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Maximal Ep. 385 | Monogamy and Nonmonogamy
🕑 Added 2023-03-27 11:02:00 +0000 UTCThe Minimalists speak with Aubrey Marcus about relationship structures, commitment, marriage, open relationships, “compersion,” communicating boundaries, relationship security, relationship hoarding, “limitless” love, and so much more!
Discussed in this episode:
How is nonmonogamy related to minimalism? (02:16)
What challenges have people experienced in nonmonogamous relationships? (12:32)
How do people thrive in nonmonogamous relationships? (16:22)
How do we create a healthy balance between giving and receiving love? (19:34)
What is “compersion”? (21:37)
What is “kitchen-table polyamory”? (23:00)
How is suffering contagious? (28:19)
What is “tantric technology”? (32:01)
How do I appropriately communicate with potential partners that I’m only interested in nonmonogamous relationships? (34:34)
What challenges would a nonmonogamous relationship present to other relationships in someone’s life? (38:50)
What are the nonmonogamous relationship types? (46:04)
What is “relationship anarchy”? (50:05)
Is it always necessary to compromise in relationships? (52:40)
How honest and transparent should we be in our dating profiles? (53:56)
How do we tactfully set relationship boundaries? (55:15)
What are the differences between generosity and martyrdom? (1:02:50)
How crucial is compatibility in relationships? (1:03:54)
What are the three stages of relationships? (1:05:45)
How can deprivation help us? (1:17:02)
Segment: Lightning Round (1:20:54)
How do we open ourselves up more for love? (1:21:21)
Do definitions obscure more than they clarify? (1:26:24)
Segment: Right Here, Right Now (1:29:57)
How do you broach the possibility of nonmonogamy with a long-term monogamous partner? (1:31:39)
Listener comments and minimalism tips. (1:37:58)
What is “monogamish”? (1:54:02)
Is monogamy a result of evolution or conditioning? (1:54:58)
How do we respectfully discuss difficult topics with our loved ones? (2:14:11)
What are your perspectives regarding “love languages”? (2:22:33)
Segment: T.K.’s Tweet of the Week (2:27:35)
How do I explain to a co-parent that nonmonogamy is nonnegotiable for me when they’re not interested? (2:40:17)
Segment: Minimalist Home Tour (2:45:50)
Segment: More About Less (2:50:24)
Segment: Added Value (2:57:27)
LINKS
Added Value: “Blood”
Book: Love People, Use Things
Book: Untrue
Podcast: Against Everyone with Conner Habib
Podcast: Aubrey Marcus Podcast
Podcast: How to Love
Podcast: Savage Lovecast
Resources: The Minimalists
Subscribe: The Minimalists
Twitter: Dr. Nicole LePera
Watch: Awake in the Darkness
Website: Aubrey Marcus
MAXIMS
Judgment is the fastest way to shut down a conversation.
Empathy is a bell curve with suffering on both ends.
Boundaries add clarity to our communications.
You needn’t desire the same things to be on the same page.
Hoarding is holding on to anything that gets in the way.
That which is natural is not always that which is best.
There is no measuring stick for love; to love someone is to see them, appreciate them, and accept them for who they are, warts and all.
Love does not create limits—it creates through the limits.
Clinging to love is like clinging to water: the harder you clinch, the faster it disappears.
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Comments
Tânia Teixeira
What I love about these episodes is the opportunity of getting to know other points of view and reflect on them. and even share it with others. When it comes to relationships I don't think there is a unique solution, but one must find what works. The most important, and I believe it is mentioned by all of you, is communication.
The Minimalists
Wow! "All-time favorite" is high praise. Did anything specific resonate with you? –JFM
Kristýna Žáková
Guys, is probably my all time favorite podcast of yours and I'm actually really surprised how many people ask every single time, when you don't talk about throwing stuff away "what does it have to do with minimalism". But to me minimalism has always been about intentionality and just not wasting time, space, money, energy, resources... On unnecessary things, things I don't want, don't need, things I or other people think I should do or have but also not judging what other people should or shouldn't have or do. And talking about different kinds of romantic relationship with intention and respect to our own and our partners needs and also that what we value can change - like how is that not minimalism? Like I do still have a bunch of physical stuff that I use and that don't bother me, but I got rid off ton of mental clutter with you, and to be honest - I can now feel free and calm in a mall, dumpster, whatever, I don't need to run away from my stuff to let go and that's what I got from your podcast. Never did a packing party and I don't feel like have to, exactly for the reason, that you talk about what ist that REALLY weighs on your mind, it's not that you own 101 books or 2 coffee makers... It's the deeper things, that make you cry over your second coffee maker. So yeah, please keep it up.
