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WTF is Twilight? Uncensored Version

🕑 Added 2025-10-27 15:42:25 +0000 UTC

Comments

MIDNYT219

Legit 10/10

Red Mensch

Amazing review, Paul!

M

It's coming, TJ...

syysky

First of all, thank you for this, I haven't watched earlier cinema for cynics stuff so this is (unfortunately?) the best video I've ever seen from you. Bashing Twilight is easy, but you chose to delve into it and thus gave an interesting perspective. I also enjoy the fact that you really look like you had fun doing this. 5/5 would watch again. Secondly - I was teenager girl when the books came out and I read them so here's a glimpse into the mind of a person that Twilight was intended for. This is gonna be a long-ass comment, nobody ain't got time to read this probably :D When you start the video by saying that it's pure power fantasy for women, I felt quite irritated: power fantasy for women can't look that absurd and dumb, those movies are awful, and besides, I'm not like the other girls! I'm not into that kind of power fantasy! But the more I thought about it, the more I kind of have to accept your point of view. So, teenager me noticed that Bella is quite bland and actually kinda mean bitch, because the books let us see her hateful thoughts. The movies convey her thought just via her constant sour face, almost like she's constipated and smelling rancid farts at the same time. That bitchiness didn't prevent me from relating to her in the books though. Her relationship to Edward was toxic from the start like you mentioned, but from my teenager point of view, HE was the asshole most of the time. I fucking bawled my eyes out when he acted distant and made Bella believe that he doesn't like her at all "for her own safety", just after portraying himself as a safe and dependable person to vulnerable Bella. As if he had the right to decide what's best for her, as if he had the right to jump in and out of Bella's life as he pleases. I guess he groomed her and then regretted it, but teenager me didn't see it that way, teenager me saw Bella as independent person and Edward as her equal. Of course, I associated Edward with my RL crush, so I wasn't reading about Bella and Edward, I was reading about me and my crush. So when Bella - portrayed as powerless, weak, incapable of making decisions for herself, treated as inferior in the relationship - takes back control of her life by almost offing herself, THAT is the power fantasy. That is like saying, yeah you're a demigod, yeah you're powerful, but just fucking watch me and try that "Imma protect you by rejecting you and breaking your heart" shit again. Edward is a scumbag who toys with her and disregards her feelings and yet has the audacity to claim he's protecting her. I hate his fucking guts, he's a pitiful manchild and a coward who cannot admit his flaws, sees Bella as weak and infantile, sees himself as righteous, cannot give her the agency she deserves, and he cannot fathom what kind of misery he puts her through. He doesn't even fucking know her (as she's basically the only one he can't easily read) and yet he thinks he knows what's best for her. He deserved the sweet agony when he thought Bella is dead, like that's what you get for being a dense, selfish, patronising, pitiful idiot. And yet he plays the victim by trying to then off himself. UGH. Edward also looks constantly pained and edgy in the movies, and I guess Robert is trying to convey Edward's self-pity that way. IIRC he said in some interview that he hates the character and that's why he looks constantly depressed and disgusted in the movies. I felt bad for Jacob. Bella basically friendzoned him and he definitely didn't deserve that. He was a mentally sound and naive boy who would have been a good, kind partner, whereas Bella and Edward are both toxic and insane. So I was worried that he won't have a happy ending. Boy, was I surprised when he imprinted on the child who just happens to grow quick to adulthood and then stop aging, and werewolves just happen to age very slowly, ensuring a happy, long life for them. Life finds a way, huh. And that theme of "unlikely happy endings" continued when the war was basically "just a dream", nobody died, Bella and her child were left alone by the bad guys for some reason, all was good with the werewolves and Bella's father etc. It's definitely bad literature, the ending felt flat and dissatisfying. And yet, I kinda preferred having a happily ever after even though it doesn't make any sense; actual consequences to the main characters would have made my teenager girl fee-fees explode. I really relate to your sentiment that the saga was kinda fun, possibly worth the time, even though the plot is embarrassing, Bella and Edward are insufferable, and the movies are bad quality overall. It's so bad that it's almost good. Because I read the books, I've had countless juicy opportunities to explain the absurd and twisted lore of Twilight to people who didn't dare dip their toe into the madness, it's been a blessing and I fucking love it. If you can bear reading the books, I kinda recommend them - you'll get so much more insane shit out of it. For example, I'm pretty sure the movies didn't explain the werewolf pack stuff in detail - how they have excess pair of pants tied to their legs bc their clothes rip apart every time they turn to wolf (so they're naked when they turn back) - how the wolves hear each others thoughts, so they hear and comment on Jacob's thoughts as well - how they find the only female wolf's (Leah, I think?) bitchy teenager girl thoughts unbearable, etc. Ty again for the awesome video and also thanks for inspiring me to write this wall of text! Ps. here's a recommendation for your watch list: Midnight Gospel, 1 season animated mini series created by Duncan Trussell, a podcaster. The episodes include snippets of him interviewing guests in his real podcast and the interviews are embedded seamlessly into the surreal and absurd plot of the series. Duncan Trussell is also frequent guest in Joe Rogan's show (the "pastor" guy you guys saw recently in Onion Nuggetz) and apparently he also has some controversy shit. Might be a worthwhile piece of content for you guys.

Thomasaurus Rex

Having to make the movie footage a mirror image of itself to avoid copyright infringement is always frustrating. They’re driving like Brits in this video. Sorry for the inconvenience Paul and Amelia.

thomas

Damn paul I didn't know you had abs like that. Great job. You severally understated alice. She is literally the only thing that is remotely likable in that god forsaken series. The simple ability to have more emotional depth than a potato made her the stand out star. I wish I was being hyperbolic. It is such a terrible series that it turned me into a god believer because I knew in my heart that this shit was forsaken and cast from the pits of the bad hell. Not even the fun hell with demon sluts.

Craplatte

Brillianit shit, Paul! And great editing, Amelia! Thanks to both of you for an hour of Tomat-worthy entertainment.

10baseballdmo

Bravo

Another Anonymous Pussy

Bella Ego is horrific.

Michael

Still think about that joke you guys made About Brett K being in twilight

Michael

Hated Edward until then

Michael

List to twilight commentary on

JDTaylor

Impressive commitment Paul, you even shaved your beard, though I know 'someone' likely forced you to do it. Great work mate.

JDTaylor

Ditto mate. I couldnt fullscreen the video in Patreon, had to watch it in Youtube, (as a last resort).

Clockwerk

B d. T N. G. X.

Robert Messersmith

This was fucking awesome! Well worth the wait, for sure. I can't wait to tune into the next one.

Shams Bouteille

Amazing project, thank you so much

Sergey S

Love it, but the player fucking sucks! Had to switch to the censored YouTube version.

Nihilist Turtle

Now that is commitment to a project. Amazing!

Michael Sewell

Dude amazing review and i just love the commitment to the project! 10/10

Sam

I loved it

MasterplanDan!

OK now that was worth the fucking wait! I see now why this took a while to do, and bless your heart for the dedication man.

loosegoose

Thank you for this

Noble Ape

This was fucking amazing.. great job Paul and Amelia!

Kasper Nilsson

The howling WerPaul is the funniest shit I've seen in a long while

Scott Everett Twerdahl

I need to see a Twilight with Paul as Jacob, TJ as Edward, and Scotty as Bella

Dripdr0p

So good

Ishaan govardhan

You must be a woman, right?

Kathryn Lewis

This was a blast

Chazz Darby AKA Martine Garbagio

This was some of your best work Paul! Would love more vidyas like this on other films and series! 🙏

Lord Flaynus the flayed anus

I think shirtless Paul might have turned me gay.

Lord Flaynus the flayed anus

Great work Paul.

Russian Jackal

Great review!!! Doug Walker and James Rolfe are smoking nervously in the corner. And I just loved the Sharpie abs, haven’t seen it since “Meet The Spartans”, a cinematic abortion i KNOW Paul watched at some point. I’ve had a wonderful evening with this.

bard.of.da.21st.century

I dated a girl who threw me in to a love triangle similar to Bella. Paul is so based when it comes to calling Bella out.

southside99999

Very good. It really is perfect for what you said, just so bad its good, corny and cringe, had a lot fun making fun of these to my ex who loved them.

The East

What streaming for a living does to a mfer

Zemblanity

Paul got me pregnant 13 years ago

PESSIMIST PRODUCTIONS

Fucks, shits, and sex stuff

Deep Fried Brains

Most Excellent 🙏 An All-Star cast to be sure 🌞

Christian McDougall

Pure cinema

slamdunck

This is one of my favorite things Paul has done. The on-site scenes of Paul really makes it too, seriously. 10/10

Samuel Hollins

Awesome video, Paul. Really appreciate the effort that went into this!

Junkbot

Paul you have really outdone yourself here. So glad to see Cinema for Cynics back and better than ever. Bravo!! Encore!!

Juggalo_V

Fuck that noise, you still owe me $5.

Noé Guzman Jr

I'm curious, what parts is going to be censored?

Trent

Incredible work, Paul. I admit I was a bit perplexed when I learned you were doing such a major retrospective on Twilight of all things, but you managed to make it interesting as hell.

Supergirl's BF

5 minutes in, and this is epic.

Cristian Puscas

Feels like I need to pay more for this

Rob DiLauro

I absolutely loved this and appreciate the work that went into it. But, I have to be the bearer of bad news. The first vampires that sparkled were some of the coolest vamps in the genre, that of The Lost Boys. Check out Feldman's jacket after they exit the cave. Schumacher=gay man=sparkly bloood!

Glaring Through Oblivion

OUT FUCKING STANDING

Lee Russell

Excellent work, Parkey's, excellent work. Well worth the wait.

J Allen

I was forced to do a report on Stephanie Myers in high-school and I believe my assessment back then still stands now. She was a lonely repressed Mormon housewife using the only outlet she could to express her deeply repressed sexuality and desire for intimacy. The voice of a million lonely unloved repressed housewives. A female power fantasy for the repressed and entraped not exactly all across the board. Of course I guess im just different than all the other girls 🤣

XXOutcastXX101

do 50 shades series next.

Richard Johnson III

I’m 8 minutes in and I’m already starting to think this might be the greatest video in the history of mankind. 😂

Matt

Was everything i hoped and edged for.

Gore The Matador

Amazing!!!

Michael Sims

The fakeout cliffhanger reminds me of Emer Prevost's (another fat asshole) Reaction and Review where he marathoned the Twilight movies and gave up before the last one. RIP.

Kayleigh

Great video.

Timothy Hamilton

Incredible, amazing. You are God Paul.

Ben T Dick

Well done very PAULished I must say

Michael Sims

>uncensored >uses "Minecraft" instead of suicide

Michael Sims

Bet Paul's tiddies will be 2 hot 4 youtube

TheVirginMandy

Top Shelf

AlterEgoIII

I've never watched the twilight movies, never cared about em. But this was entertaining as hell, great job Paul

RickScaggs

Seeing Paul with drawn on abs howling on a random rock in the Pacific Northwest is fucking gold

Garrett R

Amazing video! C4C is great again.

knight of the rueful figure

Paul doesn't have a beard

Xaqeer

Sensational

Trent Smitty

This was great! Nice job Paul and I can't wait to see what's in store next.

Michael Sims

How did you get a heart and no one else did

Frederick Borrell

Very entertaining and informative, I knew i was correct to never watch any twilight. You guys have definitely helped me tell a good film from a bad one.

PastaAlfredo

Paul outside in a place other than his own property is fascinating.

Christian McDougall

FINALLY

Cassandra Lewis

This is SICK!

Cwac Cwac

A strong return, well done Paul (and Amelia)!

Aaron Krupp

Just finished it. Good fucking work Paul, that was sick.

Phantomology

I came for the vampire twinkiness, but I stayed for the Pualish jiggliness. I love this. Great work!

Apacheviking210

This... was... fucking... AWESOME!! OUTSTANDING WORK, PAUL!! "I WILL SOON BE A GREEK GOD!! MY PLACE AMONGST OLYMPUS IS ASSURED!!"- PaulsEgo. Well done, my good sir. Well fucking done!!

Charlie Rea

Fuck yeah that was just what I wanted

David

Loving this!

Ashley Mcgimpsey

You can see how much work has been put into this. Amazing stuff. Congrats Paul

Michael Sims

New C4C before GTA6

Zach

Sweet! The long awaited breakdown of the cinematic masterpiece that is the twilight saga. My favorite part is how they wait until they're married to have sex, like good morman vampires.