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Maximal Ep. 434 | Breaking Cycles (Video)
🕑 Added 2024-03-11 11:00:05 +0000 UTCThe Minimalists speak with Dr. Nicole LePera about letting go of the idea of what we thought a relationship would be, how to cease self-loathing, helping a parent in an abusive relationship, dealing with conflict in relationships, finding balance when partners have different lifestyles and preferences, breaking the cycle of trauma, how to feel like you’re enough, “healthy” anger, and more!
Discussed in this episode:
How can I let go of the idea of what I thought a relationship should be? (02:04)
How can I cease self-loathing? (18:27)
How can I help improve my parents’ relationship? (31:55)
How can I navigate conflict in my relationships? (44:00)
Why do I treat my girlfriend the way I saw my dad treat my mom? (01:00:30)
Why don’t I feel like enough? (01:13:45)
How is anger self-protection? (01:19:40)
LINKS
Book: Emotional Clutter
Book: How to Be the Love You Seek
Subscribe: The Minimalists' Newsletter
Tour: The Everything Tour
Website: SelfHealersCircle.com
Website: TheHolisticPsychologist.com
MAXIMS
Unpleasant emotions are an indicator of the incongruity between reality and your wishes.
Peace arises when your wishes map on to reality.
Tears are a byproduct of letting go after an extended period of clinging.
When we notice the imperfections in others, we are merely seeing a mirror that reflects our own flaws.
The residue of the past discolors the present moment.
You can’t show someone heaven if they enjoy their self-constructed hell.
Conflict is the manifestation of the ego and its insecurities.
Similarities increase comfort in a relationship; differences add variety.
Unresolved trauma will continue to echo throughout the rest of your life.
“Worthiness” isn’t the finish line—it’s the starting point.
You were born complete, you will die complete, and the only thing that will incomplete you in between are the stories you adopt about your inadequacies.
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Comments
Katha
great episode! awareness is the root of clarity. use your energy to change yourself - not others. own everything inside of you - it's yours. recently I practice to stay still instead of react. I watch my mind then how it tries to find a way to deal with this energy I did not allow to go outside. it goes straight to the heart! so what do I do? it hurts. it burns. it gets scared, it gets hard. this heart of mine. I still practice, as I feel there is space for my heart to widen and let the energy go through it and let go of it. I decide to go forward into growth instead of blaming others for how I feel inside or how I react and become someone I do not want to become (out of a default threat response). so the next thing to learn is when I need to act in awareness and when to only sit still with it.
Mallory French
Brava, Mary! We'd love to feature this on our podcast. Would you be willing to send a voice memo to podcast@theminimalists.com so we can share your experience with our audience during our "listener comments and tips" segment?
Mary Rinkenberger
Josh saying "Free is not free" hit home for me concerning rewards and free food on McDonald, DQ, and Kwik Trip apps I had on my phone. Marketing was roping me in with free, unhealthy foods giving me those dopamine hits. I've eliminated those apps and getting email offers from them, so I don't get triggered by them. Thanks for the insight.
