Marlo Mack
patreon
Mom learns a lesson
🕑 Added 2020-10-19 20:34:19 +0000 UTCDear friends,
You may have noticed that I removed my latest episode from the “How to Be a Girl” podcast feed. And because you have been supporting us with your love, kind words, and hard-earned dollars, I wanted to explain why I did this.
Basically, Mom made a mistake. I included material in the episode without getting my daughter’s clear approval in advance. When she realized what was in the episode, she asked me to take it down. So I did, immediately.
This all happened, in part, because my daughter does not listen to the podcast. I’ve invited her to do so many times (and she knows exactly how to find it on the internet!), but she politely declines, and says she’ll listen “later on,” when the time feels right. I respect her decision on this.
The other thing that happened is that I failed to realize how fast my daughter is growing up. When I started the podcast, she was only six years old. Asking for her permission to share our stories didn’t make much sense back then, given that she didn’t even know what a podcast was. So I made the decisions for both of us, guarding our privacy with pseudonyms and carefully choosing what to share - and what to keep private. But she’s almost 13 years old now. And she does know what a podcast is, and she knows that quite a few people (both strangers and people we know) are listening. In my latest episode, I covered some ground that she didn’t want shared publicly, even under the cover of a pseudonym. And I made the mistake of not clearly explaining to her, in advance, what the episode was about.
So I apologized to her, took the episode down, and made a promise to get her clear prior approval on everything that is shared about her in the podcast (and on my blog) from now on. I added that it’s up to her if the podcast even continues at all. If she wants me to stop telling stories about her, at any time, I will.
She accepted my apology graciously, and then she said that she likes knowing that our podcast is helping other people, giving them hope. She said she would like to keep doing that. So we will, as long as she’s cool with it. We are working right now on an episode about the fact that she’s about to start “blockers,” medications that will prevent her from going through the wrong puberty. She wants to help people understand what blockers are, and why they are so important for kids like her. So do I.
I’m so grateful for my daughter’s forgiving spirit and so proud of her ability to stand up for herself, even when it means telling her mom that she screwed up. I hope that when she finally does listen to the podcast, she’ll like it and approve of what I shared. And if not, I hope she’ll at least be able to hear how much I love her, and how hard I was trying to get it right.
There was a portion of the latest episode that covered ground that my daughter was OK with me sharing, so I’ve created an audio clip of this daughter-approved content from that episode, for you to listen to anytime. (Only for my Patreon supporters!)
Whether you heard the complete episode or not, I feel badly that you were charged for an episode that is no longer fully accessible to you. Unfortunately, Patreon doesn’t have a means for me to refund your contribution. To make up for this, I have decided not to charge for my next episode. I hope that sounds OK to you. However, if you would like a refund for this (now vanished) episode, please contact me and I’ll figure out a way to make that happen.
Thanks for your understanding. And for all your amazing support.
Love and gratitude,
Marlo
Comments
Marlo Mack
Thank you, Damian!!
Damian Blacklock
Please don't worry! Anyone supporting you here is most concerned about the support they give you, not about the money. I'll gladly pay for whatever you need to post / take down to keep getting the message out! Thankyou both for doing this!! x
Marlo Mack
Wow, I'm really moved by your responses. I don't know why I thought my listeners would be upset with me for pulling this episode. But I did worry. I didn't want to disappoint you or take advantage of your generosity. I was really nervous when I wrote my explanation, and agonized over it before posting it here. And now, I feel incredibly validated and more supported than ever. I clearly didn't take into consideration what wonderful people you all are! Thank you so much for walking this path with me.
Marlo Mack
Thank you, Chloe!
Marlo Mack
Thank you, Xin. I have to admit that it was pretty painful, hitting the delete button on so much work! But it's absolutely worth it. I'm so grateful that my listeners understand and support this.
Marlo Mack
Thank you, Benjamyn.
Marlo Mack
Thank you, Brianna.
Marlo Mack
Thanks, Evelyn.
Marlo Mack
Thanks, Stephen.
Marlo Mack
Thank you, Carey.
Chloe Banks
Thank you for explaining, this is why I love supporting your work - you step into unknown territory and invite us into your process. Thank you to you and your lovely daughter. We will love any opportunity to keep supporting you!
Sarah Grey
I am so full of admiration for you as you work so hard to make something beautiful, and educational, and full of heart, which you would undo in an instant at your daughter's request. You are such an amazing and gracious mother, and your daughter is so lucky to have you.
Benjamyn Ward
My first thought was that I wanted to be charged for the next episode, too! I love how much of us thought this way and I hope it conveys how much we support you and love to hear about you and your daughter. I can't express how much this podcast has taught me.
Brianna
I agree, I would rather contribute towards the next episode
Evelyn Redwine
I would also like to say that I am more than happy to pay for this episode. I suppose it would be easy enough for me to give an additional, one time payment for the next episode, if you choose not to charge for it. Thank you for all you do. Both you and your kiddos gifts are greatly appreciated. ❤️
Stephen Lewis
FWIW I don't really think of it as being "charged" for an episode; I'm not buying something, I'm supporting something.
Leah Carey
Quite to the contrary, I WANT to pay for the next episode. I appreciate you and your care for your daughter so much. I am perfectly happy to have paid to support an episode that has disappeared because you were taking care of her. This only makes me more of a fan. And yes, if at some point she decides to ask you to stop sharing, I’ll miss you both but I’ll be happy to know that you’re taking care of yourselves and each other. ❤️ Thank you for this gift you give us all.
Marlo Mack
Thank you!! So kind of you.
Marlo Mack
Awww, thanks, Alexandra. <3
Marlo Mack
Thank you, Scott! It is indeed a balancing act! And it seems to get trickier as she gets older. This was a huge learning experience for me. The good part is that we had some really good talks about this, and I think I'll ask more questions - and listen more closely - next time.
Shobhna
Oh Marlo, you're such a lovely mom. Thank you for being so wonderful to your kiddo. I support you both completely. I don't care about the charge. I look forward to hearing from you both again soon, when it's right for her and you.
Scott G
Thanks for the re-update! I don't feel re-charged for anything; I see it as another opportunity to listen to the episode anyway! Yes, it's a balancing act we all play, among "advocating for our kids" but also "protecting them." I have been to SO MANY SCHOOL BOARD MEETINGS as a "parent in the community" rather than "parent of a trans kid," all in the interest of protecting them and their anonymity.
Alexandra Lilly
Pretty sure you're the mum everyone wishes they could have! Thanks for telling us. It's great news she'll be able to start out on blockers! So happy you'll be able to continue sharing your stories.
