Becca Bellamy
patreon
I’ve Denied Myself for Too Long - Becca's Blog
🕑 Added 2021-12-08 07:36:20 +0000 UTCWelcome to a new version of the blog. I’ll be writing regular posts that delve a little more into my experiences with cuckolding, including my ongoing (and hopefully successful) search for a new boyfriend after a long, Covid-induced hiatus.
As I write this, it’s been nearly 21 months since I last cuckolded my husband, which is far and away the longest I’ve gone without a boyfriend since I first cuckolded him more than a decade ago. The last time was lovely, too. It was at a hotel in Santa Barbara in the middle of March 2020. You remember what happened in the middle of March that year, right?
Yeah, the pandemic got serious in the US just a few days after we got home from that lovely little trip. A few days after that we were walking through the grocery store searching the nearly empty shelves for anything edible and preparing to go into lockdown. It was, as I’m sure many (if not all) of you experienced, utterly surreal.
Everyone approached the pandemic and social contact in the months afterwards differently. My husband and I fell on the more careful (perhaps even extreme) end of the spectrum. Neither of us is in any particular risk group, but we’re both fairly averse to the notion of illness (and death, obviously). You know what I really made me so cautious, though? I think it was seeing a few too many perfectly healthy people die in those early days. It was (and this was a mistake on my part) closely following the Instagram accounts of the loved ones of some of those people that died. It was seeing the overwhelming agony that some people went through that kind of terrified me, and because we both had the luxury of working from home (in my case that’s thanks to all of my kind Patrons – I love you all!) we chose not to take any real risks because we didn’t have to.
Now, though, I can’t help but regret just how cautious we were. For a month or two after we got vaccinated we felt good (I never did find someone that I really connected with in that time), but then the delta variant came sweeping through and we got cautious again. We were too cautious, though, and it’s actually impacted my happiness.
I’m not complaining. I know I’ve had it better than most. I’m just trying to be honest. I didn’t realize it until I stopped, but having relationships outside my marriage became an important part of my happiness. It’s not just my happiness, either. It’s my husband’s, too.
Now, it’s not like I’ve spent the past 21 months without any sexual pleasure. I still have sex with my husband. He’s not that kind of cuckold. He’s quite good at making me cum and I really like having sex with him. I’ve always liked having sex with him.
Being with someone new is different, though. It’s better in so many ways, and again, it’s not just for me. Being cuckolded turns my husband on more than anything. I could dress up in the hottest lingerie in the world and offer up the sexiest striptease imaginable and then get on my knees and worship his cock and it still wouldn’t come close to arousing him as much as cuddling up next to him and telling him about how my boyfriend fucked me in the car and made me cum all over his big cock in our front seat (Which happened, by the way. I also accidentally left the condom wrapper on the floor, which my husband absolutely loved finding the next day.).
It took me a long time – too long, honestly – to realize that I’ve really, really missed the pleasures of cuckolding. In fact, I’ve realized that some of the pleasures of cuckolding have become an integral part of my happiness, which explains why I’ve been feeling a little bit off for the past few months. My needs – needs that evolved as my sex life evolved – aren’t being met. Because my husband and I chose to open our marriage it’s now impossible for him to truly meet my needs. It turns out I can go quite a long time without enjoying the pleasures of being with new men, but I can’t go forever without it.
I’m not the only one, though. As I said above, my husband experiences the greatest heights of sexual pleasure via cuckolding, so he’s been feeling deprived too.
As the post title suggests, we’ve decided to put an end to our self-imposed exile from the joys of cuckolding. It’s time for me to find a new boyfriend. It’s possible that the Omicron variant will put a crimp in those plans, but we’re moving forward and hoping for the best, because we’re both going a little bit crazy after nearly two years without the sexual pleasures we’ve come to enjoy.
The search has already begun (I’ll write in greater detail about it in the next few weeks), but what’s interesting to me is that some combination of our Covid-induced break and writing for you, my lovely Patrons, has led me to reevaluate what I’m looking for in a new partner, and the results have been fairly interesting.
I try – though I’m sure I often fail – to cover as many different corners of the cuckold lifestyle/fetish as I can in my writing (hotwife romance, pregnancy play, bisexual stories, small penis humiliation, chastity play, femdom both harsh and gentle, etc), which has meant a lot of research, for lack of a better word. It’s meant reading forums, following hotwives and cuckolds of all varieties on Twitter, participating in Discords, and a whole lot more. Ultimately, it’s led to a great expansion of my knowledge of the world of cuckolding and hotwifing, and now that I’m actively searching for a boyfriend once more, all that expanded knowledge has me wondering if I want something different than I typically look for in a new man.
Really, what I’m wondering is if I want to try something new, in part because it might be fun to try something new, and in part because I plan on writing about it in a way I haven’t yet and I’d like to have something interesting to write about.
What does something new mean, though? Well, this might sound surprising, but I’ve never really dated a traditional alpha type. I’ve had the occasional interlude with men like that, but I’ve never pursued something longer term, which is my preferred style of cuckolding. I really, really enjoy the intimacy that can be found in having a relationship, albeit one with the sort of limitations that are imposed by being a married woman (essentially, the relationship can only go so far and we can only see each other so often).
It’s possible I couldn’t be in a relationship with an alpha type. There’s a reason I married and am typically attracted to guys that would be described as beta males (though not the overwhelmingly weak kind often depicted in cuckold erotica), after all (I’m not entirely sure of that reason, of course, but being an alpha female might have something to do with it). That being said, I’ve recently found myself thinking and sometimes fantasizing about being with a take charge kind of man, inspired in part by the tales I’ve read of other hotwives dating alpha males. I can’t help but wonder if it would be thrilling to be with a man that not only enjoys taking control, but expects to be with a woman that’s eager to surrender control, at least to a certain extent.
For instance, my husband has never been a huge fan of blowjobs (receiving them, that is). He’s never quite been able to describe why, but he’s the sort of guy that would absolutely choose to go down on me before he’d choose to have me go down on him. I’ve been with guys that love receiving blowjobs, of course, but I’m not sure I’ve ever been with a guy that possesses such alpha energy that he expects the woman he’s with to go down on him, almost as if it’s his natural right as an alpha male to receive a blowjob when he desires it. I’m fairly certain there’s a part of me that would enjoy tapping into the kind of submissive energy required to be with a man like that, so would I enjoy engaging in a relationship of some length with a man like that? Would I enjoy being with a man that emanates the kind of strength that can be both arousing and, at times, quite comforting?
My husband has expressed that he’d find it enormously arousing if I was with a man like that, assuming I found it pleasurable. I think he really likes the idea of me being with someone that embodies those alpha qualities, simply because my husband doesn’t, for the most part at least.
These are all things I’m considering as I delve into the early stages of looking for a boyfriend. This part of the process tends to be slow, as I can be kind of picky. I’ve chatted with a handful of guys, but nothing has clicked so far. When I find someone I click with, we’ll meet in person and see where things go from there. I tend to play it slow – I like the early flirtations and pursuit almost as much as I enjoy the sex, to be honest – so it will probably be a little while before I find someone, but that’s okay. The search tends to inspire fun play with my husband as we talk about what kind of guy I want to end up with and the fun I’ll have with him when we do get together, and I always enjoy that.
I’ll keep you updated as the search continues, and with any luck I’ll find someone worthy of my time and attention before long.
Comments
I really appreciate this post. You've captured the uncertainty and vulnerability that the pandemic has given all of us, as well as those same traits that are inherent in this lifestyle. Thanks for opening yourself like this. I think your post resonated in particular for me because I'm in a relationship where I would very much like my S/O to cuckold me, but she's very resistant to the idea. Although she's been very promiscuous in her life, those periods all took place when she was not in a relationship. Now that she is in one - we've been dating since just before the pandemic started - the idea of being with others crosses an internal line for her. As for me, I tend to be a take-charge, alpha type personality most of the time. I own my own business and have very strong-willed clients whom I have to provide clear and strong advice to, even when they don't like it. I think that's a big reason I need to be a sub within the sexual side of my relationships. It's the Yang to the rest of my life's Yin. And we have a lot of fun with that within our relationship. Hopefully we will eventually move beyond where we are and into the world of cuckolding. But if we don't I'm sure we'll have a lot of fun acting things out, and reading your stories to one another etc. In the meantime, I wish you good luck and happy hunting in your quest for a new, post-pandemic boyfriend!
Stefan
Thank you so much for sharing Mistress Becca!
