Yep, I am Transitioning

Anything I can do to help, let me know. I wore wigs for a couple of years, it's certainly doable with good quality ones professionally cut on your own head by a hairdresser experienced in wig cutting, as the many natal women with chemo or alopecia issues who opt for that over scarves will attest. I finally scraped the cash for one cycle of hair transplants (really needed 2 or 3), and it's made enough of a difference that with careful styling I get by wig free these days.

Goldendawn

Thanks hon! It certainly isn't something I am taking lightly - but - this time I am thinking I am in a better mindset, and able to move forward - where last time I was doing anything. For example, today I just walked into a Bendon store, told the girl I was a little nervous, but I have come in to get fitted for a bra. It went perfectly, with lovely staff, and I walked out with a bra, knowing my size, and felt over the moon. I cried in the fitting room with the girl because... wow I have breasts! (in private I can tell you the size :P) The thing is – this time is different – I want to come out not just to pass, but to express who I am – and that is so different to last time. I want to do so much to just be me, and allow people to know what being transgender (I am being educated that Transsexual is not the in-term anymore!) is nothing to be ashamed of. Of course I also have to learn myself how to deal with the knocks and bumps along the way. Hugs dear! GD

Polk Kitsune

Wow. That is a big decision, no question about it. But you do sound prepared, your mind set, and previous experience means you're better prepared for it. I hope you end up feeling comfortable, and things go smoothly with your wife. It won't be easy, I'm sure. I'll admit, I don't have your experience, though I've considered if I wanted to transition myself. If I needed it. Maybe I'm fluid, maybe I'm not. I don't know. And I do wonder if I'd be happy with the other side. But I do wish you the best of lucks there, dear. ^^

Goldendawn

Thanks Irena, I know that last time my mind and my self-worth was really a big problem, and this time I know that I need to deal with those. But this time there isn't the fear I had last time, as if I know this is the right time, I just need to do it. (argh this thing doesn't like Enter, you have to use Shift-Enter!) I believe you are very much in the same head-space that I wish to be, I am still very unsure of myself, and my worth to just live as I want, but I know that I can't live as male much longer before I do something stupid. The depression is just getting to much. I try not to, but I kept looking at other women – fat, thin, really not great looking, some amazing looking… anything that is a woman and I keep wishing I was just able to walk through life and be me, and just pass. But now it has also got to the time where I see other Transsexuals just walking through, and some really don’t pass – and they are just… living their lives! Probably with pains, and issues, but… they are presenting themselves as they want – and now I am jealous of them. I think more than anything it is time for Tracy-Anne to come back out, and make my life what I want of it. And that is to be able to present myself one day dressed to the nines, ultra girly…. To walking around in jeans and t-shirt. Big issue with me is there is some “body” things I really feel self-confident about. Lack of hair being one – so I really do want a wig. But I am dealing with some of the others already – laser on my face (I hate shaving… it is a downer for me!), and exercise to work off fat (I need to be health anyway!) Thank you for your history, and comments :) Would love to keep in contact :)

Oops, take 2. Hi Goldendawn, just wanted to offer some support from someone who has been there, done that, got the t shirt :) Sounds like you are approaching it clear eyed: I knew in advance I was signing up for a long rocky road, and it began with the end of my 23 year gay relationship. A lot of heartache for sure, and a lot of crap during the early stages of transition when the 5 o'clock shadow poked out through the makeup, and my dress sense was all over the place, but now, 12 years on, it seems almost like something that happened to someone else, and, weirdly, not even that big a deal. Hormones help, softening the maleness long term, but I'm not naive. I didn't transition until I was 42, and no amount of surgery and meds were going to make me ladyboy gorgeous. 'Passing' is a trap. I went ultra girly in the early days, because I needed to, and to prove something. These days, a long way past getting my bits fixed, most days I dress, look, sound and get 'sir'ed' like the guy I was. But: when I want to, I can push my boobs up, put on a frock or a skirt, and I get ma'am'ed all day long. I know I'm never going to be a pin up, and the only way I'll meet a new guy is if he's burgling my house, but I am my own idea of female, even if I'm no-one else's, and more importantly, I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. 'Passing' now means I'm a woman 24/7, and on the days I want to amp up the girly, that goes unnoticed and without comment as I move through the world. That's enough, and all I need. Good luck, if it's right for you, you'll get there. Fun fact to close: I studied trans as part of my counselling Masters and found out that lots of people shift back and forth across the gender divide, or transition and de transition, live dual role, or even transcend all roles, with or without one way options like surgery. There's no rule of how to be trans but your own, and no one is keeping score.