BobOfTheHedgeField
patreon
My New Musical Career has a Couple of Health Concerns
🕑 Added 2025-05-23 05:33:46 +0000 UTCUgh, my head. I knew I shouldn’t have done that gig. I was the world’s most middle of the road instrument player, and damn was I proud of it. I’d filled in for bands who were down a member, always filling in for a buddy or whoever needed it. I could play piano, bass, trumpet, and drums. I wasn’t the best at any of them but I could do it.
Now you’re probably wondering why I shouldn’t have taken that gig, right? Well the answer was easy. I’d been invited to sing. I was a pretty shitter singer but I’d accepted anyways. It was supposed to just be a singing for some random bar, it would be fine if I wasn’t the best, right?
Well you can probably tell where this is going, but I’d been thrown out. Apparently it was pretty high class and because I was the ‘Jack of All Trades’ my buddy just assumed I could sing, when I couldn’t.
Always was something I’d wanted to be able to do, but I just couldn’t dammit! I slammed the drink on the counter of the bar across the street and threw some money on the bar.
I’m Jack Dubois, Half-French American on the norm and currently drunk off my ass. Walking out of the bar I’d accidently bumped the bouncer and muttered an apology. Luckily the massive man didn’t seem to care and just softly pushed me out of the way.
A random non-violent drunk leaving wasn’t worth the trouble after all. The slight adjustment nearly caused me to trip, but I’d caught myself before falling on my face. However by adjusting my movement I ended up spinning into the street where I saw a truck moving towards my face.
Then darkness encompassed my vision. Fuck I knew I should have listened to my sister, quitting drinking should have been the first thing I did after turning seventeen (yes of course I drank before twenty one!)
Shame I’ll never get to see her again. Well unless I can get out of this dark void and back to my reality.
Sitting in the void I'd contemplated my life choices and come to a simple conclusion. I should have chased my passions more. I haven’t been completely honest with you voices in my head, I didn’t just do gig work. I was a damn fast food worker full time. I didn’t do music for the money, I did it because I liked it. Squeezing it wherever I could.
The joy of sharing a song with someone was something that pushed me forward in my day to day life. I was humming, tapping my foot, or doing something with rhythm whenever I could. Had to get my fix somewhere, right?
The real reason I’d accepted that vocalist stunt was because I’d wanted to sing, but I couldn’t do that.
Though it wasn’t just music. I loved art. Stories, Paintings, really anything relating to the culture humanity has shared throughout history. It’s just that music was the only thing I had even a fragment of talent in.
Now I’m dead. What a story right?
[Welcome to the Game]
[Please select your class from the suitable options]
[Fighter]
[Rogue]
[Ranger]
[Wizard]
[Bard]
I don’t hesitate in front of the hallucination. My eyes ignore the struck out options, the first one barely being a second thought. I slam my hand on Bard like I couldn’t waste another moment.
I wanted to be a Bard. That was a fundamental facet of who I was.
[Class selected. Initialization complete. Good luck.]
[Status]
Name: Jackson Dubois
Class: Bard 1
STR: 11
DEX: 12
CON: 12
INT: 10
WIS: 11
CHR: 13
Skills:
Bardic Inspiration I
Jack of All Trades I
Seriously? Jack of All Trades? With a sigh I look around as I realize I’m still stuck in the dark void. Then I feel the sting of light and I bring a hand up to my face as my eyes peel open.
Where the hell am I? I blinked widely as I took in my surroundings. I’m in a classroom. There’s an elderly man teaching some pretty basic variable math on the board. 2x = 4 type shit. My expression flattens as I look around. No one really stands out- does that kid have a fucking swastika on his arm?
My jaw drops before I go back to looking out the window. This shit looks awful. I catch a hint of myself in the mirror and I can’t help but cringe as realization starts to dawn on me.
https://i.postimg.cc/BbGWw7ws/177a48554514f2ac1e968e17ee51c241.jpg
I pat down the loose sprig of hair jutting from my head as I notice that I’ve been (probably) isekai’d and deaged. The only question is where am I? My eyes slowly scan back to the professor as he dismisses class.
I rise from my seat, and then I pause. I have no idea where I’m going. I walk out of the school with blank eyes until I see more of those fucking nazi’s, some kind of asian gang members? Can’t really tell but they are wearing christmas colors. Tons of kids getting high, a few people posturing, and then there’s the sign covered in graffiti.
Winslow High School.
Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously? Worm? Of all the bad luck I had to be in goddamn Worm? I’d read fanfiction about it, sure. But fanfiction is unreliable at best. I start moving and realize I have no idea where I live, a sense of anger starting to take hold of me as I move.
Then I see it. A Yellow Portal near a warehouse. Am I in an alternate universe? I raise an eyebrow at the thing as a menu pops up. The game at least not being a hallucination from earlier.
[Amber City of Tightropes]
[This massive city used thousands of rope elevators to facilitate travel between its beautiful districts. However the city’s once vibrant spirit and culture has been broken. The countless ropes have been turned into nooses by the invading Baron as a cruel display of power. Fight through his legion, and allow the city to rebuild from this nightmare.]
[Stage One Unlocked]
[Dolls]
What the fuck. What the fuck. What the- ok that’s enough. I stare at the portal as my face pales. Is this supposed to be some kind of dungeon? What kind of sick fuck designed this shit? I slowly approach it and stare blankly into its yellow void.
So this is my power then.
I selected the first stage. Dolls. Maybe I should have prepared better, or maybe I should have avoided the portal entirely. However I’d stepped through the glowing thing with anticipation for the future in my heart.
If I wanted to survive I needed to be strong. I needed to be more. I needed to be a Bard that could kill a God.
[Clear Sulphur Doll 0/50]
[Clear Silver Doll 0/20]
[Clear Executioner Doll 0/1]
[Secret Objective: ???]
[Secret Objective: ???]
[Secret Objective: ???]
I was instantly hit with the scent of sulphur as I passed through. I found myself leaning against a stone wall as I stared off in the distance and past the menu that had suddenly appeared beside me. Looking over the edge of the street was a massive rope elevator, and stuck inside its gears and wheels were-
I threw up on the ground as I stared in horror at the crushed bodies, they weren’t human but that didn’t matter. The organs of whatever they were had been crushed in the wheels, necks hung, and countless shattered grey stones that must have been their flesh scattered about. The dried blood indicative of an old scar upon this city. Then I heard the giggling. A creature about two feet in length, with metallic claws and a burlap sack for a body started crawling towards me while dragging a rope behind itself.
“I never should have come here.” It smiled revealing rotting yellow teeth and aimed its maw at me. In an instant a glob of yellow flew towards me and I felt something stir in my heart. Basic combat instincts were ingrained into me, nothing crazy, but enough to dodge a slow moving projectile.
Could it be Jack of All Trades? My breathing grew heavy at the scent of sulphur and I did what anyone rational would have done. I ran down an alley and got the fuck out of there. My running form was better than I’d expected, no doubt thanks to the skill I’d gained from the system.
I’d kept moving as the thing laughed at me over and over again until it turned to a cackle. Then I heard the scurrying of metal claws upon the stone ground. Not one one ‘Doll’ if they could even be called that. No it was at least thirty of the little fucks.
Then suddenly I’d been grabbed by a massive metallic hand and pulled inside a building. A huge glowing gun aiming directly at my head from the figure. Their face pulsed with amber energy as I let out a gasp of terror.
https://i.postimg.cc/rFZTqjDG/notln-451.png
“Who Are You?” The voice was heavily distorted yet vaguely feminine and felt like it was getting shoved straight into my brain with an icepick. I brought a hand up to my brain as a few other figures in the room drew my attention.
https://i.postimg.cc/hjswp4x8/AmberRed.png
Three hulking amber forms shot fear into my heart. Is this how I die?
“Speak Meatling. Why have you come to our city?”
For a moment I pause as my eyes glaze over in anger. I came to this city to kill someone, at least I’ll die with a fragment of honor in my story.
“I’m killing that fucking Baron.” The gun trembles and there’s a pause as the metal golem lady speaks in a language I don’t understand to an oddly dressed amber figure. Ritualistic like robes upon their body.
The gun lowers as the ritualist nods.
“Good. What can you do?” A breath leaves my mouth, as my expression twists in confusion then realization. Those broken rocks, the shattered grey stones . . . these beings must lose their color when they die. Also a lie detector wizard?
However I pause as I register the question.
“I’m decent at most things and I have Bardic Inspiration if that means anything to you.” The figure crouches against the floor in the small room and I get a proper look of who is actually around me. There are four figures in this room in total.
One amber figure in odd robes, the armored lady, and someone who has two massive cleavers on their back.
The armored hulk gives me an expressionless look as she turns to the robed one. They exchange words for a moment before she turns back to me.
“We have no fucking idea what that means” I mutter a swear under my breath at the words. That sucks ass . . . but I do know how to get out here. Well probably.
“I want to kill those dolls for now, I think . . . I think it will make me stronger.” There’s a low humming grunt, completely unlike a human but I got the message of disbelief from the hulking mass of metal.
“We’re running a strike in five. Stay here or come with us. Doesn’t make a difference Meatling.” Well I’ll be sticking with the people who have weapons for now. Going without them just sounds stupid.
I give a nod at her words and suddenly a little beep sounds through my brain.
[Secret Objective Succeeded. Ally yourself with the remnants of the Amber Guard.]
My eyes widened at the sudden alert. These Amber Guard fellows are part of a group then.
“Refer to me as Bellion. The Magi is Sveet, and the silent guy is Cleaver. They won’t be able to understand your Meatling language but they’ll understand their names. If you die it's on you. Stay close and make yourself useful.”
She stares in my eyes as I give a determined nod. I think I just joined a rebellion. She kicks open the door and charges out, instantly smashing the body of a doll against the wall before rushing down the road. Sveet and Cleaver follow close behind and I try to keep pace with them, but they are way faster than me.
Cleaver grabs me by the scruff of my shirt and throws me on their shoulder as we move. Sveet says something to them and Cleaver throws them a glare in response.
“T-thank you- LOOK OUT!” Words of power leave my mouth as I spot a massive axe fly towards the leading hulk. She barely moves out of the way in time, her helmet is hit from the top downwards. It goes flying off revealing another golem but with long topaz braids.
Sveet looks at me in shock for a moment before yelling something to Bellion whose face seems to open in shock. Only then does it hit me- how am I reading these people without them being humans? Question for later!
Countless dolls start to fire sulphuric balls at us and Cleaver starts ripping through the ones that get close. Additionally, larger dolls with silver fangs and claws start to face Sveet and put them on the backfoot as they start firing rocks that form from nothing.
Words enter my mind again but this time like a jackhammer.
“GIVE COMMANDS MEATBAG, I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING BUT KEEP DOING IT.” My nose starts to bleed but I obliged the command nonetheless.
“CLEAVER, protect the Magi’s flank-” I’m not fast enough. Sweet's left arm is torn from their body but somehow I see the ghost of a smile upon their blank face. The arm explodes into shrapnel as the Silver Doll is ripped to shreds.
I hear lasers start to fire towards the executioner but Bellion is kicked in the chest before I can react. Her armor cracks and she is sent flying out of it. She breaks off a shard from her amber leg and digs it into the head of a nearby doll.
“FOCUS.” It hurts again and it brings me back out of my fugue. I take a deep breath and shout.
“We can’t take down the executioner like this. Focus on dealing with the Silver fucks so we can secure an escape route. We can not die here.” The command rings out with a dead calm on my face. The actions of the team are somehow enhanced beyond what I presume is the norm.
Bellion brings her foot thing down on a silver fuck and its snapped in half, just as she’s about to get hit with a ball of sulphur a earthen shield appears and takes the shot. Cleaver throws me in the air and I’m stunned.
Then he disappears as my eyes widen. Three silvery fucks drop dead as he flies in from outside my view and snags me again. I let out a breath from the sudden impact but quickly collect myself.
Then an axe is brought down. Sveet’s skull is crushed into scraps of amber, the light that once permeated their form dimming quickly. Multiple gunshots are fired by Bellion at the huge executioner doll. I give a command to her as fast as I can.
“ESCAPE.” She just barely dodges a grab from the thing and jumps towards Cleaver and I. Cleaver starts to fall and below us is a now rapidly growing pit of yellowy acid.
There’s a look exchanged between the two I can’t describe. It’s one of agreement, acceptance, and then finally of determination.
I’m handed off mid flight to Bellion who then kicks off Cleaver in order to launch us onto a building. I look down at the amber figure who is rapidly ripped apart by dolls.
“Figures.” I turn to her in confusion.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Encountered an Executioner. We were fucked from the start, kid.” My eyes are pulled away from the wall, dolls rapidly climbing upwards and the Executioner makes its way up with its baggy head staring at Bellion with a deep bloodlust. She lets out a low chuckle as she stares at me.
“You never should have come here. See you in another life, kid.” She fires the gun as hate takes my soul in a way I couldn’t imagine.
“Are you just giving up? After everyone’s sacrifice?” She lets out a sorry gasping sound that borders a chuckle.
“Nah, just taking out as many as I can with me.” She removes the core from her gun hops into the swarm. An explosion shakes the building nearly causing me to fall off.
A ping enters my mind.
[Clear Sulphur Doll 49/50]
[Clear Silver Doll 20/20. Primary Objective Succeeded, you may now exit at your leisure.]
[Secret Objective Failed. Remnants of the Amber Guard have died.]
I-i can leave? My brain swims for a moment as one of the dolls looks at me. It's missing an army and a leg. A broken shard of amber that is now gray sits next to me, calling my name as I try to bury my failure and grief for the Amber Guard.
I reach out and pick it up as I spot my objectives. I’m killing one more of these fucks. I’m going to take out at least one more, I’m not letting their deaths be in vain. My mind flashes to the family I’ll never see again, the countless “friends” I’d made and the handful of true friends I’d lost.
I hate the world of Worm, but right now? I hate these dolls more.
“I am going to kill you.”
I fly at the thing to tackle it. It’s size of a small dog gets us into a brawl on the ground. I slam the knife into the burlap bag over and over again and I feel a wetness on my left leg, jaws shredding into my flesh as I strike it.
But the thing just doesn’t fucking DIE. Clamoring sounds come from behind me as a large cloth hand arises over the side of the fully collapsing building.
The executioner appeasers, no axe in hand but it won’t need it to crush me into paste. I start ripping the stuffing out of the doll but it still laughs maniacally as it tries to claw at my neck.
This thing has got to have a weak point!? The doll then gets on top of me and my heart nearly stops. This is it. I won’t be able to figure it out fast enough for me to kill it before the Executioner kills me.
Then I get an insane idea.
“You’re coming with me.” My body is flooded with power at the internal command. I pull my body up and throw it over the edge of the building and start to fall down the six stories. The fall is fast, but I spot a pole.
Upon the pole is the figure of someone who had been hanged, their body a gray stone. I pull back the bile as I position the doll next to me with the pole and suddenly I find it gone from my hands as I fly by and its body is impaled on the massive piece of metal.
[Clear Sulphur Doll 50/50. Primary Objective Succeeded. You may exit at your leisure.]
My head is inches from the ground. Moments away from a splat. I smile manically as though I’d become a doll myself.
Get me the fuck out of here!
Then I’d vanished and returned to the hell world that is Worm. Somehow I’d found Brockton Bay safer than that city.
[Status]
Name: Jackson Dubois
Class: Bard 1 -> 3
STR: 11
DEX: 12
CON: 12
INT: 10
WIS: 11
CHR: 13
Skills:
Bardic Inspiration I
Jack of All Trades I
[For defeating the Sulphur Dolls. Gain a skill point. Gain associated equipment.]
[For defeating the Silver Dolls. Gain a compatible skill. Gain a skill point. Gain associated equipment.]
[For completing Secret Objective (Ally yourself with the remnants of the Amber Guard) Gan associated equipment.]
[Performance Reward: None]
[Choose to upgrade Bardic Inspiration or Jack of All Trades]
[Choose Bardic Composition or Thousand Words]
[Choose two from Sulphur Rake, Silver Rake, Hood of the Hangman, and Cowl of the Hangman.]
[Choose Amber Talon, or Geomancy: Earthen Bones]
I let out a breath as blood slowly leaves my body. I’m not in the dungeon anymore, I’m back in front of the warehouse and it's the middle of the night. My eyes glaze over slightly in exhaustion as I stare at the menu in front of me. I see geomancy and raise an eyebrow. Magic? I-what?
I pick it without hesitation and a menu pops up. The blood loss nearly caused me to go delirious as I realized I’d just selected an equipment not an ability.
[Geomancy: Earthen Bones]
The standardized texts of the Amber Guard focused on civil work rather than combat usage of Geomancy. Aavadri have high inherent earth affinity and pick up such knowledge quite quickly. More details lie inside.
I tear off my shirt and fashion it into a makeshift wrapping around my leg, Jack of All Trades helping out with the process. I toss my two points into Jack of All Trades and Bardic Inspiration as I work.
“Don’t die.” The words alongside my newly enhanced skills help greatly and I feel exhausted while I lean against the wall. At least It’s not getting much worse now. I’m shirtless, and it's cold out. This sucks.
I turn back to the menu and look between Bardic Composition and Thousand Words.
Thousand Words? I know more than that . . . I think the blood loss is getting to me. I pick Bardic Composition and suddenly I feel weird. My eye twitches as I feel the ability to understand magic filters in. But the magic is . . . odd.
Bardic Composition is the ability to form spells by invoking deep emotions instead of magical knowledge. Way more ‘it just works because it does’ rather than the normal magic coding.
How do I know that? Came with the package I guess. The problem is bardic tomes are rare and the small number of people who even use this type of magic end up just having to convert different types of spells into working with how they cast them.
I reach for the book and it appears in my hand for a moment before I send it back to my kind of inventory. I say kind of because I’d tried to shove a nearby rock inside and it just phased right through.
Now for equipment. I take the Hood without hesitation. I’m in Worm, I need headgear if I want to be a cape. I’m tempted to take the cowl but hesitate. I’d also like a weapon please and thank you.
I take the Silver Rake and then both arrive in my inventory.
[Hood of the Hangman]
The Soldiers of the Hangman Baron wore these impact resistant hoods to hide identity and all facial features from the legions of different golem species they wished to commit genocide against. This hood increases resistance against earth magic.
Stone Breaker Hangman Set Bonus ⅙ +Damage against Golems
[Silver Rake]
A claw from a Silver Doll of the Hangman Baron. These magic resistant creatures were made to be like attack dogs against the armies of Lunar Golems. After the Lunar Golems were slain they were repurposed. This claw is more harmful against creatures related to a Moon, and this claw is also magic resistant.
Stone Breaker Hangman Set Bonus 2/6 +Rope Techniques
That’s fucked up. I got rope skills now? The knowledge is supplemented by Jack of All Trades and I can’t help but grimace. I know exactly how to hang someone now.
Yippee.
I take a look over my new status as I let out a breath of cold air.
Name: Jackson Dubois
Class: Bard 3
STR: 11
DEX: 12
CON: 12
INT: 10
WIS: 11
CHR: 13
Skills:
Bardic Inspiration II
Jack of All Trades II
Bardic Composition I
Equipment:
[Geomancy: Earthen Bones]
[Silver Rake]
[Hood of the Hangman]
Claims:
Stone Breaker Hangman 2/6:
+Damage against Golems
+Rope Techniques
My expression falls flat as I sit on the ground. So what now? I reach into my backpack looking for something to eat but I end up finding a silenced phone with twenty missed calls from someone named ‘Emily’.
Thats. . . that’s my older sister's name. Tears start to fall from my face as I call her and bring the phone to my ear. Everything started to hit at once as I coughed up blood on the ground mixed with vomit.
“Emi, I need you to pick me up.”
AN: For those who don’t know I’ve used this sort of gamer system in other fics portal tiers go white < green < yellow < orange < red < black. Green can kill a new player pretty easily, so yellow is an insane start.
Anyways welcome to my new story, kind of just threw this together for fun and I hope you enjoyed it! Been having fun with this weird nerfed gamer system I made and couldn’t resist making a bard! So there will be NSFW later.
I have a feeling I’ll be coming back here though so I’ve made a thread for this guy.
Please leave some comments or questions if you have any, they help push my writing forward!
Thanks for reading and I’ll catch you next time!
