Toni and Ryan
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From the *diary* of Dr Toni Lodge
🕑 Added 2025-06-01 07:45:28 +0000 UTCToday I teared up over an apple peel.
When I was a kid, my mum used to make a roast every Sunday. I hated it because it meant I had to eat vegetables. So she would always make apple sauce to sweeten the deal. Ooey gooey apples with cinnamon and a dash of water she’d make in a microwave bowl.
It took two apples, she would peel one and I would peel the other. A great team! She would always peel her apple with a hand peeler and she would always get it off in one big, long piece and we would cheer in the kitchen. I was just in disbelief she could be so clever! I’d be peeling my apple and the peel just wouldn’t behave the same, it would break off in little chunks. She would say ‘you’ll be able to do it when you’re big, Tone, don’t worry!’ or ‘woahhh look at that long bit!! You’re getting better Lovey!’
And tonight while stewing my apples (lol iykyk) I did it without even thinking. I peeled an apple in one loooooooooong bit!
Also without even thinking, I took a photo to send her.
Grief is everywhere, because she is everywhere. She is in my apple peel and green lights and the sea and in every laugh. She’s also in every tear after a bad day or a soft moment like this one.
I wanted to share this photo that she would have gotten as an excited text if she could have.
Love u xoxo
Comments
Meghan Campbell
That feeling is such a punch in the gut. I remember going to call my dad to ask him something and suddenly remembering that I couldn't call him anymore. I still send him pictures of my kids on messenger, just because I can
Natskiski
The love doesn’t stop. The bond doesn’t break. It just changes shape and finds new ways to live on - in cinnamon-sweet memories, in that long, triumphant curl of peel, in the quiet ache and the proud, aching joy of doing something she once promised you could. Grief really is everywhere, but so is she. I think that’s the heartbreaking, beautiful part. Thank you for sharing this moment - it’s a gift.
