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A Gamer's Guide 310
🕑 Added 2024-08-16 15:00:04 +0000 UTCMy crossed arms fall to my side. I can feel my face wrinkling up like I ate something sour. I sit up straighter. “You’re bullshitting me.”
“I’m not. You got an A.”
“With—with the other possible grades being a B and an S, right?”
“No. Top grade.”
“Shut up,” I say.
He looks like he wants to refuse more overtly, but instead, he restrains himself, simply shaking his head. “It was My brother’s decision. And although He may come across as a bit of a nimrod, as you might call it, He takes His duty in this part of the tutorial most seriously. Even if He did take a close interest in you, I speak for the both of Us when I say that He was impartial in this decision.”
I can feel my head shaking back and forth, all on its own. Desperately, I take hold of my chair and scootch closer to the desk, scraping it against the floor. “No, no, I mean… I didn’t. Sure, I didn’t go bankrupt, but I spent the whole game in jail!”
Returning his glasses to his face, he briefly returns his attention to the clay tablet. “Yes, I see… and while in jail, you entertained the rest of the players, contributing to a lighthearted atmosphere.”
“I was rude,” I say, almost desperately. “There, at the beginning, I was all snappy with Henry, and…”
“You defended one of your friends,” he explains, “and later ensured that the game was kept fair by supplying the banker with your angel.”
“Henry hated me,” I continue, hoarsely, half-standing up. “You saw it. Well, not you, but Hunter did. He hated me, for good reason, so I was cold to him! I—”
“But you still engaged him in the game, and by the end, despite starting out on bad terms, you were able to bring him into the game. I completely agree with My brother’s assessment.”
“No, but that… But I’m not…” I sink back into my chair. “There’s a reason I’m solo. Because I can’t be with other people. I… I’ve never had a friend. I’m not good at teamwork.”
“Your grade says differently.” Ignoring all of my very sensible and rational objections, he puts the clay tablet back down. “With the other trials giving you automatic A’s, it means your overall grade is A, and if you choose to enter Purgatory, you will do so without requiring to do any of the ledges. In other words, you will instantly move into the Earthly Paradise section. It’s very brief if you do it right, so you won’t have to stay in Purgatory long.”
Is this a trick? Is he trying to fool me somehow? Maybe this is like the vote they did before, and he just wants to keep me out of Purgatory so I won’t kill people. That’s probably it. That has to…
My back hunches down. Slowly, I clench my hands into fists.
…No. That isn’t it. Tricking me is beneath him. This is something different. Something worse.
It’s honest.
“If it makes you feel better, I can assure you that this is the first time a challenger has received nothing but A’s. You’ll be the only one so far to skip the seven possible ledges. That is something to be proud of.”
But I’m not.
However, my mind isn’t there. It’s stuck on a word he said before. A little throwaway sentence that my brain simply won’t let go.
I look up at him, my brows set deep. “...What do you mean if I choose to enter Purgatory?”
A smile. Almost a full one. “Yes. If.” He reaches over and grabs another clay tablet, surveying it briefly before returning his gaze to me. “Your situation has become a bit interesting. I can’t tell if this was Want and Cowardice’s intention, but with their election to present you with an angel instead of an apostleship, you have, at least in part, joined Our ranks.”
“But not really,” I say dismissively. “What does that matter?”
“If you want the pragmatic approach, We believe that if you continue on this path, absorbing the divinity left by the God of Kings in His various heralds, you may one day join Our ranks properly. At that point, we would be unable to keep you here. You could leave Purgatory and enter Earth at your leisure. So, from Our side, offering you the opportunity to do so now rather than wait until you’ve started budding is more of a preliminary action than anything.”
Words and concepts and ideas swirl in my head ad nauseum. Is he serious? Is he actually offering me this, free of charge? Nobody has beaten the tutorial yet, and he’s asking me if I want to return, no strings attached?
That’s…
Awful.
“As you might guess, though, this isn’t really our main reason. The remaining parts of the tutorial… Once you fully adapt to the divinity you hold, none of the future stages will be any issue for you. Beating the tutorial will eventually become as easy as farming grass. There will be no need for you to remain here. Everything the tutorial was designed to teach, you have already learnt. If you return to Earth now, you will have missed nothing. To alleviate your worries, I will ensure the God of Love is well aware of your arrival, and can guide your future ascension. It will all work out well.”
I stare at him. He returns the favor. After a few seconds, I look around for hidden cameras. Nothing of the sort. In the end, I turn back to him. “Um,” I say. “No thanks? I’m good.”
“You’re good?”
“Yep. I’m good. I don’t… I can’t return just yet. I still have things to do.” Besides, knowing Moleman, he’s sure to be shooting for Earth by now. And… I can’t meet him yet. I still haven’t gotten good. Not enough to stand at his side, as his equal. I still have so far to go. So much to do. So many people to meet.
“I see. That’s a shame.” But even though he’s saying that, I can tell that he’s smiling. And not because he’s amused by my lowly mortal hijinks, no, rather… I think he’s proud. I’m not sure how else to put it. “In that case, I unfortunately don’t have much more to say. Even though you won’t be doing any of the ledges, I’ll still let you discuss things with Pain, just in case you have—”
“Ah, um, on that note…” I squirm over to the edge of my chair, getting close enough to really look at him. “Could I still do the ledges, or whatever you call them?”
He blinks at me. “You… want to do the ledges?”
“Yeah. Because that is those, right? The ones Hunter mentioned? What with losing and regaining skills? I want to do those.”
He leans back a little, delight and confusion clashing on his rigid face. “Why, if I may ask, would you want to do them? They’ll only make things more difficult for you.”
“No, see,” I say, waving my hands to show my point, “that’s exactly why I want to do them. Difficult things… that’s what makes you improve. Unless they’re too difficult, of course, in which case you get worse—like, a lot—but… This isn’t like that. This will be different. I can tell. This is me showing myself worthy of the gifts I have, right? Exploring Purgatory. Getting to see what everything is actually like. Getting to meet people. That’s…” I smile, and scoff, because it makes so much sense. “That’s exactly what I need. So… I want to do it. How many… Is there a max amount of ledges I can do?”
He angles his head to the side, steeping his fingers. “Seven,” he says, after a long pause. “There are seven ledges. And, as of yet, no one has done so poorly in the trials that they have had to do all seven. It would certainly be a challenge.”
“One worthy of your finest hell challenger?” I add cheekily.
He chuckles. It doesn’t seem to be something he does often, as the sound surprises him slightly. “I suppose so. If nothing else, you’ll certainly have a lot of time to spend in Purgatory.” His expression falls a little. And all of a sudden, he’s exactly as grave as he was when I first saw him, exuding an aura befitting of a god. “Can I trust you?” he asks, eyes gleaming dangerously.
I think about it for a few seconds, letting my eyes wander through the room. Curtains, wall-rugs, clay tablets, floor… I look back at him again. “No, not really.” Before he can disown me and kick my ass to timbuktu, I smile gently, disarming him. “I guess you’ll just have to hope for the best, huh?”
Leaning back again, he closes his eyes, shakes his head, and snorts—successfully hiding another chuckle. “I can see where the domain comes from. How cruel.” His expression mellows out, until it almost looks nostalgic. “You’ll fit in. Eventually, I’m sure you will.”
I lower my head. “Thank you.”
In my head, my mental list of people who believe in me is expanded by yet another name.
Sighing loudly, almost dramatically, he rises to his feet, slapping his knees as he does. I follow suit. “I shan’t hold you any longer. I’ve already informed Pain of your wishes, and He is sure to be giddy at the prospect. When I told Him that I’d recommend you to leave the tutorial… You would’ve loved the look on His face. The past few millennia, I was starting to question whether He could still feel pain. But I’ve got My answer.”
He leads me to the door. “The next time you blink, you’ll be at His office. It might be worthwhile to ready yourself beforehand, as I have a feeling He might try to—”
I blink at him.
Comments
Nogardnoir
"Before he can disown me and kick my ass to timbuktu" this is the first time I read this and I can't stop smiling at the concept hahahahaha 🤣 Also I seem to notice someone loved the aristocats... 🧐😂
