fairTX
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A very grateful update.
🕑 Added 2021-04-29 12:26:37 +0000 UTCOkay, here's a quick update.
So, I've learned to accept that I'm just not all Gucci in the head over the years. It's nothing to be super worried about, but I can't let a single day pass without working on it, or it becomes a problem. It's been decades since I've started to dissect bits and pieces about myself, my family, and my surroundings to understand my place in the shitstorm. The thing is, I was kinda hoping that the shitstorm is a phase. Yea, years went by, and not only have I realized that it's not a phase, but I've pretty much become one with the shitstorm. I've learned that I'm one angry motherfucker. So that needed to change. Little did I know that it's not something I could change. Not entirely, and not in its essence. Fast forward all those years that I've pushed through guided by my stubbornness, blind faith, and the will to not fail, I've come to realize that I'm still angry. But I've learned to accept that anger and control it. I won't get into what caused it cuz that's a book for itself and not the main topic of this post. The point is, I've accepted who I am. Sure, it's not my final form, but that goes without saying. However, I've built a foundation that I'm proud of. I'm trying to figure out the best way to build upon it without losing too many pieces of myself. We are constantly bombarded with information and senses, half of which we choose not to have time to fully take in. So every next day, we either try to continue from where we left off or consume new, raw information straight out of the pop culture asshole. Subconsciously, we want to be a part of that show. And every next day, another part of what we truly want to become dies. Rots away like kids' dreams of becoming an astronaut cuz their daddy laughed in their faces. So instead of fighting it, we submit, thinking one more time won't make a difference.
Why am I sharing this with you?
Cuz I've come to realize that too many people share these thoughts but are afraid to get them out there. Cuz I've come to realize that all of us are swimming in the same shitocean. Cuz this stigma needs to die. Literally, all of us have some problems. But don't assume yours are shittier than the next man's, cuz to each their own. Still, every time we're asked how we're doing - we say fantastic. Even if we're torn to pieces. Whether we lie to ourselves, other people, or both, lying became a nuisance today. And fuck that. But people do bad stuff when they eat too much shit. They do bad things to other people, the environment, themselves.
I get about a dozen messages a day from people I never met. And even if I can't respond right away, know this.
It's okay to be fucked up, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to be angry and not know what the fuck you're gonna do in life, it's okay to be proud, it's okay to feel lost, and it's okay to be happy. Don't let anyone take that away.
But take responsibility. Because it is your responsibility. Learn from it. Embrace it.
Comments
Thanks for sharing this Bud. Things like this are not easy to share but are often best to be let out in the open and not bottled up. We all have our demons, but some suffer more than others. Usually the most talented individuals are driven by these tribulations, striving for perfection in what they do to deal with their pain. I think of world champion mixed martial artists who were bullied in their early years and this drove them to become the best in their fields. Your troubles have tomoulded you into an unbelievably talented content creator, who is not only admired but revered for his creations. I often see people refer to your work as art, and they are right in describing it as such. Stay strong brother, and thanks again for sharing.
