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Amazon Apocalypse: Chapter 14

🕑 Added 2022-11-05 15:01:00 +0000 UTC

Comments

Kconraw

Thx for the chapter

Marvin

😉 Maybe if he upgrades the skill to legendary!

Michael Jackson

Gods gift to women a phallus that is at the peak of humanity once a woman has sex with your phallus all other men are inferior, able to maintain an erection indefinitely changes shape to satisfy any woman and you can have mutiple orgasms. Warning highly addictive must be used with caution multiple partners needed

DiabolicalGenius

Ah, right. Well this line actually did give me that impression "I sighed. Oh well. Charisma was usually a dump stat anyway. I guess I might as well. I flicked my hand toward the screen with my attention already wandering.", so I was initially thinking he had just decided to take it because why not? But the following line "Wait, no! Had I really just wasted my skill slot on something completely useless like this? I growled at myself in frustration. I suppose I would just have to put up with it, since there was no going back." was hard to take anything but literally, so I was thrown off and decided I misunderstood his intentions. It's the lack of inflection in writing I guess. It hard to indicate that sort of thing in prose without explicitly explaining it. I should mention I may be the type who misses subtext and tends to take things a little too literally at times. Happens all the time, though I've gotten a little better as I've got older and more experienced. Might not want to use me as the benchmark.

Marvin

Well what I was going for was a bit of unreliable narrator. Carter chose it and meant to chose it, but he’s too embarrassed to admit that to the reader. So in the story it is an “accident” even though he confirms his choice a moment later. I wanted to be subtle because it breaks some people’s immersion to be reminded they’re reading a story with the narrator addressing them too directly, but may have used too light a touch. That might not have been clear enough. At any rate, it seems like it didn’t come off as well as planned, so I will probably change it.

DiabolicalGenius

Up to you, but when the world goes to hell a male lead needs a bit of a sense of humour now and then if he doesn't want to come apart. At least, I know I would. Of course, if him being someone who takes things a bit too seriously and needs to loosen up a little is part of your concept for Carter, that would be different.

Marvin

Good point. I can see the argument. I might change it when doing revisions.

DiabolicalGenius

Much better, thanks. Made that whole section tough to read. Glad you fixed it so quick. Also, while I can understand making every choice count when your life is at stake, I think Carter is taking it a little too far. If he'd chosen ithat skill himself in a moment of weakness after realising that none of the charisma skills were useful in combat, it would have made him a bit more relatable. Especially if he felt guilty about it afterwards. We all might give in to temptation in that situation after all. Would have made me think "yeah, I'd have done the same thing buddy".

Marvin

Shoot. Fixing now.

DiabolicalGenius

Marvin, you might want to take a quick look at what you posted here. Something clearly went wrong in the middle of the text sometimes before you uploaded it. "Persuasion (Common)I stepped back from the fighting to assign those skill points. " is where it starts and after that the spacing and lack of paragraphs in the text is messed up. Goes back to normal after the charisma skills are mentioned. Could use a quick fix. Otherwise, good chapter. Carter has his head on straight and is pushing those dragging their feet to gain some levels and survive. Marcus and his fellows are managing pretty good. Now Carter has reached level 9 to boot. The choices all made sense, mobility being always useful making Power Jump a fair choice, I was tempted by the Resist Seduction, but it's clearly more situational than Iron Will that will always be useful and Fabulous Phallus was clearly the best skill of the choices there and I fully approve of it's selection. Good job Carter! As for Craig, well we knew something was gonna go wrong. I'm betting the man himself went off plan on his own. Whatever it is, it can't be good.


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