Khenal
patreon
Chapter Three-Hundred Forty-Five
🕑 Added 2025-03-28 02:12:11 +0000 UTC___________________________________________
Earl Paulte Heindarl Bulifinor Magnamtir if'Gofnar
___________________________________________
In the luxurious Guildmaster’s Quarters of the Calm Seas Guild, the Earl scowls, gripping his glass of brandy tightly. A lesser elf would be pacing, tugging at his ears like he means to pull them off! But he is no lesser elf, letting setbacks make him so distraught.
Jondar Helmsplitter may technically be whom the room is meant for, but he’s wise enough to be in his office right now instead of arguing with the elf who is bankrolling this venture about who gets to brood and drink fine spirits in the luxurious chamber. Still, Paulte can’t let himself get too dejected. He’s navigated harsher storms than this. He will see the new sunrise, as he always does.
He takes a calming breath and eases his grip on the glass before it can shatter, forcing himself to go over the setbacks with a critical eye, instead of an invested one. He’s played the emotions of enough people to know they can make fools of even the shrewdest negotiators. If he’s going to plot a course through this dangerous reef, he needs a clear head.
It’s the same kind of thinking that got him to agree to miss Toja’s proposal. If she had suggested putting his son in harm’s way before he arrived, he would have happily reported her to the Crown and seen her carapace cracked and the life slowly drain from her body. But after seeing how his son has grown, and how he has the nerve to throw procedure in his face to slow him down… the lad has chosen a poor time to start playing politics.
It’s still regrettable, and he may still turn her in after all is said and done. He’ll need a scapegoat for the incident, and he doesn’t doubt she’s trying to secure some bit of evidence to ensure he can’t. He smirks as he imagines her secreting away the agreement with the wax seal on it. As if he would use his actual signet ring. Her ‘proof’ will only be proof of her forgery, when the time is right.
He takes a sip of his brandy, his spirits lifted by the image of her shocked face when he serves a warrant for her arrest and execution. That, and the mounds of gold to be gained are potent incentives for him to see this stormy weather through.
If only his other problems were so simple to imagine besting. The garrison will make it trickier for him to move directly, but he already has his pawns in place. They will either do their work subtly, or be cast aside if they are discovered. As far as anyone should be able to tell, he is putting his head down and working to get his guild up and running. He’s securing supply contracts, negotiating for exclusive escort deals, and otherwise working to establish a foothold here.
The other guild is putting up a moderate fight, but there is only so much they can do when an Earl is backing a guild. The Calm Seas must take care not to make too many waves, but barring a disaster, there is little the Slim Chance can do to outright keep him from getting established.
The dungeon is proving to be its own barricade to progress as well. He’s spent no small amount of time here researching it, as well as dungeons in general. He’s hardly an inspector, but he has some small understanding of how a young dungeon should behave, now. While he is surprised to hear none of the guild members have died yet, it would seem there are other ways to discourage a party than the threat of death. Or at least the overt threat thereof. The adventurers have been complaining about the constant stares from the ravens, of being unsettled at how they are always watching, oddly silent. With the addition of the dire ravens, even without any hostile movements, the adventurers are rushing through whatever delves they have planned, skipping opportunities for other gains and withering under the gaze of the large birds.
They’re not failing any of their quests, but when adventurers from one guild will go above and beyond, while the other will do exactly what the contract stipulates and nothing more, buyers will of course flock to the one that offers more. It also doesn’t help that, while gathering and escort quests are the lifeblood of most guilds, the gatherers here seem able to handle themselves in some parts of the blasted dungeon! Quests into the lava labyrinth are still numerous and lucrative, but the low effort quests that usually abound simply don’t exist with Thedeim!
If he had known, he would have ensured he brought more crafters to establish his own crafting offshoot guild, but he’s well behind in something like that. He could try to force his way in, but fighting on that many financial fronts would be a fool’s errand. The window for an easy profit is long past. He can’t go throwing coin overboard, thinking he can chum the waters now.
He already has a shark he needs to deal with anyway.
His scowl begins to reassert itself as he considers the elf that appears to be his true foe in all this: Miller. He can think of no other reason why little Rezlar is suddenly able to swim the harsh tides of politics, filling his sails with loopholes and technicalities to avoid capsizing in the rough seas of the Earl’s displeasure. He’d feel pride in his son if he wasn’t certain there was someone else actually at the helm of his ship. That deft hand at the wheel can belong to none other than Miller.
He’s surely guiding the dungeon, too. It’s too simple minded, too young to be subtle in its observations, but the adventurers prove how effectively one can be unbalanced simply by knowing someone is watching. He needs to undermine Miller’s meddling… but how? It’s not like he can just ask the dungeon to stop staring.
Hmm… or can he? If Miller can manipulate it, why can’t he? It’s even classified as Cooperative and has a Voice. If he can have elves, dwarves, beastkin, and more dancing to his tune, why not a dungeon?
He smirks and finishes his drink, feeling motivated as he strides to his travel trunk. The enchantments to make it able to hold so much more than it should cost him a pretty coin, but it’s worth it in times like this. He may not be a proper adventurer, but he does have a fine set of chainmail for the occasions he needs to project physical power. His best rapier easily slips into its place on his belt, and his best hat soon finds itself upon his head. The color and bright plume make it seem only a fashion accessory, and he supposes it technically is. The metal band hidden inside has all the protection of a fine enchanted circlet, with the cloth and feather providing excellent camouflage. He laces up his best boots and checks himself in the mirror before making his way to Jondar’s office.
The stout elf looks surprised, but doesn’t voice his questions as he stands and bows. “Ah, Earl if’Gofnar. You look ready for adventure.”
“I suppose I am, at that. Have you visited the dungeon itself yet?”
Jondar quirks an eyebrow and slowly shakes his head. “No, Earl. I’ve been busy with paperwork.”
“By now, I hope you’re down to things that can be delayed for a few hours. It occurs to me that the dungeon has a Voice. Perhaps the staring the adventurers are reporting is because the dungeon simply doesn’t know us yet. If we introduce ourselves, things will go much more smoothly.”
Jondar doesn’t look especially convinced, but he doesn’t argue. “Let me get my armor and axe then. It should only take me a few minutes, unless you wanted a larger escort?”
The Earl shakes his head. “No, it would be wasted on a dungeon. I don’t expect to delve, but one must dress appropriately for negotiations.” Jondar clearly doesn’t have a head for deals, but he still has enough wits to not talk back. True to his word, it only takes him a few minutes to get into his heavy plate armor and carry his large single-head battle axe.
The Earl’s carriage has ample room for the two of them, even with the armor and axe of the stout elf, and as the sun sits at its peak, the two exit in front of the gates to the manor of Thedeim. The Earl strides confidently as Jondar follows, his gaze always moving and looking for threats. It’s plain to the Earl there are no threats here, but for an experienced adventurer like Jondar, old habits are the ones that let him grow old.
Paulte pays him no mind as he speaks plainly, as the reports say one should if they wish to speak with the dungeon. “Dungeon Thedeim! I am the Earl Paulte Heindarl Bulifinor Magnamtir if'Gofnar. We need to talk.” His declaration earns a few glances from the other delvers around, but they quickly return to their own business. It seems speaking to the dungeon directly really isn’t that unusual here.
When a rat crawls out from a clump of grass, the Earl fights his disgust and resists the urge to draw his rapier and dispatch the vermin. Such creatures should consider themselves lucky to drown in the bilges of his merchant ships, but he needs to talk to this one, at least for now.
“What’s up?” it asks, its vocabulary simple and crude. Now the Earl has to fight the predatory grin looking to establish itself on his face. This will be easy.
Paulte motions for Jondar to explain, which he does without even sighing. “The Earl here has been generous and kind enough to finance me setting up a guild here, but my adventurers are… unnerved by all the staring.”
The rat tilts its head in confusion for a few moments. “Why?”
Paule deftly steps in. “Because staring is rude, young dungeon. You’re trying to learn about all these new people, aren’t you?” he questions, probing and aiming to guide it to give more answer than it realizes.
The rodent still looks a bit confused, but slowly nods his head. “Yeah. We were worried they wouldn’t make any mana.”
Paulte smiles wide. “Of course they make mana for you! They’re adventurers! That’s what they do! Who would put a silly idea like that in your head, that they wouldn’t make mana?”
The rat looks nervous, taking a few long seconds before replying. “He said I shouldn’t say. He just said the new people might be invaders, not delvers.”
“Oh? He who? Perhaps an older elf with ashen skin?”
The rat’s eyes widen and the Earl knows he’s got him. “Ah, I see. Well, don’t listen to everything he says, hmm? If you stop staring at the new adventurers, they’ll make you even more mana, you’ll see.”
“I… guess I’ll try to explain that to the Boss. Are you gonna delve?” asks the rat, trying to change the subject to something it clearly understands better.
“Unfortunately, I’m a busy elf. But if the other adventurers are able to more easily delve, maybe I’ll have some free time to try my own hand at it,” he smoothly deflects, hammering into the stupid rat that the best way to get more mana will be to let his adventurers delve without such harsh scrutiny! The rodent looks unhappy about that and simply turns to vanish into the clump of grass it exited from.
Earl if’Gofnar smiles before turning to leave, Jondar at his heel. Neither can see the rat sitting in its shortcut, grinning wide as it watches them go.
Comments
Ben Bass
TYFTC! The Earl’s greatest weakness is that he believes that he is always right, and can’t ever be mistaken. That is not a good bet to take with Thediem involved.
Aerowarrier
Ooo! I bet the Earl would recognize Rezlar in his disguise by the attacks he uses! That could be interesting!
Aerowarrier
Oh please Teemo, turn off the spacial enchantments on his trunk. Please do it while he’s in the room and make him watch that thing explode with all the crap he has stuffed in there. It would be so unbelievably funny
Aerowarrier
It’s kinda funny that Hullbreak and the Earl view the world through the same seafaring lens. If he wasn’t trying to shake up what Hullbreak has come to appreciate, they might’ve gotten along. Guy should’ve stuck to trading ships
Typhoonator
The best laid plans of mice and men are nothing before teemo
Samuel
hahahahhhahha 🤣😂😂😂 thanks ,or the chapter oh that was too good, also I am re reading book three, and noticed something I can't wait for, not all the evaders the southwood talked about, came from the maw did they, if I am right can't wait to find about that, find out how citys build there sewers to try to get dungeons in them
12Baku34 .
A prime example of 'Arrogance is the downfall of man' and 'Pride before the fall' everybody. Let's see how just how much the Earl has hanged himself.
mly85lc
Wonder if they make some rat or core idols for Miller? And sould that as reason having power over MC.
mly85lc
Well that's just rude! Feahter-hat-man didn't even bring eny cheese to Teemo.! Pale-one bring tasty snacks when speaking to boss-god! Yes-yes cheese....
brennon Petersen
Tftc!
Lord-Siver
Thank you for the meal! It was as delicious as always! I love how it shows here how much missinformation can ruin your game
Lord-Siver
That is the thing about missinformation. The earl works with what he knows and how he thinks the world works. I think he is very well written as a smart witted but prejudiced man in power who thinks everyone is as rotten as himself but just don't show it because they are either not smart enough or powerful enough. He is also fed misinformation by everyone working against him feeding into his false believes so that everything makes sense to him. He does simply expect occams razor but not a TheDM. Also it seems he didn't get the memo yet that TheDM is an actual god but thinks he is just worshipped by his denizens like many dungeons.
mly85lc
Well they do say most dangerous think is having enough knowledge about subject to think your right dut not enough knowledge to know that your actually wrong. And Erals know things or two of normal dungeon.... MC though is anomanly.
Presten
Am I completely mistaken or has everyone totally forgot the fact that Earl Evil very casually ruminated on how he was willing to commit filicide. Because for me that bumps him from, "ruin his scummy politicking" to "destroy his credibility, cripple his livelihood, end his political career, take away his self worth, break his body, and then and only then allow him to die slowly"
MattUDFells
He didn't so much ignore it but see it as evidence of Miller's influence
LinaBoeckwurm
I honestly expected more from the Earl.... He's an idiot. We'll have to wait and see, but I feel like he's not going to put up nearly as big of a fight as I was expecting.
Georg Kranz
As a Wheel of Time fan, I'm all for an inspired fight against the wrong general.
jeffh4
Won't Miller be SURPRISED when he learns he was controlling the dungeon the entire time! :-)
jeffh4
The Earl also ignored the lesson he should have taken to heart when he received the welcoming letter.
Liam
Thank you for the amazing chapter. This is why Teemo is Thedeim voice, too bad the Earl didn’t do his research properly.
K9defend19
Hook, line, and sinker
Demonlord
Bombarding the butt of the Earl with explosives sounds like a fun time to be around
Demonlord
Oh he got played so damn hard... Teemo should get an Oscar for this performance
CF Sapper
Pretty sure the DC on that check was low enough that anything but a 1 would have been a success.
C
Never play a player.
chris Bell
Oh my good playing the fool I love it he is so arrogant he thinks the dungeon that can make a world tree is simple to manipulate hahaha
Black Esper
Spores are the best 😁
Brandon C
I hope the Earl has a few new information gathering passengers on him now
Juno Tubolino
The Earl has no damned clue what he's in for, what a tool! Tyftc!
David Robb
Lol suckers were played like a fiddle
Herakilla
Thanks for the chapter! The Earl is fucking around and I can't wait for him to find out!
Pete Magnuson
Please tell me next chapter covers a bit of that convo from their POV? I desperately want to see the evil giggles they're fighting down right now.
Stickboy172
Playing the pig to kill the tiger. Perfect 👌 It's always the arrogant that see what they expect and don't bother to look deeper. This never ends well for them
William Mileham
*cough* arrogant winding! *cough*
Art Dragon
Oh my goodness dude is so far up his butt he can’t even see his nose. Thank you for this beautiful story.
Tsume Eiranis
*snrk* Thank you for the chapter. How very nice of Teemo and Thedeim to give the Earl some rope...
Ethan Barrow
TFTC!! Rolled a nat 20 on deception, lol.
Destiny Meyers
It's funny how wrong he is about his son. That is going to be a fun revelation!
Tim Judge
Sneaky little rat. sneaky dungeon god. noice.
Munirah Hutchinson
This guy's done the most minimal research and thinks he's ready to tangle with a GOD lmao. Get a load of this guy 🤣 🤣 🤣
Austin Miller
That was the most I've ever read Teemo acting like his namesake. Little dude will be stuffing mushrooms full of high explosive in no time.
Zachary Hanson
If only a dungeon could laugh, I'm sure thediem would be rolling on the ground cackling at that little "negotiation" XD
The_Lone_Wanderer
Dude’s getting played like a cheap kazoo
Stav Tri
Wow, he's more naive then he lets on. I guess being on such a high horse, he overlooks the dragon that his horse walks on. It'll soon buck though, and him lying on the back of a dragon, I wonder how his face will be and what consequences will arise if he perceives it a slight upon his honor, though wretched it may be.
Dark Dino Spires
Love Teemo playing subdued and Naive. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Durphymcbob
Thanks for the chapter!
Kevin Neely
God damn it teemo. Why'd you let the mean old man fall into that hole he dug for himself.
