James_D_Fawkes
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AEoSaS: Trust 3.b: Pathos Dichonoia (Lamentation)
🕑 Added 2017-10-07 13:00:00 +0000 UTC Man, that's a mouthful. That title's so long, I even shortened it to make it fit better.Anyway, this one is...a little more by-the-numbers than the last interlude. I wasn't that happy with how much of the canon interlude I wound up using. But, having said that, I really wanted to hint at how the Wards are dealing with the fact that Sophia is dead. And get into Dean's head, a little.
Next up is the beginning of arc 4. And if I did things right, I'll subvert each and every one of your expectations for the Amy subplot.
Comments
Iny Gendereater
I really don't want to criticize or demoralize, especially because I've loved this story so much thus far, but... I can see why you're not happy with it. If it weren't for that one line where the Wards saw Armsmaster and Miss Militia's reactions to the name "Taylor", this entire chapter could be cut from the story altogether and we wouldn't lose anything at all. Except for a bare handful of lines, it's just a by-the-numbers repetition of a canon interlude that was already unnecessary the first time we read it -- except for the bit where we see Dennis and Missy's specific reactions to Sophia's death, and if those reactions will be relevant to the story, we'll presumably see them again in a more interesting context, and they're simple enough and obvious enough that we'd have no trouble seeing them for the first time at that point, when they're part of an interesting new chapter, rather than *instead of* an interesting new chapter, as they are here.
Slicedtoad
Yeah, not the most exciting chapter since it's so close to canon. But there isn't anything wrong with it either and I can't think of another way to have done it.
