unsounded
patreon
Ch18 Script & Sundries
🕑 Added 2025-05-21 19:37:27 +0000 UTCHere is the promised Chapter 18 script - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HDCOrqMC0t6_tT-6Rz2nhKVBtfIhp9yIrALnYIFlnyg/edit?usp=sharing
This script is a MESS. It starts out normal enough but this script is largely a collection of dialogue pulled in from Book 2 because much of this chapter was brought into existence after I decided to condense the series from three books to two, and bring Book 1 to a more finalized close rather than the cliffhanger ending I originally conceived. So you'll find very minimal setting and action descriptions, with most of that left up to me to figure out in Photoshop.
Probably the most interesting tidbits to the Unsounded scholar are some alternate lines from Ilganyag and Ruck, and some alternate versions of Duane's Lemuel revelation. You can also see how Karl originally survived - it was some random Aldish soldier that got savaged instead. Overall though, I think this is definitely a chapter where the final dialogue on the page is much better than the scripted, but it's also a chapter I very much want to give another editing pass before it sees print. It was a beastly labour to write and to draw, and it needs additional care that I couldn't give it when I had the deadlines looming every week.
Overall though, I'm happy with the big stuff. All the relationship conclusions work for me, with the thread of reinterpreted realities woven throughout. With the Quigleys, my ultimate priority was Matty going forward. Mathis tried but he did not ultimately prevail, because he has always been a man struggling to find a way forward after his story ended. I have always seen a lot of talk of "redeeming" him, and I love him and understand him as a flawed and unspectacular man. But I think it was always about finding a way forward for Matty; Quigley's role was always to facilitate this. In this way, his role was to be a father.
I know it seems like Matty is pretty screwed right now, but his every way forward now will be 1) on a path that has materially little to do with the broken awfulness he came from and 2) a direct result of his father's actions.
Sometimes losing your family is a blessing, especially when that family was mostly propped up by wishful thinking.
Also, I attached some sketches! You can see the journey Jacaranda went through. He originally looked more human, with a boyishly Sette nightmare fuel face and a lankier body. You can also spot some concept art of Elarosny and Regina. Neither of those designs are final, but they're the direction I'm heading in.
Epilogue begins posting on Monday. Thanks, readers! If you have any specific questions, I'm here for you as ever! I will answer every Patreon question in a way I won't always answer them on Tumblr :)
Comments
Alight
Reading my own writing is weird. Maybe I should try writing more normally instead of whatever-the-heck-I-do.
Alight
This seems like an appropriate place to say this, but I really like the ending for Mathis. I was worried for a bit there that Duane's perspective would be left as the narrative truth, that he was good and truly kind, etcetera, and while you haven’t been coy in Duane's unreliability and paternalism, all too often we see antagonistic or villain characters given a ‘Whoopsy, Good All Along!’ ending where they get to dance into the sunset. That would have been terrible. Mathis is a human trafficking child abuser whose selfish, sexist cowardice is directly responsible for the torture and murder of his wife and many of their fellow denizens. He wanted what he could never have, complete superiority, and every one or thing else were conditional utilities. He wished for what he most hated, to be with those who were steeled and steady (seen in how Vienne's happy memory for him is of disdain and prowess). I have to commend the character writing, as it's all cohesive. No one fundamentally changes in who they are, only in what they do. Armor Daddy [pauses to google name, cuz my memory is stupendous] Emil has a habit of locking people up or otherwise binding them to keep them near. We see this when they meet Sette (prompting her to panic and Duane to brutalize one of the soldiers), when they meet Matty and Jivi (locking them up in literal prison), when on the road towards a war zone (taking in Sette/Duane, the Quigglejigglehiggles, Jivi, and Knock), and when he finds Chea (holding her close to him during battle). This is rhe same behavior with VERY different contexts, and it's great! I love that the things which inform their bad actions are also what shape their good ones! With Mathis here, he wanted to be the good guy, wants his son's admiration, wants to be epic, and is receptive to his kid's state of being solely when in peril; his heroism here makes sense the same way his backstabbery to Sette does. (I'm really hoping Sette gets to be more of a player next book. She was the backbone to this one, pulling everyone along to reach her goals (until they reach Stockholm and all hell breaks lose) but by virtue of being a trickster, her slight if hand had to be unseen. We didn’t know she was a twin until we were literally in her head, and we didn’t know she had arrested development until the final chapter (I mean, we had her cousins' comments, but still). My point being that it'd be interesting if she were given the Duane/Mathis treatment next, where her story pervades (and coyly conceals) the main (narrative and emotion-based) story. Also I want her to spook Jivi with her new claws. I might need to draw that. I will say, and be cheeky in doing so, that one could gage that Mathis wouldn’t be a player moving on back when Sette's origins were revealed to him then ineffectively relayed to the rest of the caste; he knew something, ergo he could not relay it to the others. If they were to learn it secondhand, it would have been through Knock, meaning that Sette had to be the one to reveal it herself. (What was my point here?) Ah, right, Mathis' death was great and I loved it. I was hoping either Mathis or Duane (or both) would perish and am satisfied. As for Duane.. I fully expect him to relapse. We shall see what is to come if indeed we see them in full view again.
Alight
Okay, I'm back for more comments. Nooooo, a sketch of First Sette choking off our girl! Sadness. The sketch of Duane and Sette for her coming back to life is delightful. (He looks a lot more like a Pokemon in his drafts, I find that amusing. Gotta catch 'em all!) (And then he brings Sette in for the bird's catch.) Previous versions of the Lion Brother and Sette meetup are really playful! Aaand then he hits us with a sinister glare.
