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B2 - Chapter 25: Bringer of Fire

🕑 Added 2024-09-19 16:53:47 +0000 UTC

Comments

White Rose

I see your point. I liked the line and had intended for a lengthy beatdown. But as I started writing it, it hit me really hard that Al'Ruzan is a DUELIST from a warrior culture raised to be a preeminent fighter. He has to give a bit of a showing or it takes away from his own character in a fundamental way. Not sure what the best middle ground is but I'll give it a think to see if I want to change how this chapter starts or not. To be fair, Terry does kick his ass lol.

Andrew Simpson

I think that's fair. It was a great line but it also felt like the conclusion to that thought. Especially because Al'Ruzan briefly fights back in this chapter, feels like the tension curve doesn't line up. That being said I DO like both that line, and the ass kicking that occured in this chapter.

Monadologist

The last line from the last chapter > Then, he really started kicking Al’Ruzan’s ass. feels like it was ret-conned a bit too quickly. It feels like it promised one form of resolution, and this chapter zigged off in a completely different direction.

White Rose

Yeah good point

Andrew Simpson

It wasn't mentioned last chapter either. Considering last chapter only encompassed like fifteen minutes or something it wasn't that surprising, but I was expecting him to reflect on it when he got ousted. Maybe conclude this bit from two chapters ago with a mention of Terry getting the cube and storing it on his person? -- “Hey! That’s mine!” He moved to grab the cube that he assumed contained the Singularity, but his limbs betrayed him, a splash of new fire washing across his chest. The girl pulled away instinctively, glanced down at the cube, then held it out silently. -- I didn't conclude that this was Terry reobtaining the cube, and we never circle back to it. I actually thought it was her offering it to Terry, and then him getting sidetracked meeting Juan.

White Rose

Thanks for reminding me. I forgot to track in the chapter but he DOES have it on him still. I'll update the chapter to reflect that.

Andrew Simpson

What ever happened to the singularity? I know it was put in the filter and then when Terry woke up he was like "hey that's mine!" But then what? Does he have it with him?


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