Adam Sampson
patreon
Not a Chapter
🕑 Added 2022-05-22 14:36:33 +0000 UTCHello my patrons, this is a post to prompt discussion. I wanted a second opinion on some changes I am making and your opinion matters a lot to me. Please post a comment, I read every one from my patrons.
None of these changes would delay posting new chapters though, I still have a large backlog.
I am thinking that the first trip back in time was too late. It's a time loop story with almost no looping. I am thinking of adding a short loop where Hugo goes back to his own body after the train jackers blow up the shimmer vein below the train. Then he prevents it with his next go around.
I was also thinking of making Hugo's mom more unlikable. I want him to have a good reason to abandon her. Alternatively I could make her more likable, and make Hugo a more dutiful son. Thoughts?
Anyone have strong feelings about the romance with Lenna? I was thinking of just cutting the romance since it doesn't add much. Her character will stay important, just removing the romance.
Finally, I want a few more happy moments for Hugo during the first book. I have added the below section to chapter 30.
...
“Hugo, will you stay after class please,” Sage Rasmus said.
Curious, Hugo walked up to the front of class once everyone else had left. He thought he was finally getting a handle on things, he wondered what he had done wrong now.
“Don’t give me that look, it’s nothing bad,” the sage said, “You have a meeting with a sentinel in a few minutes. Go meet with them at the front gates, they have a proposal for you. It will make you late to your history class, but just tell Sage Ioana that I excused you.”
“Why do the sentinels want to meet with me?” Hugo asked.
“Just go, they will tell you all about it,” he replied and shooed him away.
Hugo turned to walk away, confused about the whole thing.
“Oh and Hugo? Congratulations,” Sage Rasmus said with a smile.
As Hugo walked towards the front gate, he wondered about this meeting. From what the Sage said, it sounded like a good thing. He wasn’t used to good things happening to him. It felt weird.
An older student passed him walking the other way, she was holding a golden card and beaming from ear to ear. He looked back and forth between her and the sentinel standing just inside the academy gates. The man stood there in bright blue shining armor, with a ceremonial cape and everything.
“Hello!” the man boomed, “And who might you be?”
“Hugo Rebane, sir,” he said.
He laughed, “You don’t have to call me sir yet. Has anyone told you why you are here?”
“No, no one has said a thing,” Hugo said.
“Good, good. I love telling people myself. I am Lieutenant Daniel, sentinel liaison to the Blue Lion Academy. Part of my duties is to extend offers to promising students to help with the upcoming monster surge. Based on your performance, I would like to offer you a spot up on the wall. You will be given shifts to fill, and compensated based on performance. You can expect your payout to be anywhere between five and fifty gold.”
“Really?” Hugo said. He hadn’t heard of students killing monsters on the wall, was this some sort of weird joke?
“You tell me. The reports I received from the academy staff said that you have a ranged incendiary weapon. Apparently it is quite effective. The assumption is also that you can easily produce a great deal of ammunition. Is that true?” the sentinel said with a smile.
“Uh, yeah, I guess so,” Hugo said.
“Well then, congratulations,” Lieutenant Daniel said and handed him a card, “You are officially invited. Present this card at sentinel command the day after new years and you will be assigned a shift.”
“Thank you,” Hugo said, staring at the card in wonder. It was gold colored and it represented so much money. If he got lucky in each of the next four monster waves, he might graduate college debt free.
“You deserve it. Not many fourth year students get an invitation. It is very impressive to receive one as a first year. You should be proud,” the sentinel said.
Hugo thanked him again and walked away in a daze. This really happened. He kept taking out the card and staring at it with a goofy smile on his face. He hadn’t thought that his bomb lobbing crossbow was that special, but apparently he was wrong.
With the new perspective, the invitation made sense. He had a ranged weapon, something that was needed on the wall. It was effective against monsters well above his level, and would probably work against a wide variety of them. The unique thing was probably that it didn’t rely on mana. The monster surge would require hours of attacking, any student that used lots of mana would quickly run out. He really was uniquely qualified to man the walls.
...
There we go, a little more joy in Hugo's life. Too bad he gets kicked out of school shortly after this.
So please, post your opinions on my proposed changes in a comment below. I would love to hear your thoughts. Let me know if there are any other plot points I should address as well. Thanks for your support, I will keep the chapters coming.
