unsounded
patreon
Chapter 14 Extras
🕑 Added 2019-12-02 05:17:35 +0000 UTC
Chapter 14 went through a lot of changes over the years. I had first envisioned it far, far earlier in the comic, right after Chapter 3, as a story that Duane would relate to Sette while they travelled. There remains of it a faint echo in the talk of the "Foi-Hellik Affair" among the crowd and in the vliegeng pee story he tells her before she leaves him behind to enter Mulimar. This is where the tale would have started.
This old version was very different. Lemuel and Duane's roles were reversed, and it was Duane entering the Order as a new recruit and Lemuel who was the well-respected young officer. Duane isn't put in charge of the Plats but actually is made their peer; a twenty year old battlemage serving shoulder to shoulder with ten year olds.
Naturally he was humiliated, and made the situation worse by trying to second guess his officers, one-up his comrades, and try to convince the company that he was something more than an Academy drop-out.
I still have that early script, and though it cuts off just shy of the attack that sends everyone underground, I saved it out so you can give it a read if you're keen.
One other notable difference was in Dhampir's role. Part of the attacking force, she originally fell underground with Duane and the rest, and was badly hurt. Duane - being the good soul that he is - refused to leave her behind to the varpies, and carried her on his back throughout the entire sojourn underground. Instead of being captured, the Company eavesdrops on Roger's conversation with the Salt Lizard. When she demands meat, Dhampir leaps at Will, and throws him to the monster, completely unseating Duane who had never before experienced such a betrayal, or such brutality.
Awful, eh? I mean, just an awful, too-easy, unsatisfying turn of events.
Duane should hate Cresce because he grew up in a culture that taught him to hate Cresce, justified or not. Giving him a flesh and blood personification to hate is almost an excuse for his lack of self-evaluation on the topic. I am very glad I dropped that, even if Dhampir still wound up being a fairly two-dimensional antagonist on the page.
In any event, after deciding the story wouldn't fit well after Chapter 3 I had thought to drop it for good. I have an enormous love of the Adeliers and of Aldish culture - as much as I disapprove of it - so this made me suspicious of the story. If I love something too much, I start to question it! Maybe I'm being biased and refusing to Kill My Darlings.
But one day while outlining I realised that I could very tidily bring together a few disparate plot lines - Lemuel's story, the burgeoning rebellion of the two-toes of Cresce, Duane's growing existential confusion, and Roger and the Queen's scheme - by having him pull out this old story and tell it to Ruffles' nanna. And it fit in pretty perfectly, and will have consequences that will echo forward.
I've also made the "finished" script available for Chapter 14. I cannot recommend it, however. My process has become an inseparable marriage between word processor and Photoshop, where I take a separate text outline, fill the dialogue and bare actions out in a "script," and then do the final draft in Photoshop when I'm laying out the pages. This final step results in huge dialogue rewrites and often changes in the sequence of events, leaving the "script," incomplete, very different, and markedly worse since it's the unpolished draft. But! I include it for the novelty.
Next chapter, for good or bad, we're back with our main cast. Before the hiatus is over though I'll ask for some writing prompts from you guys so I can post some vignettes up here. I'm also very close to finishing up a sexy/horrible story with Bastion. I promise D:
All the images are attached as downloads. Thanks for letting me ramble on!
Comments
Ashley
I fear I'm not strong enough to write this, much less draw it; I channel Duane too much. YOU should write it for the fanfic contest though ;)
School of Night
Granted, the concept isn’t logistically possible, but if you’d consider a warmup sketch idea, I was wondering how Mikaila might look now if she were the one brought back to life instead of Duane. And for a weird writing prompt to go with it (or if someone needs a suggestion for the fanfic contest), I’d like to see an AU glimpse of how a wandering ex-Black Tongue thief adopts her and provides some pymeric eyes and regular spellery lessons so her glamours don’t all look like poo.
Ashley
Starcraft 2? Ha, I learned long ago never to expect too much from a video game's writing :) But thanks for reading! I will keep doing my best.
Just joined after binge-reading the whole thing after an accidental recommendation on /tg/. It's... well, it isn't finished yet, so maybe the ending will be terrible or something, but so far it was nothing but a blessed ointment upon my tortured mind, which was suffocating in putrid waters of a shallow swamp known as "Starcraft 2's story". But knowing how it hurts to fall from heights of hope and hope I got for Unsounded is just shy of a mountain, I have just one request: don't cock it up! :)
