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❤️ The Shy Pervert Blog ❤️ [Entry Three] [Wholesome Sluts And Where to Find Them] [Oh Wait! We Are Them] [Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse]
🕑 Added 2021-05-19 12:16:58 +0000 UTCI’m of the firm belief that sexuality isn’t a battlefield. Sexuality is layered, diverse, colourful - but divided into extreme archetypes that directly oppose one another - not so much.
Contrary to what our well-intentioned starchy parents told us - the world isn’t divided into good girls and bad girls, innocents and she devils, virgins and whores. Nope! I’m sorry to say, we just had to be people. Complicated, multifaceted, horny, wholesome people. Wholesome sluts, if you will.
And as (an unelected) spokeswoman for the wholesome sluts, I’d just like to say that I am more than capable of being on my knees and in control. Sometimes, all I wanna do is spend the day with my mom, watch Peppa Pig with my niece, help my sister run errands, have dinner with my husband, and to finish it all off, have his tongue inside me for desert. I’m just that kind of greedy.
And if truth be told, I think most of us are.
To clarify, I’m not trying to suggest that progress hasn’t occurred in this area. Progression happens, whether intentionally, politically, or even through sheer necessity. Ideas are offered, opinions are expressed, mindsets shift, even if ever so slightly. So, yes, things are slowly, ever so slowly churning and it is a great relief.
So, if that’s the case, why does it feel like shame, division, and politics are still so intrinsic in our sex lives (or lack there of)? Well, honestly, I think there’s more than one answer. Whether it be religion, societal expectations, upbringing, shame culture, or even just low self-esteem - it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that many, many people feel judged by what they do or don’t do with their own bodies in the dark.
From my own personal experience, I was taught by my father that “good girls” don’t wear makeup, don’t invite attention, don’t speak unless spoken to (I shit you not), don’t sit with their legs open, don’t show their skin, and basically don’t do anything unless instructed to by the man who owns them. Yeah, all the while he was abusing his seven year old daughter.
To rephrase Billie Eilish: All the good girls don’t go to hell, they just hate their fathers.
Unfortunately, my kind of upbringing is so not the exception. So many kids are abused by their parents that they barely feel it noteworthy: trauma is normalised, shoved to the back of the brain, and labeled “experience”. And for a long time, I felt exactly the same way. It’s uncomfortable and painful and… yeah. I don’t want to think about it.
But then it followed me everywhere I went. Every boy who smiled at me, every playful talk with my friends, every bra strap that fell down, every situation where I could possibly be in the wrong. Every time the good girl wasn’t good.
And… after some Sylvia Plath, talking therapy, clumsy yet dedicated masturbation, I realised… I wasn’t a good girl at all. I never was. There are no good girls, no bad girls - there’s just girls, just women, just people who live their lives, make mistakes, and don’t let pedophiles sink them.
The above might make it sound like this all happened in a movie montage. It did not. If only progression was so linear, so cause and effect, so easy. And I had help every step of the way. I had love, and people who wanted to help me, and I honestly cannot imagine how I could’ve done any of it without them. I was, and continue to be so lucky in so many ways, and it breaks my heart that so many people don’t get anything near that.
And it’s for those people that I won’t shut the fuck up about sex and not being sunk by shame.
Don’t let the fuckers sink you. You can swim.
You can have trauma, wrestle complicated feelings, have a waning and rising libido, you can be all this and more and just be a person. Because that’s what you are - whether you like it vanilla, spicy, not at all, or even just plain weird - you’re just you.
Your sexuality is your business - not your parents, not your peers, and certainly not any stranger’s. Sex is what you make of it, and you can absolutely want wholesome days, followed by unwholesome nights. Heck, you can have it pretty much however you want.
You can swim, wade the waters, and come up for air. You are in control of you.
Please do not live the small, caged life others would have you lead. I dread to think what kind of small, simpering, ugly thing I’d be if I’d stayed with my dad. I remember having to massage him when he was stressed. It was one of our warped little rituals. I’d be wearing a small nightdress, sitting on top of his back, my thighs sticking to his skin, rubbing oils up and down, willing him to just sleep. Even then I thought it was weird… now, I can’t believe I can say I was a baby prostitute. Pacifying him, calming him, shushing him with sweetness: “Come on, dad. I’ll do that thing you like.”
I realise there are parallels from my childhood to my job. I pretend to be who people need me to be, I whisper sweet nothings, and maybe even help them cum. And in all unpolished honesty, sometimes that makes me uncomfortable and incredibly sad. However, that’s usually in my most self-destructive, traumatised, weakened state. As I said, progression is annoyingly nonlinear. There is no forgetting our lashes, no “I’m okay now”. The things that happen to us don’t really ever leave, you just have to put them into perspective. Was it fucked up? Yes. Does that make me fucked up? No more than everyone else.
We all have baggage, we all have parts of ourselves that make us uncomfortable, we all make choices out of necessity. I doubt nearly everything besides my family and my love for them. So, yes, sometimes I wonder if my job is the right thing for me. But, I did that when I was a teacher, shop girl, and most definitely baby prostitute. I am no less deserving of respect because strangers stroke themselves to my voice. I am no less deserving of decency because I prefer foreplay over penetrative sex. I am not a good girl. I was not made for anyone but me. I am a wholesome slut with daddy issues and a loving family. And no stranger, pedophile, or evil self-loathing thought can ever destroy that.
I am a wholesome slut and I can swim, and more importantly, so can you.
Please do not be afraid of what you want or don’t want. It’s okay to be who you want to be, to want who you want, to not be good or bad. I am no big tiddied, chaste, anime waifu who’s never had sex, but is somehow a master on the first try. I was sexually active from being seven. I am not chaste or pure or promiscuous or evil. I am a woman who makes up her own mind about who she is and what she’s worth. And I will always encourage others to do the same. Freedom does not equal happiness, but it stands a much better chance than captivity.
You are not an archetype pitted against anyone else. You are you.
So, take the wholesome with the horny and be a well-adjusted individual who makes up their own mind. Or not, that’s entirely your prerogative. Just don’t be miserable for the sake of pleasing people who don’t even fucking matter to you.
I’ve been called whore, slut, ice queen (my personal favourite), cocktease, and that was all before I ever turned on a mic and made coin from sex stories. Sex has been used against me my entire life. To make me small, to make me less than, to punish me for not returning someone else’s desires. And I have chosen to rewrite what I can. If I am a slut then I am a slut for me, my choices, my desires - my belief that no one can ever ruin us.
We’re all gonna be judged, people will always have an opinion, don’t let that stop you.
You are not simply what you do in the dark, in a car, on your own, or not at all. You are every part of you. You are complication and complexity and you are so deserving of being all of it. So, put on your gimp mask, get your pussy eaten, call your mom, ask your friend how they’re doing, donate to charities, and just generally be the complicated, well-intentioned fucker you were born to be.
We are the wholesome sluts and we’re here for freedom and orgasms and writing our own fucking stories.
Best wishes,
Tea
P.S. I have written this piece from a woman’s perspective, discussing mainly women’s trials in sex and sexuality. Though I do feel a lot of these ideas can and should be taken on board by men, I recognise that a lot of terms and ideas were in reference to women.
I recognise that men have many warped societal expectations placed upon them with regards to sex and sexuality. I am simply writing my perspective. I write what I know. That does not mean that men do not have their own story to tell. They absolutely do. It’s just not mine to explore. When I write like this, I do so sincerely - and there will be a man who talks about the trials of men far more sincerely than I ever could.
I just know what I know, and that’s what I write.
Best wishes,
Tea
Comments
TheFireIron 357
We don't move forward by excising our darkness, flaws, traumas, or discomfort. We move forward by recognizing and embracing it. When I am uncomfortable with my depression, anxiety, rage, or sexual desire, I try to imagine a round-table gathering of my various parts. I then imagine hugging them and saying "Hello old friend." They are part of me. They have a purpose. They can be used to help myself and others. When room is made for them, when they're accepted, they cease to hijack me. I drive the bus instead of them. They just need a seat for the trip. Simple, not easy. Not linear, but worth doing. We all suffer in infinite ways. There is nothing more healing or helpful than looking at someone who thinks they're alone and unloveable and saying "I've been where you are. I found a way through. I can show you how if you wish." Often we can heal more ourselves in helping them than we could by focusing on ourselves alone. Love is a gift. It must be shared in order to keep it. Thank you for sharing the gift of your story with us and reminding us we're not alone, no matter where we've been or what we've done.
The Anoraknophobe
I'm utterly speechless. You are a hero. No ifs ands or buts. You have come out of everything a fucked world could possibly throw at a woman, and you are still kind and strong and giving and clear-sighted. I would have been broken by less. You are an inspiration. Thank you for all that you do. Thank you for being you.
Jeremy Knight
I really hope your Dad is in prison... no one should go through that.
Frohawk
I didn't get a chance to read this right as it was posted, but this was great. Very well written Tea. 😊
Image Incorporated
My sexual experience, and I doubt anyone will relate to it as it being of the dying breed kind but I’ll take a stab at it. When it comes to sexuality, I’m in my 20s. Never done it and never even been with anybody to do it. Want it to be a till marriage kind of thing. However with culture and how things are today, I feel like that will be an impossibility. I feel like today is all about “ I gotta sleep with you to see if I really like you”. If I ever got a GF I’d like it to be a till marriage thing but, like I said with how things are today, I feel as tho the relationship wouldn’t last because i wouldn’t be willing to do it. I’m at a point in my life right now where I’d like for a relationship to happen, but if nothing happens, then oh well. There’s nothing I can do about it.
Joshua Workman
Oh, boy, if I don't feel this. Not to the extent you experienced, that's horrible, but there are times I feel like I can be a sexual man, but there are also times I feel that at my age, it's too late and can't bring myself to try doing any more than I already do. It took a lot to get to the point of just admitting some of the things I'd like to try, but lacking the support group required, well, it's hard and going any further looks like a solo endeavor as well. Looking back on all the progress I have made and the backpedaling, it is clear to me now that my lack of experience is fine even on the days I feel it isn't and if going further is still possible, it will happen in its own time.
bag
I mentioned this in a previous comment already way back, but lemme say it again - Tea's story is so damn epic. How she harnesses her trauma from her past, and makes it into a weapon that directly relates to her job and life today. And the lessons that she learned from it all, and how it has shaped her feelings realistically in the present, enough to teach others, is so incredibly awe-inspiring. The way you "preach" through the perspective of a female who experienced these things, so healthily that other women and and even men can fully sympathize with in a non-judgmental way is so wonderful. You are "educating" a good number of people in this world who are part of your Patreon and who may also happen to share all the same problems concerning sex. You do wonders with these words Tea - from one fucker to another
i.want.your.kneecaps
I'm sorry you had to go through that shit. Nobody deserves that. The fact that, after all of that, you still do the work you do, you decide who you are and how you're gonna live your life AND you provide comfort to those who need it is REALLY fucking cool. We're all grateful to you and the people around you who support you. So do us a favor and keep being cool ok? Oh yeah also can you do us one more favor and thank yours family on our behalf? I feel like we should thank them for being there for you. So yeah.
Haruto
I'm sorry you had to go through that much, Tea but also thank you for sharing this with us Weirdos, best of luck tea.
Phazin Kine
Always love your insight.
June
Thank you
German Wulf3
For a long time I have, and still kinda am, struggled with how I see myself, especially in regards to my sex life...well, lack thereof. I constantly have these thoughts of "You're 20, you should have done SOMETHING by now, what's wrong with you?". I know those thoughts aren't right, but God, they are sticky as super glue. I've talked with my ma about it and she's tried to help, being the fount of wisdom she is, but it's always gone back to my mind refusing to let me take her words in. Seeing this blog personally has kinda made me start to feel a bit more hope. I don't know if it's just my semi-sleep addled brain as I write this in the morning, idk. Long and short of it all: I used to think I was weird but now I'm starting to question that feeling.
TeacupAudio
I think that's pretty much accurate. Let go of what pain you can, cling to the resilience you fostered from it. Thank you for your input. And not at all. Everyone is welcome to their opinion :)
Joshderfer654
It sounds like you are using this platform as a way to help get over your past trama. Which, nothing is wrong about it, but you seem to have partly clung to the trama and have let go of it as well. Idk, just how I see it. Best of luck, and I am not trying to judge, just saying what I am seeing. If it is mean, I am sorry, I do not intend for that to be the case.
Oh shit. Wholesome slut. I like that. Makes me feel naughty and fuzzy inside at the same time. 🙂🙂 Really sorry you had to go thru that. Your Pops was a buttface. I hope he one day see's how badly he messed up one day and truly suffers the just cruelty that it lifetime guilt.... (maybe some jail time too somehow) Idk who wrote that part 😙🎶 Anyway we're all happy you're doing well and good Tea ❤
Blindluck92
Tea, I want to thank you for something you said in this. "Progression is annoyingly nonlinear." It's really true. People have been telling me since I... escaped my own situation (because that's vague enough to make clear how not over it I am, right?), I had friends, family, and professionals all telling me that healing would take time, maybe even years. And I'm sitting there thinking how is this EVER going to heal? And you gave me a real answer. It won't. Not in the "I'm all over it now" sense, which everyone else seemed to think it would. So yeah, it sucked, it was hell, but I'm not in that situation anymore, so letting my demons keep controlling me and my thoughts from miles away is unhealthy and just wrong. I'm probably just babbling art this point, but I wanted you to know that at least one male reader was given an "oh shit, that's right" kind of mini-epiphany from reading this and that it helped. So... thanks. And take care of yourself. Oh! And congrats on the new place and the studio!
NotMyName
Thank you for your wisdom, and sharing your experience. I'm so, so sorry about the abuse your father inflicted on you. It's scary and disheartening that someone would have that in them (and TBH, scary to be on the other side of the parallel now listening to your work, although I'm sure that wasn't your intention). I'm glad you've been able to move forward with social support and find a healthy relationship with sex. I'm trying to do the same. And thanks for the reiterations of not being "an archetype". Well wishes to ya.
Jacob Fernandez
Jesus Christ. Reading this makes me feel awful. Not like I’m insulted in any way, but instead I’m angry, heartbroken, appalled, disgusted, and sorry for your sake Mrs. Tea. I had no idea you went through any of that shit Tea. That shit ain’t right and God smite that pig and condemn him to an eternity of flames for doing that to his own child or any child. You deserved and still deserve so much more than to be cursed by trauma from abuse. I like you audios and your voice, I figured it came with experience, But never would I have ever suspected that as part of the experience. I just want you to know I appreciate your audios and acting skills. Though it disturbs me to the core where they came from and how it makes you feel at times, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for making each and every recording. You’re one of the best most talented and gifted woman I’ve found in this aspect. But If you ever decided to quit and leave it all behind I’d completely understand. I’d support the decision and be glad that we had your voice grace our ears at all. Know that some of your fans love you and support you no matter what. 💖
Sheridan Dancer
You truly are one amazing person Tea.
AudioFreak
And after all you have been through, you still make these wonderful audios. We love you for giving us the gift of your voice, Tea. ❤️
Well spoken tea!
Connor Boetzkes
Please tell me if I'm out of line, but you said you make comparisons between your childhood trauma and the job you do today, but I think the most important thing about that is that the job you do is by choice and you want to do what you do. Love the content and you helped me more then you could imagine (sometimes literally kept me sane)
I’m sorry to hear about what happened in your childhood, I’m sure it has been/still is hard to deal with. These shy pervert blogs make my day and I’ll probably revisit them often
Thebullman
In some places, u could tell so easy it's tea thoughts like if I saw this text without knowing who wrote it, is new it's tea in the first 30 sentence
sa r dran 24
👏👏👏👏. Well said tea. ❤️❤️
Lucas
Thank you so much for sharing this and I really like a lot of the points you made! I’m sorry you had to suffer in your childhood but even though I don’t personally know you I’m confident you and your lovely mother are in a much better place right now ❤️ I love reading these because it’s rare for me to find someone who agrees with majority of the points I often make and is actually taking strides for TRUE equality. Thanks Tea! All the best ❤️
