Prana Machine
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July Phone Dum(b/p)
🕑 Added 2021-07-23 00:14:23 +0000 UTCHey all! I’ve been slightly more quiet in the Photo Set tiers these past couple weeks. I’ve been using my one-energy-unit-per-day on some other projects that I’m really excited about!
My time back in Virginia is coming to a close and I’m getting ready to hit the road in my van again... this time forever. I’m crying every day about it but I know it’s a leap that I need to make for my brain and my body. I’ll get to be in the gym every day working on my physical rehab! And seeing my docs. It’s just hard to leave the comfort of walls, AC, shower, and a precious kitchen, especially in a hurty bod.
My time here has been productive! I’m resting as much as I can.... but also upgrading the van house to practically-luxury status. I‘ve got solar! And a big fan! No more heat stroke for me.
I also did an online event this month with Figure on Diversity based in London where I posed nude for artists while reading excerpts on chronic pain. All of the models involved were “disabled.” I had this label attached to me for the first time. It was incredibly validating. My heart feels heavy just thinking about it now. I never thought I would be ok with a label like that, much less welcome it. The reprieve of such a label meant all of the able-bodied expectations melted away and I could exist and feel how I felt without pangs of guilt or feelings of underachieving or letting anyone (myself) down. For a long time I‘ve felt like a lonely imposter... not quite capable enough to be abled bodied. Not quite disabled enough to be disabled. Constantly disappointed in myself and what I could not do. And without a concrete medical diagnosis to yell about, I figured I deserved to float in that ambiguous abyss. But I’m me, I’m physically disabled, I’m hurting, I’m healing, I’m strong, I’m capable. I’m all of these things. And they can change as I change. I want to honor who and where I am without feeling like I’m always falling behind. I’ll be sitting with this and figuring it out, and am looking forward to more clarity surrounding my physical identity in this regard.
So I’ve been thinking scheming and resting and spending time with my little rescue birds before I leave. It’s never enough time but I’m excited for the next chapters.
I’m also excited to announce some of the other projects I’ve been working on very soon!
