BobOfTheHedgeField
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First Step in the Arena
🕑 Added 2025-08-06 09:15:20 +0000 UTC[Warning: Some of the following content may not be suitable for children under the ages of eighteeN. Viewer discretion is advised on the following prograM. Thanks for tuning in folkS!]
Ever since I was a young boy I had a dream. A dream so deep that it consumed my entire being. It was a pure dream. One formed from who I was, and who I sought to be.
It was a dream of passion, it was a dream of love, but most of all . . . it was a dream of violence.
I loved fighting. I really, really did! I wanted to fight everyone, to spill some blood, and for my own blood to be spilled. Fists pounding, weapons flying, hearts racing oh the exhilarating rush of battle was something I would never ever forget.
However this ULTIMATE dream had a lot more than one fatal flaw!
I didn’t actually like hurting people that much. Sure, some people deserved the old one two to the face, but the average person on the street? They were just living their life.
It saddened me. It saddened me so deeply that I couldn’t just walk around and beat people up!
First of all, I wanted to fight to the death! A spar just wouldn’t do it! No way! I’d tried doing mixed martial arts, but I got kicked out of every class for ‘going too far’ damn it they just weren’t going far enough!
Secondly was another pretty big issue. If I liked someone, I would feel bad beating them up! It’s not like I wanted to HURT people, I just wanted to fight them to the death! It really pissed me off seeing their pathetic faces while they shuddered in pain, like, fight back! You are being boring and making me feel guilty!
Then was the worst part of all. The most dastardly even! . . . I didn’t really heal that fast. I was a human. Homo Sapiens Sapiens. Evolved Monkey. Meat mechanism that tricked itself into thinking! One life, no take backs!
That was what I was, and damn it I healed slower than my grandma on a Tuesday morning! I couldn’t even revive myself from death! Speaking of which, it was a goddamn Tuesday, the worst day to ever exist. If only I could fight Tuesdays . . . now I sound crazy!
Well maybe I already was crazy. I was sitting in the park throwing rocks into the lake on a goddamn Tuesday evening. I spit in the water. I fucking hate Tuesdays, piece of trash day. They always remind me that the weekend is a marathon away, which means school, which means not looking for a fight, which means no ultimate adrenaline rush where I end up fighting my punching bag and dreaming it was a person.
Tuesdays sucked.
[I couldn’t agree morE.]
Now I’m hearing voices in my head. Great, just great! The brain damage is finally catching up to me!
[What’s so wrong with hearing voiceS? That’s just part of the drama you knoW!]
Because then I don’t know if I’m crazy, and if I’m crazy, then its possible my fight won’t feel as real! That would be the worst! Well, before I fully lose my mind it looks like I’m going to have to go searching for a vagrant to fight to the death. It would be wrong to lose my sanity, instead I’d rather go out with a bang!
[Let’s not be so rasH. I have an offer for yoU. One that would allow you to achieve the dream you so desirE. No strings attached, no sir, not onE!]
I slightly tilted my head at the voice, this was interesting. If a gender neutral voice in my head was offering me a deal, who was I to turn them down? Well, that’s assuming they aren’t a hallucination.
Hey! How do I know you’re not a hallucination?
[That’s the neat parT! You don’T! You just have to trust mE. ;)]
My eyes widened in realization. They somehow just sent me a winky face, injecting it straight into my mind. I could not even conceive of such a reality, which means I could not hallucinate it.
Therefore, this must be real!
Alrighty mysterious voice in my head that I can’t figure out the identity of, I accept your DEAL!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdGkfbvMKZ4&ab_channel=TobyFox-Topic
[Look’s like we’ve got tonight’s BIG winner ladies, germs, and all other forms of bacterium, a once in a lifetime opportunity granted for our lovely audiences viewing pleasurE. That’s right, starting tonight, we have our very own, very new, fresh off the press, GladiatoR!]
Why do you sound like a sports announcer? Also where is that music coming from?
[Let’s explain the rules to our newest contestant, we’ve needed a new one ever since what happened to the last guY! Honestly though, that guy was kind of an bleep oh whoops, the censors are going to kill me folkS!]
My face slowly turned into a small frown. What about the rules!
[You’re absolutely right my new contestant, however don’t you think introductions are more importanT? After all, you’ve just arrived in view of the lenS!]
I nodded my head, that made a lot of sense. Rules can wait, my new viewers needed to know who I was! Do you hear me, viewers? My name is Kimura Vincent-Katsuo, half American, half Japanese of the tiny town of Kuoh!
[And I’m your lovely host, 👌︎⚐︎👌︎⚐︎☞︎❄︎☟︎☜︎☟︎☜︎👎︎☝︎☜︎☞︎✋︎☜︎☹︎👎︎, but please, call me Bob for shortT! Now then, let's get onto the ruleS!]
I hate rules, but I’m willing to listen to Bob! Just so that I can achieve my dream!
[So much passion, so much desirE! What a wonderful contestant, so much better than the lasT! Now then, rule onE! You are our very own GladiatoR! That means that you have the ability to CHALLENGE anyone you desire to a fighT!]
But I could already do that, it's still illegal though . . . right?
[Not exactly my young friend, when you CHALLENGE someone as a GladiatoR . . . well why don’t we give it a shot right noW? See that woman and young man near that fountaiN? Why don’t you give either of them a good old CHALLENGE? Just give em a good old stare and everything you need will flow right into your minD!]
You got it! I stared down the two at the park, and gave a big smile at what flowed straight into my brain!
[Issei Hyoudou]
Perverted Loser
1/10
Challenge?
[Raynare]
Half-Wit Fallen Angel
1/6
Challenge?
That’s pretty cool! So do I get to fight fantasy versions of these random people or something along those lines? Though why is this guy a perverted loser in his fantasy version?
[No, no, not at all my young frienD! Let me let you in on a little secreT! In your wonderful little pocket of the multiverse every mythology has some truth to iT! That woman really is a fallen angel, and that young man really is a perverted loseR! Though with that high of a potential rating, he certainly has room to be so much morE!]
Wow! That’s amazing! Right now, I think I’d just like to blow off some steam. Fighting a fallen angel can come next, so how exactly does this work? Do I just think of the word Challenge?
[You have to say the word aloud, if you fail the CHALLENGE however . . . well why don’t we leave that up to the viewers to tell you or noT! That’s right folks, starting today we have a special call-in segmenT! The most liked comment will be sent directly, and that’s right, I mean DIRECTLY, no strings, not one, right to our very own GladiatoR!]
Who even is the audience- wait a second. I just realized something. That doesn’t matter right now. Right now, I get to beat up this random guy for FREE!
[WoW! FREE folks, just like our wonderful information delivery service is FREE as welL! Though maybe if our ratings improve we might just add an extra special spot for DonorS!]
I think I’m on a game show. Well that’s perfect! Because I don’t intend to lose!
“Challenge!” I yelled the word and both of them suddenly looked towards me as the world broke apart. I found myself in a massive void that seemed to construct something rapidly filling the space I was in, the cheery music fading away into a bleak silence. I was no longer in the park, but instead in a nice humble home. One where I was all alone it would seem! The lights were off, and I was tempted to turn them on . . . though I thought better of it. Instead I picked up a knife from the nearby kitchen first!
I love knives, easy to conceal, easy to stab! What a wonderful weapon. I flicked on the switch and was greeted with a nice atmosphere, a cute tv in the nearby living room and stairs ascending up and up, inviting me to commit murder!
Then I frowned. I was about to fight a ‘perverted loser’. Was a knife really necessary? Would I even get the fight I so desired if I used it? I gave a sweet sight and put it safely back into its knife holder spot.
Nice and snug, just where it should be.
I put my hands on my hips as I stared at it, and then I walked over to the couch and gently ran my hand over it. It felt real, perfectly real, just as the knife did in my hand. It was wonderful. I could assume my Enemy was somewhere in this building, perhaps masturbating? That could be entirely possible- hm? I heard someone slowly move down the stairs as I stared at the exit way from the couch.
Perhaps I was louder than I first thought? Either way, this was perfect.
“Hi! Are you ready to fight to the death?” The footsteps froze, then they bolted down the stairs and into the nearby kitchen where they grabbed the- oh goddamn it. They grabbed the knife! That’s just not fair at all!
The figure was a highschooler, just like me, and I gave him a once over as he started to charge. Wait a second. Wasn’t this one of those super annoying guys at school? Oh! He’s THAT perverted loser! That makes so much sense!
He swung widely, and I reached out and grabbed his neck as he slashed my other arm which I used as a shield. It stung, but more importantly, it felt amazing to no longer have to hold back! I held tightly, and grabbed his other wrist with my bleeding arm as I choked him to death. A joyful smile on my face that rapidly faded.
This wasn’t a fight. This was a goddamn beatdown! This guy is a disappointment in every way! I ripped the knife from his weakening hand and plunged it deep in between the gap in his ribs.
Letting out a small sigh I stood up and repeatedly kicked him in the head once I reached my full height. Blood splattered on my pants, and leaked from my burning arms as his skull became slightly warped from my steel toed shoes.
Then suddenly, a screen appeared and the world faded away.
SUCCESS
Reward: Issei Hyoudou +
Neat. No idea what that means though. I found myself back in the park, and gave a confused expression as it appeared that the other two were back to ignoring me. Didn’t they hear me yell earlier?
[You’ve got it exactly right my young frienD! They didn’t seem to hear your CHALLENGE at all, how strangE!]
Oh cool, so after I do my Challenge time gets rewound a bit, that’s pretty cool! Looking over my body I realized the adrenaline wasn’t working overtime, instead, I was fully healed! That’s pretty dang cool! What’s that plus sign about Bob?
[Rule Two is quite the simple onE. Upon achieving victory in a CHALLENGE, you must be given a REWARD! Isn’t that awesomE? But be warned- ah perhaps you’d consider it a booN? Upon receiving your REWARD, the difficulty of the CHALLENGE will increase, and with it the REWARD!]
Awesome! So if I challenge him again, then it’ll be harder, but I’ll get something cool out of it? Though Bob . . . seriously what’s that plus sign mean?
[A bit of a personal Rule of mine, but I do try to not spoil things too much for our GladiatorS! Why don’t you use that brain meat of yours to try and figure it ouT? Or perhaps you could just CHALLENGE him agaiN?]
My mouth split into a grin. After that little warm up I was itching for more. My eyes practically glowed with bloodlust as I stared at the Perverted Loser. As for round two?
[Issei Hyoudou]
Devilish Perverted Loser
2/10
Well, let’s begin the “Challenge”.
I found myself in the same home, and immediately I gently walked over to the kitchen. Earlier I was excited, but I wasn't careful. However an important rule of getting out of trouble after beating someone up was making sure you weren’t found. Stealth was something I wasn’t great at, but it was something I knew a bit about. I gently glided my feet over the ground, and softly pulled the knife from its sheath. Then I pulled another.
That Perverted Loser wouldn’t fight fair, so I’d bring us both a pair of knives to play around with. Knife fights were pretty fun after all. I clicked on the lights, and gently rolled my shoulders. It was time for another fight. Hopefully this one wouldn’t be a disappointment.
“Hey! I’m here to kill you again!”
I heard shuffling, then my eyes widened in surprise as the devil winged boy flew down the stairs and right into my chest. My reaction was slow, I was cocky. I failed to dodge the attack, and even if I saw it coming I wasn’t certain if I could evade it. My back slammed into the wall in an instant, my own knives nearly digging into my chest from the breakneck movement. The wind nearly knocked out me, my stomach tightening on instinct just barely softening the blow.
I was pinned, and things didn’t look good.
Wonderful. Truly wonderful. This was everything I could have ever wanted! A fight, a real fight against a monster person! Isn’t this amazing?
His hand flew toward my face, an almost slash like movement that I bobbed my head in order to avoid, my left arm was pinned and I could feel blood pooling at the back of my head, so I used my free arm to attempt to steady my grip on the knife only to frown as I realized it was far from my grip.
So I used the next best sharp object I had available. My mouth opened wide, and my teeth dove for his neck, unfortunately a headbutt slammed my head to the side in an instant, stunning me for a moment.
I couldn’t help but smile. This truly was everything I ever wanted.
He didn’t let up the attack, opting to reach towards my throat in an attempt to strangle me just as I had him. Not bad! Though of course I knew a few moves to get out of this situation! I wrung my free arm around his neck and rotated violently, my pinned arm cracked a bit but that was just fine, I didn’t need it at the moment.
I mounted myself upon his back, and got a brief look at my left hand. A few fingers seemed to be fractured, but that was fine. I could heal after this fight anyways! He went to stand up, and he was freakingly strong, easily lifting up the two of us as one of his wings attempted to bat me away, even going so far as to try and throw me over his shoulder.
Instead of clinging on, I let go using my momentum to dive for my other knife. I caught it in a small roll across the ground and got a good look at the opponent who was running me down. He was basically uninjured, and I was actually a little bit disappointed.
Was I physically outclassed by this monster guy? Perhaps I needed to up my training! I silently clenched the knife, a smile dawning upon my face as he seemed to be catching his breath from our previous exchange.
Instead of charging him however my eyes flicked over to the kitchen chair next to me, of which I grabbed with a spinning motion and chucked it straight at him. He moved to the side avoiding the attack, but a glass cup was his newest friend as it broke into shards as it slammed into his arms that he brought up in defense.
I charged, my knife diving towards his neck as his arm moved from his view. He was face to face with the knife now, and he could do nothing as it shredded his throat. His free hand slammed into my torso, causing me to flip over the table and onto the floor with a crack.
That one really hurt! I heard weak sputtering from my downed position, and I slowly raised myself up. Looks like he broke a few ribs, otherwise it wouldn’t hurt this much. Not bad, sorry I underestimated you!
He started reaching for a nice white towel as he held it up to his throat in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding.
Stop the bleeding? That’s reserved for me! My legs burned as I tried to move, and alas he didn’t seem to be a fan of doing just that, so instead I picked up a potted plant and threw it right into his face. The ceramics shattered, and he staggered back, falling backwards onto the stove.
Wait a second, this was an awesome opportunity! I couldn’t miss this! I ran forward, despite my legs protest. I felt them give out, but I clutched onto my Enemy and pinned him against the stovetop. He was dramatically weakened from the loss of blood, as was I. However his position was quite a lot worse!
I turned two of the nearby burners on as I fell to the ground next to him with a smile. In an instant he tried to roll off the stove as his hair and back caught fire. Unfortunately I was holding his legs against the oven underneath with all my strength, forcing his weakened form to begin to get burned alive.
Alright this is just a little bit brutal, even for me. Though it's not like this is a real person, they are just an Enemy after all. Alright, fire it is! My arms tightened, a last sputtering gasp left his mouth as my vision blackened.
Then it suddenly returned as I gave a radiant smile. That was a super duper awesome fight! I can’t wait for more!
SUCCESS
Reward: Power Boost (1)
A Power Boost? Just for me? I gave a smile and tried to speak to the voice in my head. That was awesome! Thanks for making my dream come true Bob!
I tried to feel for this ‘Power Boost’ residing within me, and came across what seemed to be an igniter. Of course I popped it immediately, and suddenly I felt the power boiling inside me! My strength, my speed, my endurance, all feeling as though they’d doubled in an instant! This is so damn awesome!
I couldn’t wait for my next Challenge!
[Look’s like you’re enjoying yourself, I’m so glad we found you GladiatoR! Remember to keep on CHALLENGING, so you can get more REWARDS! Don’t neglect other parts of your life though, that's terrible for the ratingS!]
My stomach growled a bit and I looked down with a frown. It was past dinner time. I should probably head home to Grandma, I don’t want her getting the wrong idea and thinking I’m beating random people up again.
It was just one guy after all! With that I prepared to turn away and head home, despite being a Tuesday, today didn’t suck.
I could only hope tomorrow would be even better.
. . .
[Thanks for tuning in everyone, we’ve been glad to host you tonight at GladiatoR! If you’d like your message to get sent to our very own wonderful contestant all you need to do is simplE! Simply put your message in a FUN BOX like this [Put your message here!] and if your comment gets the most amount of likes it will be sent immediately to our contestant at the start of the next shoW!]
[This contestant is quite vulgar, but as the star of the show I can’t have the censors go after him can I? Wowzers folks, they are really going to kill me with this new GladiatoR!]
[We'd love to get your feedback folks, so make sure to leave some for us down beloW!]
[As always, check your POSTURE, remember to FLOSS, and most of all; always stay TUNED! This has been your host 👌︎⚐︎👌︎⚐︎☞︎❄︎☟︎☜︎☟︎☜︎👎︎☝︎☜︎☞︎✋︎☜︎☹︎👎︎, and we'll be seeing you on the next exciting, stimulating, wonderful, and action packed episode of: GladiatoR!]
. . .
. . .
AN: Alright, looks like that crazy guy is gone. Seriously, I can't believe he broke into my house and turned everything into a gameshow. ANYWAYS, this is probably the only message I’m going to get in before he finds me and kicks me out for hiding in the kitchen. It won’t take him long to realize there are two toasters instead of the standard one.
I just wanted to say this is inspired from Duellist by Tamzar, which is really damn cool and you should check it out! Especially the other similar fics by other people like Challenger by Notsae66!
Comments
Seraph
[Meathead Supremacy! Wowo!]
Arabiannights
Great shit bri
