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You're gonna be mine... [Aggressive] [Good Boy]
🕑 Added 2024-08-21 15:11:47 +0000 UTC
I just posted this audio to the Discord. Be sure to join!
Script: Coldtofu
Summary: I've known you for a while now, and I want a taste...
(art by @sussykat)
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En's Weekly Thoughts:
As I get older and more attuned with my anxiety, I kind of realize how much my body just goes into auto-pilot because I go into a "fight or flight" instinct out of nowhere. Ironically enough, these really maladaptive coping mechanisms I've grown up with have made me a very hard worker -- I have a tendency to just shut off the world when I'm plugging away at a personal project of mine. And I can sustain this mood for hours, days, months.
I've been thinking a lot about how I behaved in my early 20s. This was brought about because I've been talking more and more with my sister and my cousins about our upbringing, and how differently we all turned out despite having similar circumstances. I think it's interesting how much I feel like I was way more productive during what was genuinely one of the worst periods of my life -- I had no friends, no real career ambitions, and I just numbed myself by playing video games all day. Meanwhile my siblings and cousins coped by being more outwardly focused on the world around them.
A couple of sessions ago my therapist really drilled into me how lucky I am to be where I am in my life, and to never downplay my successes and good qualities. He really did this whole thing where I just said in a half-hearted way "yeah, I think I'm doing well," and he would cut me off and say "say it with a little more enthusiasm this time." It wasn't just a corny little exercise in self-love, it was to really make my sad little brain realize truly how lucky I am to be the kind of person I am despite everything that may have happened to me growing up.
And I can't state that enough: I'm very lucky to be the kind of person I am where I'm not jaded and cynical about the motives of other people, and where I'm endlessly curious about things that are completely outside my experience.
I hope some time today you're also able to find a quiet moment to reflect on your own gifts, despite any hardships you might have endured in your past.
As always, catch me on Twitch being goofy 'cause that's where most of my attention (outside of my 9-5 job) goes.
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Special Thanks
Overlords: Elvellia | Riosjude
Supremes: Adriel Reinsley | Alastor Trinh | Max | Nani | Nexus | Sleepy Seaweed | Vade Vafurous
Comments
Enrico Zenitani
I always feel like I'm repeating myself with something I've already said many months ago whenever I get kind of sappy like this, but my point still stands. I hope you're all well.
