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Amazon Apocalypse: Chapter 27

🕑 Added 2022-12-05 16:00:10 +0000 UTC

Comments

Marvin

Good catch, thanks.

Kconraw

Also, I think Bridget should have been given the option to go with them.

Kconraw

Sakura’s class switched from oni berserker to oni barbarian. Personally I prefer oni berserker. Thx for the chapter.

Marvin

Good points.

DiabolicalGenius

"This is a very important part...” Yeah Carter! It's a very important part dammit!!! The fact that the sex not only lets him drain levels, but also gave her titles that let her benefit from it is interesting. The Heretic bit was funny, but yeah probably Lyra's doing. In the multiverse controlled by it, you probably can't even count the number of people praying to the System for mercy or cursing it. Even if it's omniscient, I can't see it responding to every little thing. At least, should take something quite big for it to respond directly. I still love Dr Roswell. The nutjob is the perfect way to lighten things up a little in between Carter's adventures. Plus it might be interesting seeing how he's developed every time they check in. He's got Fleshsculpting now. What crazy other things will his weird experiments get him? What job will he get? Might be interesting to see in passing along with seeing how the community is developing whenever they drop by. I am a little leery about casually they took off. They would have let Caleb and co know off screen right? Just vanishing without a word and leaving them wondering if you got killed somewhere would be a pretty jerk move. Also, does Bridget know he and Sakura are going on a road trip together? If she recovers and gets back to find that out, I'm sure she'll be rather put out. Also, off screen I do think he should have a shared a some of what he knows with them. Mainly that the when Blessing of the System wears off, the grace period ends and the paths to other worlds will open, so level up and class up while you've got the chance. He should at least warn them. Whether they listen or not is their business. BTW, when the Obelisk appeared you did mention there were other people there who approached after the heat died down enough and that Carter told them the basics after getting his Job. So you'd think word would have gotten around about it, rather than Caleb talking about moving somewhere else or how to find people jobs. You may want to address that in the rewrites. Otherwise, great work so far. I'll be looking forward to the second arc.

Marvin

Eh, there are always things I want to improve.

Don Deverald

Oh? Are you unhappy with what you wrote so far? Because I think it's pretty good.

Marvin

Thanks. I will fix it in a bit. Tbh, I have been a bit lazier with editing lately because I’m going to rewrite quite a bit and I hate doing work twice.

Don Deverald

Hey Marvin. Not sure if this is a typo but: > “That looks like a rough one,” Doctor Roswell commented as she looked at the black and blistered skin around the bite mark. In his hand, he held a large bone saw. He looked at the saw and sighed. “Not quite rough enough for this baby, though.” Isn't it supposed to be 'he looked'? Or by 'she looked', you meant Bridget? Also, I think the part about the [Heretic!] title is supposed to be in bold letters.


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