak for everyone, I'm paying because you're an artist I want to support. I'm really happy to hear you're taking that first step on the road to recovery.
Fabrício
MY GOD! I'm deeply sorry for your father. I hope him to get better soon, I was constantly checking out his page because of your Palutena x Pit comic, and I got worrried when you dissapeared since you're not a frequent Twitter user. Maybe you do have some anxiety disorder and/or the sudden illness of your father might caused a trauma or something, I highly recommend a psychiatrist to keep your mind in order and help you to focus in living.
Dragohn
It's totaly ok, that have been away m8. I think we all agree on that. I had to go through the same struggle as you do right now, two years ago when my stepfather died to a heartattack aswell. I know very well how you feel and understand that you dont feel well right now. I havent fully gotten over my stepdads death by now either, but i have friends and famaly that supported me through this rough time. And we are all here for you aswell. There is no need to be afraid to disapoint or to talk to us. I myself am gladly here for you, should want to talk a bit and i am sure that goes for everyone else too. You are not alone tanaka that is the most important thing for you to keep in mind! I'll be here until you feel ready talk with us again :)
RedfoxAddicted
Glad to hear things are going uphill for you. Keep your spirits high mate :)
Your work has been consistently phenomenal! Always glad to know you’re still around
NovacainJ
❤️
Don’t worry about it lol I’m glad to have stuck around!
