rexx
patreon
The Week
🕑 Added 2020-10-13 22:22:59 +0000 UTCWanted to go over a few things just because I feel I should. Set the record on a few issues.
First off, don't forget I have a PERSONAL ARCHIVE. This archive is for you all to enjoy, and will have my old stuff, and maybe even include new things I work on during my personal time. You might even find some cool stuff from my past in there, like drafts of ideas.
This, again, is a PERSONAL ARCHIVE and isn't a reward or even exclusive to patrons, but instead for my friends. As I consider all of you my friends, I want to make sure you all know about it.
Now to get the hard part out of the way, I have been dealing with some emotional strain the last month. Instead of slowing down to properly process it, I have been pushing myself even harder, and it's left me in a not too great state. This pressure has made me even more introverted, and less likely to talk, and I don't think that's going to be a good long term plan.
As such I am likely going to take a week off starting next week. I still plan to have an update this week like usual and am going to have something posted up automatically during the time off, but I won't be working during that time. I feel I really need it.
Now to get into a few other things.
The Poppy Video
It's still happening, but after changing the renderer a few times to try and make it look "Pro" and even switching maps, I got into a bad spot where any time someone mentioned Poppy I got super anxious, leading to me avoiding it in favor of my other projects or ideas. I don't want it to vanish as I put a lot of work into it and enjoy it, but I need people to be patient with it. It's not going to be as fast as I hoped and I really just need to work on it as I like, similar to how I handled "The Last Night" (which I worked on for well over a year). Please, just be patient.
The Webcomic
This is just one of the projects that I love, but always puts me in a weird state. My plan right now is to make a specific day a "Comic Day" where I work on nothing but the comic and thus don't get so distracted on other things I lose my time I had to make it. It's not that I am burned out on it, opposite in fact, it's just I keep telling myself "People want more animations they want them now make it or they will hate you...." because imposter syndrome is a bitch. Bare with me as the next panel releases this weekend.
Update Issues
Ever since I started creating porn, I always preferred making what my gut told me. This gives me the best work, like the Ahsoka BJ from a few weeks ago, which rolled out of me nice and smooth. However a lot of times my brain and my gut have a battle, my gut will tell me what it wants to make, only for my brain to inform me that it's a bad idea, like it's too similar to an image last week, or people don't like the setting, or maybe you keep doing back to that pose a little too much or maybe the model has too many little problems, etc etc.
I have another new Ahsoka animation I was really enjoying, but my brain told me "Don't finish it until you figure out how to add all those other monster guys from the last one, your fans are not going to accept anything less.", and of course rather then figure it out, my gut and my brain war till the animation is shelved. I don't need to mention how that digs me a bigger emotional hole and compounds the problem of slow updates.
I know this sounds like I am begging, but I need to know if you guys are okay with me telling my brain to fuck off an just make things that I love as they come to me, even if what I make might not be popular, or outstanding, or world shaking. I could get so much more done if I stopped letting my brain ruin all my ideas out of fear from phantoms, haters that don't even exist. The more people I can get to sign off on that, the more I feel I can get back to enjoying those gut driven animations that were the standard of my wow animations.
Aurexx
While this took a backseat following me signing on with Subverse, it's still very much something I want to do in the future. I recently made some character design ideas using HeroForge, which I have to say is a really fun site if you like making miniatures or just messing with character ideas. I have invested a bit into resources I can use for these future scenes, though models for all characters are still a bit off.
Newsletters
Straight up going to be honest, but I never really liked the newletter idea. I only did it because I was worried about specific people spying on me, and felt the newsletters were a little safer. As I am less worried about that now, I am going to instead just do the front page updates like normal. Speaking of updates, I hope to make "The Week" a normal thing, whether for just normal updates, previews of upcoming works, or just to talk about ideas or issues I am having. I want more transparency. Also don't forget you can sign into my discord and enjoy a special patron channel. Few actually ever talk in it but I want my patrons to use it if they ever want to ask me anything.
To close this out, I want to say that I appreciate you all sticking with me for so long. It has been a rough road, I lost a good chunk of you in the last year, either due to losing wow, or just lack of excitement due to my own struggles trying to find myself again.
I do worry each month what I may have to do, should I lose too many of you, but I will never hold anger in my heart for those that leave. I am the one in charge of my actions and my output, and when I can't do enough to keep someone engaged, then that is on me, and no one else. I am just glad even through it all, I still have enough support to do this for a living. Not many other people get that type of favor, and for that I know I am still extremely lucky.
Still, I do hope for my own stress I can bring some of the old patrons back someday, or at least bring in a lot of new blood. Hehe.
Stay safe, live well, and talk to you all again soon.
Comments
Ner'rull
For one thing do not stress yourself more than necessary and since stress is generally unnecessary do not stress yourself. Listen to your gut feeling, that's what you started with and since you think what you have made of your gut feeling, I guess everyone here fell and that's why they're here. Thinking so much not good only gives pain ..... thinking but not gnaz declined auhc not good. that is important in everything that someone does in apparent life is that he has fun doing it and since this is your project, you should always do what you like best, what makes you happy and what also makes sure that with more joy in the matter maybe with a little more co-centration as you say you have a lot of things prefer to do it all at once, make a plan but a flexible one. Just take a break from one thing. and if you do something else you can inspect it macnh sometimes have an impact. take care of yourself stay healthy. and I Vermis Lakke Kylasta and co^^
Señor Smoke
As a man who absolutely cannot trust his brain, I know what its like to be consumed by doubt. If it would help you to hear that I trust your work ethic and your desire to make fun content, then I'm more than happy to chime in. I've been following you for you all these years, no matter what you make, and it always jibes with me.
IntransientWitch
Take care of yourself first! Your health is more important.
Raelisenna Nightdream
Get some R&R big guy! Enjoy a week off, rest and relax!
Just Like a Metaphor
Rooting for you. Take a break and unwind
Aylee
Go with the gut, Rexx. The last Ahsoka piece turned out absolutely amazing and it just shows when you're having fun with a new animation. It might not turn out entirely perfect from time to time or not appeal to everybody but that's normal. I believe that for most of us here the main thing is seeing you back in shape! ^-^
Veldspar2112
This took alot of strength to write and I'm pretty damn proud your coming out to us about this my friend. I see great support in this thread about this, and you can count on people like us to tell you how things really are. Can't make this too big, follow your heart and let us ride with you to being a better man, and an even better animator. Haters, screw what they think.
Rexx
Oh I plan to do more FF14, as I am enjoying the game myself, though I find the audience is more into screenshots usually. It will take a bit of time to warm up into it. I have packs in the works but it's just getting over the final hump on preparing them.
steven swiger
theres a huge audience for ff14 porn. i think it might be worth looking more into
Do what you gotta do! Take care of yourself first and the rest will follow. :)
Daikaiju
Take a knee man, and then lie down. You need the break.
Rexx
That is my problem. I create a worst case scenario and my brain has a bad habit of conflating it until it's a nice roaring fire of doubt. I work best when I let my gut (and my dick) tell me where to go and my brain only chimes for neat ideas.
All power to you! Do what you think is best and do what you enjoy!
G
Please don't overthink things. That Ahsoka animation looks like a great setup, and who cares if the background has all these extra monsters in it or is similar to another render. I certainly don't. If you've got an idea you want to do, do it.
