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Amazon Apocalypse 4 Rewrites: Chapter 71

🕑 Added 2024-12-15 16:00:12 +0000 UTC

Comments

Mark J

I as well preferred the earlier version, as others have said this is too slapstick .

Mennart Huizinga

The original ending was much better with myrina actually having some brains

Vorsayo

Now that was Myrina in all her little mischief maker glory 😂 that was freaking hilarious and exactly what I come to expect from Myrina. The same woman who wanted Carter to push her down a hill in a tire, runs up huge debts for her family to deal with and steals half of Carter’s inventory, always tries to sell dead bodies and whose definition of lawyer involves killing, beating and or capturing people. 😆 she truly is the parties mandatory chaotic good character.

Robert jacobs

While I thought this chapter was very funny. I honestly like the first version a little more, but I wished Myrna had brought Carter in on her plan so it read as more of a fun ending vs a bit of a betrayal.

Brian McDonald

This was hilarious but like what’s been said the slapstick Myrna is wearing thin the best part of this whole fight was that it made him use his toys I didn’t particularly care for his just throwing toys at Cyra it basically turned the fight into Damodar take 2 where he just threw disposable talismans at her and Carter felt contempt but now that he can make the toys it’s a fine tactic to throw at his future wife just felt cheap to me

Austin Wolf

This is totally a myrina ending with how he "beat" her for the marriage duel but don't worry too much that other ending was fine it not really a betrayal because he completed his goal and she gave him a major out to keep from catching a bad reputation if his armor came off

NovaZero

I guess? Either way it lacks catharsis which is a bigger issue. The original is a subversion - Myrina is cunning, her motive questionable but if you think about it it feels worse in its retelling. There isn't one big thing here it's a lot of little ones that build up. Like if you had to, you'd have to revise minor points in the last 20 chapters to get a conclusion where Myrina loses and Cyra is in the final. Even for an outro Myrina speaking to her mum would also have to change. Then we have the desire for Carter being free to be indirectly involved... Which directly conflicts with the fact that was a risk of him going after Cyra in the first place. Honestly, Carter introducing himself to the prince and actively contributing by say... Expanding Doomblade's armory to be the core contribution as outfitting Amazonians with that armour? Well yeah, the tourney was a good showcase there.

Hans

Maybe rewrite the chapters 70 and 71 in a way, that shows, it was planned together with Carter, that Myrina uses his armor in the final round? I mean Carters objective was completed by beating Cyra.

NovaZero

I like this version, but I get the issue - it gives up Myrina essentially, and risks the surprise for Cyra. My issue with Myrina's plan in the original is that... effectively she betrayed Carter. He's a pushover and won't take it that way, sure, but that's what she essentially did. And if Cyra hasn't figured it out, then the tone and facade that Carter intended is ruined. And.... Why, exactly? For a name? She threatened Carter's plan to satisfy her own petty need to ensure an end to a fiction that will be discarded anyway... Again why? I don't envy you the choice, for my part the original showed some cunning at least, even though the slapstick comedy that is Myrina has worn a bit thin. At this point I'd go so far as to say Myrina is actively working against the narrative and I'd wager Cyra is the way we wanted Myrina to be (without the plot to keep Carter away). Which is a shame because I thought Myrina would shape up a bit more given how someone helps dispel her Int debuff.

Julian Lachner

I like this version more

jmundt33a

I’m going to reiterate 1. This does lean into slapstick, but it matches Myrina’s personality and tactics as demonstrated in the other books. 2. The finale and epilogue seem like they’re about to set up book 5 very well. And 3. The original final match was a rage quit point. I would take slapstick over total story demolition. Happily. All that being said, Mistweaver and ArbabSB are right.

ArbabSB

This was really funny. Wonder what Cyra and Kyrina thought of that show. I agree with the others that you should pick the version you like for the final product. Whether Carter faces Cyra in the final or it's the original ending of Myrina winning the final and taking the opportunity to steal the name Doomblade for herself, I think most of us will eagerly read book 5 regardless.

jmundt33a

Excellent. Tricky, talented and sexy. And sure to make Cyra absolutely implacable tomorrow after she disposed of the Phantomfist twerp.

Justin Webb

I don't like this version its to slap stick. is this going in the book?

Mistweaver

So this was funny. In keeping with Myrina’s personality. Though, I did like her stealing the Doomblade name. Thank you so much for being responsive to your reader’s comments! It was much more than I expected, as I was only expecting some minor edits, if any. Please don’t rewrite again. Pick a version you like and go with it. You’ll never please everyone.

SiI3nt

Insert Woody's laugh from toy story

jmundt33a

Capitalize Binding in paragraph starting “Unfortunately,” Usually it’s Pride goes before the fall. However, this could be a nice tip-off on his last move. Exploded is fine by itself. You should only use in all directions once in that sentence. The second instance is better. I assume “Uh folks…” is JB struggling to commentate the action.

Zachary Johnson

I'll be honest... I feel like this is too much. It's still a great chapter but I liked how the other ending felt. And the way myrina stole his identity so she could be the one with the cool name felt more true to her character to me

jmundt33a

Um, isn’t Jerk Buffer supposed to wave a flag to begin the match. Seems like we went right from pre-fight banter to maximum. I’m glad JB didn’t declare them both disqualified for fighting “before the bell.”


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