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A Gamer's Guide 334
🕑 Added 2024-12-05 11:00:06 +0000 UTCThe room is fairly big, and consists largely of bookcases, tables, and the odd sofa. It’s a pretty bright room, too, thanks to the large windows letting in the morning rays. So, despite there being oddly fancy candelabras dangling up high, I doubt they’ve been used recently. More importantly, the very instant I enter, I’m hit with the best smell in the world—the scent of old books. Musty, well-worn pages… Mmnnhh…
I’m so distracted by the lovely smell of old library that I hardly notice how she drags me across the room and into the middle, right into the centre of a half-circle of seated kids.
…Oh, shoot. They’re all staring at me. Did I do something?
I make the mistake of sniffing again. Oh, dang, when did these kids bathe last? Then again, with the rags they’re wearing, the smell is hardly any surprise. It’s a miracle none of them have the characteristic scent of disease…
“As I said before, Kitty has travelled veeeeery far to come meet you all! Unfortunately, he’s a bit shy… You’ll all be nice to him, won’t you?”
The kids share a few glances. At a quick look, I count about two dozen of them, most of them between the ages of five and thirteen. Their minds made up, they return their attention to the goddess in the room and give a nod. Right. Great. Lovely to know that not only do the children of today respect their divine elders, but they are positively excited to welcome me. Excellent.
“Great! Last time, with Glyph, you were all so very mad that you didn’t get to see this part yourselves, so I hope you’ll be happy now. Are you ready?” As she addresses them, something in them switches. Their backs hunch, and their eyes sharpen to fine points, every inch of attention they have to give focused on the two of us.
What is…?
Positioning herself in front of me, she frames herself on the left side, and me on the right. While I’m trying to figure out what the heck is going on, she clears her throat, smiles at me, and beckons me downwards. “Oh, should I…?” After receiving an encouraging nod from her, I go down on one knee, as one should before literal gods. Except, well, aren’t I technically a god?
I don’t have time to consider the implications of the god of hope bowing before the goddess of children before a light begins to radiate from her, filling up the room with a heavenly glow, the divine scent from before intensifying into an aura of godliness.
“Raise your gaze, savior from Earth.”
I do as commanded. Yep. Her eyes are glowing. That’s actually terrifying.
She smiles. “Previously, you have assisted me in saving one of my own. For this, I will always be grateful. Now, you return to me, having grown so, so much, and I meet you, with a quest yet more difficult than that.”
Even harder than hugging a kid? Wow, looks like I might be screwed properly this time.
Purely by accident, I glance to the left, finding the kids completely enraptured in the fairly ordinary conversation taking place. Not one to be left out, I clear my throat, and reply to her, saying as knightly as I can, “Whatever it is, oh goddess, I shall lay down my life, time and honor to complete it.”
Her smile widens, and she pulls her hand to her chest with a dramatic flourish, just like a princess asking her knight to go slay a dragon. “Only the greatest of fighters can take on my challenge. Are you certain that this will not be too grand of a task?”
Since there are kids present, I decide not to regale any tale of my former glories. “Nothing too grand for me,” I say instead. “Heck, I’ll even fix your plumbing!”
She chuckles warmly. “Thank you. But, until then, I shall grant you your most difficult task yet. Please, oh saviour from Earth…” I can hear the smile in her voice. “—Tidy up my garden for me.”
“...Excuse me?”
<You have received the
divine mission pertaining to the
Ledge of Gluttony>
<Tutorial stage,
Hell Difficulty Second Ledge:
The Ledge of Gluttony>
<[Divine Mission:
Tidy up the Imperial Apostolate
Church of Children’s garden.>
“Um… What is—”
I can say no more as the entire audience of children bursts out in uproarious laughter, a few going so far as to point at me. With how thin the walls are, I can’t imagine a single room in the mansion not echoing with their laughter.
“I’m sorry, what is—”
“Children, children!” the goddess of children says, holding up her hands. The kids gradually quiet down, a few of them shrinking in on themselves, others covering their mouths with their hands. She simply puts her hand on her hips and says, loud enough for them all to hear, “Thank you for holding it in until after he got it! Chall, I could hear you giggle, but it seems Kitty didn’t notice it, so good job everyone!”
The kids begin clamouring again.
I rise to my feet. This goddess… It seems I underestimated her. While the kids are distracted by her praise, I step closer to her. “What’s your game?”
When she looks at me again, her eyes are no longer glowing. “My game?”
I wave at the status window, still in my vision. “This. Or are you actually serious?”
“Of course I’m serious,” she says. “So I seem like the unserious type?”
Hmmm. If she’s joking, then it’s a confirmation. If it’s not, then it’s a rejection. So, the only way to find out… “I would actually say so, yes.”
“Then, you have read Me correctly.”
“Oh. Okay.” I look back down at the status window. “So, do you really want me to tidy up your garden?”
“You saw it yourself, didn’t you? It needs a clean! Especially with autumn quickly approaching. I have some winter flowers I’d love for you to plant, too. But I’ll be sure to leave you a detailed list of what I expect. A little drake told Me you operate best with specific directions.”
“That little drake is correct. However…” The memory of a pair of shadows playing in the moonlight flashes through my mind. “Shouldn’t there be someone else better suited for this? Someone who can kill ghosts? I doubt the Ghostbusters take interplanetary calls, but…”
“Ghosts?”
“Yes, ghosts. You know, the ghosts? The ghosts in the garden.”
She chuckles. “Dear, what are you talking about? There’s no such thing as ghosts!”
“Yes there are,” I blurt out. “I saw them, I saw—”
“I’ve seen them too!” a voice pipes up from the audience—a little girl in a loose brown dress. “One of them had a super pointy nose, and when I screamed, they both disappeared!”
The boy next to her nods largely. “I saw them, too! They were singing some weird song, and flying around… I couldn’t sleep for a week!” Soon, several other kids are beginning to share their own harrowing tales of meeting the unknown. A few mutter something about some ‘Lett’ person, but it seems unrelated.
“Now, now,” the goddess in the room says, “as I said, there’s no such thing as ghosts. Seeing false demons are a common effect of staying up too late.”
I step closer to her, bowing a little to look like a proper sycophant. “My dearest goddess, though I may agree… Is it not possible that even in a magical world such as this, there still exist unknown things?”
Which was maybe not the right thing to say to a goddess, as she gives me a facial expression befitting a mother considering the pros and cons of spanking. Before she can speak her divine mind, the kids burst out laughing, a few of them rising to their feet to support my thesis. I feel like a defendant defending myself against a particularly obstinate judge, yet the entire jury is taking my side.
Swayed by their obvious choice of side, the goddess of children steps back. “Alright, alright. You win.” She shoots me a sly look. “I’m glad to see you’ll fit right in.”
I chuckle and stand up straight again. “Children, my dear goddess, are simple creatures. Therefore, it takes simplicity to understand them.”
“I presume that is something you have in excess, Kitty?”
“Indubitably.”
She turns back to the now significantly calmer group of children. “—Your new gardener, everyone! He’ll be staying for a while, so I do hope you’ll continue to treat him well.”
The children loudly agree with her, a few going so far as to wave to me. As a sensible person, I wave back at them.
…Hmm. Wait, what’s that she said? I’ll be staying for a while? My stomach fills with ice. “H—hang on, wait just a moment, could you please—”
“Now, all together, let’s say the magical words!” Like a conductor for some choir, she holds up her hands, “With a hip and a hop,”
“””And a skip and a skop!”””
“May tomorrow come soon,”
“””For You’ll be our boon!”””
“Bye-bye everyone!”
“””Bye-bye, our dear mom!”””
In a cloud of what I think might be flour, she just ups and disappears. Yeah. She’s gone. There’s nothing there except for a little pile of flour.
Comments
JTP
He certainly has the tools for some weed whacking. And hey, even if he just sets the thing on fire it will be good fertilizer for the winter flowers.
