MarvinKnight
patreon
Amazon Apocalypse: Chapter 1 (Version 3)
🕑 Added 2022-10-07 05:00:12 +0000 UTCDing-Dong!
“Hello? Anyone there? It’s Carter from chemistry class!”
I stood before a luxurious private townhouse, neatly tucked between two larger buildings. There was something ever so slightly off about the structure that was hard to put my finger on. It blended into the buildings around it so well that I’d passed by it three times, and the picture my GPS showed of the place was of a rundown shack that looked nothing like the building I was looking at. Someone must have recently torn the old building down and replaced it. But at the same time, the bricks were just as worn as the much older buildings right beside it.
Looking back to those days before the apocalypse, I should have known something was off about the girl I was about to meet from that moment. The next clue should have come the moment she opened the door.
“Huh?” The door swung open to reveal an absolute bombshell of a gir. She had the sort of flawless beauty you didn’t expect from anyone short of movie stars, and even then, they probably didn’t look this good before the editors touched them up.
But this girl was the real deal. There wasn’t a mark or a blemish on her face or anything else I could see, and her hair was pulled back behind her head. She had red lips and a natural pink flush in her cheeks. At first, I thought it was makeup, but the sweat dripping down her forehead from whatever workout I’d interrupted suggested otherwise. How lucky did you have to be to look like that naturally?
“Sorry, did I catch you in the middle of something?” I asked.
She smiled at me, revealing two rows of shiny, perfect teeth. “No! Not at all. You need something from me?” As she shifted, her breasts pressed against her athletic top, drawing my eyes somewhere I was trying very hard not to stare at.
“Uh... professor... class... stuff...”
“Oh, shoot! Classes! I forgot I was supposed to be going to those,” the girl replied. “Come on in. I was just finishing up my morning practice.”
I followed her inside, and the first thing I noticed was that her tight shorts made her ass look just as—
Focus, Carter! Focus! Remember how annoyed you were getting here.
That’s right, I’d been quietly cursing to myself the entire ride. How had trying to get to know the professor well enough to get a grad school recommendation from him turned into delivering a bunch of homework to a student that had been absent from class one time too many?
“Want something to drink?” the girl asked. “I was just finishing my morning workout.”
“Morning?” I asked, calm returning to my voice once again. “It’s just past noon.”
“Yep. Gotta level those stats! I started at dawn,” she giggled to herself, and looking at her again, I realized she was awfully toned for a college girl. If I worked for a fitness magazine company, I wouldn’t just want her on next month’s cover. I’d stop the presses and get her on this month’s cover too.
“So... uh... chemistry.” I laid out the cargo I’d been charged with delivering, along with the copy of the textbook this girl had apparently forgotten in the classroom the last time she’d gone to a lecture.
“Right! Like alchemy, but with a bunch of annoying rules that aren’t applicable to real life!”
I chuckled. “I think you’ve got that the other way around. Chemistry is real science. Alchemy is for voodoo and video games.”
She shrugged, but I still caught a small shake of her head. “Anyway, my name’s Myrina. You said your name was Carter?”
“Yeah, that’s me. Anyway, I just wanted to drop this work off for you to catch up on in your own time. Midterms are coming up, so you are going to want to review this stuff. I don’t want to interrupt your workout...”
Looking around, Myrina’s place was even nicer on the inside than it was outside. The floors were made of some exotic hardwood I couldn’t identify, and the countertops were all polished granite. The walls were marble, which gave them a bit of an ancient Greek aesthetic, especially with the bronze busts of various gods adorning the area. I could see her workout area in the back room. The thing was the size of my high school gym,
Odd. The house didn’t look big enough to have something like that from the outside.
Even odder, there were quite a few swords and shields among her training equipment. She must practice some historical martial art. I felt sorry for the kind of guys who didn’t know how to keep their hands to themselves when faced with a beauty like this one. They’d probably end up with a sword through their guts.
“Nah, I’m done. Besides, blending in like a good earthling is a little more important,” Myrina explained.
“Ha... okay. Well, if you have any questions, you can ask me. I’ll give you my number so you can text me.” I figured Myrina was the type to need a reminder to sign up for exams. Otherwise, she’d probably miss them.
“I’m sure I can find it.” Myrina waved her hand aside as though she could just pluck my phone number out of the air. She stared at all the homework she had missed, frowning as she read the first question. “Wait. What’s an atom?”
Oh boy...
I’ve never been all that into stereotyping people. Just because someone looked like a gym bunny didn’t mean she wasn’t also book-smart. Myrina was starting to make me question that belief. She didn’t seem dumb to me, but holy hell, was she missing even the most basic scientific background. I was starting to wonder how she even qualified to take the class we shared.
“So these little tiny magical particles really love the number eight for some reason?” Myrina looked at me skeptically. “But the outermost particle is the important one? What about the ones inside?”
“The outer ones are called valence electrons, and they’re usually the ones involved in a chemical reaction.” At some point, I’d sat down in front of her coffee table and started flipping through the textbook, explaining things to her. She was oddly focused on me as I spoke, and she never missed a word. She also picked up on the concepts I was teaching her incredibly fast, which made the fact that she didn’t already know them all the weirder.
“Okay, I get it. It’s a clever little system that makes sense when you look at it from a certain point of view...” Myrina scooted along her sofa until her thigh was pressing up against mine, and she reached around my shoulder to flip the page. “I’m not sure that it’s right, but I guess it works for Earth.”
“Well, Valence Bond Theory isn’t the only model of how chemistry works, but it’s one of the easiest to wrap your head around. Molecular Orbital Theory is a bit more modern because...” I summarized the past few weeks of lectures, feeling more than a little proud as Myrina made appreciative noises. I did well in class, but I certainly wasn’t a genius. In the end, I promised to bring her all my notes to show her, much to her delight. Just when I was about to leave, I remembered her swords in the back room and thought I’d ask her about them.
“So, are you a re-enactor or something?”
“A what?” She looked at me with furrowed brows.
I pointed to the gym in the back. “I see all the medieval equipment you’ve got back there. Do you spar with them or something?”
“Oh yeah! I practice with those every day. Gotta keep grinding those weapons proficiencies!” Myrina said. She grabbed my wrist. “Come on. You taught me so much today. It’s only fair if I teach you something in return.”
***
Myrina strapped me up in what I could only describe as a suit of armor. Everything from toes to ears was covered in padding and what felt like something between leather and hard plastic.
“Aren’t you going to put on some protection?” I asked, a bit concerned, considering how much she padded me up. How rough did these sparring sessions of hers get?
“Nah, I like to feel the sting when I get hit,” Myrina said, a grin splitting her face. “It helps teach me to block better!”
“Okay...” I decided to be gentle. Though she had plenty of metal weapons sitting around the sparring ring, she’d selected a light wooden sword for me. For her part, she took a foam sword, which was probably overkill, considering how much padding I was wearing. “You sure you don’t want me to take the--“
“Grahhhh!” Myrina let out a wordless battle cry and charged me. I took two steps back, not realizing we’d started. I let out a clumsy swing with my wooden sword in my surprise, forgetting I had planned to pull my punches since I didn’t want to bruise her.
Big mistake.
Myrina bashed my swords aside with her shield and, with the same motion, brought her foam sword slamming into my chest. My feet left the ground, and I soared into the far wall. My back slammed into it, and my wooden sword and shield flew from my hands.
Before I could even see straight, Myrina was on top of me. She tossed her sword aside and grabbed my head. She wore a look of concern on her face as she removed my helmet and looked me in the eye.
“Sorry! I thought I was being gentle enough. I’ll be more careful next time. Are you okay?”
“Just peachy...” I groaned. She was lucky she was so damn hot. My entire back hurt, but not as much as my pants did, as I looked up at her tight-fitting top.
She got off me, and I was immediately sorry for the loss.
“You wanna call it off? I’ve got a healing potion — uh, I mean, an energy drink — that will make you feel better right away!”
I shook my head. “Nah. I was just getting warmed up! Let’s go again!”
Myrina giggled. “I think I like you, Carter!”
I was lucky I was putting my helmet back on because the grin that split my face probably looked pretty stupid.
***
And thus began our rather unusual friendship. I would come over nearly every day to tutor Myrina enough that she could pass the tests we were taking, and then we’d spar. If she’d kept kicking my ass so thoroughly, like the first day, I would probably have given up no matter how much better her after-sparring energy drinks made me feel. Fortunately, Myrina could tell whenever my motivation was flagging, so she started incorporating some actual teaching instead of just whacking me like some sort of blood-crazed barbarian.
There were a few weapons I was actually better at than her, much to my pleasure and her embarrassment.
“I swear, my mom got me that bow, saying I should grab a few proficiency levels in it. I was going to get around to it, but...” Myrina explained, face blushing furiously.
“It’s okay, Myrina. Some of us are blessed with steady hands and good aim, and others have fumble fingers,” I said, smugly landing another arrow in the center of the target.
“Alright, you’re on. Let’s see if you can hit me with that bow before I run you down!” Myrina grinned.
“Okay, but you only get to walk forward. And no shield! You have to dodge every arrow.”
Most of the victories still went to her no matter how many handicaps I got, but having her jump on top of me and press that firm ass against my chest was a different kind of victory, so really, I was undefeated. It was astonishing just how good she was at this sort of thing, though. Between that and her odd sense of humor, she certainly was an odd one.
And to be honest? I was kind of grateful she was a little crazy. There was no way in hell I had a chance at landing a girl as hot as Myrina if she was sane. And to be honest, her quirky personality was part of what won me over in the first place.
The school year progressed, and I hardly noticed the time passing, as I spent nearly every free moment with Myrina. I was pretty sure we were friends by now, as she kept inviting me over even when she was fully caught up on all our classes. With graduation coming up, I realized I was more worried about losing contact with her than I was about finding a job out in the real world. That’s when I knew I could make something more of our relationship.
“Hey, Myrina...” I began as we sat down on her couch. I was exhausted after we worked out together, and it was getting late enough I was about to fall asleep. Thankfully Myrina had been gracious enough to give me one of her spare bedrooms. I’d canceled my dorm room just the week before and moved in with her to save a bit of money.
“Here, you can put these on while your old clothes are in the wash,” Myrina said as she tossed me some shorts and a t-shirt in my size. They were clearly made for a man, which seemed a little odd for her to just have them lying around. She must have seen my look, because she explained a moment later. “Don’t worry, they’re new. I had them tailored just for you.”
My eyebrows rose. “Tailored? You rich or something?’
Myrina laughed. “Well, my mother is basically royalty...” She waved her hand as though what she said was no big deal. Any other time I would have pressed her on that, but I’d spent all morning working up my courage for this moment. I wasn’t about to let it slip away.
“Anyway, Myrina. I just wanted to say I really appreciate this time we’ve spent together. And I don’t want it to end.” I pulled out a bottle of the finest wine I could afford. I’d noticed a few bottles of some unlabeled vintage in her cabinets, so I figured she was a wine girl. I popped the cork as I spoke and poured myself a glass of liquid courage.
Myrina’s face fell at that, and I worried I had said something wrong. But then her face suddenly firmed. “You know what, you’re right. I’m bringing you to meet my aunt. That way, you can come home with us!”
“Wait, what?” I wasn’t sure if Myrina had skipped a few steps or if I’d missed a few because I was about to ask her out on our first date. Meanwhile, she was ready to introduce me to her parents.
“If you’re willing, that is,” she blushed, showing a rare trace of shyness. She looked very cute when blushing.
That night, Myrina and I got really drunk. We finished off the entire bottle I bought, after which she started bringing out some of her own stuff. Feeling confident after downing three glasses of my bottle, I took a swig from hers and nearly fell unconscious then and there. I decided I needed to stay away from that if I wanted to keep my head on straight.
Myrina had other ideas. Not bothering with a glass, she sipped straight from the bottle and downed the whole thing before I could say much more.
I was certain she drank a little too much because she ended up rambling on and on about how she and her family were actually aliens from some Amazonian Empire and that Earth was going to be destroyed in some great disaster.
“There there, Myrina. Let me get some water in you. And make sure you sleep on your side tonight,” I said as I patted her back as she rambled in a drunken stupor. “I’ll check on you tonight to make sure you’re okay.”
***
The following day was a Saturday, and I woke up before Myrina, which wasn’t a surprise considering how late she slept. After a quick run to the store downtown to grab breakfast for the both of us, we sat at the table and stared at one another.
“So... uh... you wouldn’t have happened to have forgotten everything I said last night, would you? I really wasn’t supposed to say all that,” Myrina said.
“Don’t worry. We all say weird things when we’re drunk. It isn’t your fault you can’t hold your wine.” I waved a donut at her magnanimously.
“Whew, that’s such a relief. Wait, hey! I can totally drink you under the table if I want to.” She pouted as I pushed her another glass of water to make sure she didn’t have a headache.
“Sure, Myrina. Whatever you say...”
“It’s true!”
“Mhm...”
“Grr...” She growled into her own stack of donuts and fake glared at me a little. She let up a bit, though, and soon she was staring at me seriously again. “There was one thing you should remember, though. I wanted you to meet my aunt and maybe come with me to stay with my family. What do you say?”
I shrugged. “Are there any jobs for our degree where you live?”
“I’m certain my mother can find something. Or I can if it comes to that,” Myrina assured me.
“Then I’m in!”
And so Myrina led me down the hall and around the corner. It was a door that I’d never opened before, nor had I ever seen it open. I’d assumed it was a closet or something based on the way it was between Myrina’s bedroom and the bathroom. And yet, when Myrina opened it, she revealed a long hallway. The comfy rugs and hardwood faded to tile, and the stark white marble walls became even more apparent. There were a few bends and turns, and before I knew it, we were in a completely unfamiliar room.
“Carter! This is my aunt. She’s in charge of our little expedition.”
I saw a woman hunched over a glowing orb. An actual glass orb the size of my head. She stared at it with focus and intensity, though from where I was standing, it didn’t look like she could see anything.
The woman was broad-shouldered, even more so than her niece. The muscles of her arm and back bordered on looking masculine. The look in her eye was also fierce, and I took an involuntary step backward when I saw it. The way she looked at me made me feel like a mouse standing before a mountain lion. Or an ant looking up at a kid with a magnifying glass. It was scary and not at all something I liked.
“We can’t bring him with us,” she said the moment she saw me. Then she turned back to her orb and ignored me completely.
“But--“
“No buts. The gravity on Themyscira would shatter his bones the moment he stepped off the ship. And that’s if we could even get him off this planet. I’m not prepared to fight the system over one man, even if you’ve taken a fancy to him.”
Themyscira? Gravity? My mind was whirring, but the most important part of her words hit me the hardest.
Myrina fancies me?
“But you could do it!” Myrina protested.
“I could, but I won’t. He isn’t worth it,” Myrina’s aunt didn’t even cast a glance in my direction.
“You don’t know that!” Myrina shouted.
But her aunt shook her head. “I haven’t found a single person worthy of a Patronage Token.” She opened a drawer just beneath her orb, and beneath it sat three metal disks all in a row.
“Myrina, what’s going on?” I asked.
“Don’t tell him,” Myrina’s aunt warned. “The system doesn’t like when we spoil its tricks. It can’t hurt him since this planet isn’t integrated, but it can still hurt you.”
Myrina scowled. Then she reached for the Patronage Tokens and snatched one. Her aunt pretended not to notice.
“Carter, there’s something very important I have to tell you,” Myrina said, staring deep into my eyes. “Your world as you know it will be coming to an end. I don’t know if it will happen this year or next, but--“
Her voice cut off, and a tremor ran through her body like she’d been struck with a cattle prod.
“Myrina, you’re hurt!”
“No, I need to finish. Take this token. Complete the quest, and I can see you again. An apocalypse is coming--“ she was cut off again, wincing and sputtering. “--to you. You need to survive. Just long enough for me to find you again in person.”
“Okay, Myrina, sure. Just... don’t hurt yourself anymore for me.”
I wasn’t sure what was happening, but a few pieces were starting to come together. I didn’t want to believe them, though, because the story was just too fantastical for me to understand.
“Just--“ Myrina winced again, and her aunt shook her head.
“It’s no good. Now that you’ve broken the system’s rules, it will continue to punish you until we leave,” Myrina’s aunt sighed. “I suppose I’ve finished scouting enough to write the rest of my report on the trip home. Human, remember what my niece told you. Good luck. And do get clear of the blast zone. After all, Myrina sacrificed, I would hate to see you die in a spatial rift mishap.”
She waved her hand, and suddenly, I found myself outside Myrina’s home. It was like I’d gone from one place to another in an instant. Myrina appeared in the doorway, waving to me as she leaned against the frame.
“Bye, Carter...” She waved with a mixture of sadness and pain on her face.
Then her house exploded, and I had to shield my eyes from the wood and plastic flying in all directions. There was something inside her house, and it burst forth like a chicken shattering its shell at its birth. An oblong vessel of purple metal emerged from the crumbling townhouse, and when I saw Myrina again, she was waving from a window.
She was in a damn spaceship!
Soon, the ship was hovering in the air in front of me. It glowed with a bright purple light. At first, I thought it was the metal hull, but then as it expanded, I realized it was some sort of energy field. My jaw dropped lower and lower, unable to contain my shock and surprise.
A loud boom rang out, and windows across the town shattered. A gust of wind threw my clothes and hair back, and I was just starting to think that it might be a good idea to take cover behind a car when all light and noise ceased. The air turned still, and the airship was gone, taking Myrina with it.
The only thing left of her and the time we’d spent together was the token in my hands.
Note:
Alright, I did it again. One, two, or three?
I tried to take the best of several suggestions and what you guys said you liked about the new version and combined it with the old version. It still needs another editing pass to make the prose flow better and clean up typos, but I don't want to sink more time into it unless I think I'm going to actually use it.
It came out alright, though quite a bit longer than I’d like for this opening chapter. Fully introducing Myrina while keeping the intro short, and still establishing the coming apocalypse might be impossible. Something has to give if I want to trim the intro down. I also fear that Carter looks a little too dumb for a lot of readers in the genre, given the context that readers know it's a system apocalypse novel and know what the little hints are leading toward. I know that's something people are sensitive about.
I also kinda had to push the ending a long a little bit in the right direction, because this version of Carter definitely would have ditched Earth to go with Myrina. After which he would get married and live with her for 500 years, still trying to work up to asking her out on that first date.
So, what are your thoughts? Better? Worse? Let me know in the comments.
If people are still feeling the first one is best, I might just do a light edit on the first chapter as a temporary solution and then move on to the next chapter because we can’t linger on chapter 1 forever, or we’ll never get started. Myrina might get namedropped as one of the three Amazons, but otherwise not really introduced. I've already written chapter 2 and part of chapter 3, but I can't finalize them until I have a chapter 1.
Comments
Michael Jackson
Nearly all the way through im thinking yep that works ok, then i get the setup with archery and im thinking yep one fighting skill and alchemy i get the magic but what about the body part? Right any body who works out has a warm up and cooldown period she could hint that she had studied a lot of earthstyles of yoga or tantric meditation stretches etc that would be good to improve the body as well. Now the token make it a storage ring with an amazonian symbol on it she is saying i want you in the future and to never loose it, it could prick him when he puts it on and there for it bound to him, he only finds out as the system enables that he has it and that its filled with a few books pills and one random bigginer weapon, also the ring gives him a 50% stat boost for the first week and then goes down to 10% . The rings/token could be different levels as well myrina could swop out the basic one for a say orichcalcum or mythrial some thing not on our charts so system shop keepers can see he gets a better discount and enemies know hes been marked so it could be a blessing and a curse . I like 3 just needs a few tweaks and like most houses you need a good foundation layout first, i prefer a longer intro get the bullet points down then it doesnt feel rushed like the last bit did, the nope hes not coming dismissal we are of see you bye boom gone . I would prefer a more aunty making him forget myrina making it more of he woke up thinking it had been a dream outside and no house there and nobody knows about who had been there as she has wiped all records of them, but he sees the ring on his finger and remembers her smile and boobs etc but its fuzzy till the apocalypse and boom it all comes back, that could explain why he goes more to the gym and studies martial arts etc he has a strong compulsion coming of the ring to all ways ware it and start him on the path early, cause at this point hes what early teens and the apocalypes is in his late teens maybe early twentys .
Vitrumist
Maybe shooting magic could be something akin to his basic attack, whilst his spells would focus more on AOE/multiple targets (both support and offensive), since his harem would excel in 1v1 battles.
Person
Yep. This is my favorite. They have some history together, which makes their relationship ring true... although NOTHING happening between them while they were both hammered is a bit of a stretch. He learns some useful skills, giving him a bit of a leg up in the oncoming apocalypse. He knows it's coming but doesn't know about the "guns are bad" thing which should cause problems.
Marvin
Yeah, I have something like that in mind for when the apocalypse starts. I just couldn’t have anything magical when he was practicing in this first scene with Myrina. Once the apocalypse starts there are tons of options. But I don’t want to mis-foreshadow, which was one of your issues with the chapter. I was just thinking in terms of shooting arrows becomes shooting magic.
Vitrumist
Well, it seemed to me that the original Amazons weren’t going to teach him magic (since they’re culturally CQC fighters), nor did they imply that learning magic before the apocalypse was possible. To rectify this, the system could either grant grimoires that starts one’s journey on the path of magic when a purely magic-based monster is killed, have hidden sites scattered throughout the world to grant one a specific type of magic class or create hidden items that act as something akin to training wheels to help someone learn the basics of magic. Heck, Carter may find a hidden mage class that gets stronger based on the number of physical-oriented women he has in his harem.
Marvin
Yeah, I couldn’t figure out how to get him to practice magic before the apocalypse when magic doesn’t exist yet. Let me know if you think of anything.
Vitrumist
I’d say that I still prefer v1 more. Sure, Myron’s seems like a nice girl, but like you said about v2 it takes away his “Everyman” aspect a fair bit. Also, I liked the implication of him becoming a mage class better than the archer class you seem to be setting up for Carter here, since that would more align him with typical Amazonian styles of fighting, as opposed to setting him a apart from them via the use of magic.
Marvin
Okay, good! It's not as bad as I thought then. Nice.
Marvin
Good thoughts, thanks for sharing!
DiabolicalGenius
Yeah, he's clearly crushing on her hard while doing all kind of physical activities together with her dressing lightly. She's no doubt veeeeeeery distracting~
DiabolicalGenius
Yeah, I like this one. Feels like the Token is a bigger deal to us now and less random than in 1. In 2 he gets it but hesitates and doesn't want to leave his family, which would then have to carry on to the main story. Unless you kill them all off in a freak accident before chapter 1, I can't see ver2 Carter not prioritising getting home and helping his family over his survival plan. With this one he clearly doesn't have that strong ties to the world to the point that he was even willing to recklessly agree to follow her home without knowing any details. Though that was probably half the influence of him crushing on her and he might have got cold feet when he realised he'd never see earth again. Or maybe not when he realised it was a real isekai adventure with a hot babe that he'd never have a hope of seeing if his life went the way it was supposed to. That might make sense if can see it that way. We've gotten attached to Myrina and seen her suffer to give him the warning and the Token, so we're definitely looking forward to him completing the quest and seeing her again. He's a chemistry student so we can see him going the magic/alchemy route, but at the same time with the warning and having actually gotten some training from Myrina this time, he'll also understand he needs to be fit and in shape to survive long enough to figure out how to use cool stuff like that. We also got a bit of a difference in that with the way she looked at chemistry, it seems like the laws of physics themselves are different under the system, which would explain electronics and combustion engines going wrong, but would also make it unlikely for even gunpowder and early firearms to work. Plus he didn't get that mentioned here like he did in ver1, so he's unlikely to be collecting antique muskets and the like and instead rely and fully primitive weapons like the bow he had a knack for? He might also use alchemy to create a alchemic gunpower for firearms built with crafting skills? Maybe old gunpower actually would work if the system considers it a work of historical alchemy and makes it work? Lots of possibilities. So yeah, I say keep this one, polish it up and get started. Some people will call any character dumb if he doesn't immediately think "isekai! System apocalypse!" the moment they get a hint of it. Though in reality most people would try to rationalise it away somehow. You could have him at least ask about the Tardis effect on the house, rather than just putting it aside, just to show he is thinking, even if he isn't getting any answer that makes sense. Kind of like the aunt's reaction, feeling like her niece found an abandoned puppy and asked to bring him home with her acting like "You can't. It'll die." Random thought there.
Loukemia
I enjoyed this version. Carter does not appear dumb for missing the hints. He comes off as somewhat unobservant due to him being a horny college guy interested in a really hot chick. So I'd say that's a job well done. The Aunt not wanting to take him works well.
