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Maximal Ep. 358 | Relationship Clutter
🕑 Added 2022-09-19 11:05:00 +0000 UTCThe Minimalists are joined by licensed therapists Vanessa Bennett and John Kim to discuss relationship clutter, breaking the blame cycle, attachment styles, and more!
Discussed in this episode:
Why did Vanessa Bennett and John Kim write It’s Not Me, It’s You? (02:06)
How do I search intentionally for a life partner without becoming consumed by that pursuit? (04:11)
Does a need for relationships inevitably cause relationship clutter? (05:57)
What is the danger in prioritizing my partner’s needs? (07:53)
What is your perspective regarding codependency? (08:45)
How do you maintain your joy without making others that are suffering feel that you’re not compassionate? (09:41)
Is it a matter of personal responsibility to always accept blame? (11:21)
What is your perspective regarding the Law of Attraction with respect to relationships? (17:31)
Why is it important to recognize the distinction between the ‘what’ and the ‘how’? (23:56)
What is the difference between ‘chasing’ and ‘attracting’ states? (25:57)
When is it appropriate in a relationship to discuss intimate details? (26:49)
What are some appropriate resources for sexual concerns? (33:55)
Segment: More About Less (37:56)
How do I reclaim my identity in a relationship that came with cultural expectations? (48:51)
How do we determine and set an appropriate pace in the development of a relationship? (51:56)
Why is it important to separate attachment from expectation? (53:57)
What are the two primary needs of humans? (54:08)
What are the four different attachment types? (56:59)
What are the three essential components of relationships? (59:54)
Is a relationship doomed to fail if you don’t love yourself more than your partner? (1:03:45)
Segment: Lightning Round (1:14:46)
What are the pros and cons of legal marriage? (1:15:27)
Listener comments and minimalism tips. (1:20:15)
Segment: Talkaboutables (1:25:15)
Why is racism such a contentious topic of discussion? (1:29:25)
What is your perspective regarding alternatives to public education? (1:32:24)
What are horizontal and vertical networks? (1:36:33)
What is the danger in accepting conventions in education? (1:38:09)
Segment: Amass It or Trash It (1:41:51)
Segment: Impulse Purchases (1:42:28)
Segment: Advertisements Suck (1:50:52)
Segment: Obsolete Objects (1:57:13)
Segment: Photo Friday Home Tour (2:00:13)
What is your view regarding minimalism being a lifestyle of privilege? (2:03:45)
Segment: Right Here, Right Now (2:12:00)
What did you learn from your first Sunday Symposium event? (2:13:34)
Segment: Added Value (2:16:13)
LINKS
Added Value: “Sneakers”
App: Nothing
Book: Everything That Remains
Book: I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck
Book: It’s Not Me, It’s You
Book: Love People, Use Things
Book: Minimalist Rulebook
Event: Sunday Symposium
Podcast: Cheaper Than Therapy
Podcast: How to Love
Podcast: Christopher Kelly
Podcast: The Angry Therapist Podcast
Resources: The Minimalists
Subscribe: The Minimalists
Text: 937-202-4654
Watch: Less Is Now
Watch: Privilege Is Irrelevant
Website: Vanessa Bennett
Website: John Kim
MAXIMS
Needing a relationship is the source of relationship clutter.
Attraction is a mirror of our aspirations.
Fear is a consequence of future consequences.
Chemistry, compatibility, and love constitute the holy trinity of every relationship.
It is impossible to love someone without self-love.
Contracts inform us about the past; handshakes inform us about the future.
Learn to fight without fighting. —John Kim
FOLLOW OUR TEAM
Comments
Alex Coronado
Hey Minimalists, I found value in this episode because I felt it could help me find a tradeoff place with a woman I recently ended a relationship with. We weren’t able or willing to find common ground and I believe it’s because we are in different levels of maturity. I was willing to understand her but slowly felt less willing to as I felt less participation from her. It’s ironic, she didn’t feel loved how she needed and vice versa, so we slowly moved towards misunderstandings and passive-aggressive behavior in a toxic codependent manner. With this episode I felt I could trade off with her again, maybe do it one more time, but where would that lead to? Herself not getting the things I should buy her, myself slowly intoxicating her persona.
Emma
❤️
Fabiana N
Hi Minimalists! Thank you so much for this episode. I enjoyed it tremendously! I want to mention that I feel the same as John about Malabama's amazing laugh. Lights up my days. :) One of the MANY reasons I love the podcasts and have for many years. With warm regards and looking forward to more of Malabama's laughs!
