Author Frank Morin
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Ch 146 - The Best Secret Weapon Waffle of All Time
🕑 Added 2025-03-21 16:00:11 +0000 UTCWhen I returned to my castle, Ruby, Steve, and Susan were all waiting in the living room for the promised movie experience. I had to admit, I needed the chance to relax with friends and watch a movie before heading out for the boss battle. This would be our only chance to relax before things probably got rough.
“All we need is popcorn,” Steve said as both Ruby and Susan started peppering me with questions about what movies I had available.
“Got you covered, Bro.” I pulled out my ringer.
“Air-Popping Popcorn. Uncommon. This self-refilling bag of popcorn is perfect to getting the party really hopping. Or charge it with an elemental potion or spell. When handfuls are tossed into the air, it’s attracted to the nearest target and detonates into an elemental storm.”
I’d been really looking forward to an excuse to use it. I focused on the bag, thinking of warm theater-quality popcorn. It instantly swelled and expanded. Just opening the bag filled the room with the delicious aroma of fresh-popped popcorn. “The only question is how fast will the bag re-fill.”
I dumped the large bag into a bowl on the table, then sealed the bag and waited while the others munched on giant handfuls of popcorn.
“Oh, I missed popcorn,” Susan moaned between bites.
“You really need to bring this out more,” Ruby agreed.
Turns out, the bag re-filled steadily over about 60 seconds. So within 5 minutes, we each had a large bowl of fresh, warm popcorn, with just the right amount of salt and butter. The harder part was choosing a movie. Before the argument got too intense, I made an executive decision.
“We’ll watch Catch Me If You Can. I’ve never watched it, but have heard it’s excellent.”
They grumbled a bit, but relented when I agreed to let them flip a coin to see who would get to pick the next movie. Steve won.
Ruby and I each chose one of the comfortable chairs, while Steve and Susan snuggled on the couch. Then I extracted the CD jewel case for my Ten Thousand Movies Experience. “Here we go,” I said as I willed my choice and opened the case.
The room vanished around us and I found myself floating in space, holding my bowl of popcorn, while the entire world transformed into a game show stage back on Earth. It was like I was floating over the space where the audience would sit.
“What is this?” Ruby asked. She’d appeared right next to me, with Steve and Susan a bit farther.
“This is the actual movie. Cool!” Steve exclaimed, then gestured around at the set. “I saw this one a long time ago. This is the opening scene, the game show To Tell the Truth.”
It looked like a set from the 50s, and everything felt totally real. If I’d landed in a seat instead of floating, I could have easily believed we’d been teleported back to Earth.
Cheesy music blared, then the announcer started introducing their first guest. The sense of reality blew my mind. The description on the CD jewel case hadn’t been joking. It felt like we were there as they started discussing the crazy life of Frank Abignail.
“Oh, I know who it is!” Susan cried, pointing at the 3 men standing center stage, each claiming to be the famous imposter.
“No spoilers,” Steve warned.
“What is this movie about?”
Ruby leaned closer and whispered around a mouthful of popcorn. “It’ll jump to his life in a second. I forgot how much I enjoyed this movie.”
Sure enough, the entire world jumped to a dark, raining scene where some guys in suits were talking outside of a building. I instinctively covered my bowl of popcorn to ward it from the rain, but the water passed right through. It felt real, but was just the movie.
I wished I could get a better view of the building, and immediately I rose higher, the angle of the scene shifting, and the building spread out. Some kind of prison. Except Earth movies didn’t change perspective like that.
“This is cool!” I started experimenting, zooming all around, and the scene stayed consistent, as if I was in the world during the filming of the scene. Ruby noticed my antics and figured out how to follow. Her delighted laughter echoed through the rainy night. Soon all 4 of us were flitting about like invisible hummingbirds, exploring the movie in stunning 3D.
It turned out to be a great movie too. When it finished, we ended up in a luxurious lounge, one that might have been plucked from a 5-star hotel.
“That’s right, we have 3 hours total.”
“Nice. We can relax without losing any time,” Ruby said, leaning back in an overstuffed chair so big she looked like a toddler.
Susan grabbed Steve’s arm with a mischievous grin and tugged him toward an arched opening. “Let’s explore.”
They returned about half an hour later, arm in arm, looking very pleased with themselves. I napped on a couch and Ruby found a bookshelf packed with fantasy novels. She chose an urban fantasy time travel thriller called Memory Hunter and got totally engrossed in it.
At the end of our allotted time, the world flashed and we returned to my living room. I felt rested and relaxed. I’d needed that break, and it felt like the benefits of the time in the movie experience stayed with us, even though no time had passed in the real world. I’d have to experiment to see if healing or mana regeneration worked in there and translated back to real time. That would be a cool system hack.
“That was amazing!” Susan cried. “Let’s watch another.”
“Tempting, but I’ve only got 9 more uses, unless I find a way to renew that token.” I glanced up meaningfully and added, “Great movie.”
“Wasn’t it?” Cyrus responded, making Steve and Susan jump. Ruby didn’t look surprised. “There may be ways to renew the token eventually.”
“I’d appreciate it.”
Susan excused herself after giving Steve a passionate kiss and me a peck on the cheek. “I had a great time.”
Just as she left, Jeeves appeared. “I trust you enjoyed yourself, sir.”
“It was great.”
“Sythrak has agreed to your terms. I dare say, the quantity of ironwood you offered nearly stopped his heart. He recovered quickly, however, and is very enthusiastic.”
“Perfect. Please handle the sale. Also, I made a list of a few things I need for tonight. Can you fill it for me right away? It’s in a chat note I sent to myself.”
“Of course, sir.”
“We can send ourselves chats?” Steve asked.
Ruby grinned. “I never found a reason to try.”
“I figured we probably had a note-taking feature somewhere, but didn’t want to take the time to find it.”
Jeeves said, “The other items you requested, sir.”
Three absolutely epic weapons appeared, hovering in the air in front of my butler, while a sheathed scimitar dropped into Steve’s lap. I rose and inspected the magnificent weapons.
“These are so cool,” Ruby breathed.
“Incredible,” I agreed, sliding a finger across the haft of Titanbreaker Warhammer. A lot of warhammers actually looked a lot like oversized carpentry framing hammers. Titanbreaker did not.
The rough wooden haft had seams of softly glowing red light woven through it, as if it was about to explode from within. The head looked more like a blunted double-headed ax than a traditional hammer, and was marked with subtle symbols that reminded me of runes.
They didn’t seem to contain any actual power, but when I activated Spellseer’s Gaze, the weapon glowed with energy. Focusing on it for several seconds, I sensed runes embedded in the weapon, but they weren’t visible, as if they’d been sunk deep into the material. That was new.
As a single-handed weapon, it would be fast, but its enchantment unleashed the power of twice my Strength, so it would deal far more damage than opponents might expect.
Rundak’s Crushing Mace honestly looked more like a war hammer than a classic spiked or flanged mace that I had imagined. It looked totally epic, but as I studied it, I didn’t see enough to make it stand out compared to its competition.
“Jeeves, can you see what Sythrak has for dealing with ethereal beings, or just dealing spiritual damage?” The spiritual shock damage was what interested me the most about the mace, and although I didn’t want the weapon, I still wanted another option for dealing with ethereal monsters.
While Jeeves checked on that, I turned to the Earthshaker Maul and whistled softly. “Such a beast.”
Definitely a two-handed weapon, the thick wooden haft was banded with steel and etched in complex golden patterns, while the huge, double-sided blunt head was covered in intricate scrollwork. I’d expected the head to be larger if it really weighed 3000 pounds. I mean, it was big, but not stupidly huge.
I hefted it and grunted at the weight. It seemed impossible that I could lift that much weight so easily. The massive weapon felt incredibly solid in my grip, and I’d be able to swing it in battle pretty well. It weighed 6 times more than my giant ogre club. Anything I hit with it would most likely just explode.
Although it looked like steel, the metal had to be something far denser and heavier. Or it enjoyed a very high level of magic manipulation. A soft, yellow glow surrounded the weapon like an aura. In Spellseer’s Gaze, the glow magnified several times, and again I sensed runes deep inside the weapon. Were there runes in my other weapons I’d never noticed before? I’d have to check that some time.
Jeeves reappeared and said, “I completed the transactions you requested, my lord.”
When I checked my inventory, I noticed a few new pieces of equipment for the night’s excursion, including some remote-triggered mana shields over 8 feet tall and 4 feet wide, along with some universal triggers for traps, mines, or grenades. Perfect.
I extracted one of 20 identical items to inspect. I’d included in my list a request for a less expensive protective talisman, and these were what Jeeves found. The one I inspected honestly looked like a tiny blue plastic waffle 3 inches in diameter.
“Death Catcher. Uncommon. Attach this single-use item to any outerwear for extra peace of mind. It auto-triggers before any strike that would drain more than 50% of your health, exploding into a cushion of dense magical foam to absorb the impact. Some cleanup may be required. In the case of foam inhalation or ingestion, take a poison resist potion immediately.”
The description wasn’t totally reassuring, but I still tossed a couple each to Steve and Ruby. Steve laughed. “Ha! Magical air bags?”
“More or less. Not an ideal solution, but they should work for now.”
I planned to revisit the store and buy some more of those rare quality death-averting tokens Sythrak had shown me before, but I was running out of time.
Even better, as I scanned my inventory, I noticed that all of my ironwood planks were gone, while a new entry was added among my list of mana crystals. The innocuous entry read 18 tier-9 mana crystals, plus another 11 tier-8 crystals. I was officially rich!
Grinning, I asked, “So how much for the hammer and the maul?”
“Sythrak was so pleased with the ironwood transaction, he has discounted the prices to 5 tier-6 mana crystals for the Titanbreaker Warhammer, and 1 tier-7 mana crystal for the Earthshaker Maul.”
“Done.”
“I knew it,” Ruby grinned.
“Uh uh,” Steve corrected, waving a finger at her. “You guessed all three, but Lucas has proven to be a man of integrity, discipline, and self-control. Quite a catch for the discerning eye.”
“Oh, go kiss Susan, or something.”
Steve summoned a huge Musketeer’s hat with a long blue feather and used it to give Ruby an elaborate bow. “Thank you, my lady, for the excellent suggestion.”
“Hold on,” I said before he could leave, and explained the plan for that evening. “Are you both up for joining the strike force? Ruby, if any of the turned humans can be captured, hopefully you can heal them like you did the others.”
“Absolutely.”
“Steve—“
“I’ll keep her safe and watch your back,” he interrupted. “Not wearing my red shirt tonight.”
“We’ll have the element of surprise.” I didn’t add, ‘What could go wrong?’ like a dummy and jinx us.
After Steve left, Jeeves shared 3 options Sythrak suggested for quickly dealing with an ethereal monster. I vetoed the Ghost Wrangler Whip instantly. Me and whips had a short and unhealthy relationship.
I did take 10 Soulfire traps I could remote activate, or set to auto-trigger when an ethereal entity got within 5 feet. They would capture most ghostly creatures, kind of like a Ghostbusters trap. Stronger monsters would be slowed while suffering a barrage of direct soul damage. The other item fascinated me.
“Soul Slice Enhancement crystal, times 2. Add the Soul Slice effect to a single weapon to add direct spiritual damage.”
“I never realized we could buy enhancements,” Ruby exclaimed,
“Me neither.”
Jeeves added, “Sythrak included a warning that the enhancement is temporary and regular combat will wear it away quickly. It is recommended to apply the enhancement to a secondary weapon you’ll wield less often.”
That would explain why they were so cheap, just a couple tier-5 mana crystals. I decided to apply them to the silver Wolverine spikes Tony had made for me. I didn’t use them often, and having the Soul Slice ability literally attached to the back of my hands at all times was nice.
“I’ll go gather my gear,” Ruby said, then stepped closer. For a second, I feared she planned to give me a good luck kiss and wreck our easy camaraderie. Instead she said, “Lucas, be careful tonight.”
“Why do you think I bought all this gear?”
“You’re strong and you should be fine, but don’t underestimate the Alpha. You said yourself, he’s crafty. He’ll be out for your blood tonight and he’s had 3 days to prepare.”
“I know. I’ll be careful. Promise.”
I gave her hands a squeeze and she leaned in for a hug, then headed out. Feeling content, I headed to my giant bedroom to catch as much sleep as I could. I fell asleep in seconds, and it felt like the blink of an eye before Jeeves woke me. The short sleep restored me pretty well, but I really needed to figure out how to get more regular rest.
I rose, showered, and methodically donned all my clothing and gear, one piece at a time. In the back of my mind, images of all the obligatory arming scenes from so many of my favorite movies flashed past, while epic sound tracks played motivational music. In that moment, I understood them better than ever.
Sure, the arming scenes were cool cinematic moments, but they were also real. The actions of checking every weapon and carefully reviewing my inventory helped pull my mind into a state of readiness. Arranging my hotlist and reviewing contingency plans helped bring them into sharp focus so I’d be ready to act instantly.
Worry fell away to confidence, and by the time I finished confirming my diamond bracers were in place, with my Stiletto Quiver attached and chock full of blades, a growing eagerness for battle filled me.
All I needed was a pithy comment.
“Alpha, there’s not room enough on this stage for the both of us.”
Ouch. That sucked.
“Alpha, I am your—“
Cringeworthy and so cliche. And kind of impossible.
“Welcome to the Party, Pal.”
Better. Channeling John Maclane from Die Hard was closer. Then I got it.
“There can be only one!”
Highlander, eat your heart out.
