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Ch. 254 - The Great Cock Of The Darkling Woods
🕑 Added 2022-05-27 15:04:54 +0000 UTCI stumbled onto a forest path, rotting leaves crunching beneath my feet. Above me an overcast sky glittered under the light of twin moons and a cold breeze blew into me, sending the stench of decay and stagnation across the land.
I looked behind me to see where I had cone from and saw a huge tree with a clock implanted into it and a hollow the size of a wagon carved into it's base.
I could feel the magic coming off of it.
This was it. The portal tree of Fillory, the lamppost allegory from Narnia.
All people who came to Fillory via magical portals emerged from here.
I sighed and undid my invisibility. Save the charge. I'll need it later when I clean out Jane's Clock Barrens.
Just then, something unfortunate happened.
Just my luck
So good news. I'm in Fillory.
Bad news.
"Hey! You! Did you come from the portal tree?" A man in plate armor barked orders at me while another leveled his spear at me.
Well, shit.
I sighed.
Of course the Beast has guards posted around the entrance to his magical realm.
At least they're just regular soldiers and not mages.
With a swipe of my hands, my eldritch whips shot out and grabbed them, slamming the two into the portal tree while I shuffled through my deck.
Pulling out two blank cards one after the other, I wiped their memories away and watched them fall asleep, backs against the tree.
A side effect of my blank cards.
Dammit!
Now all four blank cards are occupied.
I can't steal anyone else's memory now unless I return some of the ones I took.
Immediately, I turned my invisibility back on. I'll find another way to steal Jane Chatwin's time manipulation devices, but now, I can't afford to get noticed at all.
Woth my lavlb coat wrapped around me, I lifted off into the air and flew off into the forest, onwards to my next destination.
I came to Fillory this early to do three things.
First, to get the library's influence off of me if they had any influence on me at all.
Second, to immunize myself against time manipulation, be it Jane Chatwin's, the gods' or the dwarves'.
Thirdly and finally, it was to get my hands on a messenger bunny and the coordinates to Fillory, so I can return here anytime I want.
All the treasure hunting and fairy dealing can wait until after Eliot and Margo rule Fillory under my thumb.
For now, I had to get the basics out of the way and get back to Brakebills before the Beast attacks.
As far as I know time flows differently in the Neitherlands.
In the show, Penny spent six hours in the Neitherlands but on Earth, six weeks had passed.
The two weeks Josh spent in there was two years on Earth.
Doesn't match up mathematically, I know.
But maybe it just mean that the more time you spend in the Neitherlands, the slower the time outside moves relative to you.
So like the first six hours are six weeks then maybe the next six are only three weeks and so on and so forth until it reaches an equilibrium of sorts.
So at forst, 1 hour on the Neitherlands is 168 hours outside and then slowly over the course of two weeks it reaches to an equilibrium of 1 hour in the Neitherlands being 52 hours outside.
That would explain why librarians live so long.
Another reason I need to get my hands on the time immunity perfume that Jane keeps in her cottage in the Clock Barrens. Can't let my time be fucked up.
Because by that same logic, the third of an hour I spent in the Neitherlands is going to turn into a few days on Earth.
And the Beast attacks Brakebills in less than a week.
Gotta go fast!
As I flew through the air, my glasses were already on it, deducing the coordinates of Fillory, simultaneously mapping the Darkling Woods out as well to make it easier to hunt down my targets.
The questing creatures.
In the distance, I spotted a thin fog covering the forest.
The Flying Forest, a locale of the Darkling Woods that had a perennial hallucinogenic fog covering it.
And just beyond it, the Deep Woods portion of the Darkling Woods, home to at least four of the seven questing creatures of Fillory.
Just as I crossed the border, my glasses binged a glittering shadow with pearlescent feathers skittering about in the undergrowth, in the corner of my vision.
Aha! Gotcha!
I turned around and cahsed after it immediately
Pulling out my gun, I dropped down onto the forest floor, and rolled to a stop before the skittering creature, a shot blasting out from my pistol, searing through the peacock feathers of a man-peacock hybrid abomination in some of the most dapper fashion I had ever seen.
I almost felt bad about shooting first, seeing the sheer quality of that vest, now singed and charred.
"Tsckll!" The creature made a noise somewhere between a hiss and a click with it's weird beak-ish mouth.
Truly, my eyes need bleach after gazing upon it's visage.
"The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods." I exclaimed, "I have caught you! By ancient rite I now command you to-"
"You certainly have." He interrupted me, flaring his burnt tail feathers out, "Ruined my vest that is! Do you know how expensive it was?! No taste for class!"
"Okay, sorry about the vest but this is urgent." I insisted.
"I'll tell you what's urgent. I need urgent medical attention. And a new vest. No thanks to you!" He wagged and accusatory finger-claw thing at me.
"Um... aren't you like a wish granting creature of great magic? Can't you repair it on your own? Like with a wish?"
"Not allowed to grant our own wishes. But yes, I can and I will." He waved his hand and the damage was all but gone, only the traces of burning left behind on the trees in my shot's path remained.
"Now then, let me introduce myself. I'm the Great-"
"I already know who you are-" I interrupted only to be met by a chilling glare from him and sighed.
"Go on."
"Ahehem! Behold! I am the Great Cock of the Darkling Woods. The most beautiful Cock you will ever have the pleasure of gracing your eyes."
"Well, I have seen my own and I think that's all the cock I need to see in my life." I replied with a smirk and he raised an eyebrow.
"You have a cock too?!" He asked excited.
"I'd be worried if I didn't have one." I laughed only for the joke to fly straight over his head.
Or was he purposefully acting innocent?
"Surely it cannot be as beautiful as myself, though, could it?! Nay, I say!" He argued, fluttering his feathers, and twirling about.
"Uhm...well, it doesn't wear glam fashion so I suppose not." I relented.
"As I thought!" He perked up, his feather twitching with pride.
"Alright. Then we cool? Can you grant my three wishes now?" I asked.
I knew they granted only one wish but I wanted to see if I could bend the rules a bit.
"One wish." He clarified, raising one of his clawed fingers.
"Three wishes." I insisted.
"I'm not a genie." He replied.
"Alright. Kill yourself. Permanently." I smiled cheekily.
He narrowed his beady little peacock-human hybrid eyes.
"Are you sure? Is that your wish? To deprive the world of a questing creature?"
Wait, holy shit! Is he really going to do it?
"Are you seriously going to kill yourself?"
"Yes . If it is your wish." He answered.
"Or you can just give me three wishes and I'll take back this wish." I offered.
He raised an eyebrow and scoffed.
"I'm not Jaqen of Hghar, child of Earth."
"Of course you ar- wait what? You've seen Game Of Thrones?"
"Of course I have! I'm not a forest dwelling savage."
"No? You are a forest dwelling peacock. I'd assume you don't get very good signal around here."
"No. But I do get visitors. Two years ago, some other children of Earth came by. They told such fascinating tales of this world. Planetos. Truly, a wonderfully savage world. Once Fillory ends, I must surely pay it a visit so my beautiful visage might sooth their suffering hearts!" He blinked his beady eyes and puffed up with pride.
"Of course. Of course...." I agreed, if only to make him go along faster.
"Now then. I must make haste and kill myself. Do you have a particular preference on how I should die? Beheading? Thousand cuts? The Burning Ox? Poiso-"
I raised a hand and cut him off.
"Just...stop. I take it back. I'll take the one wish." I gave in.
"Ah! I'm glad you came to your senses. I'd hate to rob this world of my beauty!" He gloated, preening over himself.
Man, this is one seriously narcissistic peacock!
"Yes. Now I have a bit of a long wish so please wait till the end." I cleared my throat and began with my best impression of legalese.
"For the rest of the conversation, please consider the term 'Traveler' to refer to the hybrid magicians capable of traversing worlds on their own accord, unaided and unimpeded, and related directly to the magical discipline of traveling, a sub-discipline of psychic magic associated with the travel of and across worlds and universes in the Omniverse, including but not limited to this multiverse.
Also, a god is, in the context of this conversation, a being in possession of a god seed of divine power such as the ones possessed by those true and first of the names and/or divine beings, Persephone, Hades, Reynard The Fox, Ember, Umber, Clarion, and formerly Prometheus and/or the greater divinity similar to the previous ones possessed by the Nameless Monster/God that is one of two current corporeal occupants of Castle Blackspire, Castle Blackspire being the the structure similar and/or identical in appearance to Castle Whitespire, which is and has been the seat of power for the rulers of Fillory, but instead being made of Living Stone, and/or His sister, and/or the magical instuments/stone organs that grant and/or granted a similar divinity to Aengus, Bacchus, Iris and formerly Heka."
I took a deep gulp of air, having spoken non stop, through that bit if tongue twisting madness.
Then, I continued.
"With that said, my wish is that you turn me into a god, without altering any of my internal circumstances including but not limited to my soul, my shade, my psychic code of immortality and/or my nature and being.
However, should that not be possible for you to do, then my wish is for you to turn me into a Traveler without altering any of my internal circumstances, including but not limited to my soul, shade, psychic code of immortality, and nature and being.
However, should that not be possible for you to do, then my wish is for you to erase any and all information, knowledge and awareness of and relating to me that is possessed or cpuld be possessed by anyone and everyone involved and/or related to the Order Of The Library Of The Neitherlands, forever.
However, should that prove to be impossible for you, or needless, given the condition that the Order Of The Library Of The Neitherlands and/or anyone and everyone related to them do/does not possess or could possess ever any information, knowledge or awareness of me without my intention to do so, then I desire to reserve my wish for a future date."
I let out a cold breath and huffed as I finished my wish.
"You came overprepared child of Earth. Do you perhaps suffer from paranoia?" He asked.
"I prefer to call it caution. Never trusted a wish granting creature or anything wish granting at all myself, on principle. If I didn't need to do this, trust me, I would never have come here in the first place."
"We questing creatures are not genies, child." He assured, huffing, "And I am offended you would ever consider us to be such unfaithful beings."
"Yeah. I know. But you guys have a reputation for doing things half assed, and I prefer my asses full and plump." I replied.
"Why, I would never!" He harrumphed, fluttering his feathers, "I am a creature of great meticulousness!"
I sighed.
"Will you grant the wish or not?" I asked, tired.
"No." He answered.
"Why? Because I offended you?"
"No! Because, I cannot." He replied, "I cannot make you a god. It is beyond my means. Even one of Bacchus and his kind." He raised one finger.
So even a fake god like Bacchus is beyond the questing creatures' power, huh?
He raised a second finger.
"I cannot make you a Traveler without altering you in some fundamental way. It is like asking me to brew tea without brewing tea. To run without running. To laugh without laughing! Preposterous! Completely preposterous!"
He raised a third finger.
"And since the library doesn't have any records of you, by virtue of that part of your soul you call your psychic code of immortality, I cannot grant that wish either."
That's great to know!
So I have free reign here then, if the library can't track me with their books of life.
He opened his palm and waved me off.
"I'm afraid your wish will have to wait for another day. However, I noticed you are on the quest for the seven keys! Might Insuggest you head out in search of them as soon as possible? You never know when you might need them. The first key is-"
"I know the locations of all the keys. Don't worry." I cut him off.
"Is-is that so? How is that...possible?" He asked, " Are you a time traveler from the future? But I don't sense time magic on you..." He scratched his beak-mouth thing, "And then there is your peculiar soul and that code of yours....What are you, Child of Earth?"
He asked.
"I'm afraid I cannot tell you that. Perhaps in the future someday. But not now."
"Is that so? Then would you care to join me for tea? I get rather lonely here." He offered.
Hmm? I suppose even questing creatures get lonely huh?
No matter how magical the land, people are the same everywhere, with their own problems, same as everyone else.
Unfortunately, I have shit to do.
So while I feel for him, I really gotta go.
"Um ... actually, I'm in a bit if a rush here but next time, for sure." I declined as politely as possible.
"I see. That is unfortunate."
"Yes. Just one more thing. How do I get to the Clock Barrens from here?" I asked.
"Is that your wish?" The Great Cock asked back with a cheeky grin.
And I got the mesaage.
"Fine. I'll look for it myself." I pouted, and turned around to go when he replied.
"It's west of here. In a clearing. Hard to miss."
"Oh! I see. Thank y-"
But before I could finish he disappeared.
Nor a bad guy. Not a bad guy at all.
I almost feel bad rejecting his invitation.
But work needs doing and Wanda needs finding. So here we go.
