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Don't Fix It, Chapter 3 (Complete)
🕑 Added 2021-06-01 02:12:57 +0000 UTCChapter 3
Something made a sound. I struggled toward awareness, but the room was dark and quiet. I drifted on the edge of sleep until I heard it again, a buzz-thump like a wasp banging into a window. I thought it might’ve been a sick child instead, or a dog trying to get my attention. My imagination conjured a few other things, but none of them made a sound.
I’d almost gone back to sleep when something started vibrating on the nightstand. A faint glow lit the darkness, and I eventually realized what it was. Then the call went to voicemail, and stillness returned like nothing had happened.
Allie stirred behind me. Her breasts felt warm and soft against my back, and her hand rested on my stomach. I started to scoot away from her but stopped when I almost fell off the bed. She’d crowded me to the edge, again.
Part of me wondered which she wanted most, physical contact or her normal side of the bed, but I suspected both. At least she let me sleep all night, although I had to laugh. I’d finally reached the point where a good night’s sleep was more important than a blowjob.
Ahem.
I yawned and rubbed my eyes. Then I realized that my dick was improbably hard, even after the panic over a sick child, a house fire, and angry wasps. Maybe I wasn’t that old after all.
Am I allowed to speak yet, O Great and Powerful Big Head?
I replied irritably, Only if you tell me why you wake up before the rest of me.
Because I’m a go-getter.
I waited for the other shoe to drop.
So… let’s go get ’er!
Ugh. I thought we had an agreement.
I swung my legs out of bed and grabbed the phone from the nightstand. It started vibrating almost immediately, and I opened it without even looking at the caller ID.
“Hello?”
“Good morning! I texted but you didn’t reply. Then I called, and it went to voicemail. I thought you might be in the pool. Did I call too early? Were you still asleep? I can call back if you want, but I’ll be sad and lonely until I do.”
Christy and Mr. Big had a lot in common, which probably explained why they got along so well.
“No, I’m awake,” I lied.
“Oh, thank goodness! I’ve been thinking about you all morning.”
All morning? How long had she been awake?
“I miss your special wake-up call.”
I didn’t want to disturb Allie, so I stood and scanned the room for my pants.
In the living room, the little head said helpfully. But before you go…! Allie’s right here. I mean, you know… we could… um…
Seriously? I’m on the phone. No.
Aw, come on, he pleaded. I’m gonna explode if you don’t do something.
You’ll survive. I pulled the blanket over her and slipped from the room. Out of sight, out of mind.
I might not, the little head said petulantly. Besides, this wouldn’t happen if I were in charge.
We tried that before. It’s called being a teenager.
But…! I liked being a teenager!
I know. I had to clean up your messes.
So?
Haven’t we had this conversation before? Like, yesterday?
I can’t help it. It’s my nature.
Some part of me found it endlessly amusing that my penis knew the fable of the scorpion and the frog.
I’m you, dumbass.
Mmm, I know. That’s why I’m laughing.
Christy realized I wasn’t paying attention.
“Hello…? Earth to Paul, Earth to Paul… come in, Paul.”
“I’m here. Sorry.”
“Was he giving you a hard time? Tell him I’m sorry. I’ll take care of him as soon as I can. Is Allie awake yet? I know Rosy is.”
I’d left my watch on the nightstand, so I took a guess and decided that it felt like five thirty.
“Is there a reason you’re calling so early?” I wondered.
“It’s Wren’s fault. She wanted to get up early so we could meet… um… a friend at breakfast.”
“A friend? At breakfast?”
She started to answer, but the sound of dog tags distracted me. They jingled across the balcony and then down the stairs. Spike and Buck greeted me with wagging tails. Then they gave me an expectant look, followed by one at the patio door.
I sighed. My own words had come back to bite me—morning came early, all right.
“Hold on,” I said to Christy. “The dogs want out.”
I had a choice of alarm panels, but Mr. Big wasn’t quite kid-friendly, so I passed on the kitchen and headed for the master bedroom instead. I disarmed the system and opened the door. The dogs rushed out and goofed around like they didn’t need to pee after all. Then Spike made the mistake of glancing toward the lake.
“Ah, so that’s what this is about.”
Spike was shocked by the accusation—shocked!—but Buck looked down and tried to act innocent.
“I don’t think so,” I chuckled. “Stay in the yard and do your business. No lake. Got it? No. Lake.”
I pulled the door closed behind me and sat on the bench beside it. The sun wouldn’t be up for another hour, but the security light filled the patio with a yellow glow. The air was marginally cooler than inside, and the humidity was down too. Neither would stay that way, so I decided to enjoy it while it lasted.
Buck glanced at Spike and realized their plans had changed. He decided he might need to pee after all. He trotted to the pool house and sniffed the landscaping like he was searching for buried treasure. Then he disappeared into the shadows, and the splashing sound of the waterfall covered whatever he did there. Spike headed around the corner and toward the forest.
“Sorry about that,” I said to Christy. “I’m back. So… what’s this about breakfast?”
“Tell me about yesterday first,” she said. “How was dance camp? Did you have any problems with registration? Did you get Allie’s air conditioner fixed? I hope she rewarded you properly. What about last night? Did she keep you up?”
“Slow down,” I chuckled. “Dance camp was fine. The girls were late, but…”
I told her about our day and avoided questions I didn’t have answers to, like whether or not Allie wanted to join us at camp and try swinging for real. I segued into a description of her outfit instead. Then I told Christy about the rest of the evening. In my head I felt like a sportscaster doing a highlight reel.
Mr. Big and the MILF played another double-header yesterday, their second of the season. Big threw a couple of wild pitches to start the night game, but a reliever took the mound and worked out of the jam.
Play resumed after a short rain delay, and Big took a one-run lead, although he struggled for several innings until his pitcher was ready to bring the heat. MILF Allie cleared the fence with a monster dinger in the seventh to tie the game, but Big wasn’t ready to give up. He loaded the bases in the ninth and managed an RBI single to avoid extra innings.
(Okay, maybe Wren wasn’t the only one who’d spent too much time with Trip.)
“Oh my gosh,” Christy said, “I wish I’d been there to watch.”
“You’ll see it soon enough.”
“I hope so.”
“Anyway… what’s this about breakfast?”
“What about it?”
“You’re up early…?” I hinted.
“Oh, right. Wren wants to meet someone. A friend, I mean.”
“Hold on… Wren does, or you do?”
“She does?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Fine, Mr. Mind Reader, I do. And for the record, you know how I feel.”
“You hate that you can’t lie to me?”
“It really bugs me.”
“I kind of enjoy it,” I chuckled. “It keeps you honest.”
“No, I’m honest because I love you. But a girl needs a secret every now and then.”
“Mmm. So… tell me about him.”
“How do you know it’s a him?”
“Because I know you.”
“Fine. He’s one of the instructors, and…”
I listened as she described the guy: dark hair, blue eyes, and medium height. I privately guessed well-built and packing something extra in his Speedo. No, that wasn’t fair. Christy was fairly egalitarian about dicks. She didn’t care about size, shape, or color, as long as it looked nice and the guy himself wasn’t a jerk.
“Oh my gosh,” she finished, “he’s really cool, and he doesn’t seem to care that we’re old and married.”
“You aren’t old.”
“You know what I mean. Anyway, I hope he’s interested. I think he is, but I’m not sure. He’s definitely interested in Wren. Sometimes I wish I looked like her, or Brooke, or anyone with an actual chest.”
“I like your chest. I love it, in fact.”
“Allie hasn’t spoiled you?”
“No.”
“Thank goodness. Sometimes I wonder… why you’re still with me.”
“You know why.”
“Mmm, I do. Still my favorite words.”
“Mine too.”
“I suppose I should let you go,” she sighed. “Wren just finished in the shower. Tell the girls I love them. I’ll tell Laurie for you. Oh my gosh, I almost forgot to tell you! She won her group yesterday. I’m so proud of her.”
“Me too. That’s awesome. Tell her congratulations.”
“I will.”
“Is she treating you any better?”
“A little, I suppose. You know how she is. I don’t know where I went wrong with her.”
“It’s the age.”
“I know. Only… I wish I could do things over.”
“Well, we can’t, so…”
“We can…,” she hinted.
“That’s a much longer conversation,” I said flatly.
“I know. But we still need to have it. I’m serious, Paul, I want more children.”
Children, I thought, plural.
“I— I can’t explain it,” she went on. “But I suppose you’re right, now isn’t the time.”
“Mmm.”
“I love you?”
“I love you too. And we’ll talk about it.”
“Okay.”
“In the meantime, you need to shower,” I said. “Good luck with the instructor guy.”
“Never in a million years…,” she laughed fondly.
“I know. Me too.”
“But I suppose it works.”
“Yep. Now, off you go. I love you, and I’ll talk to you later.”
“Tonight,” she promised without thinking.
“Or tomorrow. In case you’re busy tonight.”
“I’ll text you either way.”
“Sounds good.”
We said goodbye and hung up, and I stared into the predawn light until the dogs jingled up.
I took one look at Spike and couldn’t decide whether to laugh or yell at him. His legs were covered in mud that was only a shade lighter than his fur. He even tried to look surprised at how it had gotten there.
“Sorry, buddy,” I laughed, “nice try.”
Buck frowned and wondered if he was in trouble too. Spike stuck to his story and maintained his innocence.
“So, we’re taking a shower together this morning?”
Spike eyed the door to the house and perked up.
“Oh, no, outside,” I chuckled. Fortunately, I’d designed the shower with this in mind. It had both hot and cold water, and my testicles thanked me. “Come on, guys,” I said to the dogs. “Oh, and no one tell Susie. Got it? I’ll never hear the end of it if she finds out.”
Spike wagged his tail enthusiastically. Right! Mum’s the word!
Buck was more laconic. You’re the boss.
Oh, boy, shower time!
Hey, hold on… he’s got mud on him.
Hot water, yeah!
Uh… has he been in the lake?
Scrubby time! Do-do-do-do, de-dum, de-dum.
I thought you told us not to…
Super. Now I had Spike and Buck in my head, too.
✧ ✧ ✧
Light footsteps pattered down the stairs, and I recognized Emily before she reached the bottom.
Susie still ran with a child’s heavy feet, and she occasionally caromed off walls that leapt into her path. She was coordinated enough to avoid them when she wanted to, but she tended to run through things rather than around them.
“Hey, Dad,” Emily said cheerfully.
“Hey back. You too, Molly.”
The dog wagged her tail.
“Something smells yummy,” the girl said. “Bacon?”
“In the oven. Be ready in a few minutes. You want a waffle to start?”
Her eyes lit up. “Chocolate chip? With powdered sugar?”
“In little smiley faces,” I agreed. “Be my sous?”
“Of course!”
“Here you go, you can do the fruit.”
She sliced an orange into thin, decorative wedges. Then she started on the strawberries. She ate about half of them before they reached the cutting board, but I’d set out extra for a reason. I knew my girl.
I poured batter into the waffle maker, closed the lid, and flipped it to start the timer. The oven beeped a moment later, and I took out the bacon to cool.
Molly came over to me and sat obediently.
I stared hard at Emily instead.
“What? It’s turkey. It’s good for her.”
“This is exactly why I don’t want you to feed her at the table.”
“Only, we aren’t at the table.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I wasn’t yesterday, either.”
“Emily…”
“That’s okay,” she said breezily, “she can have some of mine.”
I let it drop. Emily was serious when she offered to share her own food. Besides, she’d reached the age where I had to negotiate with her. I could still tell her no, but I had a limited number of times I could do it and make it stick. This wasn’t going to be one of them.
“Thanks, Dad,” she said sincerely. “I won’t feed the others, I swear. Only Molly.” Something thudded above us, and she glanced up. “Oh, boy. I suppose I’ll help Susie and Carly, too, so we don’t have to come back.”
“Thank you, sweetie. That’s very nice of you.” It was slightly selfish too—Emily hated being late—but I gave her the benefit of the doubt on this one. “Run upstairs and tell them about breakfast. Check on Maddy, too. Make sure she’s moving.”
“Yes, sir!” She whirled and dashed up the stairs.
Molly stayed put and gazed at me with hopeful eyes. I fed her a piece of bacon.
“Don’t tell, hmm?”
She said she wouldn’t, and I fed her another piece.
“Sometimes I wonder who’s in charge around here: me, you, or the girls?”
Molly thought it was obvious, although she made it clear that her vote was for sale.
“Here you go,” I laughed. “But we have to save the rest.”
She finished chomping and licked her lips.
Emily danced down the stairs, threw me a wave, and flung her arms around me.
“I love you, Daddy.”
I chuckled. She only called me that when she really wanted to pour it on. Still, I wasn’t about to complain. I had a limited number of daddy-hugs in my future, and I wanted to cherish them. I squeezed her tight.
“I love you too, Froggy.”
The waffle maker beeped. Her head came up and her eyes went wide with excitement. She looked like a little girl again.
“Perfect timing!” I said. “Grab a stool.”
I turned and stopped abruptly. Allie was standing in the living room doorway.
“Oh, hello. How long have you been there?”
“Long enough.” Sea-green eyes glinted with laughter.
“Yeah, Dad, you saw me wave.” Emily hopped onto a stool and readied her knife and fork like a Valkyrie poised to wreak havoc on the battlefield. I set the plate in front of her and snatched my hand away, lest I lose any fingers.
“She did,” Allie agreed. “You were… preoccupied.” Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me. She glanced at the bacon and arched an eyebrow. For a price.
“Ah, so that’s how it is,” I chuckled.
“Everyone else was doing it, so I thought I’d give it a try. And it worked!” She nibbled bacon and managed to look smug at the same time.
I filled the waffle maker and started it again. Then I took a moment to appreciate Allie.
She wore a simple denim sheath dress, but it hugged her curves and showed a deep V of cleavage. A brass zipper ran from hem to bodice, and something told me she wasn’t wearing a bra. She pursed her lips and practically dared me to check.
She’d done her hair and face too, a casual French twist and light makeup. It was her everyday look, only better.
And even more fuckable.
No kidding. Say, Emily…? How’d you like to finish making breakfast?
Allie needs to lay some pipe.
She teased me with an arched eyebrow, but the younger girls had other plans. They hurtled down the stairs and burst into the kitchen like the frumious bandersnatch, a legendary creature known for its speed and subtlety (cough, cough).
“Good morning, Mr. Father.”
“Mornin’, Mr. H.”
“Is breakfast ready?”
“Word.”
“Good morning, ladies,” I said calmly.
Susie locked eyes with the waffle maker. “Yum! Can I have the next one?”
I was just about to say something when she spotted Allie at the bar. She backtracked just as quickly.
“Oh. Sorry. I suppose I need to wait my turn.”
“That’s okay,” Allie said, like every mother in history, “you go first.”
“For real? I can have it?”
“No diggity.”
Susie grinned, and Carly looked fit to burst.
“In that case,” Susie said, very seriously, “is it okay if I give it to Emily?”
“That’s very nice of you,” Allie said.
Susie stiffened with a sudden idea. “Oh, I know! C’mon, Carly, let’s feed the dogs!”
They dashed across the kitchen, grabbed bowls from the alcove, and raced to the pantry.
“They run so fearfully quick,” I said under my breath, and Allie looked at me like I’d lost my marbles. “The White Queen,” I added, which only made things worse. “The bandersnatch? No?”
The waffle maker beeped, and Allie burst into laughter.
Saved by the bell. Again.
✧ ✧ ✧
Wonder of wonders, we arrived on time for drop-off. All four girls had their backpacks, lunch bags, and water bottles. No one had forgotten anything. In fact, the older girls had packed Harry Potter books, while the younger ones took their Game Boys.
“We’re almost through Death Mountain.”
I wasn’t going to argue (or ask what Death Mountain was). I even learned something new.
“Game Boys are the old ones, Dad. These are Game Boy Advance SPs. They’re so much better.”
“They’re advanced,” I agreed wryly.
“Fo sheezy.”
Susie persisted, “Yeah, but they’re even better than the regular Advance.”
“The ones we wouldn’t buy you last year?”
“Exactly.”
“Okay, so… how’re they better?”
“The SP is for Special.”
“What about the plain ol’ Game Boy, the original?”
“They’re old. And kinda sucky. Now, I mean.”
“Word, Mr. H. The new ones are da bomb.”
“‘Da bomb.’ Okay. Got it.” I felt so old. “Hold on… what about the books?”
Allie grinned.
“What about them?” Emily asked suspiciously.
“Are they regular books? Or Page Book Advance SPs? The SP is for Special, by the way.”
The younger girls giggled, while the older ones sighed in tween displeasure. Madison provided the epitaph.
“So immature.”
At least I could name everything in their lunch bags: sandwiches, veggie sticks, fresh fruit, juice boxes, and snacks for later. Susie had even decorated hers and Carly’s with handmade signs:
Property of 🌈 Susan Hughes (and Roscoe). 🦙 Brunch only!!!!!
Property of Caroline ⚔️ Homeskillet ⚔️ Ramos. Word.
I wasn’t sure why she’d added the rainbow and funny-looking dog, “No, Dad, it’s a llama. His name is Sparky Joe,” but the swords made sense. And once I thought about it, Death Mountain did too. Susie and Carly had been playing Legend of Zelda on their Game Boys—correction, on their Game Boy Advance SPs.
Allie and I watched until the girls made it safely into the building and one of the teen-going-on-twenty-five girls waved to us.
“Do you mind if we hang around for a few minutes?” Allie asked.
“No problem. But… I thought you wanted to get tested.”
“I do. But I wanna get some coffee first. I… um… didn’t get any with breakfast.”
“Coffee. Right.”
“And conversation.”
“Of course.”
I pulled into the parking lot proper, and we made small talk until Mark’s Mercedes turned into the drop-off lane.
McKenna hopped out, slipped her backpack over her small shoulders, and reached into the car for her lunch bag. She waved goodbye but paused as Mark said something to her. Then she nodded and closed the car door like a normal person instead of the demolition crew who’d arrived with us.
I watched her walk into the building and felt a deep sense of affection. I loved her almost as much as my own daughters. And she was the most put-together child I’d ever met, a small version of Leah. One day she was going to fly the Space Shuttle, cure cancer, or become President.
Mark started to pull away. He hadn’t seen us, so I honked at him. He circled into the parking lot and pulled in beside us. The Mercedes’s passenger window slid down smoothly, and he leaned over to look at me.
“You in the mood for coffee?”
He grinned. “Are you asking me on a date?”
“Not me.” I hooked a thumb over my shoulder. “The coffee lady.”
“Oh! In that case, sure. Lemme call my assistant. Meet you there.”
He closed the window and backed out. I followed him onto the main road and then shot a glance at Allie.
“That turned you on, didn’t it?” I said. “Back there, watching Mark and Mac.”
“A little,” she admitted. “Although…”
“Although…?”
“I like Mark. He’s nice. You make a good team.”
“A good team, huh? Did Christy tell you?”
“Sort of. I mean… Sure, of course she told me.”
“You know,” I mused, “I can always tell when she’s lying.”
Allie turned to face me, eyebrows arched in a challenge. “You think I’m lying to you?”
“Maybe not lying, but you aren’t telling me everything.”
She pretended to consider it, a little too casually, before she shook her head and shrugged.
“Got it,” I said, and tried Christy’s line, “A girl needs a secret every now and then?”
“Oh, I have plenty of secrets,” Allie laughed.
“Mmm. And you’ll share this one when you’re ready.”
Sly grin. “Maybe.”
“Like, after you seduce Mark?”
“Why, sir!” she protested. “You have me confused with some kind of greedy slut.”
“Ha! Good one.”
“Why, the nerve of some people…”
“Now you sound like Eudora Welty.”
“Oh, Papa-Daddy,” she drawled, before she dissolved in a fit of laughter. “God, I love flirting with you.”
“Is that what we’re doing?”
“I dunno, you tell me.”
I glanced at her sideways. “Okay, unzip your dress.”
“Excuse me?”
“You said, ‘you tell me,’ so I’m telling you… unzip your dress.”
“Why?”
“’Cause I wanna see if you’re wearing a bra or not.”
We were higher than most of the cars around us, but Allie still looked around as she unbuckled her seatbelt. Then she smirked and lowered the zipper, just enough to show me the valley between her breasts.
“Good. A little more…”
She did, and the dress parted in a wide V to show the inner curve of each breast. She shifted slightly, and I caught the edge of a pink nipple.
“More…”
She stopped at her navel, although she didn’t object when I slid a hand into her dress. I squeezed her right breast and massaged gently. She sighed, and her nipple grew stiff under my fingers.
“I’ll make you a deal,” I said after a moment. “You can suck two dicks—”
Her eyes flew open.
“Mine twice, or…”
“Or…?” she repeated huskily.
“Mine once and Mark’s once.”
“Oh, God.”
“Mmm. I thought so. Want me to ask him?”
“No! I mean… no, please. No, thank you. I— We’re— I mean, we’re just friends.”
I grinned. “Where’ve I heard that before?”
“I mean it this time. We’re just friends.”
“You could be friends with benefits.” I nodded at Mark’s car, which had just turned into Starbucks. “He and Leah have a similar arrangement. One phone call…”
“No,” Allie breathed. “I shouldn’t. I mean— It’s tempting, but… I can’t. I—”
I pulled into a parking space and turned off the engine.
“Are you sure…? Last chance.”
“I’m sure,” Allie said at last. “One dick. Yours. Twice.” She forced a smile, but her breathing was just a little bit quicker than before. Then she remembered to zip up her dress, although now anyone could tell that she wasn’t wearing a bra.
“Let me know if you change your mind,” I chuckled. “One phone call, two men… all yours.”
✧ ✧ ✧
“Thank you for not saying anything,” Allie said after we left the coffee shop. “I mean, you figured it out, obviously, but…”
I waited. “But…?”
“I’m not sure I can explain. It feels like everything’s moving so fast. I mean… You and I just— Well, you know. You were there. And I’ve only been divorced a few months—”
“Six,” I countered, “and separated a year.”
“Yeah, okay. And things were going downhill long before he moved out. Still… I just feel…”
“Like I’m pushing you?”
“No, no! Not that,” she said automatically.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Sorry about that. I’ll chill.”
“Okay, maybe you are, but sometimes I need a little push. Like the ‘just friends’ thing. I’m pretty happy with how things turned out.”
“Thanks. Me too.”
“No, I mean things’re moving fast everywhere else. Like, what if I’m not the same person I was back in college? I mean, we all do crazy things, but then we grow out of it.”
Or not, the little head said, and I checked the side mirror to hide an eye-roll. Leave it to Mr. Big to make it all about him. Fortunately, Allie was too preoccupied to notice.
“I mean, that was, like, fifteen years ago. Oh, God, has it really been that long?”
“Time flies when you’re having fun?”
“When does the fun part begin?”
“A couple of days ago,” the little head said through my mouth. I wanted to strangle him, and not in a good way.
“God, no kidding!” Allie laughed.
Nyah! Told you so!
“I shouldn’t’ve waited so long. I do feel a bit greedy, though, like I’m taking advantage of the situation. Or taking something that doesn’t belong to me. Christy made it pretty clear that she’s okay with it, though, and I know you are.”
Me too, the little head added. You know, in case you were wondering.
I wasn’t.
Okay, but I thought you might’ve forgotten.
I haven’t.
I could really use some attention.
I know. You keep reminding me.
I’m just making sure.
Mmm.
Any idea…? I mean, when…?
No clue. Now, will you kindly shut the fuck up.
Allie fell silent, and I frantically wondered if I’d spoken aloud. Then she nodded in the direction we were going.
“…which is why I wanna get tested. I never thought condoms were a big deal, but I guess they weren’t my problem before. I saw one, the whole time I was in high school. I carried it around in my purse, hidden in a pill compact. Does that count?”
“Oh, that’s right,” I chuckled. “It’s hard to imagine you as a nerd.”
“Well, I was.”
“Still… you didn’t use them in college?”
“Hardly ever. We knew about AIDS, but it was still a gay thing.”
“There are lots of other STDs.”
“Oh, I know! Now. But— It sounds so naïve… But back then, things like syphilis and gonorrhea were for girls from the wrong side of the tracks. We— Well, you know. You were there in the eighties. You remember what it was like.”
“Yeah, I do. A lot’s changed since then.”
“As long as you aren’t judging me.”
“No, that wasn’t what I meant. I’m a little surprised you didn’t use them for the parties—”
“What? No, that was the whole point! Condoms are the real world… sex in missionary, lights off, guy on top… and only one! I didn’t want any of that. I wanted fantasy. Two guys at once… three… more! With the lights on! Porn sex, not condoms!” She laughed when she heard herself but didn’t demur.
“Right. Fair enough.”
“That being said,” she continued in a calmer voice, “I guess I’m older now, so I want something different. I want… intimacy, although not like you think. I’m not looking for a husband or anything—”
“I know what you meant.”
“Good.” She paused to frame her next thought. “I didn’t realize how much I missed it, just a man and a woman…”
A penis and a vagina.
You want attention. Got it.
“…seems so clinical when we have to use a condom.”
“You won’t get any argument from me.”
“Okay, now that you mention it… how’s it work with your girlfriends? Or should I say your other girlfriends?”
“Do we use condoms, you mean?”
“Well, yeah… but… let’s go back a bit. What’m I? A girlfriend? Friend-friend? With benefits? Never mind. We already know about the benefits. So, what do you call Leah?”
“Complicated.”
Allie rolled her eyes at my glib reply. “You know what I mean.”
I nodded and didn’t explain. My relationship with Leah was complicated, and some part of me didn’t want to admit how I really felt about her. I might be tempted to act on it if I did.
“You know what Christy calls her? Your other wife.”
I nodded again, acknowledgment rather than admission, but Allie wasn’t ready to let it go. She loved a good story, after all.
“I saw the way you looked at McKenna, back at drop off.”
“Yeah. She’s practically our fourth daughter.” And I could love her without thinking about the stars, or what might’ve happened if they’d aligned differently.
“Okay,” Allie said slowly. “If you won’t tell me about Leah, then what about Tiffanie? She’s your girlfriend, right? God, that sounds so… high school… like you’re going together. Is that what you and I are doing? Going together?”
“That depends,” I said neutrally. “What do you want? I mean, are we just hooking up? A couple of one-night stands? A regular thing?” Like, perhaps, if you join the group?
“I— I don’t know,” she admitted.
“Neither do I. Not yet, at least.”
“It feels like a regular thing. I mean, I wanna get tested, don’t I? But yeah… for now I guess we’re hooking up.” She snorted a laugh. “That sounds funny when I say it—like ‘no diggity’—but it’s what kids say these days. Oh, God, listen to me! I sound like an old lady now.”
“I know what you mean,” I chuckled.
“Did you pick it up from Tiffanie?”
“What?”
“The phrase, hooking up.”
“Yeah, probably.”
Allie nodded. “We still need to answer the question: What’re we doing here? And what do we call each other?”
“Well, that’s easy. We’re friends, for sure. With benefits.”
“Obviously,” she grinned. “I don’t let my other friends grope me in the Starbucks parking lot.”
“Why not? You might like it. Certain friends, at least.”
She laughed but didn’t rise to the bait.
“As far as the rest,” I continued seriously, “I suppose we can figure it out as we go. I mean, I don’t think of you as my girlfriend—”
“I’m too old.”
“Not really.”
“No, I am. Like I said, ‘girlfriend’ feels so immature. But I’m not your lover. That makes it sound like we’re cheating—”
“Which we aren’t,” I agreed.
“Right. So… what did you call Miss Li? Or the heiress? They’re closer to my age, aren’t they?”
“Well, ‘Miss Li’ is Genevieve. At least, she was. I haven’t talked to her since she moved. But that’s not what you asked. We were friends with benefits.”
Allie nodded.
“The same with ‘the heiress,’ only… she doesn’t like to be called that.”
“Oh. Okay. No problem. I’ll—” Allie blinked in surprise. “I don’t actually know her name.”
“Alexa.”
“Christy never said. She always called her ‘the heiress.’”
“I’m not surprised. She… um…” I tried to find a polite way to say what I was thinking. “I guess she’s a little jealous.”
“Jealous? Who? Christy? Of—? Sorry, of Alexa? But… I mean… Why?”
Christy had never come right out and said it, but I knew how she felt. We’d been married twenty years, after all. She also tried to downplay it, and I pretended it wasn’t an issue. Her reasons were obvious, while mine were selfish, which I didn’t like to admit.
I enjoyed spending time with Alexa, and I definitely enjoyed having sex with her, but it was more than that. We had a no-strings relationship, and I didn’t have to think about it. She was a guilty pleasure, an escape, more than any woman I’d slept with since college. I was the same for her, a vacation from her high-profile life and all the headaches that entailed.
“Forget I asked,” Allie said, a little perturbed.
“What? Oh, no! Sorry. I was woolgathering.” I thought back and picked up where I’d gone missing. “Why’s she jealous? Honestly? A dumb reason, but it’s classic Christy, if that makes sense.”
“Well, if it’s ‘classic Christy,’ then it’s probably superficial. So… is it about her looks? Alexa’s?”
“Right in one.”
“For real? But Christy’s gorgeous! I write about women half her age who’d kill for a body like hers!”
“Maybe on the outside.”
Allie thought about it and nodded. “Yeah, I see what you mean. Basic human nature. You think everyone else is perfect and you’re the one who’s messed up.”
“Mmm hmm.”
“So… what’s this Alexa like? I mean, she must be a supermodel or something.”
“Close.”
Allie’s eyebrows rose with each passing moment that I didn’t elaborate. “For real?”
“Yep.”
“A supermodel?” she repeated.
“More like a celebrity, but yeah.”
“Okay, now you have to tell me.”
I signaled to change lanes. We needed to turn, and I used it as an excuse to avoid the question.
“Oh my God! Seriously?” Allie laughed.
“I don’t like to kiss and tell.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Besides, I need to keep some things private. Otherwise you’ll lose interest and find another guy to sleep with.”
“I’m thinking about it now,” she threatened playfully. “Mark’s pretty hot. And I know he’s interested. Or Trip. His wife’s out of town too, you know. He doesn’t like blowjobs as much, but I’ve heard he eats pussy like a champ.”
“His words exactly,” I chuckled, “but good luck with that.”
The little head actually face-palmed.
“He’s in the middle of the playoffs,” I added quickly. “He doesn’t do anything that gets in the way of baseball. I mean, why d’you think Wren picked this week for swim camp? She’s like me—she needs to get laid every day, and she knew it wasn’t gonna happen while Trip’s team is in the running.”
Better. Now, get back in there! I need some attention— Ah-ah! From a lady this time. I know you…, he warned.
I chuckled and didn’t deny it. Then I returned to the task of digging myself out of a hole. That I’d dug. For myself. (Yeah, it sounded bad when I put it like that.)
“Mark is definitely interested,” I told Allie. “And I’m sure he’d love to join us. Maybe tomorrow night—?”
“What! Who said anything about tomorrow night?”
“I did.”
“Right,” she deadpanned.
“I know we haven’t talked about it, but you’re welcome to stay to the end of the week. It’s a lot more convenient, especially with dance camp.”
Allie nodded slowly.
“Leah’s still in Washington,” I hinted, “and McKenna’s in the same camp.”
“You think they should spend the night too? The rest of the week? Is that it?”
“Maybe not the rest of the week, but tomorrow night. Wait, hear me out. We’ll invite them for dinner. Mark’ll know what’s up.”
“I bet!” Allie laughed, and I realized she wasn’t as upset as she wanted me to think.
“Right. He’ll know what’s up. Besides, it’s a long drive home from our place…”
“And they usually spend the night,” she finished. “Wow. I walked into that, didn’t I?”
“Kinda, yeah.”
She grinned at me sideways. “I still think we’re moving too fast…”
“But…?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Awesome!” We shared a grin before mine slowly disappeared. “Now’s probably a good time to warn you… my attitude is about to change. Drastically. I’m fine once we get inside, but… you’ll see.”
✧ ✧ ✧
I slowed as we approached the clinic and scanned the sidewalk for religious zealots and sign-toting protesters. Sure enough, three of them stood near the entrance to the parking lot. I even recognized one of the regulars, a diehard, self-righteous scold who gave Christians everywhere a bad name.
Part of me wanted to do the world a favor and run him over. I could get all three if I didn’t mind taking out a few shrubs. Then again, the landscaping served a useful purpose, so I settled for pointing out the useless people instead.
“Onward, Christian soldiers.”
Allie frowned. “Huh?”
“The pro-lifers.”
“Oh. What about them?”
“They’re marching as to war. This is their Crusade.”
“They’re just passionate,” Allie said.
“Maybe, but not about what you think.”
“Stopping abortion?”
“Then why don’t they support easy access to birth control? Or better sex education in schools? I mean, the best way to stop abortion is to prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place, right? But that isn’t what they want. No, they just want to force their twisted morality on everyone. Only, it hasn’t existed since The Scarlet Letter. Heck, it didn’t exist then.”
“I haven’t read it since high school,” she said. “But… what’s it have to do with these people?”
“Pro-lifers aren’t ‘passionate Christians.’ They’re misogynists hiding behind religion. They only want to terrorize women and control their bodies.”
“Okay, I give!” Allie laughed. “I’m on your side anyway.”
“Yeah, sorry. I told you… I get riled up every time I come here.”
Fortunately, the clinic was private property, and the Puritan Inquisition couldn’t approach the entrance without being arrested. Besides, Allie and I were a middle-aged couple, and I was spoiling for a confrontation. The zealots only harassed single women who were desperate and vulnerable.
The security guard at the entrance recognized me and nodded. He was an older Black man, an Air Force vet and former police sergeant with the ironic name of Arthur Dimsdale. I chatted with him sometimes, especially when I visited by myself.
He and his wife had raised two sons and put them through college. These days they spoiled their grandkids. On Saturday he smoked a brisket and made dinner so his wife could play Spades with her friends. On Sunday he sang in the church choir. Monday through Friday he guarded a women’s health clinic.
I liked him. He was a good Christian, a real one. He didn’t wear his beliefs on his sleeve, didn’t carry a sign, and definitely didn’t accost people for having different ones. He was too polite to come right out and say it, but his presence at the clinic was a silent rebuke to the protestors.
I greeted him as we approached, “Hey, Art. Sorry if I put you on high alert.”
“Every time,” he chuckled in his Johnny Cash bass. “You get out of the car like you’re lookin’ for a fight.”
“That’s because I am.”
“They aren’t worth it. You know that.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t change how I feel.”
“Can’t argue with that. You doin’ all right?”
“I am, thanks. You?”
“Can’t complain.” He nodded politely to Allie, “Ma’am.”
“Good to see you again,” I said to him. “Say hi to your wife.”
“You do the same.” His eyes crinkled with amusement. He’d seen me with at least four different women over the years, and Mother Dimsdale hadn’t raised no dummy. He didn’t know exactly what my lifestyle was, but he didn’t have a problem with it. This Arthur Dimsdale was the exact opposite of his Puritan namesake.
I opened the door for Allie and felt better already.
“I know I should’ve said something before now,” she said quietly, “but… do I need an appointment?”
“Not for a walk-in test.”
“Okay, thanks. And thanks for coming with me.”
“No problem. I need to get tested again anyway.”
She smiled nervously and looked around the waiting area. It looked like any other doctor’s office.
“I thought it would look like a fortress or something.”
“Nope. It’s a regular clinic. They have more bomb threats than most, and the crazies sometimes pose as patients, but it’s business as usual once you get inside.” I added our names to the testing list and passed the clipboard to the woman behind the counter.
“Go ahead and have a seat,” she said. “Someone will call your name when they’re ready for you.”
“Now we wait,” I said to Allie.
“How long will it take?”
“You don’t have another appointment, do you?”
She rolled her eyes. “No, the test itself.”
“I know. Sorry. I was trying to lighten the mood. Anyway, it’s fairly quick. Start with a questionnaire and routine physical exam. Then draw blood, pee in a cup, and swab your cheek. After that you’re all done. Wait for the results. Easy peasy.”
“When will we find out? I mean, do they have to send it off to the lab? Never mind, stupid question. Of course they do. But… I mean…?”
“The HIV test is the one we really care about, and it’s fairly quick. We’ll have those results in twenty-four hours. The others might take longer, but most of us are willing to fudge a bit, especially if we know the person. Besides, antibiotics will kill most normal things.”
“Are you speaking from experience?”
“Me? God, no! I’ve been lucky. Well, lucky and careful.”
“What about the others?”
“The same,” I said. “Zero infections.”
“That’s good to know.”
“We’re careful.”
“Obviously,” she agreed.
“We’ve had some scares over the years, but none amounted to anything.”
“What happened?”
“Oh, the usual things.” She scoffed politely, and I conceded the point, “Yeah, fair enough. We have different ideas of ‘usual.’”
The door opened before Allie could ask any more questions, and my friend stuck her head out. She smiled when she saw me, although she had to double-check her clipboard for Allie’s name.
“Paul and… Allison?”
“That’s us,” I said.
“I know. C’mon back.”
I waited until the door closed to make introductions.
“Lori, this is Allison—”
“Allie to my friends,” she said automatically.
“Allie, this is Lori, our friend at the clinic.”
Lori looked like a thirty-something Britney Spears, with the same blonde hair and brown eyes. Her figure was the MILF version of the pop star’s, and I didn’t feel like a dirty old man for ogling her. She even managed to make blue scrubs look sexy.
She caught me looking and rolled her eyes, but it was a friendly gesture, a game we played. She knew my taste in women and fit it perfectly, but she was happy with her husband.
“Are you here for the usual?” she asked.
“Yes, please. And it’s Allie’s first time, so—”
“Be gentle?” She leaned close to her and confided, “He says the same thing every time. I hope he’s more original in bed.”
Allie blinked in surprise.
“You’re welcome to find out,” I said.
“What would you do if I said yes?” Lori taunted.
“Take you up on it, duh!”
“Now he’s going to say that my husband’s a lucky man.”
“He is.”
“Tell him that!” Lori laughed.
“He’s crazy if he doesn’t know it already.”
“Oh, he does.”
“And if you ever get sick of monogamy, you know who to call.”
“BR-549?”
“You got it!”
✧ ✧ ✧
To be continued…
✧ ✧ ✧
Acknowledgements
Special thanks to Big Ed Magusson.
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Comments
Thanks Nick
Thank you. I remember reading another story (long time ago) where the character talking/listening to himself was the main thrust (?) and central theme.
Nick Scipio
Heh, probably not. The little head is Paul's way of keeping himself honest (and poking fun at his ego).
Hey Nick- don't want to be a pain, but sometimes there are glitches. Are you posting today?
Thank you Nick! It might seem like an odd question, but should I worry about Paul talking too much to himself?
