tokifuji
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Took a work absence, Mom passed away
🕑 Added 2020-10-22 19:17:05 +0000 UTCWell i guess that's the TL;DR version, my mama left this world on the 9th of October 2020.
TMI version:
My mom was sick for a while before she couldn't hide it anymore... We noticed she was losing some weight and eating less, but otherwise she was still active, going to church, driving around visiting friends and even going to the clinic for regular check ups, we told her to get the weightloss checked out and when she apparently did she relayed that is was her getting old (she hit her 70's) But then in March the country started lockdowns so she wasn't as active, so between April and June it was very noticeable that she shed weight like mo'fucker and was asleep for most of her day, THAT's when I decided to take her to a private doctor myself
The doc said that rapid weightloss is a big red flag at her age and we went to get some tests and an ultrasound done, to mom's chagrin as she gave me hell just to go get them done, and when we eventually got back to the doc, lumps in her colon...
That was a surprise to me but I'm sure there's no way her other doctors missed something like that...
Anyway, Doc suspected case of colon cancer and organized for her to get a private colonoscopy asap, but the asap was 2 weeks away, in that mean time mom just slowed down to the point of being on the couch unless she had to use the bathroom, eating less again, STILL complaining that's she's 'fine' and then the surgeon let us know that she'd need a check up before the colonoscopy, come the day for the check up, mom refused
She refused to go to the check up, she refused the colonoscopy altogether, we called back the doc to talk with her, but she wouldn't budge, the doc told us get her to a hospital, again she refused, we said we'd carry her and bring her right back, nope. We said we can get an ambulance for her. nope. (they can't force a patient to get in the ambulance) my dad and I got frustrated and tried physically lifting her up and carrying her but she pulled away and pushed our arms off her to the point of begging us not to carry her, so we stopped stressing her out, I went to another room and cried... full on sobbing because I had the gut feeling that was it.
I still wanted to try though... I wanted to selfishly save her somehow even though that's not what she wanted, everyday i'd ask to get her medical help and she'd say no and rub my arm and smile at me which was my cue to let her sleep... had another doctor make a house call anyway who suggested a CT scan to her face but in private told me it didn't look good and prescribed A LOT of tramadol for her
So, after a while of back and forth with her and with her doc and a palliative care doc, we just made sure she was comfortable.
September was especially rough, hence the 1 update at the end, had to take care of feeding her liquid meals and changing her and bathing her and just sorta, letting her waste away basically, I guess she knew it was the end for her and wanted to be at home with us and not in a cold hospital ward around strangers, which I can understand but not understand why you would want to go through what she did...
On the night of the 8th I gave her a dose of tramadol, kissed her on the forehead and told her I loved her just as I did the weeks before, she weakly moaned in response and I turned of the lights to her room, but that night was the first time in a while I genuinely prayed, I just asked for mom not to suffer anymore, and on the morning of the 9th, my brother found her.
She looked like she was just sleeping. I was half expecting her chest to move while I was staring at her. Even when I actually touched her face and felt that it was cold it didn't hit me. When the doc came to confirm and needed help to straighten her body out before it got too stiff, I legit said "Oh...She feels like plastic..."
So yeah...since the Friday when she passed we've had people in and out of the house with well wishes, same with phone calls, had the funeral last week where the tears flowed and even with restrictions she had a big turnout, visit and calls have died down tho there are still a few people finding out now and contacting us , I guess it'll be like that for a while, in the mean time I'm just trying to go about how I usually do, trying not to dwell on it, making sure my dad and brother are doing alright, such is life I suppose
If you made it all the way down here, thanks for reading my venting I guess lol, It'll be back to lewds in here soon : D
Comments
Oh man I feel terrible that I just noticed this. Sending lots of love to you and your family <3. Please take care of yourself and take all the time you need to heal.
Please take care toki! <3
Austrocylindropuntia
That's so sad, and I feel for you and your family. I know there's little I can say that'll actually help, but I hope that just sending you well wishes does.
Yato@12
Im so sorry for your lose. My heart and prayers goes out to you and your family. My she rest peacefully now. Take all the time in the world you need and deserve it.
My condolences toki. Sending all the love and hope💜💜💜💜
Celti
I'm sorry, I know how hard it is to lose someone you love. We're here for you, wishing support and wellness. I hope this time you take really helps you heal and grieve; Your safety is more important than any comic, so take all the time you need.
Toby
condolences to you and your family. I totally understand you taking your time to grieve. Take as long as you need. Sending love and good vibes <3
Animelover17
My condolences, Hope things get better later on even it can be suck sometime. Wish you and your family well.
MrUndercity
My condolences, take all the time you need
Eto Ki
-tears up and hugs- i know what it's like, to find someone like that, and well, i can only say to be strong and always look back on your memories, good and bad, in my honest opinion, those are what keep your loved ones alive, long after they have passed.
Gaby
I’m so sorry. My deepest condolences. Take as long as you need and wishing you and your family the best. Sorry again.
Captain
*lots of hugs* be well, take your time and look after yourself
Kawaii Neko
Toki I am sorry to hear for your lost. My great grandmother was similar in this situation. She wouldn’t tell anyone when she was in pain. She wanted to be home with her family and she refused any further help. But always remember take care of you mental health first. We will continue to support you every step of the way! ❤️
Saben
My condolences, Toki. Hope you and your family are holding up okay. Take all the time off you need :c
CatB0X
So sorry to hear of your loss Toki, my deepest condolences to you friend.
Xzy
I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that Toki. I hope the best for you and your family.
Just take the time you need.
Burgafrickle
Condolences Toki =(
Condolences, Toki -- sounds like it's been a particularly rough year. Thanks for sharing!
Tricotmiss
I am so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you and your family were able to be with her and with each other. Take all the time to you need.
jane
please feel free to take as long as you need.
M_iliyo
Condolences to you and your family.. take all the time you need.
Thingymabob
No need to apologise. Losing a parent is a hard thing. Especially when it's slow like that. Take all the time you need, we'll still be here.
Heather Campbell
I am sending my love and sympathy to you. I cannot imagine the pain from having to watch as she slowly left you. Thank you for the vulnerability of sharing. Please take care of yourself, both in here and in your everyday life. Anyone who gets bent out of shape over you taking time to heal doesn’t deserve your attention.
Ed Harding
Take all the time you need. You need it. We can wait.
Eldkatten
May her soul find peace. Some of it sounds like my mom's story, who died three years ago. And I can recognize the despair when you understand that there is no hope left but for the loved person to be relieved of pain and suffering. My mom knew she was about to go, and obviously your mom did as well. Please take your time and don't stress yourself.
Alex Yu
Don’t worry about us take some more time off to grieve it’s only been about a month some people need more time to grieve for their family especially at this time
Baby Sweet
I'm so sorry
fenarinarsa
Oh my god... it must have been so hard for all of you... I'm so sorry for your loss.
E Rodriguez
I’m so so sorry, Toki, please don’t rush on our account. We’re all sending love
jazääm
Hey Toki thanks for your honesty and opening up about it. It is soo hard and difficult to read a story like this and not be touched. I know it is way more difficult for you. I do not think there is something as difficult as loosing a parent. I am dead afraid of that day. However, life moves on and we have to look up and not let this burden us down. I wish you tons of strength and love not just for now, but for the next months and years to come! Idk if you are a huggy person - either way I am sending you a big electronical hug. Condolences <3
DC James
I cry for you
Laika
Losing a loved one in any situation is terrible, you don’t need to convince anyone or justify any time needed for yourself because of it. Condolences 💐.
Meesh
I'm so sorry. I hope you are still taking whatever time you need to get through it peacefully, even as you're returning to work. Take care of yourself! ❤
SilverMinx
I feel your pain and send my loving wishes to you and your family Toki-san! 🥺😔💕 I know there’s nothing that can really be said when someone goes through this, but I really truly am sending you my love and peace 🙏🏾❤️
Diego P
there's really nothing I could say to make things better, I wish you well, take all the time you need
I am really sorry, my condolences for your loss.
Sacha
So sorry for your loss Toki, take all the time you need to grieve. Your community has your back so don’t feel alone we will be here when you return. Lots of love 🤗
Smile Dip
I'm sorry for your loss. Here's wishing you health, and the strength to make it through these troubling times. I hope it brings some comfort to you that she passed surrounded and cared for by people she loved.
Issah Wywin
Jesus I cry too easily. I admire the way you handled it, and it sucks having to do so. Here's me adding my well wishes to the pile, my condolences and so on. Take care, know that you did the best you could and that she saw death coming and chose to spend her remaining time with her family.
Layne
Death is very hard to deal with, and I admire your strength in persevering through this♡♡♡ Please,take all the time you need to recover!
My sincere condolences. I lost my mother to colon cancer too. Thus your description hits close to home, as I recognize so much of what you describe there. You did probably the best thing anyone could do in this horrible situation and were there for her until the end. All the strength to you and your family!
Nick95
I know you've heard it a lot, and it doesn't help much, but I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost my dad to colon cancer, so I understand how hard it is. If you want to talk, message me and I'll be all ears. Stay strong Toki. ❤️
David A
My condolences. I didn't realize it was something so serious. Greive or celebrate (as according to many traditions) as you need to. Take the time. I lost my sister way back in 1998. My grandfathers in the 2000s. It takes some time. To lose a parent...I cannot say how that would be. You're probably going to have a rough day or so where it hits you and you shouldn't fight it. Express it if you have to in your art. I bequeath to you a lei of flowers in spirit; tiger lilies; and a sunflower to encourage you to shine on. 🌻 I welcome to you speak to me if you wish to; let us know if there's anything we can do for you as a community. A close friend of mine also offers these words: I understand loss. I had no one there for me. You do. We are here for you.
Elijah Yarbrough
I am so sorry about your mother, and I send my deepest sympathies to you and the rest of your family. Best wishes.
WhitePhox
My condolences for your loss, Toki, take your time to grieve. I can't imagine what you went thru. 12 years ago my mom passed away from cancer and she refused to do the surgery the doctor suggested back then. Sending lots of hugs from there.
Simon
My deepest condolences Toki. This was hard to read but I'm glad I did. You and your family have my best wishes. Take the time you need. Losing is loving mother is probably one of the hardest thing someone can go through.
BJHawk
Oh, my god. I am so sorry to hear that, so sorry for your loss. May strenght be with you and your close ones in these already difficult times. I am dreding the day it comes to me, which is inevitable. I actually cried when I read this post, as I see my mother getting old every day as well....
Gon-san
Sorry about your loss, I hope you can feel her in every step from now on, she will always be by your side and inside you, keep the happiness up, she will enjoy your joy feelings and suffer your sadness. Mom is always there for her kids
Labby
I'm very sorry for your loss. My condolences.
Ramona Wanders
My condolences Toki, and take all the time you need. Grieving a loved one is important and shouldn't be rushed. Family comes first. We'll be here, waiting when you're ready. Lots of love. 😊
James
You bring so much joy to so many people that I am truly heartbroken that this has happened to you. As many other people have surely said, please take all the time you need and we'll all be here when you're ready.
Wendigo The Lewd
I know the feel man, especially the plastic part. Just remember she will be happy as long as you are. Parents sometimes won't say it but they always will love you, their child.
CHEEZMA
My heart goes out to you and your family, Toki ❤️ I’m so sorry
Cameron Varley
**Sending hugs**
Wobbuffet
Take all the time you need!! So sorry for your loss
Cody
All my condolences Toki, I’m thinking about you and sending love!🦊💕 take all the time you need, I’m sure I can speak for everyone here when I say we just want what’s best for you! We’re all here for you!
Razoth
My condolences. Take the time you need!
Take your time, don't rush it. Mourn. All of us will be here to support you whenever you need it. ❤
Reggie Sunderland
My condolences, take care of yourself above all, take your time. 😉
Kaizer
Im sorry for your loss and my best wishes to both yourself and your family! Take as long as you need for yourself!!
Aaryn
Sending love man. All the best to you and your family
My condolences. Please take care of your family and yourself. Take as much time as you need. Family first.
FoxxyFem
My condolences Toki 😿 Much love and hugs ❤💕
Alibastaire
I’m sorry Toki, take as much time away as you need
Thomas Fank
Sorry for your loss
James
sorry to hear about your mom. take care of yourself.
Julia Donigan
My deepest condolences ❤️
The Beating of a Horse's Hooves
Take care of yourself <3
Duodragoon
Sorry to hear, my condolences
ShirobaSlut92
I'm very sorry for your loss.... **Sending virtual hugs**
