miikesobi
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Captains Log 08/21/25
🕑 Added 2025-08-22 23:49:20 +0000 UTCHey all! I apologize for going awol for a bit, my retail job ended last Thursday and right after I got caught up in some very short but crunchy animation freelance, but I'm back now and ready to finish up commissions and get back to the g r i n d.
On a more personal note, I've been wrestling with a couple big things recently, mainly an identity crisis that's been brewing since I lost my cushy studio animation job back in 2022, and just general anxiety around my moving to a different city. I’m not going to get super doom and gloom about things, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't waking up terrified at the understanding that I need to make some MAJOR changes to shock myself back into myself.
I remember being fresh out of college working at Disney making borderline six figures thinking this was just the beginning of things, that I would have a tv show at twenty-seven and naturally twelve oscars, four beefcake husbands and thirty million dollars in my checking account by twenty-eight. Unfortunately, at twenty-eight I’m seeing how many meals I can stretch out of a pound of spaghetti and some oil. This isn't a woe is me because I’ve become a starving artist though, as I know times are fucked for a majority of us right now (which by the way, if you’re a paying patron, I’m forever grateful for you guys, THANK YOU!!). I'm mourning a future I was sure since I was in my teens I would make happen. One that for a while, when I was working for these big studios, seemed possible. I'm caught holding onto my “better” past and time pushing me forward to a rougher, scarier, unknown future.
Given the current entertainment industry climate, I feel the only path forward is the independent one, but with that road comes an understanding that there won’t be financial stability for a while. To be blunt, I'm drowning in stress. I’ve experienced how rough things get trying to hold the fort down with retail work and what I make from patreon/shop/commissions. It’s not enough, and I hate the fact that I’m stumbling so visibly in front of people. My self doubt is at an all time high, and the anxiety of putting myself out there to be judged and critiqued makes me want to run into a cave and hide. But I can’t be taking months and months for single illustrations anymore. Things need to be out of my head, imperfect and real if I want any shot at making art my career again.
I’m aware a lot of these roadblocks are self imposed. I’m holding on to an image of myself I had as a teenager, and it’s at odds with reality. I see a new path forward, but I’ve never thought about it before. It’s not in the city I’d thought I’d be in and it’s not doing what I’d thought I’d do. In a way, it feels like giving up, but maybe it’s better to look at it as an evolution. I remember reading that all John Carpenter wanted to do was make westerns. Maybe it’ll be the same for me. I wanted to be a director in animation, but life took me elsewhere. Regardless, I don't think of this as me losing my ambition, I have faith that if I keep telling the stories I want to tell, and pushing myself to be a better artist, the financial side of things will even out. It's accepting that the timeline I wanted is not the timeline I'm getting, and to let myself grow in a way that's natural, instead of fighting it tooth and nail, prolonging the inevitable because it’s not as pretty. Besides, Hollywood isn’t going anywhere, and I’ve missed the coziness of east coast fall for the last 10 years.
So all in all, if this new indie artist path doesn’t work out, I can change course. It’s not a death sentence. If I decide the beast that is the animation industry is worth it, I’ll find a way back in. The only thing I can possibly do at this moment in my life to make it worse is to continue stagnating. Shake off the dust, take a leap of faith, and prove to yourself you're capable of more than you thought.
Comments
mike
thank you dude!!! yeah im definitely realizing some things...
mike
LOL
Emmanuel Orlando Matias
Lol let me try that again. It sucks that life didn't go the way ya wanted but I'm glad to hear you're finding your way through. I'm wishing you lots of luck!
Emmanuel Orlando Matias
It sucks that th
Symphony
You got this! I know it’s easier said than done, but 28 is still young! You have your whole life ahead of you and yeah, sometimes it’s a bumpy road, but with the will to continue you will come out fine~ it’s always scary living from paycheck to paycheck. It feels like you are walking on a cracking glass bridge, so I understand words can only do so much :( BUT, I truly hope that you start to feel better and just remember, you are still young!
mike
that’s been on my letterboxd watchlist since it came out…maybe I can tackle it this week! And thank you so much, I’m definitely grateful for the opportunities I’ve had so far, and it’s important not to forget that. Also I’d love to move back to La eventually…once my life settles a bit.
mike
for real, things are so much more fluid than i think they are. its just a part of growing up im having a tough time accepting, but i know its what needs to be done.
Christopher
My love language is movie recommendations, so I'm gonna recommend the 2021 musical adaptation "Tick Tick...Boom!" It's not a cinematic masterpiece by any means, but it does capture the feelings of being an artist pushing 30. We're sold this mentality that we have to reach our peak by our late 20s, but that is very much not true at all. And don't sell yourself short, tons of storytellers would love to have the success you have achieved! How many animators can say their films have 2.5 million views online? The answer is barely a handful. You're an accomplished artist, Mike; don't let self-deprecation fool you. I don't know what direction you're thinking of going, artistically or professionally, but I'm sure that whatever road you take, you'll be incredible. I have enjoyed your animations and comics for a couple years now, so I feel confident in believing you can do much more than just these mediums. Best of luck with moving to a new city. Los Angeles will be sad to lose you, but the East Coast will be thrilled over your return. :)
Allan Meyer
OK as someone who’s been around the sun a few times I can tell you: Everyone is allowed to have a Plan B. I’m on R or maybe DD myself. I was going to change the automotive industry from within, and from France, no less. So instead it morphed into reportage and historical design research on said industry. I’ve gone through several cycles- X number years of content creation alternating with Z years of serving food. The serving food phase is exhausting but it kept my bank account active and me housed. So in the big picture of “what do I do next?” the answer might be All Of The Above, at different times. Your artistic ability and technique, and comedy writing are not in question. (Why I pledge on here.) So there’ll be something in front, behind, or even beside you. Heck I follow a guy who was going to be a game designer, got a degree in geology and after over a decade of YouTubing, made a visual novel in a month.
3 Trench Coats in a Boy
/hug
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