MarvinKnight
patreon
Spellheart 5: Chapter 31 Version B
🕑 Added 2021-02-19 18:55:36 +0000 UTCSo somebody on here and a beta reader mentioned they didn't like the friendly and talkative version of Wargod Grognak. After a bit of thought, I figured I'd rewrite the scene with him as a colder, more serious character. This version is a bit more straightforward and isn't interested in being friends with Theo just yet. I'm still not sure which one I'm going to go with, but the rewrite might be better for his first introduction.
I admit I have a bit of a soft spot for Wargod Grognak's character because he was the protagonist in one of the early iterations of the Spellheart series before I had Theo.
(Scroll to where it says +++New Content+++ to skip to the new parts of the scene if you're read the other version. Most of the beginning and end of the chapter is the same, minus a few changes to make the middle make sense.)
Chapter 31: Version B
I examined the Wargod’s Token, wondering if my eyes were deceiving me. After coming to terms with the fact that they were not, I knew I had to get Meldrik.
Fortunately, Meldrik had been as sleepless as I’d been that night. He was busy surveying the remains of his own home and had even gotten around to restacking a few stones. He wasn’t anywhere near as far along as my new palace was, but with his superhuman strength he’d already had a sturdy wall constructed.
“Ah, Chief Theo! Here to lend an old orc a hand?” Meldrik asked as he gestured to the wall. The stones of his new house were loosely stacked upon one another, as were most of the orc homes at this point. Every few so often, one of the earth aspect elves came along and blended the stones together. Constructing the wall outside the settlement had followed the same method, so I wasn’t surprised to see the orcs using the same technique for their own homes.
I waved a hand and cemented the stones together far faster than one of the elven heartwielders could have as I fetched the Wargod’s Token from around my neck. As my spell finished working, I held the Wargod’s Token up and Meldrik examined it, eyes going wide as he realized it was glowing.
“The Wargod’s Token has been activated!” Meldrik shouted. “You activated it!? How?”
“I didn’t.” I said. “I just found it in the rubble after the battle and it was already activated.”
Meldrik considered that, stroking his long beard as he held the token in his hand. “Then perhaps we were wrong about the token this whole time. We weren’t meant to use it to contact the Wargod. He made it so he could contact us.”
“You’ll be able to make a better guess than I could at what that means for us.” I said, waiting for Meldrik to explain.
“It means you need to go to him, with all haste. Wargod Grognak is not one to be kept waiting.”
“I’ll get my women.” I said. “We’ll leave at first light.”
“No!” Meldrik warned. “You’ll be heading into the oldest lands of the orcs. The body cultivators who dwell there are both ancient and powerful, on top of being some of the firmest adherents to the Book of the True Man. Your elves are safe enough here, but if they were to head to our holiest site, they might prove either offensive or overly tempting to the orcs who dwell there. Besides that, we encourage those who gain an audience with the Wargod to take it alone. The Wargod prefers a more personal experience to those who are granted the opportunity to speak with him.”
I nodded. From the rumors I’d heard, this Wargod was both incredibly powerful and a ruthless defender of orc-kind. “My women won’t be happy.” I said. “But then again, they wouldn’t be happy that I’m about to meet with someone as strong as this Wargod Grognak is supposed to be. It’s tough having them fret over me all the time.”
“Forgive me if I don’t weep over your troubles, chief.” Meldrik said dryly.
Meldrik and I shared a chuckle. If only he knew the burdens I had to bear to keep so many women happy.
“They can all handle themselves.” I said. “But please look out for them. And keep knowledge of their existence within the tribe until I return.”
“Understood.” Meldrik nodded. “The planetary convergence will be upon us soon, so I imagine they won’t need to stick around here much longer. Sooner, if that box you’ve got floating in space can bridge the teleportation network between worlds.”
“Hopefully, I’ll be back by then. If not, that will be something for my women to investigate on their own.”
And it would serve as a safe emergency place to fall back to if something disastrous were to happen at the Blackgorge Tribe.
Confident my women would be safe until my return, I decided I should head off to accept Wargod Grognak’s invitation immediately. Meldrik gave me a long series of teleportation coordinates which would allow me to jump from major city to major city many times in quick succession. The many teleports would take me nearly halfway across the planet to the foot of the Wargod’s temple and allow me to present myself before the Wargod in as little as a day’s travel. Teleportation was certainly a convenient, if expensive, way to travel.
I dialed in the first set of coordinates at the teleportation array and found myself at a small, unremarkable outpost. The terrain had changed from desert to mountains, and the teleportation array I appeared in was little more than a nook carved into a cave. My sudden appearance startled a large bear-like creature, but it scampered off as soon as I struck it with one punch.
Not wanting to waste too much time, I headed back to the teleportation array, dialed in new coordinates, and set new zeal crystals into the array. I was gone in another flash of light and reappeared in a small orc down. Like back in Deania, there was a guard standing by the teleportation array. He was at the Bronze realm, just a little weaker than I was.
“Get travelers often?” I asked the orc.
“Every couple of days.” The orc said. “Usually orcs though. Excuse my poor manners, but what race are you?”
“Human.” I replied. “Ever get any of my kind around here?”
The orc considered that for a moment, but shrugged. “Never heard of your kind before, so I wouldn’t know.”
I ended up paying a toll for passage before heading off to my next set of coordinates. When I reappeared, I was at the top of a tall tower overlooking an orc city.
“Nice view, isn’t it?” The guard in this new location said. “Look over there too. Some dwarves came along and built that contraption.” He pointed to an extensive set of tracks clearly meant for a locomotive. As I watched, a large train laden with goods rolled by.
“They built a working train?” I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
The guard shrugged. “Seems like a lot of work when you can just shove a bunch of stuff in a bag of holding and have somebody teleport or ferry it over on flying sword, but the Stone realm orcs seem to enjoy it.”
I exchanged a few more pleasantries with the orc before paying my toll and heading on my way again.
I had a few more stops to make, and they went much the same. I noticed a steady trend with the cities getting larger and more sophisticated with each stop. It wasn’t long before I ran into a city the size of the Capital of Deania, and soon after that I was finding cities with populations I estimated to be in the millions.
Towering buildings stretched as far as the eye could see. Airships filled the skies, and I saw billboards around the city. Many depicted elves advertising axes or holding tankards of ale, challenging any orc to prove their manhood by buying one product or another. Apartment complexes rose to my right and left, filled with well-dressed orcs going about their business. A few of the taller buildings were made of glass, and I could just barely make out orcs hunched over enchantment boxes while tucked away in their own little cubicles.
My final stop was the largest city to date, and it sprawled endlessly into the distance. Towers rose into the sky and pierced the clouds, reminding me of a city from the earth I’d left. This city wasn’t as technologically advanced, but it also made no effort to conceal its magical nature, and wondrous marvels of enchantment and spellcraft were every bit as common as the markings of bustling commerce. There was everything I’d seen in the previous cities, only more of them, larger and better. Beyond that, many of the buildings carried an air of age and prestige, like they’d been constructed hundreds of years ago but stood strong despite passage of time. When I realized Meldrik had no further coordinates for me, I realized this was my destination and left the teleportation array.
“Where can I find the Wargod?” I asked a Stone Skin orc milling around just outside the teleportation array. He looked me up and down but made no comment on the fact that I wasn’t an orc. Glancing around the city, I spotted a few non orcish species on sight, so I suspected orcs had more visitors from other worlds than elves did, especially here in what appeared to be the capital of their entire world.
“Ten bonechits.” The orc asked.
I didn’t know what a bonechit was, but I talked the orc into accepting gold. He didn’t like Macmarks with my face on them, but he was keen to accept a few Queensmarks from Deania. I left him happily staring at the elvish faces imprinted upon them, caressing the cheeks of the elf depicted on them with an infatuated flush in his cheeks.
At the end of the transaction I felt I overpaid, because all my guide did was point at the most memorable structure in the city, a massive statue of an orc.
It was so massive that it towered over the sprawling metropolis like a giant reaching into space. The pedestal upon which it stood was a building on its own and towered fifty stories tall. The statue apparently depicted the Wargod himself, and it was the shrine before which all those invited to meet with the Wargod would present themselves.
It struck me as a little vain to build a giant statue of yourself above your home. There were statues of me in the Hearthwood, but I’d commissioned none of them. But perhaps it had been the same for this Wargod Grognak. Maybe the world grew around him and worshiped him for his deeds, like how the elves back in Deania worshiped Sam and Dean. And how some in the Hearthwood worshiped me.
I made my way to what the locals called the Wargod’s temple. I thought explaining my presence at this sacred place for orcs would be difficult, but upon my arrival I merely displayed the glowing Wargod’s token and the way was promptly cleared.
“Theo, Chief of the Blackgorge Tribe.” A guard at the gates to the temple announced. His body rippled with muscle and his physique made him look like a looming titan. He towered twice as tall as an ordinary orc, which struck me as a conscious choice based on the way the orc carried himself.
The other orc was normal sized and much leaner, but his cold gaze gave me the same feeling as the giant who’d just spoken to me.
Temple Guard (Gold Skin, level 40)
Both these guards had reached the gold realm, and would be powerful enough to flatten the Blackgorge Tribe. I straightened my back and donned my charming diplomat hat.
“I am Theo. Judging by this token, I suspect the Wargod would like to meet with me.” I held up the glowing token once again.
The pair of guards gave me hard, steely eyed stares.
“We’ve been expecting you for some time now.” the guard said. “Any longer and we might have gone to get you ourselves.”
“My apologies if I’ve kept the Wargod waiting. The Blackgorge Tribe is quite far from here and I left as soon as I was able. Our teleportation array can only reach so far.”
“Yes, we’ve heard of the Blackgorge Tribe’s recent... troubles.” The guard said. “Along with the trouble you’ve personally caused.”
I thought back to my recent meteor strike. “I’m surprised you heard about that little skirmish we had all the way over here.”
The orc snorted. “We’re not elves, blind to the workings of the worlds beyond our own. We have eyes to the sky, constantly watching for attacks or invasions. You are fortunate that the dragons destroyed most of our automated defensive wards.”
The pair of guards would say nothing more to me about the purpose of my visit, but they opened the doors and let me into the chamber they were guarding. I followed close behind.
The area beneath the statue was mostly one large sprawling hall, far larger than the Deanian Royal Palace. There was a gap in the ceiling in the center of the room so I could catch a glimpse at the huge stone figure standing above the structure. More massive statues lined the room, all the same orc. Though not as large as the one above, the features matched those of the giant statue above the building, so I knew these were depictions of the Wargod as well.
+++New Content+++
The orc I was meeting with was more than a man. To the people of this world, he was a living myth, even more so than Sam and Dean were to the elves of Deania. That would be evident to any stranger who gazed upon the care and craftsmanship on display here. I looked at the description inscribed upon the dais of the first statue.
Wargod Grognak unites the feuding tribes and spreads the Book of the True Man to all orc-kind.
Scattered at the feet of the massive statue were the broken bodies of orcs and monsters alike. In one hand, the Wargod clenched a beating heart dripping with blood, and in the other, he held a leather-bound tome. He ignored the bodies around him, who breathed their last gasps as their life faded away. Instead he gazed into the pages of the book in his other hand, reveling in the words written there.
Wargod Grognak establishes the first off-world orcish colony in living memory.
This set of statues depicted the Wargod planting a banner in a world painted far greener and lusher than anything I’d seen on the World of Struggle and Strife. He surveyed the land with the eyes of a conqueror, claiming everything before him by right of indomitable power.
Wargond Grognak tames the feral dryads and earns the name ‘Treegirth’.
The next set of statues were raunchier than I would have expected from a holy site, but considering what the Book of the True Man was about I knew I shouldn’t have been surprised to find a shrine honoring the Wargod’s sexual conquests with just as much praise as his other victories.
In these statues, the Wargod stood bare-chested before a cluster of six women who must have been dryads. The dryads looked much like elves in form, though the clothes they wore were made entirely of green leaves and living flowers. They knelt below the Wargod, tilting their heads to the ground in quiet submission to the orc before them.
I came to the fourth set of statues, and when I read the description there, I was immediately intrigued.
Wargod Grognak obtains the first elven wisp and sets it free on a wild world.
The statue depicted a small glowing orb leaving the palm of the Wargod’s hands. Around him, and the wisp, there were tall trees that looked just like those we had back in the Hearthwood.
I was examining the statue and the stone depictions of trees around it further when the larger of the pair of Gold-skin orcs got my attention by pounding the hilt of his weapon against the floor.
“Chief of the Blackgorge Tribe!” The large Gold skin orc bellowed. “You have been granted the honor of an audience with the Wargod! Rejoice, for this privilege shall outlast your life and bring honor to your tribe long after your death.”
That didn’t sound very appealing to me, but I kept my mouth shut and looked around the room, hoping to glimpse the Wargod himself.
“Still your heart!” The smaller of the two Gold skin orcs shouted at me. “Fall to your knees in worship and adoration and prepare yourself for the Wargod’s wisdom and the glory of his presence!”
I wasn’t about to grovel before this Wargod, but I could take a knee and await my host for ceremony’s sake.
Seconds ticked by, but no one entered. I turned to the two Gold skin orcs behind me, but they’d both gone to their knees as well and tilted their heads to the floor in somber and serious postures.
Just when I started worrying I’d have to wait like this for hours, I sensed something move out of the corner of my eyes.
“Who seeks me?” A voice echoed through the chamber. I knew without asking that the voice belonged to Wargod Grognak. It was orcish, but had a powerful presence to it. I could imagine that same voice commanding an army into battle or putting villains to the sword. I looked for the source of the voice but did not see the Wargod in the flesh. He must have been speaking through some spell or enchanted device.
“You summoned the new Chief of the Blackgorge Tribe to pay homage to you, Wargod. May your venerable and august presence bestow upon him a lifetime of blessings.” The larger of the two Gold skin orcs said in a far humbler tone than he’d used with me.
I followed the sound echoing through the massive chamber, and my eyes lit upon the first statue I’d examined. The one holding the book in his hand over the broken bodies of his enemies. There was some imperceptible change to it I couldn't quite place. Though the colors and shapes were the same, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of presence from it. I switched to mage sight and the statue’s eyes glowed with zeal, like it had become a window a distant power.
“I am here, as summoned.” I said as I turned my gaze to the statue. “I have your token, and a favor to ask of you.”
“Silence!” The large Gold skin orc reprimanded me.
“You will speak to the Wargod when he allows you to speak!” The smaller Gold skin orc hissed.
But the Wargod ignored them both. "You two, leave us."
The two Gold skin orcs bowed. "As you command, Wargod." Both orcs obeyed the Wargod's orders without an instant of hesitation.
When the doors closed, the Wargod spoke again. "Stand and speak your mind." I felt his attention on me like the weight of a mountain on my shoulders, and I struggled to meet the statue’s unblinking gaze. But he told me to stand and speak, so I would.
“You promised the Blackgorge Tribe a favor for their service.” I said as I climbed to my feet and held up the token I’d inherited from the previous chief of Yorik’s tribe.
Strange currents of energy flowed through the room as I waited for a response. Suddenly, the Wargod's presence and the origin of his voice had shifted to the second statue I’d spotted. The one planting a banner in the fertile soil of a new world. He shifted from statue to statue, as though trying on different sets of clothes and finding them all too tight for his liking.
Both Gold skin orcs immediately went completely silent at the words of their supreme leader, and their faces fell to the ground.
Sensing I’d been granted the chance to speak my request, I raised my voice and said, “I request that you stop the invasion of Deania! The country will not survive an orc invasion, and there are people I care about there.”
Silence returned my words, and the two Gold skin orcs remained silent, faces unchanging as I awaited the Wargod’s answer.
“No.” The Wargod said with finality.
I froze in place. “No? But I assure you there are other elven nations to conqueror. I could direct your pilgrimage elsewhere or I could--“
“Make another request.” The Wargod said, and as he spoke his presence shifted from the first statue to the second.
“I’m sure I can facilitate some sort of compromise.” I pressed. “Do you need passage into other lands? I could have the elves of Deania clear the path for your armies. Interested in Deania’s wealth and treasures? I’m sure your people will have plenty of loot to trade for after their pilgrimage is done.”
“Your request helps you.” The Wargod clarified. “Not the Blackgorge Tribe. Make another request.”
I felt my hands curl at my sides. Had I just blow my one shot to help Tivana?
“I ask to borrow your name and strength.” I said. “To restore the Blackgorge Tribe and make sure we acquit ourselves well on the pilgrimage.” I shot back to the door the two Gold skin orcs had left through. A few of those meat-heads and I was certain I could drive off the sorcerers attacking Deania. And I’d have no problem leveraging their strength for the time and resources to reach the wizard or silver realm myself. Then I’d be in a far better position.
“No.” The Wargod said. “If the Blackgorge Tribe wishes to restore its name, then it must do so using its own power. I will not become a crutch they can lean upon, nor will my servants.” This time his voice came from the third statue of him. The one who stood before a group of kneeling dryads.
I suppose that one had been a bit of a reach. Something simpler then. Something that I could do myself that would both strengthen the Blackgorge Tribe and achieve my aim of saving Deania.
“I request the right for the Blackgorge Tribe to command the orcs who come to the World of Sanctuary and Serenity.” I said instead. “So that way me and my tribe might direct them to better fortunes and greener pastures.”
“No.” The Wargod repeated. “The pilgrimages have always been an expression of freedom. Orcs follow who they will, and leaders rise from the most unlikely of places. Not by my orders. Make another request.” Now his voice came from the fourth statue I’d examined. The one holding the elvish wisp and setting it free.
I took a breath of air and raised my head again to meet the Wargod’s eyes. Was he going to reject my every request? Perhaps this meeting was merely a pretense to get rid of this token and the promise of a favor. In either case, all I could do was make a request vague enough the Wargod couldn’t refuse.
“I request honor for myself and my tribe." I said. "I wish to raise up the Blackgorge Tribe by my own hands and restore them to their former glory. I’m told the outpost on the world of elves was once a great honor for the Blackgorge Tribe, and I would like to be led to the path to restore our power there.”
Silence followed once more. I stared at the statue I’d been speaking to and watched its eyes grow dim under mage sight as the Wargod let his presence fade from it.
So I had failed again... The Wargod would not grant this request either. Perhaps I should—
“So be it.” The Wargod said from above me in a voice far deeper than before. It sounded unnatural, like two mountains grinding together. I looked at the statues he'd inhabited before and none of them shone with the energy of his presence.
His pronouncement carried similar weight, and the chamber trembled with the power of his declaration. The earth shifted beneath my heels and I stumbled forward towards the center of the room.
There I looked up through the gap in the ceiling I’d noticed earlier and saw the face of the massive statue hovering above the chamber. As I looked up at it, the massive statue turned its head to look down at me.
A bad feeling welled up in the pit of my stomach. An instant later, something huge and massive lunged down and scooped me up through the hole in the roof. It took a massive clump of the hall’s stone floor as it swept me up. I greedily gulped down air while siphoning even more to my Dimensional Storage as I realized what was about to happen.
Through the broken shards of floor I saw a set of five massive orcish fingers. It was like any strong orcish hand, but many times larger and made entirely of stone. The statue on top of the temple had moved to pick me up in its towering palm. I’d seen this statue from outer space and it had been truly gigantic, but only now that I was cupped in its hand it dawned on me how massive it was. The hand alone was the size of a building, and the small stone folds in which I’d been scooped were large enough to hold three wagons abreast.
“Lead well, chief Blackgorge.” The Wargod said in farewell. "I will point you towards your path to honor. Follow your heart, and you will thrive."
+++End of New Content+++
I didn’t have time to say anything in reply as tremendous forces pinned me to the giant hand as the statue drew its limb back, winding me up for a massive through.
The statue set its sights on the elven world, and I felt my stomach drop as I realized I really was about to be thrown from one planet to another.
After an instant of concentration that I hoped meant it took its timing aiming well, the massive statue flung its hand forward.
The acceleration from its throw would have turned a normal human to paste. Even a mage acolyte would have been squished flat. I funneled power through the particles of the Blackgorge Fiendbody in my skin, muscles, and bone. They held me together as I was pressed against the hand and rubble beneath me.
Then the acceleration slowed. The force pressing me against the hand turned to nothing more than a gentle brush, and soon even that left me. An instant later the air turned too thin to breathe, so I held one hand over my mouth to breathe from my Dimensional Storage instead. With the other hand, I gathered up all the stones the Wargod had flung with me into a sort of space shield and maneuvered myself behind them.
If the Wargod had planned to kill me, there were a thousand ways he could have done so without me even seeing it coming. I had to trust that he'd taken a good measure of me and judged that I would survive this.
But just because I'd survive didn't mean I’d arrive at my destination unscathed. I hastily cast Layered Durability around both me and my rock shield to protect myself while simultaneously scanning the area around me for any micrometeorites and monitoring my destination. Right now I was trusting in the Wargod’s good aim, but if I needed to perform a course correction, I wanted to do so early enough to land me on the right planet.
I soared through empty space and caught a glimpse of the World of Sanctuary and Serenity. It seemed small compared to the orcish world, but I found I liked it better despite its diminutive size. Something about the vast oceans, the open land, and the wide spans of greenery reminded me of earth.
As I approached the world I was hurtling towards, I noticed something I hadn’t when leaving. Perhaps it was only visible from the outside, or perhaps I simply hadn’t noticed it when I was gazing out from a small porthole in the side of a void ship. But now, with the world sprawling out before me, I could see a shimmering barrier just beyond the edge of sight.
I braced myself for whatever that light was or represented. It washed over me and as it did so I felt the immense speed and momentum the mass of stone and I carried flow away like it was fuel in a tank with a hole punched in it. There was no feeling of slowing down or any sense of a change in speed, but suddenly the planet before me was approaching much slower.
The mystical force also reduced the size of the meteor. It went from a mass of condensed rubble the size of a building to barely enough to fill a vehicle. Whatever that shimmering barrier was, it didn’t like the speed and mass that was hurtling towards the planet it was protecting and had reduced both to reasonable levels.
I didn’t have the slightest idea how the shimmering barrier did that, and that frightened me. What secrets was the World of Sanctuary and Serenity hiding?
Once it was apparent I would no longer be shrunken or slowed myself and the shimmering barrier faded from view, I reached out with my earth magic and grabbed some objects in low orbit around the planet. There wasn’t much stone, but there was plenty of iron and scrap, which seemed curious for a world of swords and spells.
Their nature became apparent soon after hauling them close enough to me to examine. These were the remains of contraptions, machines, and space vessels from ages past. They were destroyed now and continued to do little more than drift. I would have liked to know who made them, but all I had were broken and battered fragments. Most were made of a composite of multiple materials, but there was enough iron in the scrap that I could pull it towards me. I used these piles to reinforce my depleted stone barrier. I had just enough time to restore it to its previous size when I realized I was about to enter the planet’s atmosphere.
I shaped my shield appropriately for entry, encasing myself partially in stone to protect my skin from being scorched. By now I’d reshaped the rubble from a blob into an egg, with most of the material clustered in the front. The stronger and larger bits of space scrap went in the nose while I tucked a few thinner pieces behind me. I even found something transparent enough to use as a window, and I hoped to use it to figure out when I was getting close enough to the ground to jump free of my metal box.
The sensation of weightlessness was slowly replaced by a faint tug, pulling me down towards the planet below. That sensation heightened as I drew closer, and I felt as though I was slowly falling.
I fell faster and faster, accelerating downward with greater velocity. It wasn’t as traumatic as when I’d been thrown off the World of Struggle and Strife, but knowing I was hurtling towards the surface of a planet was a disconcerting feeling.
Through my tiny porthole I saw the sky above me turning from empty black to a light blue. The familiar color felt welcoming after staying so long under the red sky of the orcs.
I saw several continents through my porthole. It took me a moment to match the sprawling masses to maps I’d seen. I realized I was headed for the one I called home and silently thanked the Wargod for his good aim.
I noticed the air getting thicker around me, and soon I didn’t need to use my Dimensional Storage to breathe. That was nice, but brought the additional problem of increased friction. The surrounding shell heated up, and the chamber inside heated with it.
The air on my skin felt hot, but a bit of mild warmth couldn’t hope to scorch a body that had just survived a trip between planets. I ignored the feeling as I kept my eyes glued on the approaching ground.
My acceleration increased, and bits of my landing craft were breaking off with the force of my descent. The ground was drawing nearer, and I had no intention of making my final touchdown locked inside a stone and metal box.
I unleashed a punch towards the back end of my contraption, which was the weakest part of my creation. The back easily burst open and the sound of air rapidly whistling past filled my ears.
I deployed my flying sword and pointed it and myself backwards out of the rear end of my landing craft. Wishing all the iron in my landing ship a happy landing, I filled my flying sword with zeal and took off.
I slowly brought my descent to a standstill over the next minute. When I was finally hovering instead of falling, my interplanetary trip turned into nothing more than a normal flight. I stabilized myself just in time to see the rest of my landing craft slam into the ground in a fiery explosion nearly as big as the crater I’d left in front of the Blackgorge Tribe.
There was plenty of iron in that shuttle, so I flew down and tucked it into my Dimensional Storage. Then I took back to the air to get a good survey of where I was.
Based on the direction of my fall, I knew I was somewhere in southern Deania, very close to the border with the orcs. Or ex-border, now that the orcs were encroaching northward. For all I knew, I was currently behind enemy lines.
The Patriarch of the Hearthwood Clan was back. And he’d brought the Chief of the Blackgorge Tribe with him.
Edit: Tweaked the scene slightly again to nail the character a little better.
Author's note: Thanks everyone for their input. I'm reading it all, and will probably do a Version C as well to try to tackle the scene a third time.
Comments
Marvin
I ended up using Version C, which has been removed from here because it's at the end of the book on Amazon.
Nathan Golder
Definitely prefer the first one myself, this one makes me not like the character at all, like I hope he dies in a fire. The first one while unhelpful didn't make you hate the character,, this version I think he is a dishonorable dueche bag who just doesn't want to abide by his promise of a favor.
Marvin
Great thoughts! I will confirm it's definitely #3 in both versions of the scene, and I'll probably make that clearer in a third version. This version makes that less apparent.
Marvin
Yeah, I do think that change was a definite improvement. I tried to use the statues as symbolic representations of the Wargod's inner thoughts while rejecting each of Theo's requests, and I think that added a layer of depth to the scene that wasn't there before. If I write a version C, I'll probably lean the first half toward this version and the latter half toward the original version.
Justin Webb
I like the first one you wrote better
Hartmann
I liked the first version better though I have to admit to preferring the presentation of the statues depicting the Wargods life. They were just mentioned and then thrown away in the first version.
Micah Molina
Also, the theme was to contrast the orcish patriarch to the elvish matriarch. I know that the WarGod is leagues above Tivana level wise, BUT the original version furthers this contrast. While the elves have their own quirks, the royal family is kind of stuck up comparatively to regular elves. It's to the point that Tivana seems to have trouble expressing her desires and interest in Theo. In contrast, while the orcs have their own quirks they are more ordered and 'by the book' (lol). So having the WarGod more laxed and whimsical fits the contrastingt theme, especially when in the first version Theo compares him to Tivana appearing out of thin air, I think at least. Edit: Regular elves - follows their passions (less rigid) Tivana - precedent of royal decree/family, law and order, shy/timid (more rigid) Regular orcs - follows the rules of their code. Orderly. (more rigid) War God - honor bound, spirit of the law, whimsical straightforward (less rigid) The two different groups compliment each other and are somewhat opposites.
Micah Molina
Okay. So I read both versions and I think the first version is superior based off the flow of the story. The first version makes more logical sense considering that the stone was pseudo activated previously. Which either goes one of three ways: 1. The previous chief activated and the original premise that the War God would immediately have knowledge of the situation and decide whether or not to intervene, but the War God waits and doesn't even acknowledge it's activation which breaks the oath of upholding the original premise. 2. It was activated and the War God didn't know it had been activated, which break continuity. 3. The War God is the one that activated it from a distance requesting Theo's presence then acting completely aloof. The original version seems to imply not only is the War God aware but acknowledges it but chooses not to interfere. But Theo, peaks his curiosity so he activates it from his side requesting Theo's presence. Which then increases story continuity. I understand the first version makes it seem like he's a nice guy. But that's a fallacy, he's over 1000 years old and while he has probably saved millions he has probably killed just as many. Also, the first version, shows the implication of the combination of boredom and patience one would mostly likely acquire living that long. When he's not acting as a planetary defense force the War God is probably bored out of his mind. Theo's unique and intrigues him. And it shows his near limitless patience, remember he has probably watched many relatives being born, live long lives and die. It reminds me of the those dumb Twilight movie's ancient vampires, they are wise yet whimsical in order to stave off the boredom of a millennium. That's just my take.
Alex Wierzbicki
I liked the first version.
Marvin
The kneeling stuff was more those two Gold skin orcs' thing than Grognak's, and I edited the scene to make that a little clearer by having Grognak ask them to leave so he could tell Theo to stand. It doesn't completely fix what you're talking about, but I definitely want to avoid having Grognak seem pompous.
Mike
I dunno... I liked the first version. While I enjoy the wives and harem. I was thinking the story could use one male side character that isn’t absurd or related to him. This puts the Wargod in the “absurd” category for me. He said no a bunch then helped him by flinging him into space. Not sure Theo is ever going to be friendly with someone who had him kneel and then denied all his requests for help. My 2cents anyway.
Vladimir Prokop
Yup! In my opinion, story flows better that way. U can have him friendly once Theo proves himself. :)
