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Chp 109: Articulate Overengineering
🕑 Added 2022-09-05 05:59:12 +0000 UTCI looked at the contract, one of three, and sighed. When Andrea had dropped her bomb at the feast a few days prior I’d expected to lose out on any chance with the other three. I was glad that hadn’t come to pass but had a different problem to deal with.
The shortest contract, Mina’s, was six pages long. I was impressed by how much Mira and Mina had managed to think of in terms of fuckery they didn’t want to happen. None of it was anything I’d have wanted or done, but I wrote a few things down for reference. Stuff to watch out for when making deals in the future mostly.
Given what had happened with the pendants it wasn’t like I could blame them for caution. I wouldn’t have blamed them for running the fuck away the moment any of them got free and knew what I was. Overall wading through migraine-inducing piles of paperwork was a small price to pay.
“42, I reiterate, I am not any form of lawyer, nor have I ever been,” Aaron said, glaring at me occasionally over the fifteen-page stack for Mira and Hetcha’s contract.
“Yeah, well, everyone else looked like they were going to cry or pretended to be illiterate when I asked for help,” I replied evenly. I was already bribing him with promises of finding him alchemical supplies. An offer I’d had to bug Elim about before I could even make it since it wasn’t like I could go shopping on my own.
“Everyone?” Aaron asked, not even bothering to hide his disbelief. I didn’t let myself be annoyed into a self-incriminating reply. I also didn’t bother sharing that if I’d asked Chris he’d have probably tried to sneak in something about the ladies having to wear bikini armor or something equally asinine.
When it came to the skeletons of the bone brigade, as I fondly thought of them, I had a mental list of what kind of advice they were willing and able to offer. With Chris, I just had a mental image of a cat pushing a glass of battery acid off a counter.
Aaron settled down, more or less, for a couple of minutes. Despite not saying anything he was hardly silent. Between sighing, huffing, and shifting he made his continued displeasure with the situation quite clear. Something needed to change.
“Look, we both know I’m not above bribes or so proud as to refuse to call them as such. If you want something, just tell me. I get that it's frustrating to have to wait and see if I can even find what you already asked for,” I said when my tolerance reached critical mass.
Aaron looked at me in surprise, though how I knew that was still a mystery. He hadn’t opted to design an illusion of life yet. He was one of the few skeletons who’d opted to have his natural form altered more. Rather than the symbols I’d come up with, he’d given me new designs to carve into his bones.
I thought I’d done a good job originally but had to admit his looked pretty rad now that they were done and glowing a faint magenta. Seeing them I’d gone so far as to pay a couple of points to upgrade his appearance so they’d go from a dull barely visible glow to a vibrant one when he cast spells.
“I’m satisfied with our current arrangement,” Aaron said. I felt a little bad when he did, feeling like I’d been too sensitive. Since my chat with Dawn, I hadn’t had a lot of visitors. Something I’d kind of written off on being busy and everyone else doing their own thing accordingly.
Now though I had to wonder if I’d just been in a bad mood without realizing it. My explanation would work for pretty much anyone of the dungeon denizens but wouldn’t explain the absence of the hounds. Normally I had to invent things for them to do or formally ask them to go play elsewhere to get a moment to myself. Not having seen much of them for the past week and nothing at all for the past two days was weird.
“Right… Okay, the offer stands but obviously, you don’t have to take me up on it,” I replied. Explaining why I felt like a dick would take too much time and likely just annoy him or make him feel bad. Probably, it was kind of hard to know which way he was going to break when it came to social things given how little I usually interacted with him. His default setting seemed to be mild annoyance with most things after all.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Aaron said simply.
It took us about three days to get through all of the contracts despite both of us not needing to sleep. I used the paper ones Mira had sent as guides when composing my counter offers which were mostly just abbreviated versions of what she’d come up with. The system alerted me to a couple of balance issues, some of them in my favor for a change, but those didn’t take long to sort out.
“Sweet fuck, round one is done!” I cried victoriously, doing a swoopy happy dance. I offered Aaron a high five and he held up a hand as a confused reply. When I smacked his with mine he looked offended.
“It's a thing from my homeworld,” I offered. He nodded though he seemed suspicious.
“Your people were… very tactile,” Aaron said after a moment.
“Dude, compared to the locals? Bunch of hedonists,” I said and couldn’t help a laugh. I wouldn’t call the people Elim described to me on occasion Puritanical but they didn’t touch all that freely if they weren’t family or involved. Casual fistbumps would have come across as weird. Which was probably why Chris had immediately adopted that particular gesture the moment I rather thoughtlessly taught it to him.
“Well… I suppose it is worth celebrating that we'll have a few days before they respond with counter offers,” Aaron said finally.
“Right? The system helps keep things relatively fair but I’m sure they're all going to have notes and concerns,” I said then sighed. I wasn’t looking forward to a repeat of the paperwork slog I’d just endured, but such was life.
I enjoyed about an hour of peace and routine while I did my best to unwind. I wanted to see what the hounds were up to and make amends if needed. Still, I figured I should be in a better mood before I did. They were sensitive to things like that.
Toward that end, I had some chaos cola and stretched out on the couch with the design work I was a bit behind on. It was hardly mindless but I found it enjoyable which was good enough.
[Contract Accepted: Andrea]
I spat a mouth full of chaos across and thus through the display I’d been working on. Covered in whatever made up the fluids in my mouth and soda I was flailing and cussing slightly more than I would have been even if I hadn’t besmirched my couch's honor like that.
Andrea’s original contract had been ten pages, the counter I’d sent back had been five. Even skimming, assuming she’d opened it immediately, I doubted she’d gotten through and understood everything clearly in only an hour. She probably hadn’t asked for a second opinion either. I doubted her friends would take that well.
I was starting to suspect that Andrea was actively trying to fuck over my questionable public image at this point. For a solid minute, I considered how I was going to handle this new hurdle when something inside me just snapped.
This might well fuck me over, but until it did I was going to let it ride. I needed and actually wanted to check on the hounds, unlike this bullshit.
Time for some pet therapy. I’d peopled enough for the week.
